I've been with my girlfriend a little over 8 months and it's occasionally been rocky as all relationships are, but on the whole, It's been great. Recently she's been very up and down again and been moping around the house for the last week or so. She isn't on her period and prior to this she's seemed generally happy apart from going through these weird hot and cold phases but thats pretty standard. Tonighr after putting up with some of her bull**** for the last week or two where she's told me that the guy should pay for everything and that I dont treat her enough (having paid for all but 1 date in 8 months, that really got under my skin) and her snapping at me big time for asking why she's been moping about and if she's okay, she has also been attempting to get me to do everything for her, washing up, filling her glasses of water/making her cups of coffee etc when im busy and she's just doing nothing, I snapped. I asked her if this is what she wanted and that she's been treating me like **** recently and it needs to change. She started crying and after about 40 minutes, she got more upset and told me I was a prick. We talked normally for a bit and it seemed alright but she said that 'this side of me scared her'. Who's in the wrong here and how can I sort this all out? Thanks in advance and sorry for the long post.
in need of some RELIABLE advice
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TheMonkeyKing
Master Don Juan
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Right mate, Imma break this whole thing down for you...
I've been with my girlfriend a little over 8 months and it's occasionally been rocky as all relationships are
No. Not ALL relationships are.
, but on the whole, It's been great. Recently she's been very up and down again and been moping around the house for the last week or so. She isn't on her period
It's not only when she's on you have to worry about. It's the week before AND the week after as well. Look up PMS and PMT. Women are under serious influence of various hormone fluctuations for AT LEAST 3 weeks per month.
and prior to this she's seemed generally happy apart from going through these weird hot and cold phases but thats pretty standard. Tonighr after putting up with some of her bull**** for the last week or two where she's told me that the guy should pay for everything and that I dont treat her enough (having paid for all but 1 date in 8 months,
In the 21st century, you need to stop doing that, unless she's your house wife. Which I doubt she is.
that really got under my skin)
I'm not surprised. Either that she said it, nor that it got under your skin. You are spoiling her and she's got used to it. Probably from other men too. Until she meets a real man (potentially you, but it may be too late to back-track now), who expects her to pay her way as well, or at least share, she'll always be like this. You're gonna pay for every date for the rest of your life? You're a fool.
'The man pays everything' is SO antiquated in today's society. I'm dating a uni student and she still buys me lunch/dinner/drinks. And I allow her to.
and her snapping at me big time for asking why she's been moping about and if she's okay,
F*ck it. She's far too comfortable. And when a women gets too comforatble in a relationship, the relationship on the downward slope, the top of the bell-curve, not going to get better. You need to start manning-up with this chick, and quickly. She sounds bored and complacent, not BPD (Bipolar).
she has also been attempting to get me to do everything for her, washing up, filling her glasses of water/making her cups of coffee etc when im busy and she's just doing nothing,
Same goes here for with the paying for dates. You are doing FAR too much for this lazy bint.
I snapped. I asked her if this is what she wanted
DON'T ask her what she wants AGAIN, FFS. You already give her far too much.
and that she's been treating me like **** recently and it needs to change.
THIS is the CORRECT attitude, my friend. But you need to back it up with action, not just words (despite what they say, women react more to actions than words). Take time out from her. Start having less time for her. Make less time for her. And she needs to find a hobby by the sounds of it.
She started crying and after about 40 minutes, she got more upset and told me I was a prick. We talked normally for a bit and it seemed alright but she said that 'this side of me scared her'. Who's in the wrong here and how can I sort this all out? Thanks in advance and sorry for the long post.
No one's in the 'wrong'. You're both under the delusion of how modern relationships work.
YOU need to man up and stop being such a push-over (see above).
SHE needs to start investing a bit more in the whole affair, the more a woman invests, the more she is metaphorically invested in you as well.
YOU BOTH need a time-out and not rely on each other as sole purposes in your lives. Despite what modern 'romance' dictates, a 'couple' remains two individuals who just happen to be together. You are both losing elements of your individual selves, if you rely on each other for self-actualisation too much (as a couple).
There's a start, for a Saturday night.....
I've been with my girlfriend a little over 8 months and it's occasionally been rocky as all relationships are
No. Not ALL relationships are.
, but on the whole, It's been great. Recently she's been very up and down again and been moping around the house for the last week or so. She isn't on her period
It's not only when she's on you have to worry about. It's the week before AND the week after as well. Look up PMS and PMT. Women are under serious influence of various hormone fluctuations for AT LEAST 3 weeks per month.
and prior to this she's seemed generally happy apart from going through these weird hot and cold phases but thats pretty standard. Tonighr after putting up with some of her bull**** for the last week or two where she's told me that the guy should pay for everything and that I dont treat her enough (having paid for all but 1 date in 8 months,
In the 21st century, you need to stop doing that, unless she's your house wife. Which I doubt she is.
that really got under my skin)
I'm not surprised. Either that she said it, nor that it got under your skin. You are spoiling her and she's got used to it. Probably from other men too. Until she meets a real man (potentially you, but it may be too late to back-track now), who expects her to pay her way as well, or at least share, she'll always be like this. You're gonna pay for every date for the rest of your life? You're a fool.
'The man pays everything' is SO antiquated in today's society. I'm dating a uni student and she still buys me lunch/dinner/drinks. And I allow her to.
and her snapping at me big time for asking why she's been moping about and if she's okay,
F*ck it. She's far too comfortable. And when a women gets too comforatble in a relationship, the relationship on the downward slope, the top of the bell-curve, not going to get better. You need to start manning-up with this chick, and quickly. She sounds bored and complacent, not BPD (Bipolar).
she has also been attempting to get me to do everything for her, washing up, filling her glasses of water/making her cups of coffee etc when im busy and she's just doing nothing,
Same goes here for with the paying for dates. You are doing FAR too much for this lazy bint.
I snapped. I asked her if this is what she wanted
DON'T ask her what she wants AGAIN, FFS. You already give her far too much.
and that she's been treating me like **** recently and it needs to change.
THIS is the CORRECT attitude, my friend. But you need to back it up with action, not just words (despite what they say, women react more to actions than words). Take time out from her. Start having less time for her. Make less time for her. And she needs to find a hobby by the sounds of it.
She started crying and after about 40 minutes, she got more upset and told me I was a prick. We talked normally for a bit and it seemed alright but she said that 'this side of me scared her'. Who's in the wrong here and how can I sort this all out? Thanks in advance and sorry for the long post.
No one's in the 'wrong'. You're both under the delusion of how modern relationships work.
YOU need to man up and stop being such a push-over (see above).
SHE needs to start investing a bit more in the whole affair, the more a woman invests, the more she is metaphorically invested in you as well.
YOU BOTH need a time-out and not rely on each other as sole purposes in your lives. Despite what modern 'romance' dictates, a 'couple' remains two individuals who just happen to be together. You are both losing elements of your individual selves, if you rely on each other for self-actualisation too much (as a couple).
There's a start, for a Saturday night.....
To add to TMK's wisdom:
You teach her, with your actions, how to treat you. If she treats you with disrespect, who allowed her to get away with it? If she treats you like sh1t and you don't like it, change your behaviour.
Internally, you should say to yourself, I deserve respect etc how do you want to be treated?
I was in the same situation as you many years ago. She was Actually diagnosed BPD some time later. The whole thing was a train wreck and got ugly. Don't be that guy. Your self esteem will get smashed. You sound like a cool guy so watch out.
You teach her, with your actions, how to treat you. If she treats you with disrespect, who allowed her to get away with it? If she treats you like sh1t and you don't like it, change your behaviour.
Internally, you should say to yourself, I deserve respect etc how do you want to be treated?
I was in the same situation as you many years ago. She was Actually diagnosed BPD some time later. The whole thing was a train wreck and got ugly. Don't be that guy. Your self esteem will get smashed. You sound like a cool guy so watch out.
TheSlasher
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
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Usually, when I find the girl suddenly becoming a prick, it's when she had found someone else already and is making up fights to have an excuse to breakup with you. This may not always the case, so you should just consider the possibility and look for possible red flags.
Redwood
Senior Don Juan
Next.
Atom Smasher
Master Don Juan
Your response should be:
"Actually, I'd like to take a week off."
No further verbalizing, no emotion, very matter-of-fact. It's critically important to avoid having a discussion with her about it. If you do, she WILL flip it around on you and suck you into her dysfunctional vortex.
You desperately need to flip the script on her and take control of your relationship as a man. This is YOUR kingdom. YOU call the shots, not her.
"Actually, I'd like to take a week off."
No further verbalizing, no emotion, very matter-of-fact. It's critically important to avoid having a discussion with her about it. If you do, she WILL flip it around on you and suck you into her dysfunctional vortex.
You desperately need to flip the script on her and take control of your relationship as a man. This is YOUR kingdom. YOU call the shots, not her.
VladPatton
Master Don Juan
You need a vacation from this chick. A permanent one.
This won't improve, you are starting to see the chinks that let the truth shine through. In your shoes, I'd go ahead and break up, not as a tactic, but to get free and find something better. Life's too short to spend time with a b-tch. That "guy should pay" BS expressed as an expectation is instant heave-ho.
AttackFormation
Master Don Juan
We men are dumb@sses. Yes, you. Stop rationalizing her f*cked up mind and decisions.
Right guys, after a while of doing the same old, she keeps coming out with the same **** as before. She told me the other day that she feels threatened by one of my female friends and tried to make me promise her I'd never speak to her again, to which i promptly told her where to put it. She then claimed that "if I loved her I would do it". She keeps messing with my head and saying im controlling and overbearing and that I should do all of the things mentioned at the start of the post. She also didn't take it well when she asked if she could have my old iphone for free and I said she could have it for $50, bargai price. She told me that wasn't good enough and I should be giving it to her because she's my girlfriend. So after all of this, it turns out she's bought me a promise ring and she says she can't wait to have my kids again. She's really messing with my head. Any suggestions of how to reclaim the power once and for all because she's claiming she wears the trousers in this relationship.
Nobody here, hopefully, will tell you how to regain power- its like telling an adict were to get that last hit of heroin after he's convinced himself all he needs is to control his habit.
Here is the only advice you need- leave her. She is toxic, she has already done pa number on your psyche and will continue to do so. Her attemots at control are already unforgivable. She has accused you of being controlling and scary- its a few drama clicks away from her accusing you of emotional abuse- I guarantee it. A really good friend of mine went through a relationship with a woman who did exactly that and it built up exactly like this- she would acuse him of the very this she was doing... And the kids thing makes me want to puke. This a woman who will stoop to anything, and I mean anything
Long story short. Leave. There is nothing here to rescue, except youirself.
Here is the only advice you need- leave her. She is toxic, she has already done pa number on your psyche and will continue to do so. Her attemots at control are already unforgivable. She has accused you of being controlling and scary- its a few drama clicks away from her accusing you of emotional abuse- I guarantee it. A really good friend of mine went through a relationship with a woman who did exactly that and it built up exactly like this- she would acuse him of the very this she was doing... And the kids thing makes me want to puke. This a woman who will stoop to anything, and I mean anything
Long story short. Leave. There is nothing here to rescue, except youirself.