I'm so on edge right now. I've reached the breaking point fellas.

[Poonani Maker]

I suggest that go full afc on a girl that yOu think that you really wanna bang or love like till death do you want let her see and show her that you are moving mOuntains for her. This power of love or affection for a woman deep down that you think you currently want, your ideal woman, the one you have the most rapport with (or think you have), will cause you to do whatever it takes to improve you career body diet whatever, to FIRST be desired and wanted by all hoes, ah women in general. Do what you must though in this stage of your life.

 

[SMS 48]

I lost my virginity at 23 and did not kiss a girl until 22. Quit being a little bytch.

 

[Jariel]

I believe online dating in your answer. It'll give you chance to talk to women, practice your conversational and flirting without the pressure of being face to face. If you're not getting much luck chatting to the hot babes online, try emailing some average chicks.

It's all about the baby steps. Just ease yourself into it gradually.

When you're ready, try setting up a few dates. It doesn't have to go anywhere. Use it for the experience, enjoy the conversation and the opportunity to push beyond your comfort zone.

This is exactly what I did after breaking up with my ex. I'd been with her for 5 years, got complacent, lost a lot of confidence and was so rusty when it came to dating. The first few dates I remember my heart pounding, feeling breathless and nervous, and I even had a few panic attacks. I also had dates I just wasn't attracted to, but ended up having a great night chatting and flirting. With each date I gained more experience and more confidence. I ended the first few with a polite kiss on the cheek, then I started pushing myself to go for the full on kiss goodnight. 6 months later I was ending some of these first dates in their bed.

I also got rejected a number of times, had women turn their cheek when I went to kiss them. It burnt at first, but before long I was able to just shrug it off and move on. Nowadays dating and talking to hot women is as easy for me as talking to my buddies.

 

[MrJibbles]

Forget about women. Forget about your physique. Forget about your friends, family, and us posters. What makes YOU happy? Go do that. Do it with purpose. You only think you need women to make you happy because SOCIETY says you need it. Truth be told, some of the brightest men to ever walk this earth were virgins: see Isaac Newton, Immanuel Kant.

Fuel your thirst for SOMETHING and the women will come--right now they need to be a secondary thought.

Question about women throwing themselves at you: Are you worried that you won't satisfy them? What is to stop you from at least kissing a girl who is clearly trying to divulge in the carnal act or mating? Are you scared of escalation? Do you simply not know what to expect?

This has nothing to do with society wants me to think. I don't care about what society thinks of me. I've already been unplugged from the Matrix and don't give a sh**. I want to get laid because that's what my instincts tell me. I long for sex and intimacy and, especially when you hear high school kids talk about hook ups and flings at parties while you're 21 and never even kissed a girl, it makes me feel like a loser missing out on life, to be honest.

For the second question: I guess I simply don't know what to expect. Fear of the unknown maybe. I know my first kiss will be awkward as hell and these girls I was talking about are very pretty and have been with tons of guys before. The first chick called me a "nice guy" and that hurt, being friendzoned like that. I honestly wish I had some way of seeing her again and getting to know her, but it's too late. I saw her again after cutting all contact after a 3 months, and she gave me some IOIs, but I didn't bother talking to her. I removed her from facebook as soon as I got home.

The thing is, I have been told by people that I am "good-looking, handsome, hot," etc., and it sparks interests in girls when they see me at first. When I go to the mall, skytrain, parties, etc, girls give me IOIs everywhere I go. But as soon as I start talking to them I get so awkward, and this is when chicks start calling me a nice guy. I'm so sick of it. "Being myself" really doesn't cut it when girl think you're boring.

 

[yuppaz]

You need to work on your courage and your well being. Good thing about courage is that courage applied in one area applies to all areas. Do things you may be anxious about (not life threatening things) and you will build your bravery in all areas.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Sounds like you are wasting your money.

If previous girls are giving you opportunities that you fail to capitalize on then how are you going to get the job done with hired help?

Even if you go thru with it, it will change nothing going forward.

There are millions of guys just like you having the same problems.

Took my thoughts outta my head Slick.

The problem here isn't getting laid; its being social unconditioned.

So you go thru and bang a hooker, okay great; now what?

Your still the same guy who has fear of taking action when you are attracted to a girl.

The only thing that WILL change that is you making an effort. Don't be so concerned with the result as much as the action.

Then you will realize just how stupid it is to create anxiety and fear in your head over a girl.

Once you lose this fear, you will be an unstoppable force.

In other words, the only one stopping you from getting laid is YOU. Change yourself and wall-la.



Have you thought about doing a Bootcamp to kill your approach anxiety, fear etc??


Secondly get off the depression meds. Start taking care of yourself; working out, dressing better and educating yourself. People (girls) will notice.







PIMP

 

[boss24]

Jibbles bud I made an account just to respond to your thread.
I was a kissless virgin at 18 too. I had a similar problem to you. I was worried that it would be awkward, the girl would have way more experience than me, etc. But guess what, I got the first kiss out of the way and banged the girl a couple nights later. She told one of my buddies that I was the best she'd ever had. (She had probably been with like 6-7 guys at that point). And the thing is my d1ck isn't even big either.
The night after I banged her, I hooked up with 2 other chicks and ****ed one more. The next night I hooked up with a different chick. Now, I have slowed down after that, but that was only my first three nights man. Don't be nervous you'll be fine.

 

[slitherjef]

At least your not 34....

 

[OC Speedball]

Jibbles, I wish you lived in California. I want to help you and see you improve so badly! It's probably because I know exactly what you feel like, and I see myself in your opening post. I still haven't had a girlfriend, and it baffles me, but I have accepted it and moved on. I just keep on going and improving my life- whether it be through school, working out (I too work out 5 days a week), or doing things I am passionate about.

The funny thing is, although I haven't had a girlfriend, I have bigger balls than all of my friends except my wingman. After all those years of frustration I finally realized I had to improve myself, so I started talking to girls. First it was girls in my social circle, then girls in school, then random girls. So what I'm saying is, something that I thought totally sucked turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me. My lack of a girlfriend pushed me to overcome my fears and become great at talking to girls. It blows my mind now when one of my friends can't go up to a girl and chat her up. I guess in the end I got the last laugh

I'm going to respond to a few things you said. I'm gonna try to keep this organized, because there are so many things I want to say to you. These are in no special order:


1) Don't let the fact that people have girlfriends get you down. I used to see people at school, at the mall, everywhere walking hand in hand with girls. I thought, "How the hell does this AFC have a girl with him?" It used to make me angry. But now I have realized something: most guys lack balls and got their girlfriend through their social circle. They did very little to get her, so it's not something you should even waste five seconds of your life being upset about. Most guys completely lack game. They are "betas." Most likely the only thing they have over you is that they aren't afraid to escalate. That's the only difference.

The fact that you are on this site means that you are working to improve yourself with women; an area in life most guys never even bother to work on. If you can go up and talk to a random girl then you have the ability to do something that most guys could never work up the courage to do in their lifetime. They're going to get married and die having never conquered their fear. So again, if you are out there doing approaches, I applaud you.

2) Don't worry about the first kiss. I was so worried about my first kiss being awkward that I sabotaged a few situations where I could have had an easy makeout. It ended up being the opposite...The first girl I made out with told her friend that I was a "naturally good kisser." I've only made out with a few girls, but it's so damn easy man don't even worry about it.

3) People are hypocrites. I know how annoying it was when people would tell me, "Others have it worse off," or, "Don't worry about it, man. Having a girlfriend isn't that big of a deal." I literally had one friend tell me this while that same week he had just met a new girl and was raving about her 24/7. People used to tell me this all the time, and I would always laugh...because most of the time they had a girlfriend/boyfriend! So disregard idiotic hypocrites like that.

4) Don't get stuck with online dating. As much as I like Jariel's posts I disagree with him. The girls on dating sites (at YOUR age) are picky, stuck-up, mental cases that are keyboard jockeys. 90% of the girls you message won't reply back or will send you a nasty message. But here's the funny thing: if I approached those same girls in real life they would probably be super cool and I would probably get their number.

My point is, girls use online dating for an ego boost. The same way guys act like "internet tough guys," girls do on online dating. Those girls on dating sites act nothing like that in real life. Girls are naturally BETA. Remember that. If you have the balls to approach them and carry on a decent conversation then you will start to understand this. They blush, stroke their hair, do what you tell them to, etc. They are beta as hell in real life.

So at your age, and your experience level, DO NOT use online dating as a crutch. Also, it will probably cause you MORE frustration and just become a major headache for you. Which is something you don't need right now. Like I said, the girls on there act totally stuck up, and you'll have to message many, many girls to even get on a date with one. (Unless you are very experienced with online game, but that is another topic entirely, and you need real world experience first.)

5) Work on your inner game! This is very important. I didn't realize how important it was until almost a year after I got into this stuff (when I was 19). Your inner game is a big part of how well you do with women. It will affect your ability to approach them and hold a conversation with them.

Your inner game is part will and part experience.

The part that is will is stuff you have the willpower to change. Such as your body, your knowledge, your ability to do unique things (hobbies), etc. For me it's things like knowing how to play guitar, going to the gym, being well versed on global issues, knowing a lot of music trivia, improving my grades, learning soccer, and quitting smoking.

Your experiences are things that you don't necessarily choose. They are circumstances and things that happen in your life that make you stronger. They enrich you in a way. For me it was going through two deaths in my family, one in which I found the body and tried to perform CPR on it. Both these incidents were hard on me, but they improved my inner game A LOT. How can you be scared of girls after you've picked up the dead body of your loved one?

Another example is, a couple years ago I spent three months living in Costa Rica by myself on a boat. My boss needed someone to watch over his boat, so he asked me. I was 19 and I took him up on it. Living in a foreign country on my own, where I didn't know the language, made me a much more mature individual than my friends were at the time.

So anyways, I'm talking about myself a little too much, but you get the picture. Think about your past experiences: how have they made you a stronger, better person?




I wish you the best of luck. Keep us updated. You WILL get that first kiss! Keep calm and sarge on.

-Speedball

 

[MrJibbles]

Jibbles, I wish you lived in California. I want to help you and see you improve so badly! It's probably because I know exactly what you feel like, and I see myself in your opening post. I still haven't had a girlfriend, and it baffles me, but I have accepted it and moved on. I just keep on going and improving my life- whether it be through school, working out (I too work out 5 days a week), or doing things I am passionate about.

The funny thing is, although I haven't had a girlfriend, I have bigger balls than all of my friends except my wingman. After all those years of frustration I finally realized I had to improve myself, so I started talking to girls. First it was girls in my social circle, then girls in school, then random girls. So what I'm saying is, something that I thought totally sucked turned out to be one of the best things that ever happened to me. My lack of a girlfriend pushed me to overcome my fears and become great at talking to girls. It blows my mind now when one of my friends can't go up to a girl and chat her up. I guess in the end I got the last laugh

I'm going to respond to a few things you said. I'm gonna try to keep this organized, because there are so many things I want to say to you. These are in no special order:


1) Don't let the fact that people have girlfriends get you down. I used to see people at school, at the mall, everywhere walking hand in hand with girls. I thought, "How the hell does this AFC have a girl with him?" It used to make me angry. But now I have realized something: most guys lack balls and got their girlfriend through their social circle. They did very little to get her, so it's not something you should even waste five seconds of your life being upset about. Most guys completely lack game. They are "betas." Most likely the only thing they have over you is that they aren't afraid to escalate. That's the only difference.

The fact that you are on this site means that you are working to improve yourself with women; an area in life most guys never even bother to work on. If you can go up and talk to a random girl then you have the ability to do something that most guys could never work up the courage to do in their lifetime. They're going to get married and die having never conquered their fear. So again, if you are out there doing approaches, I applaud you.

2) Don't worry about the first kiss. I was so worried about my first kiss being awkward that I sabotaged a few situations where I could have had an easy makeout. It ended up being the opposite...The first girl I made out with told her friend that I was a "naturally good kisser." I've only made out with a few girls, but it's so damn easy man don't even worry about it.

3) People are hypocrites. I know how annoying it was when people would tell me, "Others have it worse off," or, "Don't worry about it, man. Having a girlfriend isn't that big of a deal." I literally had one friend tell me this while that same week he had just met a new girl and was raving about her 24/7. People used to tell me this all the time, and I would always laugh...because most of the time they had a girlfriend/boyfriend! So disregard idiotic hypocrites like that.

4) Don't get stuck with online dating. As much as I like Jariel's posts I disagree with him. The girls on dating sites (at YOUR age) are picky, stuck-up, mental cases that are keyboard jockeys. 90% of the girls you message won't reply back or will send you a nasty message. But here's the funny thing: if I approached those same girls in real life they would probably be super cool and I would probably get their number.

My point is, girls use online dating for an ego boost. The same way guys act like "internet tough guys," girls do on online dating. Those girls on dating sites act nothing like that in real life. Girls are naturally BETA. Remember that. If you have the balls to approach them and carry on a decent conversation then you will start to understand this. They blush, stroke their hair, do what you tell them to, etc. They are beta as hell in real life.

So at your age, and your experience level, DO NOT use online dating as a crutch. Also, it will probably cause you MORE frustration and just become a major headache for you. Which is something you don't need right now. Like I said, the girls on there act totally stuck up, and you'll have to message many, many girls to even get on a date with one. (Unless you are very experienced with online game, but that is another topic entirely, and you need real world experience first.)

5) Work on your inner game! This is very important. I didn't realize how important it was until almost a year after I got into this stuff (when I was 19). Your inner game is a big part of how well you do with women. It will affect your ability to approach them and hold a conversation with them.

Your inner game is part will and part experience.

The part that is will is stuff you have the willpower to change. Such as your body, your knowledge, your ability to do unique things (hobbies), etc. For me it's things like knowing how to play guitar, going to the gym, being well versed on global issues, knowing a lot of music trivia, improving my grades, learning soccer, and quitting smoking.

Your experiences are things that you don't necessarily choose. They are circumstances and things that happen in your life that make you stronger. They enrich you in a way. For me it was going through two deaths in my family, one in which I found the body and tried to perform CPR on it. Both these incidents were hard on me, but they improved my inner game A LOT. How can you be scared of girls after you've picked up the dead body of your loved one?

Another example is, a couple years ago I spent three months living in Costa Rica by myself on a boat. My boss needed someone to watch over his boat, so he asked me. I was 19 and I took him up on it. Living in a foreign country on my own, where I didn't know the language, made me a much more mature individual than my friends were at the time.

So anyways, I'm talking about myself a little too much, but you get the picture. Think about your past experiences: how have they made you a stronger, better person?


I wish you the best of luck. Keep us updated. You WILL get that first kiss! Keep calm and sarge on.

-Speedball

Wow, thank you for that post. You're right, I really need to start working on my inner game. I'm decent looking, pretty smart, musically-talented, have a lot of family and cousins who love me and I can rely on, and, even though I'm not in school now, I've at least gone through two years of university and those years were tough as hell.

I need to stay positive, and you're right, girls really are beta come to think of it. I will try approaching random girls at the mall tomorrow. I know that even one successful interaction, and possibly a number, will boost my confidence. Plus I'm going to a party on Saturday with lots of pretty girls: I definitely have chances to get some through my social circle. I'm surrounded by opportunities, but this time I'm not going to sabotage myself.

I'll remember to stay focused on the moment, and not the results. I think this is what most of my fear is based on. I'll keep you guys updated.

 

[ALPHAROMEO]

checking out

hi buddy

check out all my posts

i tell you step by step how to approach and get that girl !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Come back to me if you need any more advice

 

[JonJaper]

See my signature and take a look at my thread, I go into detail about the trip to Amsterdam and my experiences losing my virginity to hookers.

I went through very similar stages to you and took an impulse trip to Amsterdam where I banged hookers and had a threesome with 2 of them.



I have to add though, I had the money to do so. I didn't need to dig into savings or sell valuables....so that might be something to consider regarding your individual circumstances. Financial strains might put on an unrealistic expectation to the experience and if it doesn't go 100% as planned you will regret it, think it's a waste of money and think that you should not have sold your valuables for it.



For me, it was a once-in-a-lifetime crazy experience, and I gotta say, whether it ends up being positive or negative TOTALLY DEPENDS ON YOUR MINDSET

I used my experience with hookers as a catalyst to kickstart my life of self-improvement. I started going to the gym, focusing on my studies more and working through my problems that are holding me back from women. Since I started working out in October I gained over 25lbs, increased my squats by around 88lbs, my bench by 44lbs and my deadlift by 88lbs.


I also undertook a DJ bootcamp in December, and although I was unable to get past week 4 (setting up dates etc), I became more comfortable talking to women AND my failure highlighted my limitations, making it easier to work through my problems. I improved myself, and I'm still continuing to improve myself...I am by no means a finished product.





In a nutshell, if you are gonna lose your virginity to hookers, you have to go in with the right mindset. Separate the emotional component from the raw sexual one....just go to stick your d!ck in, not to develop a deep emotional connection, not even to kiss (it is a hooker after all LOL)....


And also use this experience as a catalyst to kick-start your self-improvement program. If you don't move forwards after the hooker experience, it is a waste.


So to the people saying don't do it....they are partially right. As are the people telling you to go for it; because whether it becomes a positive or negative experience for you depends on your mindset.





If you are negative about it...DON'T DO IT!

If you are going in with a positive attitude, go for it!

 

[Groovy]

HMM. You seem to feel great sometimes but have short lived eepisodes of anger. IMO, you have bipolar disorder. I sent u some links in PM to help u out. It is highly dangerous and untreatable. To not read other's PM suggestions. Keep us posted!

 

[MrJibbles]

HMM. You seem to feel great sometimes but have short lived eepisodes of anger. IMO, you have bipolar disorder. I sent u some links in PM to help u out. It is highly dangerous and untreatable. To not read other's PM suggestions. Keep us posted!

I have seen a number of psychiatrists and psychologists. The idea of bipolar disorder came up once or twice, but ultimately I have been diagnosed with major clinical depression (I take antidepressants now), chronic mild depression (dysthymia), generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, and avoidant personality traits. These outbursts of anger and fluctuations in mood can probably best be described by my diagnosis of having Borderline Personality disorder traits.

Despite all this jargon and these medical terms, I prefer not to be labelled. I believe, like many people that have been through the mental health system, to merely lie on the more extreme end of the spectrum of personalities. I don't like to consider myself as having a "disease" or identifying myself as "sick" or "different". This is counterproductive to any attempts at getting better or progressively adopting a better attitude towards both my thoughts and, in turn, my behaviours that will follow.

And just for the record, bipolar disorder, though not curable, is certainly treatable, through medication (i.e. mood stabilizers like Lithium carbonate) and therapy (i.e. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy).

I am currently on a waiting list for a DBT (Dialectical Behavorial Therapy) group, which I believe will help me in controlling my anger and borderline personality traits.

All this being said, I would certainly be interested in any information or knowledge you possess concerning mental health disorders, particularly those listed under "Cluster B".

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

Simple answer: you lack confidence and this is your problem. Once your confidence is up all this will be in the past.

 

[carnivale2052]

I have seen a number of psychiatrists and psychologists. The idea of bipolar disorder came up once or twice, but ultimately I have been diagnosed with major clinical depression (I take antidepressants now), chronic mild depression (dysthymia), generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, and avoidant personality traits. These outbursts of anger and fluctuations in mood can probably best be described by my diagnosis of having Borderline Personality disorder traits.

Despite all this jargon and these medical terms, I prefer not to be labelled. I believe, like many people that have been through the mental health system, to merely lie on the more extreme end of the spectrum of personalities. I don't like to consider myself as having a "disease" or identifying myself as "sick" or "different". This is counterproductive to any attempts at getting better or progressively adopting a better attitude towards both my thoughts and, in turn, my behaviours that will follow.

And just for the record, bipolar disorder, though not curable, is certainly treatable, through medication (i.e. mood stabilizers like Lithium carbonate) and therapy (i.e. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy).

I am currently on a waiting list for a DBT (Dialectical Behavorial Therapy) group, which I believe will help me in controlling my anger and borderline personality traits.

All this being said, I would certainly be interested in any information or knowledge you possess concerning mental health disorders, particularly those listed under "Cluster B".

Your problem isn't that you haven't got laid. You just seem to want it because you feel you're missing out and hear what other guys are doing which may or may not be made up or exaggerated just to brag to other guys.

Worry more about getting mentally better. These issues won't disappear or get better even if you got laid today by the woman of your dreams. You're using the woman thing as a distraction and to not address the more important problems.

"1) Don't let the fact that people have girlfriends get you down. I used to see people at school, at the mall, everywhere walking hand in hand with girls. I thought, "How the hell does this AFC have a girl with him?" It used to make me angry. But now I have realized something: most guys lack balls and got their girlfriend through their social circle. They did very little to get her, so it's not something you should even waste five seconds of your life being upset about. Most guys completely lack game. They are "betas." "

Got news for ya OC, that's how most people meet each other whether a good looking smooth talker or a fat nerdy guy. People don't meet significant others or lays by going to the mall and randomly appraoching strangers. There's a reason even the best looking smoothest guys only have a 30 percent success approach rate in places like malls and clubs and out of that maybe 5 percent turn into a date or lay.

Women are attracted to comfort and trust and social proof. The OP if he's going out probably has opportunities but is afraid to escalate.

His other problems are far more important though and have to be addressed. A woman or all the women in the world isn't going to help him.

 

[OC Speedball]

Got news for ya OC, that's how most people meet each other whether a good looking smooth talker or a fat nerdy guy. People don't meet significant others or lays by going to the mall and randomly appraoching strangers. There's a reason even the best looking smoothest guys only have a 30 percent success approach rate in places like malls and clubs and out of that maybe 5 percent turn into a date or lay.

You just said exactly what I said. Re-read my 1st point:

1) Don't let the fact that people have girlfriends get you down. I used to see people at school, at the mall, everywhere walking hand in hand with girls. I thought, "How the hell does this AFC have a girl with him?" It used to make me angry. But now I have realized something: most guys lack balls and got their girlfriend through their social circle. They did very little to get her, so it's not something you should even waste five seconds of your life being upset about. Most guys completely lack game. They are "betas." Most likely the only thing they have over you is that they aren't afraid to escalate. That's the only difference.

I was acknowledging the fact that most people get girls through social circle. I was pointing that out so that the OP wouldn't feel as bad when he sees a guy walking around with a girl. There is very little game involved in social circle, so you shouldn't feel like you are below any guy that has a girlfriend...chances are he simply got her out of his social circle. It's nothing for him to brag about, and it's nothing for the OP to feel bad about.

Another thing: Half of my dates have been through cold approach. The other half through social circle. 5% success rate? Maybe for a guy that is new at this. Keep the two balanced though. Do what you can to get girls, but it's nothing to brag about when you got a girl through your social circle. That's my two cents.

 

[carnivale2052]

50 percent success rate, sure lol.

And who cares how the guy met the girl, it doesn't make him less of a man, he's the one dating her and banging her while you talk about how "beta" he is on a website lol.