In pubs and clubs.... the touch.

bugsquish

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I posted this as a reply in the DJ discussion section, but I figured it has a place here, albeit slightly modified.

It seems a lot of guys who go to pubs or clubs wait for a signal to approach a girl. One thing I would always, always advise against, is waiting, waiting (tick tock tick tock), waiting, (months pass) for a clear signal to approach *yawn*. She's gone home with someone else by that time. Don't sit and pray for her to look so you can catch her eye. We're all conditioned to get the EC and smile before we make our approach. Eyecontact is great, but it's damn hard to catch her gaze isn't it? Well, there is another way.

Typical DJ logic goes like this: EC > Smile > Approach > Meet > Kino > Yadda.

I say no. I say start with Kino.

You can approach without making them your destination. I like to walk past chicks sometimes. It doesn't matter if I've had previous EC or not(although it helps). I touch her shoulder on the way past and she'll look to see who touched her. Then I smile/ec and say "hi". She may be a little surprised, so often I keep going (bar/toilet/friends) after she says hi back (they always say hi back). She'll still be there when I come back only now she's had a little time to speculate about whether I'm coming back or not. Challenge yadda yadda (read the bible).

Sometimes you get clear signals and you don't need to keep going. I've had chicks launch into a conversation straight away. But if you catch them off guard then they are always more receptive the second time round. So long as you get the EC and smile right the first time round.

The initial touch (always the shoulder) is the most important element to my game. It's assertive and bold and there's no way she will avoid eyecontact immediately after you do it. So use those few seconds wisely.

I find it's even more effective when a girl is walking past me, and I'm standing with someone else. This is more a nightclub tactic. HBs wandering along with their friends usually get a light stroke on their shoulder as they walk past. When they inevitably turn round to see who it was they see a smiling bugsquish looking straight into their eyes. Yes, 9 times out of 10 they keep going but they almost always smile back. And if/when you see the same chick again, do it again! She'll probably keep going again (and smile back again) and this is where you follow her to her seat etc. and say "hi". Just give her a taster of what you're like and then tell her you'll get her for a dance later on. And remember to do that. Although it shouldn't matter cuz you should be using this trick on several women simultaneously ;)

This tactic works, and it's the one I use most often now. It's pretty easy to do too cuz at the stroke stage it's fairly anonymous so you don't need as much guts as eyecontact. But once you do it there's no going back. You've made contact so smiling/EC just comes naturally after that.

Touching as a precursor to eyecontact creates an instant connection that's more intimate and also harder to break once you follow it up with EC. Think about it, eyecontact alone or even with a smile could be misinterpreted. Unless she has an instant physical attraction she may no want (or have the guts) to return the gesture. If you touch her, and she turns to see you smiling, there is NO doubt whatsoever in her mind as to your intentions (or confidence and ability) as you gaze into her eyes.

Your touch upgrades her thoughts from a simple "he's smiling at me. maybe he likes me... i wonder if he'll have the balls to talk to me, probably just another chump" to "he's smiling at ME! he wants to **** me... and he just invaded my space without thinking twice, i think my panties are getting wet!" :D It is largely assumed on her part. You get her imagination flowing. That's the beauty of it.

As for the exact nature of the touch. DON'T TAP. Friend's tap shoulders. This has to be an overtly sensual touch. You gotta send a shiver down her spine. I like to run my fingers from her shoulder down her arm towards her elbow. It only needs to last a second. Don't maul her ;)

An extra little trick to throw in is the fake "i've been caught" look away in mock innocence. I only ever do this the second time I touch and follow it up seconds later with the original smile and EC.

Another thing I should emphasise, this technique delivers the best results when the girl is walking past you. In a sense she momentarily entered your domain, so you did no chasing (challenge). It's like fishing :)

Comments welcome.
 

Derek Flint

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Spot a girl you like, walk up to her, introduce yourself.

You can opt to wait for EC, but that doesn't always happen in a crowded club/pub.
 

bugsquish

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Originally posted by Derek Flint
Spot a girl you like, walk up to her, introduce yourself.
Sure, this can work. But you're not really setting yourself aside from any other chump who does the same - you wont be the first. My technique has added mystery and challange.

Originally posted by Derek Flint
You can opt to wait for EC, but that doesn't always happen in a crowded club/pub.
The "touch" technique guarantees eyecontact, as well as being a statement of intent. Because of this it actually amplifies the effect of the initial EC.
 

pootwo

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Are you saying you should touch a girls shoulder as SHE'S walking past you?
Im pretty sure most girls would find that creepy, and you'll maybe come off as a lil' desperate.

though when YOU'RE walking past the girl, i can see that kinda working & i'll try it out sometime.
 

Derek Flint

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Originally posted by bugsquish
Sure, this can work. But you're not really setting yourself aside from any other chump who does the same - you wont be the first. My technique has added mystery and challange.




The "touch" technique guarantees eyecontact, as well as being a statement of intent. Because of this it actually amplifies the effect of the initial EC.
It all depends on what comes out of your mouth after you apporach. If it's typical AFC stuff, then I can see your point.

I don't think I've ever had a woman not make eye contact with me after I've approached in nearly 20 years of clubbing.

I'm not trying to be a PITA, but sometimes its best to Keep It Simple.

Approaching and initiating convo is not brain surgery.
 

bugsquish

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Originally posted by pootwo
Are you saying you should touch a girls shoulder as SHE'S walking past you?
Im pretty sure most girls would find that creepy, and you'll maybe come off as a lil' desperate.

though when YOU'RE walking past the girl, i can see that kinda working & i'll try it out sometime.
You'll only come off as desperate if you are desperate :) If you do this in a confident way and be totally unashamed of your actions (hold EC and smile long enough after, then go back to what you were doing), you'll have her thinking about you as she walks away. Of course the EC/smile is the deciding factor here! But the touch makes it much easier to gain and hold EC, as well as being a statement of intent and confidence.

Originally posted by Derek Flint
It all depends on what comes out of your mouth after you apporach. If it's typical AFC stuff, then I can see your point.

I don't think I've ever had a woman not make eye contact with me after I've approached in nearly 20 years of clubbing.

I'm not trying to be a PITA, but sometimes its best to Keep It Simple.

Approaching and initiating convo is not brain surgery.
Of course dude, you can manage fine without following my advice. But if you don't immediately catch her eye, or if she's shy, this is dynamite. Another great thing about it, is that it takes so little time to build that instant connection that you can do it without leaving your friends. 5 times in the space of 2 minutes! You can even do it while you're DJing other chicks for a double whammy of social proof. And afterwards, you have a good few girls dotted about the club who are going to be much more receptive to you than they would be if you were approaching them for the first time.
 

Deadly_Assassin

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this is a good tip and yes it works.

I was with my m8 at a club and there was a hot babe next to us with these other guys. My m8 wanted her so I had no intentions of getting with this chick. I had to go to the toilet and the chick was in my way so I kinda gently pushed her out the way by touching the side of her arm. She looked at me but I didnt make any eye contact I just kept walking. When I came back and started dancing in the same spot the chick kept looking at me when I caught her doing it again I just pulled her towards me and started grinding her and she went along with it.

well thats my 2cents worth.
 

bugsquish

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Thanks Deadly_Assassin. That's not quite what I meant though. In your situation, the touch was confident but not a statement of intent. She was in your way and you wanted her to move. You also didn't make EC after (why?). I'm glad it worked for you though! The point I'm trying to make is: don't seek an excuse to touch her. You are touching her to get her attention so you can smile at her. And you want her to know that.

I'd be very interested to hear some feedback if anyone tries out this technique this weekend. I'd like to hear success stories and failures ;)
 
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