Analysis said:
1. Express your anxities about the future....Tell your wife your scared about your parents dying, youself dying and her dying....my philosophy is nothing never last...& I recenty started getting depressed upon this realization...
2. Express anxities about moving to another city.....
3. Lose control and throw stuff around the room because your mad at her...
No, no and no. Your answer is in the
"Lose Control" portion of your questions. You MUST be on top of your game at all times. Does that sound harsh? Welcome to manhood; overemotionalizing and a preoccupation with a need for certain security is what women do, not you. Don't wish it were easier, wish you were better. Demonstrate, NEVER explicate. Rather than shaking your wife's confidence in who she married by dwelling on your worries, SHOW her how you're avoiding them. Deal with it. Make her glad she married such a resourceful Man like you.
Analysis said:
4. Not want to help out w/ the chores because your tired from work....
5. want to have "me time" because your stressed out a work and you don't feel like talking w/ your wife....
Welcome to married life. Chores need doing. She may do the laundry, but you need to take care of the lawn. She may do the dishes, but you need to empty the garbage, clean up the dog sh!t, keep the cars maintained, build a cabinet, etc. One horrible double standard women love to gripe about is men doing chores, but it's always "their" chores that are the issue. In the hotel that is your marriage, she's Housekeeping and you are Engineering, got it?
Your "me" time is essential, I'll give you that, but you need to balance it with "us" time with her. You need that time not only for your own interests and passions, but also to set up an independent identity apart from your wife. If she shares those passions, great, but generally it's not likely. Also, "me" time should be constructive, not 4 hours playing World of Warcraft or X Box. If you're taking 2 hours to yourself to write a screenplay or paint or learn a new software, whatever, the impression is that it's constructive. Take your time to better yourself to get that better job you want. Non-constructive "you time" is an insult to her. You may think it's unfair, but that's her perception. The good news is that once you establish this for a while she'll come to respect it.
Analysis said:
6. complain about my job because I'm not making enough money.
7. emphasize to her how much I want children although she wants to wait several years.....
These are complaints. Women complain, men DO. Three things I've learned never to talk about in a conversation of 3 people or more: how sick I've been, how bad my job is, or my sex life. Why? because in the company of 3 or more people I guarantee you that one person has got it worse than you. A lot worse. When you complain about anything (especially your job) you drag your listener into your misery. Don't shake your wife's confidence by forcing her to commiserate with you.
You want children? Begin by becoming the Man she needs you to be first. Complaining is explicating, not demonstrating. Why would she want to have children with a guy who complains so much about his conditions in life that it causes her to question his ability to be a good father?
Analysis said:
8. Argue w/ her when she nags to me about cleaning up or getting a new job...
She nags because she's insecure about her position with you. Is it deconstructive? Yes, but precious few women know how to be encouraging and uplifting with men; their default is to complain and nag - even when you do something right, you'll never make a woman content. So stop trying to. If one grand gesture wont content her, what will arguing about it achieve? Arguing is an attempt to negotiate the terms for her contentment, and that cannot be achieved. You can only ease her security needs in a slow-burn fashion, while bettering yourself. Granted, she shouldn't be 'entitled' to anything, but you need to motivate yourself and demonstrate that you ARE a Man by building a life, a career, etc. that she can appreciate. And then, if not? Then get a divorce attorney.
Analysis said:
Or as a husband, am I just suppose to keep my mouth shut about my feelings....and act smooth all the time....as if nothing is wrong....
Yes, you should. Every word that a woman utters is about her feelings. As much as touchy-feely feminized pop-psychology would like you to believe women "want men to tell them how they feel" this is how women communicate WITH OTHER WOMEN. Women may parrot back the crap that they "want a man in touch with his feminine side", but they NEED a man firmly rooted in his masculine side. So yes, keep your mouth shut and go DO something about what's stressing you. Solve the problem like a MAN, don't complain about a problem like a woman.
Demonstrate, NEVER explicate.
