Ahh!
So much good stuff in this thread, I don't know where to begin!
A-Unit said:
The guys I know with girls in the longer-term, are with someone that's "a best friend with benefits." And that's a great analogy. Only a few times in my life have I ever felt a mental chemistry or oneness with a girl, to where I knew that NO MATTER how bad things got, no matter how bad the fight, or upset, she would inevitably be back, or be there. And that's why guys who get dumped, shouldn't worry about losing a HUGE love, because if it's truly meant to be, IT WILL BE.
A-Unit
I don't know man.. I left my ex from a 6 year relationship, and she WAS my absolute best friend. I mean I would trust her with my life, trust her more than myself. But guess what, I left her. I was too young, wanted to explore options.. Hehe... options. The options always get you man, no matter how great your g/f-wifey is. You are a man. A hunter. A fvcking conqueror. You need multiple conquests.
As far as the best friend thing, I HONESTLY think its overrated. I am with David Deida on this one, I think it desexualizes the relationship. It takes away the male-female tension. Think about it. The best sex/love experiences happen when you are at your extreme masculine/feminine opposites, not when you are thinking about how great of friends you are. Sh!t, i want understanding and trust, I'll go talk to my parents or something.
But you get the point, right? Its always a compromise. Who knows whats right or wrong. But to be honest, I believe in constant chase, constant hunt, and in a perfect relationship, I believe that its up to the woman to stay a feminine prey, and to the guy to stay the masculine hunter. A woman has to maintain her mystique, beauty, desirabilityl; but of course, the guy has to maintain his masculine characteristics, etc. Basically you have to be the guy who puts his ambitions into action as well as he keeps up his masculinity. And then, given that you have the right woman, she will have her incentive and justification to play the woman that she needs to be.
But put the best friends thing in there.. and POOF. I think that pretty much knocks the wheels right off sexual interaction in the relationship right there.
MacAvoy said:
.....
Up until a year or two ago, I believed that once I got married I would be monogamous. Now that I've matured, I've seen the negative effects this has on a relationship.
I've said this in the past and got scorned a bit, but every true natural Alpha Male I know eventually has a wife/LTR and he runs around on her like you wouldn't believe. The really really Alpha males wives even know about it and accepts it because he's her prize.
I'm all up for giving it a try once. What I'm not up for is being AFC because "she's special". I'm still going to be the prize.
Weird, selfish, but I think there is a lot of truth to what you are saying. Hell, I've had older people who've had LONG, successful relationships tell me crap like "well, of course you cheat, you just keep it discrete and respectful, and always keep your spouse as your number one"
Remember, this concept of absolute fidelity is barely a couple hundred years old. Most societies and culture before approved of sex with prostitutes, concubines, surrogates. In medieval/rennaisance europe, the church looked at prostitution as a good thing, allowing men to release their tension, for example.
So seriously, I think there is some truth to this. Someone else told me that affairs rejuvenate stale relationships as nothing else.
I mean cmon, once you get married its like you create the institution with you as the king, wifey as the queen, your land, budget, kids, subjects. It almost becomes a business/political relationship. Well, guess what, most kings and rulers have their girls on the side. You know, the ones you can sleep with without discussing the next month payments and vacation plans and kids diarrhea after you come.
Rollo Tomassi said:
This is marriage. I'm not sure how many of you guys have seen American Beauty, but there is a scene in the movie where the husband is gettting busy with his wife on the couch. It's amazing that the guy who wrote the script was gay because he nails married life in this scene so well. It's significant because the guy and his wife are on the verge of divorce due to their lack of a sex life and for the first time in a long time she actually hot for her husband and you think for a moment there's some hope for them. As they passionately take each others clothes off, the whole time his wife is fixaed on her husband's hand holding a beer and almost spilling it on the couch that they're on. He is totally focused on her, kissing her and not thinking about the beer in his hand. Her eyes are locked on it until he finally notices what is distracting her from him - the beer. He tries to take her mind off it by focusing more on her, and she becomes even more concerned that he'll spill beer on the couch while they're going at it. She says, "your beer,.." he says, "yeah what about it?", "you're over the couch" she says, "it's just a couch,.." he replies and they go at it a bit more until she says, "you'll spill it" to which he then yells, "IT'S A FVCKING COUCH!"
Do you see what this gets at? That is marriage. Making desire and passion go beyond the mundane. THAT is what needs to be kept fresh in the face routine. Single people in the throes of passion don't care if a bottle of wine is spilled on their white carpet in the process, married people do. Most marriages aren't destroyed from the outside, but rather the inside. External temptation is easy to resist; it's when it's coupled with internal conditions that predispose us to it that it happens. Telling right from wrong is easy, telling right from right is tough.
Ahh, yeah man. Even though I was not married, I went through that sh!t with my ex. I think its a certain kind of a woman that is more prone to this though. But still, i think that yes, it is definitely much more present in commited relationships. How do you deal with this? I honestly think that sometimes that woman wants you to throw your beer on the carpet and fvck her while she screams. Just to show her. Otherwise, its just depressing and there is no way to deal with it. Takes all the wind out of the sails. My ex used to put on all kinds of lotion/creme on and jump in bed expecting me to treat her like a sex goddess, and I pretty much had to tell her to stop that housewife crap. She got mad first, but guess what, she got over it and remembered to act like a woman, not like a grandma around me. Im sure you've been through that before.
