I'll pass along some advice that my father gave me when I was 20 years old,
1) He said " System, don't worry bout' the girls, you go out and have your fun. Enjoy your hobbies, hot-rods, friends, whatever you want, cause when you get married and have kids, you can't have that stuff anymore, there are bigger responsibilities for you to care of. That means wait till at least your thirties, and don't worry because you will know when the time is right."
2) Now my father/mother were married 17 years before seperated, I was 11 at the time. From the time I was 11 yrs old until the day I turned 20, he would say that there was alot for him to teach me, but he had to wait until I was old enough. During that 8 year span of being seperated from my mother, he had gone through a couple more relationships and undoubtly, things had changed in the 20 years he was not in the field, but since he is an alpha male, testosterone like crazy, he never folded, and never found what he wanted. That lead to a conversation that went something like this...he held up his right hand, made a "c" shape with his thumb and index finger about 2 inches apart and said " It's only this big, and it ain't worth it." That was the last thing he's ever said on the subject.
I lived with my mother and true to my fathers words " No woman can raise a man," I turned out an AFC, but I always knew that my habits and mannerisims around women were sending the wrong signals, I just didn't know what the right way was....until now...credit Pook, Anti-Dump. Alot of their posts is the exact same stuff my father said to me, it was just at the time I didn't understand it, I knew his advice was never wrong, I just did not get it.
The way I see it is this, marriage is a trade up, not a trade in of hobbies, etc. You can still have those toys to a small degree, but if you find a true feminine woman and you are a true masculine man, your life together can be better than any joy with a toy.
I saw the movie "Kings of Comedy," and made one the comedian's lines my own...."I'm a grown ass man dawg, I'm a grown ass man." So when you become a man and have you world in order ( that does not mean perfect,) and you feel that it is time to compliment you already awesome life with a woman, all you have to do is make sure the woman is worthy...enter Anti-Dumps machine.
Something A-Unit said about his girlfriend, shes early twenties and has a job/career and wants to have children no later than 25-27, my questions are general to the point that any young man needs to ask himself the following:
A) Will my job support a family in that time frame?
B) Will my wife want to work ( read: independent woman? )after having kids?
C) Who will raise my children if we are both working?
D) What impact will those stresses have on our marriage?
(Rollo T. has some excellent case studies from his research.)
E) If I do all the right things, stay fit, handle responsibilities,etc, will she do the same?
An AFC friend of mine was married for 5 years and near the end of his marriage, his wife thought kids was the fix-all answer. Obviously it wasn't, but the thing I questioned was this, they both worked, she was in the medical field and made more money and their lifestyle reflected her higher salary, the husband made alot less money and was in a less stable line of work. So if they had kids, they couldn't afford for her to stay home and be their full time mother, and the AFC wouldn't stay at home either, and they both needed to work to afford the lifestyle they were acustom to. How the F**K was that going to work? It wasn't, even in a marriage that isn't about to end and couples think the normal progression is to have kids after being married, how do you pay for it if you lifestyle dictates that you both need to work, hell, even a low rent minimal expense lifestyle barely affords kids, let alone the associated stresses.
Someone has to raise the kids, and if it were my situation, the wife/mother would do just that, if that was not an option, then we would get a couple german sheppards and live happily ever after. That doesn't mean that if you job can support a family now that it always will, who knows what the future holds economically, these are clearly different times then 20 or more years ago, and maybe the wife will have to get a part-time gig if the going-gets rough, but that is strictly temporary, because I'll be the first with two jobs before I relinquish my wifes responsibilty of raising my kids, the next generation of society, that is my responsibility to myself, my family, and the world I live in.
I've ranted long enough. Good luck everybody.
