Is cheating "OK" considering most relationships end anyways?

[threeforfree]

You don't "not cheat" in a committed relationship because of all the lesser women you've been with and because the relationship might fail. You don't cheat because of what you said happened with #2 in your list, because the relationship might not fail.

Quality women are rare enough these days; there's no need to be the saboteur in a relationship if you think she might be that girl. Either make it known that you're non-exclusive, or be exclusive and exercise the self control and respect to follow through with it.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Quality women are rare enough these days; there's no need to be the saboteur in a relationship if you think she might be that girl. Either make it known that you're non-exclusive, or be exclusive and exercise the self control and respect to follow through with it.

The expectation of monogamy being the male default is problematic. Despite infidelity being rampant, people still expect the highly improbable. Insanity.

 

[BeExcellent]

The expectation of monogamy being the male default is problematic. Despite infidelity being rampant, people still expect the highly improbable. Insanity.

Out of curiosity how does this work in your marriage? Do you just do as you please and hide it from your wife? Do you do as you please with her full knowledge and consent? Is she not desirable enough to be able to attract someone else so she is stuck? I find your responses most interesting since you yourself are a married man. Did your vows exclude the "forsaking all others" part?

Or do you sneak about?

 

[EyeBRollin]

Out of curiosity how does this work in your marriage? Do you just do as you please and hide it from your wife? Do you do as you please with her full knowledge and consent? Is she not desirable enough to be able to attract someone else so she is stuck? I find your responses most interesting since you yourself are a married man. Did your vows exclude the "forsaking all others" part?

Or do you sneak about?

Notice how things go straight to the personal.

Men and women alike would be wise to drop their preconceived notions about monogamy. Life expectancy is about 80 in the west, with an average marriage age of 30. Chances are damn near certainty that a man with options over 50 years is going to either stray or just get divorced and re-marry. Women largely accepted male nature in the past, with fewer broken homes than we see in 2023.

 

[BeExcellent]

Notice how things go straight to the personal.

Men and women alike would be wise to drop their preconceived notions about monogamy. Life expectancy is about 80 in the west, with an average marriage age of 30. Chances are damn near certainty that a man with options over 50 years is going to either stray or just get divorced and re-marry. Women largely accepted male nature in the past, with fewer broken homes than we see in 2023.

No. Nothing is personal. Just as I take nothing personal when I am asked such questions as I have been many many times. I simply answer and provide context.

How do you act within you own marriage is a fair question, given that you are here espousing a man's right to spread his seed as he sees fit (irrespective of his wife? - that's what I'm curious about).

This is thread about cheating (which is deceptive and therefore lying) which becomes a thread about character by extension. So in asking I am asking how you cope with this within your own marriage given your content which seems to imply that men are entitled to their biological urges. How does your wife feel about all that? Are you monogamous in your marriage and if not does your wife know you are not?

I'd like to know for one if how you actually conduct your own life is congruent with what you write in your content here. I am congruent. I behave the way I say I behave and in accordance with the views I express.

It's a fair question to ask whether or not you are. After all we are all random strangers on the internet, it's not as though someone is going to tattle.

Are you monogamous in your marriage? Yes or no?

If you have an open marriage, that's your business, I don't judge, and that is congruent with your content.
If you cheat and lie while she thinks you are monogamous, I don't judge and that is also congruent with your content.
If you are actually monogamous and do not cheat, then that is NOT congruent with your content, and thusly curious.

That's all. Your situation and your content appear juxtaposed if on the one hand you think men should be able to go about having sex as they please and yet on the other hand you are married (which implies the traditional monogamous construct). That's why it's a question worth asking. I for one like to know something about the character of the people spouting opinions. To me that is an important detail, and my guess is that it matters to others in the audience as well.

 

[kavi]

Out of curiosity how does this work in your marriage? Do you just do as you please and hide it from your wife? Do you do as you please with her full knowledge and consent? Is she not desirable enough to be able to attract someone else so she is stuck? I find your responses most interesting since you yourself are a married man. Did your vows exclude the "forsaking all others" part?

Or do you sneak about?

I am trying to do a polygamy thing. I dont know if it will happen but the girls know everything and they are hooked on me and tbh they are not gonna get a guy they like more so they def wanna do it but I do worry alot about these jealousy type situations and whether esp the mid30s girls might feel threatened by the younger ones. I have done alot to alleviate these things like put the older women into a more solid or 'higher status' position but im **** scared its all gonna fall apart but the thing is all the girls are hooked on me so I dunno I guess maybe they will try to make it work?????

I'm saying this cos it relates to some of the points you made and yh atm I kinda **** scared and feel bad about wtf am I doing what if it all ends in a **** show.

Edit: All this stuff esp with men and women being more 'open' really requries a much higher level of emotional and psychological health and personal development which currently really doesnt exist in society nor the level of respect required in the relationship world. But 'open' or polygamous relationships will definitely need to become more common as it is better than cheating and increases the availabilit of higher quality relationships so for these things to increase it may have to force a higher level of understanding and behaviour in men and women in relationships.

 

[Dr.Suave]

This is thread about cheating

Yes and no. According to OP, yes, its cheating.

According to Andrew Tate, if a girl so much as talks to another guy, she´s cheating. If he f0cks another girl, he´s not cheating. I think the point that Tate is trying to make is that we shouldn´t hold men and women to the same standards because we are different.

 

[jaymbrs]

You just havent met the right one. It doesn’t justify cheating but I’m betting that’s the reason why.

 

[BadBoy89]

I've cheated on damn near every gf at one point or another. Felt a little guilty at the time, but the relationships ended anyways and in hindsight, I was like at least I didn't miss out. Now mind you it's not something where I went and slept with a different girl every week or anything while in a relationship. It's a bit harder to get away when tied down. On top of that, it's not something I pursued heavily.

Reason I ask is because I'm trying to be loyal now, but the temptation with a hot piece of a$$ available to me at the moment is there, ready to come over...

I know its hard, but to avoid the temptation:

1) Make yourself LESS sexy so the girl doesn't fall in love with you at first sight .

or

2) Introduce the hot girl to a friend who is taller and better-looking than you.

 

[EyeBRollin]

No. Nothing is personal. Just as I take nothing personal when I am asked such questions as I have been many many times. I simply answer and provide context.

How do you act within you own marriage is a fair question, given that you are here espousing a man's right to spread his seed as he sees fit (irrespective of his wife? - that's what I'm curious about).

This is thread about cheating (which is deceptive and therefore lying) which becomes a thread about character by extension. So in asking I am asking how you cope with this within your own marriage given your content which seems to imply that men are entitled to their biological urges. How does your wife feel about all that? Are you monogamous in your marriage and if not does your wife know you are not?

I'd like to know for one if how you actually conduct your own life is congruent with what you write in your content here. I am congruent. I behave the way I say I behave and in accordance with the views I express.

It's a fair question to ask whether or not you are. After all we are all random strangers on the internet, it's not as though someone is going to tattle.

Are you monogamous in your marriage? Yes or no?

If you have an open marriage, that's your business, I don't judge, and that is congruent with your content.
If you cheat and lie while she thinks you are monogamous, I don't judge and that is also congruent with your content.
If you are actually monogamous and do not cheat, then that is NOT congruent with your content, and thusly curious.

That's all. Your situation and your content appear juxtaposed if on the one hand you think men should be able to go about having sex as they please and yet on the other hand you are married (which implies the traditional monogamous construct). That's why it's a question worth asking. I for one like to know something about the character of the people spouting opinions. To me that is an important detail, and my guess is that it matters to others in the audience as well.

This is just a long winded way to completely disregard the content of my argument. That's fine and to be expected.

For those who are actually concerned with creating better relationships, it is worth examining monogamy as an ideal. We get one new thread per week about a guy wanting to (or already engaging in) cheat on his girlfriend. Head over to a woman's forum, you will find no shortage of women who's boyfriends and husbands have cheated on them. The statistics are damning; most women have been cheated on at some point in their lives, and nearly double the amount of women than men are in committed relationships (indicating man-sharing). Yet the ideal persists. It begs the question.

The solution?

According to society (i.e. women), men have to somehow just be better at rejecting their biological programming. Nothing about women re-examine their own pre-selection mating criteria. Why doesn't she just find a less desirable man?

 

[kavi]

So the consensus here is women dont cheat at all? I think some do as most are not gonna be married to a guy who is always deep in her emotioms and psyche. I think deep down many women do want to have a bit of variety once in a long while, not as much as men but still. Truly i do think it works both ways just moreso for men for whom sex is valued more highly.

 

[BeExcellent]

This is just a long winded way to completely disregard the content of my argument. That's fine and to be expected.

For those who are actually concerned with creating better relationships, it is worth examining monogamy as an ideal. We get one new thread per week about a guy wanting to (or already engaging in) cheat on his girlfriend. Head over to a woman's forum, you will find no shortage of women who's boyfriends and husbands have cheated on them. The statistics are damning; most women have been cheated on at some point in their lives, and nearly double the amount of women than men are in committed relationships (indicating man-sharing). Yet the ideal persists. It begs the question.

The solution?

According to society (i.e. women), men have to somehow just be better at rejecting their biological programming. Nothing about women re-examine their own pre-selection mating criteria. Why doesn't she just find a less desirable man?

Not at all. Since you are wholly avoiding a direct question the audience is left to assume that you are not trustworthy where your wife is concerned.

I expect this is a major contributor to the struggles in your marriage that you have alluded to elsewhere around here.

And that is instructive. Quality women exist. They expect loyalty. Without mutual trust and respect a quality relationship cannot exist. So if your vow is worthless then that says everything someone needs to know about you (or anyone else who is unworthy of trust.)

But you are not going to answer my simple question. Ok. Duly noted.

 

[BeExcellent]

@kavi there is nothing wrong with whatever situation you choose as a sexual strategy between consenting adults so long as you act with integrity.

That means your actions match your words and therefore you conduct yourself with character and integrity.

I know people who have variations of open relationships and without exception they are transparent from the get go. They exist with integrity about what they require in an interaction. Their women are aware, informed and on board with the arrangement and yes it takes a certain tolerance & courage to exist long term in this type of situation. The relationships are high trust, high integrity and the partners are uniquely suited to this lifestyle. I know couples who swing, a couple where the man strays occasionally but with full endorsement by his 10yr + live in GF, I know a playboy who only does open relationships. And I know plenty of traditional couples who are happy and loyal and sexually exclusive to their spouse.

So if someone cannot come clean in his situation? Somebody is existing in dishonesty and deception. Why else avoid the matter?

 

[EyeBRollin]

Not at all. Since you are wholly avoiding a direct question the audience is left to assume that you are not trustworthy where your wife is concerned.

I expect this is a major contributor to the struggles in your marriage that you have alluded to elsewhere around here.

And that is instructive. Quality women exist. They expect loyalty. Without mutual trust and respect a quality relationship cannot exist. So if your vow is worthless then that says everything someone needs to know about you (or anyone else who is unworthy of trust.)

But you are not going to answer my simple question. Ok. Duly noted.

There she goes again.

Men, when women do not like what you have to say, they ignore what you said to instead personally attack you. It is also known as S.I.G.N. (shame, insults, guilt, and the need to be right) language.

 

[BeExcellent]

There she goes again.

Men, when women do not like what you have to say, they ignore what you said to instead personally attack you. It is also known as S.I.G.N. (shame, insults, guilt, and the need to be right) language.

Nothing I have said is an insult or shame or anything else you said in the quote above. If you are perceiving my objective words that way? That’s on you. I asked a yes/no question. You refused to answer.

Ok.

 

[BeExcellent]

And to be clear, I think women who cheat are just as lacking in character as men who cheat.

The lie evaporates trust. And that destroys relationships, it doesn’t matter if it’s the man or the woman. It’s ruinous either way.

 

[TheProspect]

There she goes again.

Men, when women do not like what you have to say, they ignore what you said to instead personally attack you. It is also known as S.I.G.N. (shame, insults, guilt, and the need to be right) language.

I am a man who agrees with some of what you said (to an extent), and I have myself cheated during a previous relationship years ago and justified it with a similar line of argument as yours…

… but I am genuinely curious what your answers are to the questions @BeExcellent asked below…

Out of curiosity how does this work in your marriage? Do you just do as you please and hide it from your wife? Do you do as you please with her full knowledge and consent? Is she not desirable enough to be able to attract someone else so she is stuck? I find your responses most interesting since you yourself are a married man. Did your vows exclude the "forsaking all others" part?

Or do you sneak about?

These are actually very relevant questions to OP’s topic. I don’t see them as a guised personal attack at all, as they are questions that popped up in my head as well…
I don’t believe these are loaded questions, you seem to be assuming negative intent where there is none.

@EyeBRollin, instead of answering questions directly for the purposes of the discussion, you choose to avoid the questions like a politician. This gives off the impression that you think answering them will just make your argument look bad. You then criticize the poster’s questions because she’s a woman which serves no purpose but to undermine your own argument.

I am interested in your answers to those questions because I believe answering them gives you an opportunity to defend & support your argument, in addition to helping others understand your line of thinking. You have a chance to explain how you integrate your thinking into your personal life and how it’s working for you, allowing others to learn from your experience.

Questions provoke discussion and can even provide a challenge to your position (allowing you steelman your position). You should welcome them.

 

[The Duke]

I've never cheated on anyone, never will. For my own self pride, my word matters. Cheating on someone would violate my own moral code. But that's how I live my life, for me and nobody else.

I also see cheating as weakness. If you can't drop the one you are committed to because you want to bang some other girl, then you arent as bad ass as you think. If you were, you wouldn't fear the potential fallout. It's also entirely selfish.

A man that can't control his sexual emotions is about as bad as a cluster b that can't control her emotions.

And some of you spout all this alpha schitt. There are cracks in your armor.

If you want to make the point that it's in men's DNA to want to bang multiple women, I won't argue with that. But I will tell you don't commit. Live the life like a true player. If you're going to do something, do it right. Own it.

 

[CollegeMan22]

One caveat I want to add to this thread is that you are NOT cheating if you have not explicitly had “the talk” with her about exclusivity. Even if you’ve been with her for many months, there is no such thing as “implicit exclusivity” if you are an Alpha. You as a man have the world as your oyster until your word limits your actions. If, and only if, you have verbally committed to exclusivity with a woman is cheating even a thing. Otherwise you are simply fulfilling your duty as a man.

 

[Stanley]

Cheating is weakness and shows your words and actions carry little weight. If you commit and fail it represents a lack of self control and fortitude to overcome your negative emotions and sexual urges. Let them go gracefully and chase after whatever it is you want... or don't commit to begin with.