Is cheating "OK" considering most relationships end anyways?

[CollegeMan22]

Cheating is weakness and shows your words and actions carry little weight. If you commit and fail it represents a lack of self control and fortitude to overcome your negative emotions and sexual urges. Let them go gracefully and chase after whatever it is you want... or don't commit to begin with.

Caleb Jones puts it well:

The problem with cheating lies in the promise, not the cheating.

The problem with you cheating is not the problem, the problem is that you made the promise to not cheat in the first place.

Let's say I promise to purchase a yacht from you for $10 million one week from now. The problem is I don't have $10 million. Instead my total net worth is $300. A week later you deliver the yacht, ask for my money, and then I say "Sorry, can't buy it. I only have $300." You would rightly be angry. You wouldn't be angry that I didn't have the money, instead you'd be angry that I promised you the money in the first place without having it.

THAT is how you need to view cheating. If someone cheats on you, you should not be mad they cheated on you, you should be mad they made the promise to begin with (and mad that you believed them!).

Cheating - Alpha Male 2.0

-By Caleb Jones It’s so much easier. Right? Wrong. Let’s talk about cheating. As always with these kinds of discussions, we need to get our definitions straight. When I talk about cheating, I mean this definition, per my glossary: Cheating – The act of promising monogamy...

alphamale20.com

 

[TheProspect]

I'll add my input to the original post,

I've cheated on damn near every gf at one point or another. Felt a little guilty at the time, but the relationships ended anyways and in hindsight, I was like at least I didn't miss out. Now mind you it's not something where I went and slept with a different girl every week or anything while in a relationship. It's a bit harder to get away when tied down. On top of that, it's not something I pursued heavily.

Reason I ask is because I'm trying to be loyal now, but the temptation with a hot piece of a$$ available to me at the moment is there, ready to come over...

My thoughts:

1) All my relationships ended...in hindsight it didn't matter if I cheated and with all but one I was glad I didn't give up opportunities.
2) Regret cheating on that one long term gf...would have had loyal life partner...
3) One of my ex's from recent years, I am glad I cheated...but...it's also likely the reason she started looking after she saw the signs I was straying...(hiding my phone, acting sketchy, etc. She tracked my location and she'd call me if I was at a place like the place we went to our first date...she knew I was out with another girl...)
4) Always opportunity to get girls in future, so not like other opportunities won't present themselves.
5) All that said, I don't want to mess it up with this girl I'm with now. She's far hotter and better than any other chic I've been with...and she treats me well.

You appear to backwards rationalize your actions. Perhaps you do so reflexively because you feel there's something intuitively wrong about being deceitful. So to cope with that discomfort, you attempt to convince yourself that your actions are justified in hindsight.

The reality is that you've just never been caught and had to directly look into the eyes of someone whose trust you broke and whose heart you shattered. If you're not a sociopath, and have the capability for empathy, then lying and breaking someone's trust should feel instinctively wrong. Doubly so if you actually love that person and care about their emotional & psychological well-being, and in an infidelity context, their sexual & physical health.

While all relationships technically end via breakup or death, if you enter relationships with the expectation that they will inevitably end, and that expectation serves to justify your infidelity and increases your willingness to commit it, then that expectation will hasten the end through your actions and become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You mentioned you don't want to mess it up with your current girl by cheating on her. That intent implies that you know cheating will somehow mess it up -- and answers your thread title's question for you, doesn't it? You go on to say she is hotter and better than any other chick you've been with and that she treats you well. It makes it harder for you to want to cheat on her, or perhaps it eliminates the possibility of you actually cheating entirely...

So you imply it is more worth to not cheat on your current girl, and that you would only cheat situationally...

Cheating by definition is breaking the sexual & emotional exclusivity YOU agreed to, and thereby breaking your word and your partner's trust. Lying and deceit are inherent in it, because you know your partner WILL leave you if they found out (assuming you date women with dignity & self-respect), and if they do find out, having to look your partner in the eye once you've shattered their world is not something you can do without remorse unless you're a psychopath.


What is the difference between a man who cheats situationally versus the man who decides firmly NOT to cheat, no matter what?

Character.

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A man of high character who chooses NOT to cheat demonstrates integrity, loyalty, and self-restraint. He demonstrates these traits even (and especially) when experiencing the natural BIOLOGICAL urges that produce emotions & behaviour such as lust and gluttony. Both of which can cross into hedonism and become hazardous to one's health and relationships if not kept in check -- which is why self-restraint and self-discipline is a desirable trait to have in both yourself and a partner.

Yes, it is natural and biological to lust over many woman and spread your seed. That is NOT an argument for cheating, that's an argument for staying single and/or having only non-monogamous relationships, should you wish to resolve yourself to your default biological hard-wired programming.

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TL;DR
You cannot make a MORAL argument for cheating using a BIOLOGICAL rationalization of why acting on lust with women outside of a monogamous relationship is natural. Ethics have evolved since Genghis Khan and our cavemen days.

 

[kavi]

One caveat I want to add to this thread is that you are NOT cheating if you have not explicitly had “the talk” with her about exclusivity. Even if you’ve been with her for many months, there is no such thing as “implicit exclusivity” if you are an Alpha. You as a man have the world as your oyster until your word limits your actions. If, and only if, you have verbally committed to exclusivity with a woman is cheating even a thing. Otherwise you are simply fulfilling your duty as a man.

Its also a womans duty to please Alpha males and not just her husband. The whole latter part of this thread is assuming an absolute dichotomy between men and women which in reality doesnt exist. If it is a mans duty to sleep with multiple women then it is also a womans duty to be impregnated by her non-husband with good genes and just get her loser worker husband with average genes to support and pay for everything.

 

[tightgrp]

Depends on your goals. All warfare is based on deception. Lies oppose intimacy. The woman looks to a man to be the leader.

 

[Murk]

I cheated on all my ex gfs, I cheated once with a girl in the morning and another girl in the afternoon and caught chlamydia which I then gave my girlfriend at the time. In my defence I never loved or saw a future with anyone of them, so I didn’t really feel guilty like OP.

I have not cheated or had the urge to since 2021, the idea now makes me sick, I feel like my next gf I will properly vet, be very attracted to and be loyal to. Maybe it was just the low T levels why I didn’t cheat in the last year of my relationship, I could just about muster the urge to fvck my gf let alone new girls.

I think we cheat on girls we don’t fully love and value, that’s our fault for getting into these relationships.

 

[Stanley]

I cheated on all my ex gfs, I cheated once with a girl in the morning and another girl in the afternoon and caught chlamydia which I then gave my girlfriend at the time. In my defence I never loved or saw a future with anyone of them, so I didn’t really feel guilty like OP.

I have not cheated or had the urge to since 2021, the idea now makes me sick, I feel like my next gf I will properly vet, be very attracted to and be loyal to. Maybe it was just the low T levels why I didn’t cheat in the last year of my relationship, I could just about muster the urge to fvck my gf let alone new girls.

I think we cheat on girls we don’t fully love and value, that’s our fault for getting into these relationships.

Curious, why did you date them and commit when you didn't love them or see a future with them in some way shape or form?

 

[EyeBRollin]

I think we cheat on girls we don’t fully love and value, that’s our fault for getting into these relationships.

It’s a nice hypothesis. However, it doesn’t agree with biology. You can have the perfect women.. still going to get that urge for new pvss…

 

[devilkingx2]

If the girl you're dating/the relationship isn't that great then sure cheat, who cares.

Although maybe it's better to work to create a great relationship or to find a great woman.

But if your girl is treating you right and doing everything you want, then as long as that lasts your loyalty should too.

Personally, I'm never too loyal to bang a hot girl who jumps on my lap and starts stripping; but I'm infinitely more loyal when my girlfriend keeps me happy and puts effort in to the relationship.

 

[Murk]

It’s a nice hypothesis. However, it doesn’t agree with biology. You can have the perfect women.. still going to get that urge for new pvss…

You will get the urge, yes, but won't cheat if you have self-control and love and value your girl.

 

[bat soup]

Cheating is OK as long as you don't stick it all the way in.

 

[SW15]

One caveat I want to add to this thread is that you are NOT cheating if you have not explicitly had “the talk” with her about exclusivity. Even if you’ve been with her for many months, there is no such thing as “implicit exclusivity” if you are an Alpha. You as a man have the world as your oyster until your word limits your actions. If, and only if, you have verbally committed to exclusivity with a woman is cheating even a thing. Otherwise you are simply fulfilling your duty as a man.

While true, it's still a technicality. Women in many cases don't feel good when they know they are a plate and a man they are interested in is having sex with other women. Additionally, if a man finds out some woman he's having sex with is also having sex with other men prior to "the exclusivity talk", that's not a great feeling either. Technically, she didn't cheat, but it can feel like cheating.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I am interested in your answers to those questions because I believe answering them gives you an opportunity to defend & support your argument, in addition to helping others understand your line of thinking.

My argument is evident on the ground all around us. Women are sharing men. The math bears it out. Infidelity is rampant. Most women have been cheated on. Many women have been cheated on in every relationship they’ve had. Yet she will go into future relationships expecting fidelity. That is the definition of insane. Is the problem men or her expectation?

 

[Millard Fillmore]

It’s a nice hypothesis. However, it doesn’t agree with biology. You can have the perfect women.. still going to get that urge for new pvss…

Agree with this. I think it's fine as long as a guy doesn't let it turn into an affair. Bang a side chick once. Make clear it's a one time thing before it happens. Better if it's when you're out of town. Works best if you screen for a partner who understands men and polyamory. She'll know deep down but doesn't want to hear about it or be made a fool. People weren't built for monogamy.

Too many guys are authors of their own drama. They catch feels or don't screen. Also, wrap that d!ck in rubber.