Infinite Improvement [Journal]

[Fly By Night]

Thanks, Arist. I tried just making out with one girl in bed and it lasted a good 30 mins, but I did not feel the sexual tension building. I do feel a bit over-excited while making out passionately so I try to relax, thus turning the passion bland. :l I guess that will come with more experience since I've only done that about 4 times in my life.

I was just listening to some of my music and I came across this song and it (at least the beginning) perfectly described this journal of mine. "Infinite Improvement". The song isn't on u tube or on google (mind = blown) and I don't know the name of it, but it's by a rapper named mickey factz, so here's the excerpt:

"You ever just wake up, and you like... 'What I'm doing... when is it going to... reach it's peak? I mean, do you even want it to reach it's peak?'"

I had possibly the worst luck thus far in the journal, but it is super late so I will post about it tomorrow. But, it makes me think, will I finally get the quality of game that I am looking for? And when I get it, will I get the one? Or will I just sleep with women left and right not looking for anything in particular? Will I just face failure after failure? Is feminist society moving too fast for me to catch up with?

Getting laid to me is starting to like going to the moon lol. You know that it's possible, but you doubt the chances of going there yourself... I know the experienced DJs will look at this and laugh, but I just needed to vent that out.

 

[Aristippus]

Just become the man you want to be. Forget about "game". I personally hate that word. Just appreciate your good points and become the man you want to be and think about finding women with high interest. And think about simply enjoying them and turning them on. Or, let me clarify. On some level, she <a woman with high interest> is already turned on or at least intrigued by you and all you do is keep adding fuel to the fire.

That's all. Nature has already dictated that some percentage of women you find sexually attractive will find you attractive too. That's why you and I are here. Because Nature says "Be fruitful and multiply!" or some other Biblical-sounding phrase.

Does it take some effort? Yes. Because most guys have been conditioned out of knowing how to find the women who are attracted to them and they've been conditioned out of just naturally moving forward without all of the strange ideas, rules, protocols and rituals. Especially the scarcity mentality and putting women on a pedestal. These strange ideas are not what nature intended. You could still have "dating" without the scarcity mentality and putting women on a pedestal, and you'd have a bunch of guys who could easily meet women.

To answer your question, you might sleep with women left and right and then find the one. Or find the one after just seeing a few women. You might have a life full of women or occupied by one great woman. After you reach a level of success you enjoy with women, you might want to take a break from women for a while to lead a simple life or to reach some goals without distraction.

In your rush to "get laid", take some precautions. Protect yourself. Use contraceptives and take measures to protect yourself from STDs. Avoid getting involved with the wrong women. You're actually getting a good amount of action right now. If our language didn't have a word for "virgin" then you probably wouldn't be putting as much pressure on yourself. So just create your own reality. You're a guy who's getting a lot of interest from women. Focus on that. Keep focusing on your successes and stop labeling yourself as a "virgin" if that's holding you down.

If you're concerned about the first time, go watch some porn! Anyway, you're getting close to where you want to be but you need to correct your focus. Your focus is on getting laid...... There's an old saying: "Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach him how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.".......So here's a new saying: "Focus on getting laid and you might get lucky once. Focus on sexual tension and you'll have sex for a lifetime."

Focus on the FEELING that leads up to the behavior instead of the behavior itself.

**If you're full, you won't eat. But when you're hungry, you will.
If you're sleepy, you'll go to sleep, but if you're not, you'll do anything but that.
If you're cold, you'll shiver.
If you're restless, you'll move around.
If you're thirsty, you'll have something to drink.
If you're tired from physical work, you'll rest or take a break.
If you work too hard or run too fast, you'll breathe heavily.

**If she's full, she won't eat. But when she's hungry, she will.
If she's sleepy, she'll go to sleep, but if she's not, she'll do anything but that.
If she's cold, she'll shiver.
If she's restless, she'll move around.
If she's thirsty, she'll have something to drink.
If she's tired from physical work, she'll rest or take a break.
If she works too hard or runs too fast, she'll breathe heavily

 

[Fly By Night]

I hear what you're saying Arist. I don't hold too much value on getting laid, but it's just that I want to experience it. I always get the question "Are you a virgin?" from girls I'm making out with. It's almost like they can smell it off me. And yeah, I am getting more female attention than most of the guys I know :rockon: but I just need to convert those possibles into dates and etc. I also desperately need a hobby or a niche. I really don't want to be that-guy-who-spends-every-waking-minute-trying-to-get-women. What would you do with your life AFTER you get a woman?

-------------------

Ok this update was a tad overdue, but here's what happened:

I ThOUGHT that I had at least one date in the bag because I had four options to choose from... only to have them all fail one way or another.

Girls:
1. Chick who called me clever
2. Chick I approached on her tattoo (I don't think I posted on here)
3. Chick that invited me over to her place for a movie
4. Chick from dancing that added me on FB

I texted girl 1 two days after I got her number. No response. Funny because I was able to verify her number, so I guess she just ignored it. This has happened to me before.

Same thing with girl 2, I texted her, but no flippin' response. She said hi to me in the cafe (before I texted her), but she doesn't reply to my texts?

Girl 3 is acting like she is hot ****, I went up to her and made small convo and she is pretty much ignoring me and acting like she expects me to put a pedestal on her. She pretty much matches every description of a BPD. So a failure, or a dodged bullet?

Girl 4 was the most confusing, because she was showing me all this interest and ****. We were dancing up and close once again and I sloooowly close the distance in and I sneak in a kiss on her neck at an angle so nobody would notice. Pretty much after that dance, she didn't seem to be feeling it anymore. I mean I was still able to talk to her, but she also was doing such things like walking faster than me, avert eye contact, declining my offers to go somewhere (isolation).

Sooo.... yeah.... Welcome back to Rock Bottom.

By coincidence, I ran into a girl that I used to fool around with last year. I jokingly brought up "When are we gonna hang out again?" She said whenever I'm available. I texted her up and I guess she wanted to hang out tonight, but I had homework. She said she will be going back home tomorrow for the weekend. I didn't want to rush it in tonight, I would rather relax this weekend. She's a nice girl, but I've seen the b!tch in her before.

Observation
Now I made a very bad mistake while gaming out on the quad today. About a week back, I approached a chick but I was too much of a b!tch to ask for her number, so I just end up talking to her real quick to find directions. She seemed dismissive so I just assumed low IL. Now the mistake happens when I was walking through the quad today and I saw her again and approached. We were walking and talking, but the convo was going NOWHERE. I tried to take it up to another level with her, but she flat out stopped walking in my direction and did a 180 and walked. Not even a half-assed excuse, not even waiting to decline the number close, just about-face and leave.
HERE'S WHAT'S FUNNY THOUGH. I'm at the cafe again, (I'm sort of disappointed with myself and the bad luck I've been getting) and she's there. In my mind, I'm like "**** this b!tch, showing such disrespect, I'm not even going to waste my eyesight on her." and she walks RIGHT PAST ME. It was in the open area, so she could have easily created distance between us, but nope, she'd rather walk right next to me and provoke an action from me. I feel like she did this just in case if I DID do something, she would have a funny story to tell her friends about how some weird guy is stalking her... When she blatantly gave me the chance to.

I am so ****ing done with low IL girls. Don't even have the ****ing decency of using common curiosity if the guy is acting like how a male should. If I am chatting it up with some chick and she is disrespecting me, I am just going to walk the other way.

 

[Aristippus]

I was just thinking about something. The more interest you have in life, the less you'll feel like you NEED women. I didn't say you can't still thoroughly enjoy them, but you won't feel you need them. Sex is fun but it also brings with it certain problems. Basically the idea is the more involved you are with women, the more of their issues you'll be exposed to. Even if you're the man, it takes a certain amount of time and energy to deal with the emotional baggage of the average woman. Even the good ones have to be corrected from time to time. It's just natural. The same way you have to correct children from time to time. Add in the fact that most guys cater to women's every whim and that means you'll have to adjust her attitude when she misbehaves.

I guess the main idea is that time with women can be nice but so can spending time away from them. I'm in a long-term relationship with a good woman. She's sexy, has a good personality, good character, crazy about me, loyal, is a good cook, and is a giver. So I'm off the market because I have a good woman that I love and who loves me. I enjoy our time together. I also enjoy my alone time. There are a lot of interesting things to read about and plenty of things to do. You can spend your time away from women doing whatever you want to.

It doesn't have to be productive. It can just be whatever you enjoy. You could spend the time away from women simply being unproductive, doing whatever pleases you, watching TV, playing games, visiting friends or going to new places, enjoying the simple pleasures in life, and it would be time well spent. You don't have to use a hobby as some sort of an angle. Only take up a hobby if that hobby interests you. Don't take up rock climbing or playing the violin just to sound interesting and impress women. If someone asks me if I have a hobby, I would tell them "No.". I have a lot of interests though.

I've read about a lot of different subjects that interest me. I've gone places and done things that interest me. I've spent days doing absolutely nothing because I felt no particular need to be productive or do anything. I've spent days being extremely busy. I've read books on anatomy and physiology, psychology,travel, I've read about history, martial arts, survival skills, fiction books, and comedy. I used to spend about 30 mins a night every night reading the encyclopedia for a few months.

I like to do things I enjoy and will look for new local places to try out. And I like variety and to avoid being trapped in the same cycle of going to the same places over and over and over. None of this requires a lot of money, just an interest in life, an interest in trying new things, and a little imagination. Maybe one weekend I'll go dancing, another weekend I might go hiking (zero $ except for gas), another I might go to a park and rent a canoe or paddle boat (cheap, low-cost), the next I might go to a movie or visit friends.

You can really enjoy your time with or away from women. Dancing, hiking, going to a movie or a park can be fun with friends or with women you spend time with. You can value that peace of mind that can come from being away from women and you can enjoy being around them. The idea is that the more you just thoroughly enjoy life, the less you'll feel like you need women. This can kill or at least take the edge off of any pressure or desperation. All of a sudden, if you're spending all of your time completely enjoying yourself and pursuing your goals and interests, you might find that spending time with these women, while it can be fun, is taking a lot of time away from you doing these things.

All of a sudden you CAN'T answer the phone every time she calls. You HAVE TO wait and call her back in a few hours or call her back tomorrow. You can't bother calling a woman 5 times a day because you're too busy. You're enjoying life too much to interrupt what you're doing every hour to check and see if she's called. You would LOVE to go out with her but if for some reason she can't make it, it's no big deal. You can either go back to doing what you enjoy or you can take comfort in the fact that you can enjoy the rest of your day free from the stress of thinking about women.

So savor your time away from them also. Savor the peace of mind. Savor the quiet. Savor that freedom. You simply schedule times when you'll attempt to meet women and schedule free time where you refuse to think about them. When needed, unplug. Unplug from women. Unplug from your friends if they keep pressuring you. Stop thinking for a few days and engage in some mindless entertainment. Give yourself a little space.

 

[Fly By Night]

Ah, yes. Pursuing interests and life goals is always a good way to spend your time. I took some time off of DJ business to just chill and do some stuff for class. Was very easy to do this because it was Labor Day weekend and I stayed at school so I spent my time cleaning the apartment and doing homework.

Today was interesting and made me rethink my approach skills.

So to understand my actions that I will explain coming up, I want to say that I was on a roll early on in the day. I ran into one of the girls that didn't text me back and she ended up saying that she didn't get my text. Once again, I thought "whew, ok then " but then on the other hand, there was no way she was going to say "Yeah, I got your text, but I don't like you so I didn't reply to it." So she might have honestly not gotten my text or she might have been trying to elude getting caught in her stand-offish ways.

Then I hit up the gym and I saw a chick from last year that I attempted to game. I talked to her and said that we should get a chance to "catch up". I felt like a creep as soon as this exited my mouth because we NEVER got the chance to even hang out once; what would we be "catching up" on? I sensed her losing a little interest, so I told her that she could just text me whenever and it'll be cool. This way if she texts me then I will know for certain she is interested and if not then I can just keep it moving.

Walking out of the gym, I ran into the same chick from last year that I met on a field trip. She was the same one that I ejected on from the party in the beginning of this journal. (I should really give them hypothetical names) We do some small talk and her mother was in the hospital and she looked pretty sad, (like she cried not too long ago) she then also said that I "offended" her when I told her to just "do whatever you want" at the party. I didn't feel like this was the best time to be the super-cool-DJ-that-doesn't-give-a-f***, so I apologized and said that I was a little tipsy that night. (lies) I then told her that I thought she was cool and I wanted to chill with her if she wasn't pissed off at me still. Got the number, but felt super awkward. :s


But, the most important approach all day came in the afternoon. I'll put it in the next post.

 

[Fly By Night]

This rejection really made me rethink how I approach women

So I was in the cafe and this girl with a nice bod walks around and gets ice cream and then starts to leave. I really wanted to approach, but then I hesitated. I started to feel the rejection brand seer into my skin, so I just sped up and caught up to her. I open her up with something stupid like "why is swirled ice cream so much better than any other flavor" once again boring s***. I have been doing so much boring approach, but I was still getting numbers so it never became imperative to change that.

I finally ask for the number and she literally stops in her tracks, turns to squarely face me and says (with a rather firm voice) "No." I kinda got pissed in my mind because she really could've just said "no" like any normal person, but she continued on to say:

RC: "I'm not as 'friendly' as you think I am"
(oh so now this chick can read my mind?)
FBN: "I didn't assume anything about you, I just thought I would talk to you and get to know you."
RC: "Yeah, but you see, I don't know you. I don't know what kind of person you are. I'm not giving you my number. I don't know who you think I am."
(BUT YOU JUST SAID I THOUGHT YOU WERE "FRIENDLY")
FBN: "That's cool, I'm not a serial killer, but I won't force you for your number" *I start walking off
RC: "I understand, but just no" *She walks off

I really pondered this for a while after I left. I was damn sure she would give me her number if I looked like George Clooney.

Now I understand that my transition from boring topics like food and classes into exchanging numbers is a horrible game, but at the same time, approaching a woman going like "You're cute" and "sexy dress" seem a little too common. Sometimes this cold approach seems unnatural in the first place, but that is probably the social conditioning. If I like a woman sexually, I need to convey that. I really don't want to look like a creep though. If I approach enough, I will probably become famous for it. (in a bad way)

I will risk it though. I'm going to change my approach to a more sexual one, not even considering boring vs. exciting. I'm tired of feeling that sudden catapult from casual to sexual just by asking for the number.

Lessons Learned

• You must subtly convey interest with the first line you drop.
• Do not talk about class
• Do not talk about major
• Do not talk about food
• Do not talk about how hot the weather is
• Do not talk about how hard your school work is
• Do not talk about issues going on overseas
• Do not talk about ANYTHING THAT IS NOT RELATED TO WHY YOU ARE TALKING TO HER IN THE FIRST PLACE

P.S. If this sudden catapult into sexuality should ever work on a woman, she is probably a s1ut, b!tch, BPD, or crazy. The one time it worked, she ended up being a hot-n-cold b!tch that switches her emotions on and off like a strobe light.

Girl 3 is acting like she is hot ****, I went up to her and made small convo and she is pretty much ignoring me and acting like she expects me to put a pedestal on her. She pretty much matches every description of a BPD. So a failure, or a dodged bullet?

So I wonder, is cold approach ever effective when looking for a high quality woman? Because now it seems like you have to somehow associate yourself with her to get her. e.g. Social circle.

 

[Aristippus]

Hey Fly. One thing you have to realize is that women are approached by guys that want something from them all the time. You have to have a little bit of empathy for them. They get approached all the time and I bet it gets old. It gets old the same way that it gets old to us when we see a guy walk up and can tell right away he's going to try to bum a dollar. This is why I keep stressing over and over and over that you need to keep paying attention to a woman's behavior and subtle body language signals.

Because women throw out all kinds of signals when they're very interested. Once a woman has thrown out a half dozen signals or so, then you ask for the number. Not before.


She said "Yeah, but you see, I don't know you. I don't know what kind of person you are. I'm not giving you my number."

This is all true and she has every right not to give out her number to a complete stranger. She doesn't know what kind of person you are. If she hasn't sent you the signals I'd mentioned in my earlier replies to this topic, she isn't interested. In fact, the quote above is how I feel about new women. I don't know them or what kind of people they are. If you read the quotes from above and take this same attitude, you can move forward with women cautiously. This will help you avoid the wrong women and also it will keep you from behaving like you're too eager to win the approval of someone you DON'T EVEN KNOW.

You temper your willingness to meet new women with caution and what happens is you'll find yourself moving forward but also always holding back just a little, which gives her room to pursue you. Also, I'd suggest a few things. If you're he11-bent on talking to random women when you're out, make it a point to simply practice your conversation skills with them and to NOT go for numbers. Just choose a few settings where you get numbers. Examples would be in class or school and at parties and/or clubs or in other social events.

I think you really need to fine-tune your observation skills and look for a woman's subtle signals that she's interested, and ONLY ask for numbers from women who have displayed a dozen signals that she's interested. If you've forgotten them, go back in this topic and re-read my replies, paying particular attention to the signals of a woman's interest. You can even test women for interest by giving out your number. I've done that before. If you give her your number and then without you even asking, she writes her number down after she gets yours, that's a sign of interest.

Just an idea. Anyway, you can make this whole thing a lot easier if you use the right strategy. Read and re-read my replies that spell out her signals and ONLY get numbers when multiple signals that she's interested are displayed. This means you do NOT ask for a number if the woman isn't showing these signals. It's a fruitless effort anyway, and by not asking for a number from an uninterested woman, no matter how physically attractive she is, you're saving yourself from being rejected unnecessarily. You don't have to take ego-crushing blow after ego-crushing blow in order to succeed. That's called masochism. Unfortunately, most guys either don't know a better way or they're masochists. I'm trying to show you the easier way.

 

[talented_beginner]

good advices @ arristipus.

the signs thing is something that i think gets overlooked a lot. it's not stressed enough. but then again you don't want to be in a situation where you overthink and overlook simple things. sometimes it'll take a little bit in order to get a girl to drop signs. other times a girl is just being friendly and you might mistake it as a sign.

i.e. w/ text messages i find that if a girl is giving one word answers and not even askn u questions back, that's generally a sign of no interest. it could also be that u r boring here and a more interesting topic could get her talkn a lot.

all im saying. you are correct w/ looking for signs but sometimes the signs aren't clear and it could be confusing. i asked a girl for her # so we could go eat sometime. she said. sure would love to. when i texted her, she kept giving me bullshyt replies and basically knew it wasnt going anywhere. even though she said she would love to go eat. that could have been taken as a sign of interest

 

[Aristippus]

Talented. The key to reading women's subtle body language and overt behavioral signals is to look at MULTIPLE SIGNALS AND BEHAVIORS REPEATED OVER AND OVER.

If she says she'd loved to but her repeated behavior says the opposite, you always NOTICE THE OVERALL, CONSISTENT, REPEATED BEHAVIOR PATTERN. Emphasis on the word P-A-T-T-E-R-N. Multiple, repeated behaviors create a pattern.

If one behavior says one thing but multiple, consistent, repeated behaviors say something else, you always pay attention to the multiple, repeated behaviors. This is the most important thing. When many guys say "She does this, then she does that, I'm so confused!!", it's because they aren't looking at her overall behavior pattern. Or they read too much into one behavior and ignore the prevailing behavior pattern. This applies to overt behavior AND to women's subtle signs of attraction and subtle advances toward you.

If you have the time, watch this video. (15 minutes) It's about female body language and flirting. It has some useful information. Unfortunately, at the end, they come to the wrong conclusion. They list a few things women do when interested, and it's worth paying attention to, but the list falls very short. It's worth taking notes of the signals they mention in the video and adding them to the ones I've listed in my replies to this topic.

http://youtu.be/SBOtj1RmaUE

 

[Fly By Night]

Wow, that was a really good video. The problem is that I am getting a lot of "polite" signals and I guess I am confusing that for intimate signals. I see that the hair flick is a big indicator of interest. I thought it was rather bs, but I will start to go on the lookout for them.

As for handling the fact of guys always approaching them for one thing, I still look like a sleaze bag for cold approaching them. I texted that girl back and she ended up saying that she had a bf (which was horse***) but it didn't bother me. I think back to when I first met her and she really didn't put up good signs of interest. Reading that AD's Machine post about the 3 magic words put me into a thought process of always number closing, but it seems to make more logical sense to talk to the girl and see if she is even interested in you to begin with.

In retrospect as of recently, my lab partner was interested in me, (at least from my readings of her behavioral pattern) but I played it off and didn't ask her for her number. Yet instead, I decided just to keep talking to her as if she is already my gf. Then today after class, she literally stalled around until I walked out the door and she was literally behind me. I was talking to one of my boys so I didn't immediately turn around to talk to her until we said something about "history class" then she pops up next to me and starts talking about her history class.

How about that? Maybe I should get her number and just say it's for "lab contact" next time I see her. Or next lab.

Lessons Learned
I understand that you are telling me to search for a pattern of interest, but I am misinterpreting their politeness for intimacy. From now on, there will no longer be approaches for number closes, but approaches for interest. At least this will stop me from being outcome dependent. Number closing will become a dependent to interest.

Common sense ftw.

 

[Fly By Night]

Ok, this is a change of pace. Where do I start...

A couple days back, I got invited over to a picnic where a chick that I've been talking to for a while was. I didn't really talk to her much during the picnic, just light chat here and there, but I snuck in some kino. There was an after party being held by some of the people there, and we both said we were going to go.

I go to the party and have a couple drinks as more and more people started to enter the place. This girl entered in and we waved at each other, but I stayed at my spot and enjoyed my drink. After about 5 minutes, she walks up to me and starts making convo about the party and she was getting very close to me giving me all the chances in the world to start kino. I do some light kino, but nothing too big.

The night progresses on with more drinks and we continuously get closer to each other with the convos and the kino started to get heavier. I just decided to step it up and steal a kiss off her. We then proceeded to dance on the dance floor and she grinded on me the whole time and we made out for just 30 seconds then took it outside to continue it for another 10 minutes.

We get inside and start chilling in a more secluded place and then she ends up telling me that people think we are bf and gf and her friends are asking when we are going to date. It seems like she really wants to go out with me, but I've had pretty much little to no success with other women since this journal and I don't want to have to revert to my past women just to get success (I first dated her last spring semester). I'm not sure if I am looking at it the right way. We start making out again with heavy kino and she even lets me finger her for just a could seconds. All of a sudden she's asking when I'm going to leave. I tell her that we can leave and head to my place. She starts giving me excuses to not go, but I am able to coax her with some persistence. After 10 minutes, we are walking back to my place.

We get there, talk for like 1 minute, then we are making out on my bed. I remembered to just focus on the current moment and not try to rush towards sex so I actually enjoy the make out session, feeling up her body, and fingering her. (Lol, I must say, vaginas are MUCH more slippery than I imagined :crackup: ) She starts saying she has a problem with fingering and would rather not. So I cut off the lights and we are pretty much getting rid of the clothes, but then something horrible happened...

I stopped getting hard. Which was stupid because I was hard the almost the whole time we were making out. I try to get her to do things for me, but she went lazy on me. I end up telling her that I'm not feeling it and would rather get some head. She complied and started to suck me. It wasn't anything comparable to chicks on porn vids, but I was not complaining. I didn't last as long as I wanted to, but I lasted longer than I thought I would.

So still a virgin, but popped my bj cherry.

I dropped her off and texted her the next day. She hasn't responded. It got me thinking whether she was disappointed that she didn't get to have sex that night, (she was READY for it) or maybe she did not like how long I lasted, or maybe it's nothing to even worry about. I will be kind of mad if she instantly stops having interest in me because of that night, but what can I say?

Reflection
I think I did a great job on the escalation, I didn't jump into the makeout. I got in light kino to medium kino to a light kiss to heavy kino and makeout. I also displayed good persistence when it came to the pull.
She is a good girl that outwardly told me that she hates feminism, but she was probably my only success in a good while and I just don't want to wholeheartedly jump at my first prospect.

P.S. I heard not watching porn helps with getting it up.

 

[Aristippus]

Worrying about maintaining an erection will only stress you. Sexual arousal is an automatic response. It isn't consciously controlled. You can consciously focus on and enjoy the things that will TRIGGER the automatic reaction. Focus on the things that keep you aroused and thoroughly enjoy them and everything else will happen by itself.

About this girl. Take every success that you can get. Don't question it. Just go with it. Don't pass up some action with a woman you enjoy because it's "too easy". Enjoy the easy successes. That's the whole idea anyway. To make life easier. I like getting the most for the least effort. Besides that, if you're worried about challenges, the easier successes will boost your self-image and will open up other possibilities for you later. Think of it like you're gaining experience points and this will make it easier when you run into a new or more difficult situation.

p.s. I'd say if you've received oral, you could say you're not a virgin. If a man receives oral from a woman other than his wife, it's considered cheating. I see no reason why the same couldn't apply to losing your virginity. Just my opinion.

 

[Fly By Night]

Okay, the in bed experience is going to be my next issue. I really don't want to get her pregnant or nothing, but I got condoms in inventory so I should be okay. I am contemplating a relationship with her, but that will be a no no until we eff.

I won't be posting as often as I did a couple weeks ago just because I am no longer dedicating time out of my day solely for meeting women, but I do realize a problem I am having still:

Eye contact

There is probably no piece of advice to help me on this other than just doing it. I guess I am scared of coming off as creepy. I am going to practice in the mirror some facial expressions to go with my EC. A black guy staring you down across the room can either be really flirtatious or extremely daunting. It was in the cafe, I was eating at a different spot from where I usually sit and these two girls walked past. One had a very nice bottom-side. I didn't pay her much attention, but I attempted a half-assed look at her. (it came out more like a scan) I did this about two more times and eventually her eyes diverted from her friend over to me, but I backed out of it like a coward. Who knows if she would've liked the EC or not, but I'll never know now...

Currently as I type this, I am texting a girl that I got her number from about a week ago. She might be annoyed that I didn't text earlier, but I'm a busy guy lol. I am also heading out to a social gathering that is going to have people outside of the campus town coming in. They will be staying for the next couple of days, so it's gonna be a great night. I am not so dressed up for the event as I think I should be, but I am going to go casual/formal today then more formal the next day. Should add some surprise among the guests.

Lessons Learned

• Be confident enough to hold eye contact.
• Make eye contact as often as possible. (without awkwardness lol)

 

[Fly By Night]

Okay, back from the event and I must say it was very strange noticing how women will let you get intimate with them. The event was like a dance, but closer to ballroom dancing. We started in the evening and went into the early morning, 4am-ish.

At the turn of midnight, the music started to become slower and sensual. One chick came up behind me and asked to dance (I didn't even know her). We were dancing and I pull her in close and our bodies are pretty much pressed against one another. She then tells me something about how when black guys ballroom dance, they do more "dirty" moves. I joked around with her by saying "I bet you love it too," she smiled almost like she was embarrassed and didn't reply to it. We ended the dance and she still held on to me. I knew I should have escalated, but I thought that since it was more of a proper style of dancing, it would be wrong to make out with her. I thought this until I saw another guy dance with are and kiss around her neck and she was eating up all of it. Oh well, you hesitate you masturbate.

But wait! Not all was lost. After seeing this, I knew that I could still make a play for the night.

I nabbed myself a couple dances to find a chick who would show that type of interest I was looking for. Sometimes girls, while ballroom dancing, will purposely dance like a complete idiot or act like she is new at dancing to avoid sexual tension. I thought it was pretty dumb strategy. I think if she is not enjoying it, she can just distance herself in an obvious manner. But eventually, I found that one chick who did not mind getting in close with me. I was keeping reciprocation of interest in mind while dancing with her and I kept getting closer and doing more raunchy moves. So far so good. We get so close that I figured that the only thing left to do is kiss her. I go in for a quick kiss on the neck, no resistance. I go for just one more and include a little tongue, still no resist.

Wow...

Okay, so it was just green light after green light. Time for isolation? I told her that it was getting way too hot in there and I needed to get some air. She said okay, but then I invited her to come with and she agreed. Not exactly suave, but it worked. We're outside and I compliment her on her dancing skills. As I was saying that I was getting in closer and moving in rhythm with her. I say something stupid about how much cooler it is outside... and it being so much warmer on the inside. Just as I say "inside" I start making out with her and she kisses back as well. We did that for about 3 minutes and we started hearing footsteps and she freaked out and pushed me off.

Then I understood. She was just some seemingly innocent girl looking for a night out of justice.

She wanted it, but she wanted to keep it a secret. So I lead her to a water fountain that's on the other side of the building where practically no one goes to. After a drink, I dance up behind her almost like a grind and lead her into a dark room. (I felt like such a creep, but she was giving me ZERO resistance) We get on the sofa, she gets on top of me and we start going at it. After 5 minutes, she tells me that we have to get back like 3 times, but I declined it each time and started feeling her up underneath her clothes. She shut up kept going when I did that. But then someone made a noise outside of the room and once again she freaked out and jumped off me.

Honestly, I didn't give a f*** if someone found us like that, but since it was such a big deal to her, I didn't push it on her.

An hour passed after we get back to where everyone else was and I asked her to dance and she starts saying that her ankle hurt. She apologized saying that she doesn't want to seem rude. I still don't know exactly what she means by that. Is she sorry because her foot genuinely hurts and she wanted to dance with me or she is trying to reject me while maintaining her polite, innocent facade? Either way, who gives a f***?

Reflection
I don't know if I can make any pulls for this event. (there is going to be another identical dance tonight) The women here mostly are just here to dance and nothing more. Select few of them are actually down like that.
After watching women's subtle behaviors I can scan through them much faster. I HATED cold approaching or at least how SS tells you to do it. Do I really need to force myself to number close just because I need to get rejected 100 times before I can taste success? Even if she is obviously not feeling me? Now add the factor of a university where you can possibly ruin your availability to social circles by coming off as an outcome dependent weirdo to a member of that circle.

Sorry for the long posts! I understand the feeling when you see a daunting wall of text.

 

[Aristippus]

Hey Fly,

She gave you about a million signals that she wants you. Don't worry if she wanted privacy or if she seemed secretive or afraid of being caught making out with and possibly having sex with someone she just met. If she gives you tons of high interest signals and behaviors, then acts afraid to be "caught" it's no big deal. Some women aren't into voyeurism.

Now, the funny thing is, if you go on a few dates, a woman will be much less likely to care if she's "caught" making out with you in public. It's the whole "It's ok. I know him." OR the "It's ok. He's my boyfriend." mentality. Anyway, I'll reply again with some more specifics. And yes, I'm not into blindly approaching women either. To me it's a rather clumsy method and there are much easier ways that set you up for being able to enjoy your successes without suffering through a mountain of rejections.

 

[Fly By Night]

Well the next night, she pretty much ignored me, but I think it is because I went a little too far too fast. I'm not bothered by it though. I am thinking about stopping going to these events because they feel like more of a crutch to my social skills. Not to mention it is kind of embarrassing to tell people about me going to these events. I feel like if I am not fully comfortable with telling people what I do, I am probably not so passionate about it... And I'm not. It's cool and all to have various interests, but I am still looking for that one THING that I truly enjoy doing.

Looking over at my past couple of weeks, I have various things to do, but most of the time it is go to class, do homework, play video games, and hang out at my friends apartment. The class and homework thing is kind of mandatory, the video game thing is just a way to fill the void of boredom, and hanging out with my friends feels like a comfort zone. I don't really feel "alive", and I have heard many a time on this forum about how men should not make chasing women their passion.

Observation

What's up with people these days anyway? You think you are friends (or a least acquaintances) with someone, but then they start going NC/cold shoulder on you. Happened to me about two days ago and again this morning. Stupid. This is a problem I have had since high school and I think it is because of poor conversational skills? It was really sad back in high school because every time I met someone new, in the back of my mind I would think "I wonder how long this one is going to last." I really have gone numb to this pain, but since everyone has this kind of ignorance towards others it's no wonder we live in such a cold world.
My current friends that I hang out with are pretty much friends with anyone who will talk to them. Not talking down to them, but they don't have the same "improvement" mentality as I do. They even joke around about them being gay. (early sign on giving up with women) In order to improve my conversational skills among other things, I feel like I have to move on to people with similar mindsets...

I tend to be very good at talking when I am in a very good mood, but that's not everyday. I feel like those couple of days of bad convo make everything else go downhill.

This wasn't much of an update, but me venting about some things on my mind.

 

[Aristippus]

One thing I'm noticing here and a mistake I used to make. As long as things are going well and you're connecting well with a woman, don't keep jumping from one woman to the next in one night at the same venue. What I mean is this, to avoid any confusion. You could have moved things forward even more with the first girl you were dancing with. Move forward AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE WITH THAT PARTICULAR WOMAN WHEN YOU FIRST MEET. In other words, move forward as much as possible within her level of comfort at that particular time.

I think I've already outlined about a dozen things you can do to move forward without making out, which will either lead to making out or can be stand-alone ways to advance physically at a slower pace. When I say "slower pace" I simply mean that you can always move things forward on your first date with her and save making out for the first date instead of making out right then and there, if that's what you want to do.

Here's how I see it. It's better to spend the entire night moving forward with and enjoying the company of a woman who has very high interest, then either leaving with her to spend the night together or exchanging numbers, than to get 4 or 5 numbers by jumping from one woman to the next without really getting anywhere.

Imagine if every night you went out, if instead of getting 4 or 5 numbers from women who may or may not be interested, you found one VERY interested woman who spent most of the night talking with you and enjoying you and dancing with you and holding hands and/or possibly kissing you. If you went out once a week and found one new interested woman who really enjoyed you,you'd be a very busy guy with women.

Because what I'm talking about is finding women who are extremely interested. This means, you'd get far more action with less effort than if you're trying to get with every woman within sight all in the same night. What happens when you do that is you fail to move things as far as they could go that night with a particular woman and your affections seem less "special" to a woman you might be able to connect with. This applies whether you're looking for just one night of fun or something that could become more long-term eventually.

Why would this apply to women you just want for a night? Because connecting requires a little bit of time and it also requires that you not break the trance of romance. Or whatever you want to call it. It's like putting a pot of water on a boiler and turning the heat up, but then not leaving the pot on the burner long enough for the water to boil. Or to have the water to ALMOST get to the point of boiling, but then turning the burner off.

If you'd just left the pot on the boiler or just left the boiler on for a few more minutes you would have had a nice, rolling boil. With the first girl, you left the burner on and since you didn't continue to move forward, the next guy basically just put the pot back on the burner you'd left on and moved things forward from there. Chances are, he probably also heated things up but then failed or at some point will fail and things will cool down.

Of course, a guy that repulses her wouldn't be able to pick up where you left off, but there are a number of guys that a woman would find sexually attractive, so all it takes is for you to heat things up and leave the scene, then another guy she thinks is attractive can swoop in and basically just move forward from there. Of course, if you'd moved forward as much as possible and exchanged contact info, she would probably have you on her mind the whole night and the following days until you'd contacted her again.

This may not be the case 100% of the time but the more you focus on women who are very interested, the easier it becomes and the higher your chances are for success. The beauty of this is that if you weed out women with low interest or women who are problematic, you've succeeded as well. You've avoided wasting your time. That would be time better spent doing what YOU want to do instead of being aggravated by dealing with some woman with low interest who takes little to no initiative.

 

[Fly By Night]

Yeah, I bet that is another habit from the DJ Bootcamp. The "numbers game". Could definitely see how it could backfire in a party/club environment. But, I'm confused. She could make out with someone she is not interested in? How does THAT work? I can understand making out with someone I don't want to date, but I wouldn't make out with someone then ignore them the next day.

But, I decided to update today since I haven't for a while. Progress is moving slightly since I am taking it slower than usual.

First Update
I ran into the girl that I've been fooling around with at my apartment and we go on a quick lunch break before class. She then starts telling me about how this guy made her speak in Japanese. This was no problem, but the last time we hung out, I tried to get her to speak it and she didn't want to. Is she trying to convey that other guys are putting it down better than me? Then right when we were eating, she pulled out her laptop and started looking stuff up saying she is studying. And then she tops it off by saying she met 3 other guys who were Japanese and kept talking about their long hair.
All of this kind of made me sick. I mean, not the fact that she talks to other guys, but the fact that she is talking about her meeting other guys TO ME. I don't want to hear that, and she is crazy to think that it's perfectly fine to talk about meeting other guys to me. I didn't care though, I should be secure enough to know she isn't sleeping around, and if she is... it won't kill me. Besides, aren't I doing the same thing...? (Not sleeping around though)

Another update
My lab partner invited me up to her room to "help with her homework". We get there and she offers me a seat on her bed right next to her. Her roommate walks in and talks to us then goes on her computer. We talk about her homework for only 5 minutes then she goes on and on showing me pictures of her family and her music and basically qualifying herself to me. We sat and joked and we agreed to meet up later again to work on some other homework. Fast forward to later that night and we are working on the homework, but I was too into my homework that she kind of got bored with me. So I nudged her and joked about not falling asleep. She poked me back and I used this as an opportunity to make things more fun, so I wrestled her trying to poke her back and I'm nearly on top of her, but then I back up and say "fine, you win". Sort of my attempt at some push/pull. She's cute, but I don't really want a LTR with her (she is kind of... bigger) and she seems to be leaning in towards that. She added me on FB and starts posting stuff like "guys friends are cool until you start liking them" and "I'm a girl that still respects herself, unlike 98% of the others".

I feel like a huge vaginatease. I like the attention, the kino, the connection, the comedy, and the mastery I am getting off of this, but I feel like she wants to traps me into a relationship and if I don't... I am going to want to switch lab partners. I feel like an attention wh**e, but I am just trying to find that one, it is just that it is better when you have someone to pass that time with til then... (wow you have no idea how much of a sleasebag I just felt like when I typed that)

I just can't imagine what my ideal woman would be like. I can imagine myself being a faithful significant other, I just have no idea what I'm looking for in a significant other. And why the hell do I keep attracting bigger women!?

Yet another update
The chick from the dancing event just added me on FB. I didn't want anything to do with her after she started implying that I was needy at the end of the night. So I just left her ass without even saying bye or anything. I thought that was the end of that, but I guess not. Btw, she is a straight up S1UT!!! Do you think she is going to try to make a move on me through FB or something? I'm kind of entertained, but I don't want to mess around with the dirty chicks.

 

[Aristippus]

This is a partial reply. It's getting late so I'll address a few other things later.

Here's your question: "But, I'm confused. She could make out with someone she is not interested in? How does THAT work? I can understand making out with someone I don't want to date, but I wouldn't make out with someone then ignore them the next day."

If you're talking about the girl at the party, she was probably enjoying the moment but then after the fact she felt "slutty" or embarrassed and ignored you. It depends on who she was there with. I'll give you an example. A few years ago I was out. I met this sexy blonde woman. She was 40. I was probably 32 or 33.

We grinded on each other. Kissed. I grabbed her big tits and her a$$. And she grabbed mine. All on the dance floor. And we danced together most of the night. She gave me her telephone number and I called twice that week and got no response or returned call. It was a good number because I heard her voice and name on the voicemail. The thing is, her daughter and son-in-law were out with her that night. So basically, we moved too fast too heavy and we were getting too dirty in front of her FAMILY.

She was probably embarrassed after the fact and how would she be able to save her reputation after all that? If we went out, her daughter (the daughter was 20 or 21) would KNOW or ASSUME that I'm having sex with her mother after having just met her. So the mom enjoyed it in the moment but then because we moved too fast in public, there's really no way she could save face. I mean, hahaha, her OWN DAUGHTER saw her own mom spanking my a$$ and me grabbing her tits.

So the interest was high but the way everything happened prevented anything further from happening. I guarantee you if the same scenario had happened with the woman I'm in a relationship with now, the same thing would have happened no matter how much she liked or wanted me. And the woman I've been with for over 2 years is madly in love with me! She's crazy about me and I would say the exact same scenario would have created the same result in most cases.

So I'd say it's either that (but less extreme than the above scenario) or maybe she was very drunk and later was ashamed of her behavior (I've had that happen too). I danced with and made out with a woman and called her 2 days later and the first words out of her mouth were "I was drunk.". Hahahaha. I just started laughing and said something like "Yeah. I guess that's how it goes some times.". I got a good laugh and we talked for a minute and she was boring. Then I told her to have a good day and take care of herself. We both could feel that there was no connection. We had fun in the moment and then after the fact it was like "OK. We had our few minutes of fun. Let's never talk to each other again.". No harm done.

 

[Aristippus]

A quote from your last comment about a girl you were studying with:
She said:
"I'm a girl that still respects herself, unlike 98% of the others".

This statement is meaningless. It's a way for a woman to feel self-righteous for no reason. Do not fall for these empty words. And do not fall for it when a woman uses these words to try to make you feel ashamed of being a man. She's implying that women who sleep with men they are attracted to within a relatively short period of time somehow don't respect themselves. Most women will break their own rules about how soon they should sleep with a man they're attracted to, if the right circumstances come up and if everything moves smoothly between her and the man she desires...... I highly doubt this girl is in the upper echelon of the most desirable 2% of women on the earth.