Interesting twist on my oneitis... Happened last night... Read!

[silverwex]

Summary: Into this girl. She kinda blew me off when I made an AFC mistake with her (got a small bit too serious for pulling out of a date). Told a friend of mine that she still liked me but wanted to see other people too.

Last night:
Right I was out with my boys in the local club and we were drinking, having a laugh and getting on great. Earlier on in the night I saw my oneitis so i avoided the area she was in.

SO we're drinking away having a laugh and we decide to go up for a dance. We reach the floor and start doing our thing. About 15mins later, I notice my oneitis on the floor also, with her female friend - 'That's ok by me, im having a laugh' is what im thinking. SO i continue to dance etc...
Here's the interesting bit: 4 times during the night she INTENTIONLY makes her way over to my group and starts dancing right beside us. I mean, the dance floor aint that small and still she 'accidently' ends up dancing right beside us?! At another point she pushed her friend into me (so im told). And at another point I look over and they're talking and looking at me.

Using my DJ knowledge - everytime she tried to dance beside me/back into me I turned my back on her and TOTALLY ignored her - I mean i couldnt have ignored any more than i did!

Jeez, at one point she even tried to dance with my mate, but he knew what was up and he ignored it too!

I was outside after talking to my friends about it (theyre actually natural DJ's - they dont know about this site but theyre just like that!) and they said i did right by not doing anything and ignoring her coz she was playing her little games and i knew exactly how to beat her at it - DO NOTHING!

ANother of my friends said that she was doing it to make me jealous/prove a point and that if i had danced with her she wouldve gone off and knew that she had won. BUT he also pointed out the following:

"If shes playing these little games with you... what does that mean?!" - I guessed by saying "She still likes me?" and he just nodded.

SO even tho im kinda over her, id still like to know if theres any interest still there (i have a feeling theres some) and if i continue to step back, ignore her, be a challenge and put my DJ skills to use could there be something there in the future? And why was she doing this do you think?

Thanks guys!

PS - Ive a fairly big advantage over the fella shes snogging at the moment - I can dance! HE doesnt! Oh and im a budding DJ!

 

[Jay26]

Hehe, of course she likes you, she's probably liked you from day one but hasn't made up her mind on you, your initial AFC actions turned her off and your new DJ actions have peaked her interest again.

Question is, can you turn her? of course, but I can tell you from experience it's easiest if you don't care. Don't focus on trying to get this chick, but if a moment does present itself, be decisive, don't hestitate.

 

[silverwex]

True man but is there a chance she was just doing it for her own good? e.g. Just trying to prove to herself that she can still get me? (Which she couldnt - well not last night anyway!) And when she does get me she'll move onto some other AFC?

She actually did like me first day we met! And im trying to get her back to that same state by ignoring her etc. Ive got 5 other girls since we moved on (thats just 2 weeks ago!) and two of em were two of her best mates!!! Good or bad move?

ANyone else care to shed some light on this matter?

 

[deeman]

well, if you are messing with her friends that could be a bad thing, especially if shes gonna find out eventually? Are they good friends of hers? Have you actually done anything with them like bang them? It could just scream 'loser' in her books.

I would say keep playing the hard to get thing, but show her some attention just not too much, if you see her show signs of 're-interest' then cut her some slack, but I would say wait for her to make that move first.

Keep us posted

 

[silverwex]

Hey deeman,

Yeah they are good friends of hers and no i didnt bang them, just a kiss or whatever.

YEah im gonna continue to play hard to get but i also gotta dangle the carrott, so to speak, or else she'll prolly think im just not interested. Gotta keep her guessing... right?

But the thing i wanna know is... from what ive told you all: Do you think theres a bit of interest there still, or is she just playing around?

 

[Marco]

This scenario is ALMOST identical to the one I'm in! She liked me from the start, lots of flirting, kino, compilments, talking about future things we might do etc. The difference being this chick is finishing a LTR. I then eventually asked her out after all her come-ons. She said yes immediately but then began to play games with me. I then ignored her at a bar and she complained to me twice within an hour. Then at a club she got her own back by dancing with all my mates in front of me and over-exaggerated the cold shoulder treatment. I just danced and had a laugh. Ten days later at Uni, she sought me out to smooth things over and said she had unresolved issues but I should call her. I didn't (Mr Challenge/indifferent). 2 weeks later we met again and she said we should meet up for a drink. We have just a few days back and are seeing each other again soon. The moral of the story is if they like you they will try anything not to lose you ( actions rather than words). She now knows that I can take her or leave her. I was usually AFC about these things but I'm now a MAN!!! Just my tuppence worth!

 

[bugsquish]

Well played silver!

Okay, maybe there is a chance with this girl after all. You just gotta forget any concept of oneitis, and remember she's just another chick. I don't think you need to ignore her completely (she might think you're not interested, or worse intimidated), but don't give an inch. Drop some subtle hints for her to approach you. Give her a playful smile, or a wink. Kinda like "I know you want me but you blew it so you're gonna have to work hard for another chance". Apart from that just do your thing with your boys and with other chicks. If she is interested, and she thinks her advances are welcome, she will come

Stay cool. She's not 'the one', just practise.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Just keep ignoring her. She may still have an interest in you but should your really care about a girl who would go after one of your mates to make you jealous? She can play all of the games but the bad thing is if you fall for them. If she's into you and a real woman, she'd let you know in no uncertain terms. Just have fun watching her go batty wondering why you're not falling for her antics.

 

[Luscious]

*shaking head*...

Guys, guys, guys...I would never play it this way.

It looks to me like Silverwex is still doubting his true intentions for this girl, and thus, is bailing out and refusing to take any risk when he encounters her. This isn't good, because non-risk taking = wussy.

You know the concepts, Silverwex, and it looks like you've read up and know the essentials, I like that. But the problem here is that you've gotta know WHEN to put these tactics into play...personally, I wouldn't have ran a 'hard to get' on her...

Since she pushed you away in the past, but came back and tried to establish some contact (i.e. dancing), it's obvious she wanted either an ego boost, or YOU.

It kills me sometimes, that guys just won't take the risk, but in this case, there isn't EVEN a risk. If she's just playin you for attention and leaves after a couple dances with you, you KNOW she has no interest. If she has interest, you could have been dancing with her all night long, man. It kills me, it really does. Who cares if you might give her a little ego boost?

I don't know about you...but I'm a person who would rather know the answer, straight up front, rather than guess for the rest of my life. Don't EVER leave your business unfinished, because it'll make you wonder, and regret, and get pissed off at yourself. Trust me on this one.

Best of luck to you.

 

[silverwex]

Thanks guys, good advice.

Luscious, if i tried to dance with her id bet you she wouldve danced with me for a second and then went off. Ive been throught this stuff before and shes trying to play a 'power game' with me - or so i think. If i succumb to her little games shell know shes won me back and then shell go after someone else - to see if she can break them down also.

MARCO:
It is the identical situation! She ws just ending a LTR when i got with ehr initally! That was me being atrue DJ! I was playful and easygoing with her at the time but when we kinda got together i made a small mistake of taking something too seriously and from then on it went downhill! Im now back to the silverwex that first met her - relaxed, fun and playful. But the big question is... Will i get her back?

SO the bottom line is: I dangle the carrott a SMALL bit next time she does that again, give a wink, a smile whatever, continue to ignore her and be a challenge - that right guys? ANy other tips?

 

[silverwex]

By the way, im talking a fair bit with a HB8 and a HB7 at the moment so shes NOT the only gal in my life at the moment altho she is the most desireable!

 

[silverwex]

Slight update...

Right i was really close to asking one of her best mates out tonight but i pulled out at the last moment. This girl is an 8 but shes fairly boring and can be quite clingy. Also if i did decide to ask her out could it backfire miserably and totally ruin any IL my oneitis (soon to be ex hopefully!) has for me?

OR would it increase her IL? Tricky situation! ANy great DJ advice would be cool!

 

[bugsquish]

I think you should find someone totally unrelated to this chick in any way. Get her out of your system man.
*slap*

 

[aguynamedwill]

If shes playing these little games with you... what does that mean?!

The correct answer to this question is "who cares"

Do you think theres a bit of interest there still, or is she just playing around?

The correct answer to this question is "who cares"

Ive got 5 other girls since we moved on

you havent moved on at all. you keep talking about her like she is the prize to be won. This oneitis girl has serious power over you.

By the way, im talking a fair bit with a HB8 and a HB7 at the moment so shes NOT the only gal in my life at the moment altho she is the most desireable!

Why? Is it because she's the most amazing human ever?? Or she's got a nice body? Or simply because you don't have her?
What reason are you obsessing over this female? Rationalize why you want her so bad, then realise that its not a great reason.

Then move on. Simple. Don't ask her friend out, you don't like her. You don't put down people you like.

 

[squirrels]

She's showing interest, yes. But ask yourself this: if you were to try to deal with her again, could you deal with her from a position of power, where YOU are in complete control of your attention and your feelings?

If you can walk away, you can feed her a little bit of attention, but you have to be able to LEAVE, WALK AWAY, after you do. Right when she starts to wonder if she has you.

In other words, YOU have to be in control. YOu have to not care in the end whether you go home with her or with another girl or alone. Personally, I think you care too much.

I have a "one-itis" of my own who I keep thinking about, but whenever I sense that I wouldn't be approaching her from a position of power, I check myself and back away. Could you do that, or would you knowingly put yourself in situations that she initiates and controls? Whenever I'm in a conversation and she starts talking about herself, or people start fawning over her, or she gets boring, I walk away and talk to someone else. Could you do that, or would you sit there and wait for her to get bored with YOU?

You have to understand that this isn't about her...this is about YOU and what YOU want. Now you may want HER, but you also have to want to be able to respect yourself, and that deserves more of your attention than she does.

Going back to an old AFC crush is one of the hardest things to do, so hard that most DJs are better off just NEXTing and forgetting her. The reason is that lots of times these girls, once you get in their presence, trigger off all those old AFC emotions that you THINK that you're rid of, but you're really not. And chances are it won't work, especially if her first impression of you is "AFC," because first impressions are hard to shake.

I don't think you're ready. I think you care too much if you "win or lose" with this one.

That being said, do what you want...or you'll never learn.

If it were me, I'd just mess with her mind a little for now.

 

[silverwex]

Thanks squirrels. Hey, ok i admit it, I talk like an AFC with you guys about her and thats true BUT when im out and see her Im a total challenge. Even when i was kinda seeing her i would wait til she came over to me first. ANd yes, i was planning on walking away after a while if we got into a conversation - to keep the challenge up.

ANy other ways i can mess her head round?!! God, ive been trrough so many mind games in the last while and im confident NO girl can beat me at em ever again!

Also, is she just trying to prove to herself that she can still get me by doing what she did?

 

[MDgood]

Ignoring her was the best thing you could do! Good job!

Isn't it just funny how upset women get when you start ignoring them, especially after they become convinced that you so totally want them?

By the way, wasn't it you like a few months ago who was totally new and didn't know squat about women, asking AFC questions and all? Now when I'm reading your posts I'm like, damn, this kid has LEARNED, boy!

 

[silverwex]

Hey MDgood man. YEah that was me. Still have a bit of that AFC in me when it comes to asking for advice, but with the ladies ive changed a fair bit! Ill continue to ignore her then. But i cant ignore her too much and i cant give in either. Whats a way to achieve both of these? Give her a lil attention and then go off?

Thanks all. Really helpful!

 

[Bungo Pony]

Silverwex, you're completely new to this whole "DJ" idea and you're having fun trying out all the stuff you're learning which is great. Now you've found a girl who really appeals to you, and you're worrying about screwing it up. You're getting intimidated by her whether you admit it or not. Work on strengthening your DJ skills some more until you know that you're going to come out of any situation a winner. You need to get rejected a few times and you need some more dating experience. Put this girl in the back of your mind for now and focus on improving yourself first. Work on getting dates with each of those 5 chicks you talked about. Once you've got some experience under your belt, you'll be able to go after any woman without hesitation and few mistakes.

 

[Santos]

Whether she wanted to test if she could still get you (to show off to her friends) or she really likes you - you're doing the right thing. If she was showing off but you've lost interest you've hurt her ego and she will try and get you to move in on her so she can feel all warm and fuzzy about herself.

If she likes you, the same thing applies. I don't know if ignoring her completely when she danced near you was the best thing. Maybe just smile and say hi. Then keep on dancing.

It's important that she sees you having fun, talking to other girls, being funny and doing all those things DJ's do. Be careful, she is your one-itis and you may get hurt.

If there's one thing I've learnt, being VERY AFC around a girl will completely ruin your chances with her, DJ or no DJ. So as long as your AFC move didn't make you look too psycho you'll be OK.

Good luck
Santos