Is internet dating always this methodical?

[WestCoaster]

OK, I've done the internet personals before, with not much success. But usually the get together/date was within a week or so of contact.

I've been in contact with two women on the internet, both of whom I'd like to meet. They send me e-mails every couple days, or every three days and keep asking and asking about my interests and what kind of person I am, etc. Seriously, I'd rather have them be more careful than jumping into anything, but this is getting ridiculous.

Also, I have not AFCed it, or begged them to meet me or anything, and in turn I usually take my time answering back. But this cat and mouse game is getting ridiculous. It's been like two and a half weeks or so and no face to face time.

Luckily I'm getting dates outside this realm, but I would like to meet these gals. Is internet dating always this slow?

 

[myfriendblu]

Yea it is. the whole internet dating thing has been discussed to death here, and the general conclusion from most of the people who tried it was:

1. takes way to long
2. Takes too much time
3. Nowhere near as good as real life approaches
4. Is a good idea for older guys, 35 + who don't wanna deal with the youngsters in the club/bar scene or on the street.

 

[NMMWCR]

I've done the internet thing to death. Tracked my progress in spreadsheets to determine the most efficient method.

It goes like this: exchange 3 emails that are absolute fluff. Mine were designed to elict values because I was exploring NLP at the time. Make the fourth email "let's get together for coffee or corndogs or icecream. Leave me your number so we can arrange a place to meet."

After that, no more emails over 6 lines of text.

If she doesn't agree to meet you for coffee, NEXT. She is just looking for a penpal. Don't sink anymore time into her, there are others who do want to meet you.

Always have half a dozen working at once. Only about 1 out of 3 are going to actually meet you in person. Half of those turn out to be so far from what was advertised you aren't going to be interested.

Never make the first meeting anything that takes longer than 15 minutes. If it goes well, you tell her come along with you do something else immediately after. My best success came from starting at Corn Dog 7 (chicks of all ages, including ones in their 30's seem to think corn dogs are cute), followed by Marble Slab (ice cream), and then Starbucks. These are all located in strip centers or shopping malls. That makes it easy to recommend they join you for window shopping. You can lead her out the door with a hand at her lower back and walk to a bookstore, etc for a chance for more light conversation and kino.

Use the face to face meetings you do get to work on your game. When you feel like you have enough ammunition, delete your ad and leave the internet personals the hell alone. Too damn much trouble for anything other than an educational experience.

 

[WestCoaster]

Thanks NW

Thanks for the advice. I'm approaching No. 4 response with one gal, No. 3 with another and frankly, I believe I've told them enough about me so that a trip to Starbucks wouldn't be so uncomfortable. I'll ask for a phone number and if I don't get it, no biggie, because some other non-net women are warming up to me.

I really appreciate the advice because I don't need an e-mail pen pal or friend right now. Thanks!

 

[Bud Wiser]

During the e-mail phase, it's always a good idea to get them warmed up with ****y+funny, etc. Always keep it fun and do what you can to be evasive or at least incomplete when they ask you questions. Keep that mystery thing going.

There are exceptions (aren't there always?) but the general rule of thumb is two to three e-mail exchanges and then get that phone number. If you want to test IL, a good way is to give her your number first when you write to ask for her number and tell her to call you . If she calls first, you know you're dealing with a reasonably high IL. If not and you end up calling first, then you need to get the IL higher.

Remember: if you're ****y+funny online, you have to ramp it up on the phone and in person, too. If you're not congruent with your online personality, you're a goner.

From the initial approach, through the e-mails, the (short) phone call and in person, you have to keep it fun all the way. No boring. No predictable. No deep conversations.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by myfriendblu
Yea it is. the whole internet dating thing has been discussed to death here, and the general conclusion from most of the people who tried it was:

1. takes way to long
2. Takes too much time
3. Nowhere near as good as real life approaches
4. Is a good idea for older guys, 35 + who don't wanna deal with the youngsters in the club/bar scene or on the street.

1. It only takes too long if you don't qualify the women during the first contact. Doc Love says that you should have phone contact after the third or fourth email. If you qualify correctly, you should have contact after the second email.

2. You can contact at least 4 people in the time it takes to meet one person for coffee in real life. If the women are qualified correctly, you should be able to make at least two dates in the same amount of time.

3. Real life approaches are fun, but it is much easier to tell if the woman is a fake while on-line. While on-line you can weed through the weaklings more efficiently than in real life. This will allow you to have more quality meeting.

4. Everyone has access to the internet no matter the age. You can meet and talk to more women at one time while on-line and differentiate yourself from AFCs more effectively than in a club. Clubs are good meeting places but most women are programed to think that any guy approaching them will be a AFC.

The Internet is a tool and if is understood, it can be used very effectively to meet more women in real life than accidental meetings on the street.

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
, but it is much easier to tell if the woman is a fake while on-line. .

Thats so riduculous, Im actually laughing . Think about that for a second Francisco....

 

[Player_Supreme]

It's only as slow as you make it. Last summer a stripper IM'ed me one day at my SacMaleDancer@aol sn. We convo'd and agreed to do lunch the next day. The stripper was from Sacramentosfines.com or something like that. She was a sista about 19 years old....after having a salad we went to my place.

she game me a sample of her dance for critique...I'm not a stripper...I have been involved in dance and acting stuff though...

stripper girl gets turned on and we end up in my bed...elapse time just a little over 24 hours.

I recently posted an example of email seduction...I only communicated with this girl I met at a night club through emails...elapse time met on a sat. night...had her by wed nite...

So it all depends on how fast you want to go...

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by myfriendblu
Thats so riduculous, Im actually laughing . Think about that for a second Francisco....

Would you mind elaborating? I may just be assuming that it is as cut and dry for everyone else, I may be wrong but I know what worked for me.

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
Would you mind elaborating? I may just be assuming that it is as cut and dry for everyone else, I may be wrong but I know what worked for me.

Whats up bro,
Yea like i have said, the whole internet thing has been beaten to death here. There have been numerous posts about it. From the people who have tried it, most said thats its totally unnecessary for anyone under 35. Us youngsters have an unlimited tap of females looking to hook up all around us. All you gotta do is walk out the door and go somewhere. Why even bother with all the emailing and such, when ya can walk out the door and number a girl right now, and have a date set up in 2 days or possibly the very same day.

What we have found is that its good for older people to use (35+) Ironically your 36, so its perfect for you. Older people have a dramatically smaller pool of people to chose from, because of marriage/kids/etc. So with net dating, all the drawbacks like I stated above are worth it. When your 25 and under, girls you can date that are unmarried are everywhere. If your 40, its gonna take alot more time and energy to hook up and find a mate. So the tradeoff and all the drawbacks of going the net route is worth it.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by myfriendblu
Whats up bro,

I was curious about what you had quoted from my original post about being able to tell that a woman is faking while online. It sounds as if you disagreed and I wondered why. Would you elaborate on that? It just seems that a lot of guys who have been burned online denounce the method without any specific reasons.

With the number of under 25 AFCs on this board it would seem although they have ready access to women, they are still confused. By the way, I noticed that your age isn't posted. Just curious.

 

[Starman]

Listen,

#1 most good looking women on the net are fed up with the "jerk" guys they meet in real life...

so they decide to run an ad to find someone who appreciates "their true self" (either that or they arent meeting quality men based on some character flaw on their own)

but the irony is! these women THINK they want a nice guy who treats them well..yet the only thing they use personal ads for is a little validation..an ego boost..that sooo many guys online are interested in them(and sometimes to prove to themselves that they are TRYING to meet nice guys)

Ive known women that actually fall in love with the guys that treat them like they are useless from dating sites(this is no BS!)

Yet they really dont have the motivation to meet this person..why?? because its too much effort and its a shot in the dark..and its also self defeating and humiliating to have to lower their "standards" to meet a guy online..when they are meeting so many IRL

in short, they STILL go after the jerks and available guys in REAL LIFE..and use their online suitors as an Ego buffer (hey! I dont need to deal with all these jerks!! there are 100 nice AFC's online who are DYING to meet me!)

it stabalizes their ego's when they get dissed IRL..knowing they have the option and comfort of hooking up with a nice guy when they are ready and feeling worthless

Im no master of online dating..but I do know how women think..

if you want to get that Window of opportunity...ACT like the JERKS they meet in bars and clubs..that way..they are facing something they know and are familiar with

and forget this crap about taking them to a petting zoo..or for corndogs or ice cream..100 AFC's have written her about the same type of "date"

be C/F about it and say "Im gonna pick up a 12 pack and and some cheap cigarettes & me and you will hang out in some alley and share life stories"

and like the fellas said..any more than 3-4 emails..and you become a penpal..Get her on the PHONE ASAP!

 

[BobbDobbs]

Originally posted by Starman
forget this crap about taking them to a petting zoo..or for corndogs

Actually, I thought the corndog bit was pretty freudian.

 

[NMMWCR]

Originally posted by Starman
and forget this crap about taking them to a petting zoo..or for corndogs or ice cream..100 AFC's have written her about the same type of "date"

be C/F about it and say "Im gonna pick up a 12 pack and and some cheap cigarettes & me and you will hang out in some alley and share life stories"

and like the fellas said..any more than 3-4 emails..and you become a penpal..Get her on the PHONE ASAP!

I think Starman has the general idea right here. Your goal is to move things out of internet frame and into a real world frame as soon as possible. If she volunteers what her previous relationships have been like (and they usually do) the job becomes easy.

I have to disagree about telling them you want to meet in alley for beer and smokes. Create a new profile and log in as a woman this time. Take a look at the articles and links in the margins. They are all about safety. Every one of these girls have been drilled not to meet anyone in an unfamiliar place. The rule is to do it very publicly. There is a reason everyone does the cliche Starbucks first meeting. She is going to think you are a stalker or rapist if you ask her to meet you in an alley. If she doesn't feel safe, you will never get that first face to face meeting. Coffee or icecream takes five minutes. Move her to the alley at minute six if you think she is that kind of girl.

 

[NMMWCR]

Originally posted by BobbDobbs
Actually, I thought the corndog bit was pretty freudian.

Corndogs are gold, BobbDobbs. Not only are they phallic, most women have a positive childhood association. Try it sometime and watch their grin spread so wide you can't tell which end you are looking at.

Funny moment:

ME: Let's go grab some corndogs for lunch.

HER: I don't like to eat weiniers.

ME: Way to sell yourself!

HER: I can't believe you just said that!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by NMMWCR
I think Starman has the general idea right here. Your goal is to move things out of Internet frame and into a real world frame as soon as possible. If she volunteers what her previous relationships have been like (and they usually do) the job becomes easy.

That is exactly what I was saying. It IS very easy to tell online if you move things along. If she isn't ready to go along, there is no reason for you to stick around. It is just that easy. Where else can you spend a couple of hours on a Monday night and possibly meet 10-20 woman and get a handful of numbers and possibly dates for later in the week?

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by Francisco d'Anconia
. Would you elaborate on that? It just seems that a lot of guys who have been burned online denounce the method without any specific reasons.

Yo,
yea sorry about that point. Starman really hit the nail on the head. What im tryin to say is that its IMPOSSIBLE to judge IL online. Sure, you may get 20 dates in one night. but how is the IL? You may be very well going out with 20 dates that go nowehere. How do you know? IL is impossible to judge online. I dunno how rich you are, but I surely don't have the time or the money to waste on all these online dates where I have no idea what the IL is. When you meet someone in real life and number them, you got a good idea of the IL and you can decide on wether or not she is worth the time and money. After all, you can yap all day long on a computer and never have an idea of what IL of the girl is. Meet someone in real life, you can judge IL in less than a minute. Its all about body language, tone of voice, little verbal and physical signals. Experienced DJ's, like myself, have got this down to a science. I can usually figure out a girls IL in me in about 20 seconds of convo. But there is no way to tell online. Could be good, could be bad. I think it all comes down to this simple fact -

A young DJ in his 20's doesn't need the internet to meet people. He can do it on his own. The net is better suited for older people who have a smaller pool to chose from. There, the time/energy/money drawbacks are worth it.

Im in my mid 20's.

 

[akindofblue]

A lot of you guys are missing the point of this online dating thing. Yeah, it's easy to meet people in real life without any difficulties, but if you're at all looking for some substance in life, well, it's pretty easy to weed out girls with the online setup.

If a girl can't string two sentences together or can't respond to an idea with anything but a simplistic answer, she's canned. Not a Christian? Canned. Doesn't work out? Canned. Doesn't have a clue where she is going in life? (You get the point.) If you know what you're looking for and are keeping the option of a LTR open, then they're really not bad.

If you've just moved to a new town and don't know anyone, they're good for looking for someone to hang out with, as you can pretty easily find someone with similar interests. If the relationship works out...well, very minor concern, right?

 

[WestCoaster]

I'm just trying to snag a few dates -- I'll worry about the LTR later. But just getting on time responses and movement seems tough.

As far as Christian, if I read that she's canned. Sorry. Done my share of religious women and they are far more mean than agnostics and athiests. I've been cheated on by two so-called Christian women. Hypocrisy at its finest.

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by akindofblue
If you know what you're looking for and are keeping the option of a LTR open, then they're really not bad.

Again, your missing my points. Maybe you don't know about IL and how to read it? I suggest you read the bible again. And again.

Bottom line - You can NOT judge IL threw a computer