Background information.
Around three years ago, I met a girl when I was around 15 who I completely clicked with, when i say completely, it felt that like after a few weeks we completely knew each other, we'd talk effortlessly every day. Unfortunately that ended as quickly as it started, with examinations and about an hour distance between us not to mention me becoming to needy with my feelings for her.
From those three years onwards I had never been with a girl as a girlfriend let alone dated one, who I clicked with like that. I always got bored around a month into a relationship, I became disheartened with them, basically, they had the looks right? But the personality didn't match mine.
Now, I read the Game around 6 months ago and I had success with it, I went out and bought several books linking to that most notably those by Gambler, Mystery, Vin De Carlo etc etc. And I was getting on fine and improving.
It was because of these that I met current HB9 known as Jen.
About Jen
She's the same age as me, amazing brunette, fast witted and stupidly intelligent. Athletic and elegant, and wanted by many. I originally used the same method as I used on other girls, I opened her etc. Except she saw through everything I'd learnt and used in the field previously, I remember within the first few hours of meeting her she said, "You play the game fast but you lose quicker".
From that point, I ditched routines and reverted to my normal self, and we got talking about our common interests. Within a week, we were talking every day, phone calls at night, and getting to know each other more.
We met up finally at a music festival, spent the three nights there together and her friends commented to her that, "me and her were like male-female copies of each other", she herself said, she smiled at how effortlessly her and I got on, there was no awkwardness seeing each other for the first time. She went on about how she smiles at the end of a phonecall between us, how I'm a match for her, intellectually etc etc.
The problems
She is emotionally dead. When I say dead, I mean, stone cold, no pulse, dead. She got completely ruined about three years ago by an ex boyfriend, from there she went into MDMA and ecstasy use at parties at 15/16, became bulimic and all of that, was admitted into hospital etc.
So she now hates, attachment, relationships, feelings, intimacy basically.
I have tried everything to break through all of this.
Now I'm sorry for this going on but this is where I hope everyone can help. What she does, is has around four boys on the go at once. Me included. Basically all friends with benefits so to speak. I never had a problem with this initially until I started to fall for her more and the other girls paled in comparison to her. In the end, I became this emotionally invested in her that we had a big talk about me and her, being "exclusive" in seeing each other, dating and that. I didn't want any other male in the picture because I knew her being surrounded by men prevented attachment.
We came close to agreeing upon this, but she said she just couldn't do it. I gave her an ultimatum that was, exclusivity or I walk.
Unfortunately and you will all shake your heads at this: I couldn't follow through with it. I felt **** not speaking to her, I couldn't do it and so we fell back into speaking. Two weeks past again and we knew each other as best friends so to speak. Secrets and troubles, whatever, we both knew each others. I asked her out into a relationship and she was on the precipice of saying 'yes'.
Again this fell through after much deliberation but then we reverted to exclusivity conversations again and in the end she said,
"You are going to university in a month, what is the point in changing how I am for the amount of time"
We had arguments after this, to the point that we would say, "enough is enough, leave me be, I don't want to speak to you"
Either her, or me would then text later and apologise and we would make up, one day we finally made up and moved past our arguments.
So again we continued to talk, we met up and everything was amazing.
In phone calls and texts, she would say we would never kiss, she thinks of me as a brother, and yet, in person, it would happen, we would kiss, and so on. She would say how I make her smile and why, everything just didn't make sense.
She has a hatred of cuddling, to the point she doesn't let her own mother cuddle her, yet she would move up against me when we were sat down and cuddle to me, or lie on my chest etc. This really confused me, her behaviours changed around me.
What is hurting me now and got me in pieces
I genuinely think that I love her. My reasoning for this is the feeling of clicking I described at the beginning that I hadn't felt for so long, I felt with Jen, except so much stronger than the first time. Fractionation maybe?
A few days ago, I discovered she was going away to Sheffield for this weekend. I found out she was going to meet up with a boy we will call X.
Her and X ****ed whilst she was on holiday for three weeks in the summer. I knew about him just as she knew about my girlfriends etc and what not. I knew little about him, he was never really texting her or calling her when I was with her (as some other boys did to her) and so he was never on my mind until now.
It felt like X was the one main competitor to me for spending time with her. I knew she was going there and that she would **** him and be with him and so I really couldn't take it any longer and spoke to her about it.
It turned into an argument anyway and she said things I'd not heard her say before about any other boys. Things such as;
"You don't understand anything that has been said, he was going to accept a work placement nearer where she lived so they could see each other more. You can **** off if you think you are the only boy who cares about me"
I said to her, that the whole reason she didn't want a relationship with me wasn't because she was scared or didn't want to drop her 4 FWB's, but rather she didn't want to drop him.
She responded kindly:
"You don't know anything, that is stupid. I don't want a relationship which is why I told him to go to Newcastle rather than here because he would regret it just coming here for me. Idiot. When I have told others I do not want a relationship they respect it, but not you. You want what you want and I'm not giving it to you. I'm not choosing anyone because at the end of the day, I do not care. If you want to be friends we will stay friends but if you want a relationship then I am sorry but you are wasting your time with me"
Now guys, I know this has been a long post, but I can't logically think through this.
The thing is.
I am going to university next weekend and originally we were going to spend a few days together this coming week, together. But now, this has thrown me. I felt sick, envious, jealous, angry. Everything basically. She's on my mind all day and today, I just want to speak to her and move past the fact she has been ****ing this other guy in Sheffield.
I know that university will kill the contact most probably, but this isn't like other one-itis you hear about where they want to **** the girl. It's past physical for her, I'm worried that I won't find another girl I completely click with like her for such a long time.
I don't know what to do about her, how to go about it. I haven't spoken to her since yesterday and this weekend she is with X most probably.
I cannot contact her, foolishly I deleted her number and any texts off her and she hasn't text me since I left her hanging mid argument. So if it continues like this, i won't be able to see her.
I want to see her before I go away but then I don't know what will come of it. We get on as best friends and if she didn't have all her emotional problems we would be together.
Can you PUA's give this AFC some advice and help on this, it's ruined my game, I don't want to go out and sarge, I just want to speak to her and enjoy the feeling of being around her again.
Why do I feel like I do, what do I do with it? I've never felt it before and it's debilitating.
Many thanks
Spearmint.
Around three years ago, I met a girl when I was around 15 who I completely clicked with, when i say completely, it felt that like after a few weeks we completely knew each other, we'd talk effortlessly every day. Unfortunately that ended as quickly as it started, with examinations and about an hour distance between us not to mention me becoming to needy with my feelings for her.
From those three years onwards I had never been with a girl as a girlfriend let alone dated one, who I clicked with like that. I always got bored around a month into a relationship, I became disheartened with them, basically, they had the looks right? But the personality didn't match mine.
Now, I read the Game around 6 months ago and I had success with it, I went out and bought several books linking to that most notably those by Gambler, Mystery, Vin De Carlo etc etc. And I was getting on fine and improving.
It was because of these that I met current HB9 known as Jen.
About Jen
She's the same age as me, amazing brunette, fast witted and stupidly intelligent. Athletic and elegant, and wanted by many. I originally used the same method as I used on other girls, I opened her etc. Except she saw through everything I'd learnt and used in the field previously, I remember within the first few hours of meeting her she said, "You play the game fast but you lose quicker".
From that point, I ditched routines and reverted to my normal self, and we got talking about our common interests. Within a week, we were talking every day, phone calls at night, and getting to know each other more.
We met up finally at a music festival, spent the three nights there together and her friends commented to her that, "me and her were like male-female copies of each other", she herself said, she smiled at how effortlessly her and I got on, there was no awkwardness seeing each other for the first time. She went on about how she smiles at the end of a phonecall between us, how I'm a match for her, intellectually etc etc.
The problems
She is emotionally dead. When I say dead, I mean, stone cold, no pulse, dead. She got completely ruined about three years ago by an ex boyfriend, from there she went into MDMA and ecstasy use at parties at 15/16, became bulimic and all of that, was admitted into hospital etc.
So she now hates, attachment, relationships, feelings, intimacy basically.
I have tried everything to break through all of this.
Now I'm sorry for this going on but this is where I hope everyone can help. What she does, is has around four boys on the go at once. Me included. Basically all friends with benefits so to speak. I never had a problem with this initially until I started to fall for her more and the other girls paled in comparison to her. In the end, I became this emotionally invested in her that we had a big talk about me and her, being "exclusive" in seeing each other, dating and that. I didn't want any other male in the picture because I knew her being surrounded by men prevented attachment.
We came close to agreeing upon this, but she said she just couldn't do it. I gave her an ultimatum that was, exclusivity or I walk.
Unfortunately and you will all shake your heads at this: I couldn't follow through with it. I felt **** not speaking to her, I couldn't do it and so we fell back into speaking. Two weeks past again and we knew each other as best friends so to speak. Secrets and troubles, whatever, we both knew each others. I asked her out into a relationship and she was on the precipice of saying 'yes'.
Again this fell through after much deliberation but then we reverted to exclusivity conversations again and in the end she said,
"You are going to university in a month, what is the point in changing how I am for the amount of time"
We had arguments after this, to the point that we would say, "enough is enough, leave me be, I don't want to speak to you"
Either her, or me would then text later and apologise and we would make up, one day we finally made up and moved past our arguments.
So again we continued to talk, we met up and everything was amazing.
In phone calls and texts, she would say we would never kiss, she thinks of me as a brother, and yet, in person, it would happen, we would kiss, and so on. She would say how I make her smile and why, everything just didn't make sense.
She has a hatred of cuddling, to the point she doesn't let her own mother cuddle her, yet she would move up against me when we were sat down and cuddle to me, or lie on my chest etc. This really confused me, her behaviours changed around me.
What is hurting me now and got me in pieces
I genuinely think that I love her. My reasoning for this is the feeling of clicking I described at the beginning that I hadn't felt for so long, I felt with Jen, except so much stronger than the first time. Fractionation maybe?
A few days ago, I discovered she was going away to Sheffield for this weekend. I found out she was going to meet up with a boy we will call X.
Her and X ****ed whilst she was on holiday for three weeks in the summer. I knew about him just as she knew about my girlfriends etc and what not. I knew little about him, he was never really texting her or calling her when I was with her (as some other boys did to her) and so he was never on my mind until now.
It felt like X was the one main competitor to me for spending time with her. I knew she was going there and that she would **** him and be with him and so I really couldn't take it any longer and spoke to her about it.
It turned into an argument anyway and she said things I'd not heard her say before about any other boys. Things such as;
"You don't understand anything that has been said, he was going to accept a work placement nearer where she lived so they could see each other more. You can **** off if you think you are the only boy who cares about me"
I said to her, that the whole reason she didn't want a relationship with me wasn't because she was scared or didn't want to drop her 4 FWB's, but rather she didn't want to drop him.
She responded kindly:
"You don't know anything, that is stupid. I don't want a relationship which is why I told him to go to Newcastle rather than here because he would regret it just coming here for me. Idiot. When I have told others I do not want a relationship they respect it, but not you. You want what you want and I'm not giving it to you. I'm not choosing anyone because at the end of the day, I do not care. If you want to be friends we will stay friends but if you want a relationship then I am sorry but you are wasting your time with me"
Now guys, I know this has been a long post, but I can't logically think through this.
The thing is.
I am going to university next weekend and originally we were going to spend a few days together this coming week, together. But now, this has thrown me. I felt sick, envious, jealous, angry. Everything basically. She's on my mind all day and today, I just want to speak to her and move past the fact she has been ****ing this other guy in Sheffield.
I know that university will kill the contact most probably, but this isn't like other one-itis you hear about where they want to **** the girl. It's past physical for her, I'm worried that I won't find another girl I completely click with like her for such a long time.
I don't know what to do about her, how to go about it. I haven't spoken to her since yesterday and this weekend she is with X most probably.
I cannot contact her, foolishly I deleted her number and any texts off her and she hasn't text me since I left her hanging mid argument. So if it continues like this, i won't be able to see her.
I want to see her before I go away but then I don't know what will come of it. We get on as best friends and if she didn't have all her emotional problems we would be together.
Can you PUA's give this AFC some advice and help on this, it's ruined my game, I don't want to go out and sarge, I just want to speak to her and enjoy the feeling of being around her again.
Why do I feel like I do, what do I do with it? I've never felt it before and it's debilitating.
Many thanks
Spearmint.
