Is it Childish to Block and Delete?

[nicksaiz65]

@nicksaiz65

The thing is that you made more of an emotional decision about this rather than taking a moment, stepping back and just thinking about it. I know it’s easier for me to type this but I’ve made tons of bad decisions when caught up in the moment so it’s a learning experience for you. Next time if you are in a tight spot or sense that you are being pressured to make a decision tell the person “Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you” and then take a couple of days to make your final decision.

At the end of the day you are doing what you know best so it’s understandable. Proceeding forward I would not discuss with the band members about why you blocked them on social media…no need to explain that however, you do need to bring up the fact that you need for them to sign the contract first and explain your reasoning. After you get the signature I would tell them that you are doing what’s best and that you have no ill will or animosity for anyone and that your door will always be open. Once everything is said and done you shake hands, give them hugs be cordial and get the eff out of there and move forward with your life.

Yeah, I was acting in the moment for sure haha. But it should still be possible to salvage this without having completely burned that bridge down.

I definitely agree with your post. I need to explain why I’m doing what I’m doing with the contract.

Like I said, I don’t think I’ll ever play another show with them again. Even those couple ones they offer me. All that will do is make me miss playing shows, and second guess myself. So better not to take those gigs at all lol. I was even going to tell them “Let’s say we had a good run, and call it here.” I realize that like you said, I’m basically kicking myself out lol. But to me, one off shows here and there is a fate worse than death haha. I’d rather not open that can of worms at all.

Do you think I made the right choice by pursuing programming instead of being a “full time musician?” I definitely wanted to be a success by being a programmer. To be fair, I could’ve traveled a bit less. You have to hold down these music spots. (But that being said, I did get a lot of value from those trips I went on.)

So you wouldn’t explain to them why I have to keep them unfriended/blocked on social media? I wanted to clarify that it’s not from the position of “fvck you,” but it’s from the position of “I don’t want to see their band updates anymore.” I think that’s pretty important to explain. Could you explain a bit more your logic in not telling them that?

 

[nicksaiz65]

In a situation like this i would probably unfollow as i would no longer be interested in seeing anything they are doing

Not sure i would go as far as blocking for something like the OP but yea it is what it is

Yeah, I can’t see those updates anymore, man. So I basically have to unfriend them even though I have no ill will towards them lol. If I am friends with them, the algorithm will try to show me a ton of content from my old band which I absolutely don’t want.

 

[Çharismo]

@nicksaiz65

Do you think I made the right choice by pursuing programming instead of being a “full time musician?”

How long have you been a musician before this incident? and how old are you?

So you wouldn’t explain to them why I have to keep them unfriended/blocked on social media? I wanted to clarify that it’s not from the position of “fvck you,” but it’s from the position of “I don’t want to see their band updates anymore.” I think that’s pretty important to explain. Could you explain a bit more your logic in not telling them that?

I understand your position and the reasons why you blocked them which is fine and something you can’t go back on because you’ve done it already the problem is that if you tell them that “your door is still open” than that is an inherent contradiction in what your thinking and saying and what your actually doing because in reality you don’t ever want to contact them in real life. So if you explain to them why you deleted them off your social media they might not see it that way so it’s better to not even bring that up because it also makes you look really petty. You’ve already made a decision to never talk to them again but you don’t need to let them know that hence why I told you to leave on good terms.

 

[nicksaiz65]

@nicksaiz65



How long have you been a musician before this incident? and how old are you?



I understand your position and the reasons why you blocked them which is fine and something you can’t go back on because you’ve done it already the problem is that if you tell them that “your door is still open” than that is an inherent contradiction in what your thinking and saying and what your actually doing because in reality you don’t ever want to contact them in real life. So if you explain to them why you deleted them off your social media they might not see it that way so it’s better to not even bring that up because it also makes you look really petty. You’ve already made a decision to never talk to them again but you don’t need to let them know that hence why I told you to leave on good terms.

I’ve been a musician since I was 5 years old. I’m 25 now. However, my degree is in STEM. I’m a Computer Science Major, and I am now a programmer.

Yeah, to undo that I would have to cancel the block and then re-send them a friend request.

Ok, that all makes sense. Thanks for elaborating on that. I decided to unblock their phone numbers though, because that’s a bit too far. And of course if I see them in public, I’ll speak.

So you wouldn’t explicitly bring up the fact that I don’t want to do shows with them anymore as well, correct?

I’ll do your plan. Thanks for helping me hash this out. I appreciate it.

I’ll be completely honest, I’ve been really depressed these past couple of days. I don’t have the motivation to eat right, go to the gym, or even get out of bed lately.

Logically, I know I can’t stay like that. So, I guess the only thing that I can do is totally forget about it, and progress towards my other goals yeah? Totally move on, get over it, and get back to self improving.

As for my music, I think I’ll get back into private lessons like I did in college. I am absolutely going to keep the skill. And maybe I’ll look into playing for an orchestra in the future or something.

I need to keep advancing my programming career as well, though. Because that’s the “right” thing to do.

 

[Çharismo]

@nicksaiz65

I’m glad I could be of help and contribute in you handling this the best way possible. If you’ve been a musician since you were 5 then go solo and continue to learn and get better at your craft that also includes programming. Again you have to make sure that you can sustain these things and need to have a game plan for the long term if the musician path doesn’t work out…which it seems like you have.

As for the depression it obviously hit you hard leaving the band and making a tough decision like that but with time it will get better. Another factor that is contributing to your depression is the stripping of your identity as a band member which you were deeply invested in. Anytime a person has a shift in there life of such magnitude (losing a loved one, getting fired from a job, failing a class, getting diagnosed with an illness) it will effect them in many ways and that also includes depression and it also means that you are growing.

I recommend getting rest, taking cold showers, going on a walk and getting some sun if you can. Take this time to reflect on what direction you want your life to go and where your headed.