"I'm not going to sleep with you"

[Mike32ct]

Jesus!

"I'm not going to sleep with you" GUARANTEES that she is going to sleep with you.

Lesson learned, my friend. You'll be alright.

My response to that is ALWAYS my half-sincere, "Yeah. Of course."

Exactly. Just pretend to agree with it.

Then move on to another subject.

 

[backbreaker]

dude you are thinking WAY too hard lol


all you had to do was say "okay that's fine" and proceed with your game as normal and you more than likely would have slept with her anyway

every girl that has ever went out of their way to say that to me, 3 of them, I slept with them that night. one of them I even PIITB lol.


It's not a good sign for LTR material form my experience, but just for that night,k you are just thinking too hard.


Actually the perfect response in that situation is "what makes you think I want to sleep with you in the first place?"

 

[VictorK]

I had this line given to me once...

HB - "Ok if you want you can stay the night but I'm not going to sleep with you"

VictorK - "Great, then that means you'll be giving me the bed and you'll sleep on the couch?!?...you're so thoughtful...

This made her laugh, and gave me a spot to tease her.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

LOL. These are some great responses.

Yes palm slap indeed...been thinking about that today...argh.

But yes the paying the pvssy forward bit, hilarious, I bet this will definitely change the way she responds in the future to situations like this...

She may contact me. I'll update if things change.

Argh lesson learned..feel like a fool like usual when I miss the obvious! (but at the same time I agree with zarky and I just didn't have the mindset for BS...) She did say, "oh no I ruined it!" in a way that she had felt like she screwed things up...she was into me and my shift in response threw her off...I should have just played through it...

I've to get a better grasp of defusing/side-stepping via humor...this has got to be one of the most valuable social tools out there.

PS -- Colossus: re: touching, kino, etc -- man she was touching my leg and sides and all of this and even after I asked to be dropped off she still leaned in for the kiss. She was into me. I fired too many neurons and bailed when I should have played it cool, ignored the words and watched the actions. Go back to her house, keep up with the kino, playfulness, escalate slowly...start kissing..then start touching..suddenly all is good in the hood. Next time I will be wiser.

 

[backbreaker]

what you have to understand.. this is how womem think


fo[r her to say something like that, which means that she 1000% has contemplated the thought of having sex with you and considers it to be a viable alternative for her to have to come out and say something like that. verses going on a date with a girl and she talking bout her ex and stuff and how she isn't serious right now, she is at that moment, thinking about fvcking you. do not worry about what she says. she might be telling herself that just so she can she did come off as a *****, or she might be trying to play hard to get like her friends tell her to do, but the fact is, she thought about it.

I guarantee you, damn near 10 out of 10 times, if you just pretend like she never said it and go in strong to the hoop later on the date, just go in and grab her and kiss her real strong, and start trying to take her clothes off, it's game on.

women don't say that if they are not interested in having sex to you. like rollo says often, the opposite of having sex with you, is not her saying i'm not having sex with you, it's her not saying antyhing at all or making any type of sexual innuendos. indifference in other words.

 

[Mr.Positive]

She may contact me. I'll update if things change.

Argh lesson learned..feel like a fool like usual when I miss the obvious!

Forget about what happened...lessons learned. How about you contacting her?

Don't write this one off just yet. Guys give up too easily. If anything, I think the way you handled it increased her interest. You didn't settle for any BS, you were honest, up front, and bold like men should be.

She's probably sitting there thinking about how she screwed things up.

Give 'her' a chance to make it up to you. I bet, if you see this gal again...she'll be all over you. Just a hunch.

 

[AW1983]

Don't write this one off just yet. Guys give up too easily. If anything, I think the way you handled it increased her interest. You didn't settle for any BS, you were honest, up front, and bold like men should be.

She's probably sitting there thinking about how she screwed things up.

Yeah man, this was what I was thinking throughout the thread. You smashed her bs line and totally threw her off her game and made her drive you home. Even though she wanted it that night, you let her know your bs tolerance level is extremely low. That is a good place to leave a woman for future maneuvering (on your part). She has probably run through the scenario in her mind and kicked herself a hundred times. She is doing her own palm-to-face right now, thinking of what she should've done different. So give her another chance but act like she's got to make it up to you for being a weirdo haha. She'll probably swarm.

 

[Greasy Pig]

As many have said, this is sh1t test 101.

I've been given that line dozens of times and, again as others have said, I've banged probably 95% of them that night.

Here are my stock standard responses:
1: "That's cool, I'll just sleep on the couch." But when it's bed time, I say: "Well, I hate couches, I'll just jump in your bed but we're both adults, and I'm sure we can just share a bed with no hanky panky going on".
2: "No worries! Let's just sleep head to toe so nothing happens."
3: "Of course! I'm pretty flogged anyway and will probably just go straight to sleep."
4: "That's cool, I'm just keen for a couple more drinks and some amazing conversation."
5: (if you're both heading back to your place) "No dramas, I've got a spare room/couch/mattress you can crash on." Then repeat the "head to toe" or "we're both adults" line.
A great man once said to me: "Women want to be slvts, they just don't want to feel like slvts." So, so true.
Be cool, nonchalant and funny. Don't act disappointed or you're done for. Just let them say whatever they have to to feel better about themselves.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Agree and Amplify.

Presume the sale
HER: "We are definitely not having sex."
YOU: " I agree, I'm not into 'Red Week' sex either."

Caffeinate the Hamster
HER: "We are definitely not having sex."
YOU: " You're right, my other girlfriends DO deserve a turn."

Defamation of Character
HER: "We are definitely not having sex."
YOU: " That's probbably for the best, I'm glad you want to take things slooooww,...it's nice to finally be with a girl who's so conservative and can restrain herself."

Shall I go on?

 

[Iceberg]

Agree and Amplify.

Presume the sale
HER: "We are definitely not having sex."
YOU: " I agree, I'm not into 'Red Week' sex either."

Caffeinate the Hamster
HER: "We are definitely not having sex."
YOU: " You're right, my other girlfriends DO deserve a turn."

Defamation of Character
HER: "We are definitely not having sex."
YOU: " That's probbably for the best, I'm glad you want to take things slooooww,...it's nice to finally be with a girl who's so conservative and can restrain herself."

Shall I go on?

Those are nice alternatives, but really, it doesn't even have to go down the clever path. I just nod, say "Sure, I wasn't even thinking about it." and move onto another topic.

If this girl really wants to pretend that we're not going to have sex while we're both alone and at her house at 3am, then I'll play along with the illusion.

I interpret this type of situation as a girl wanting to convince herself that she was "seduced" into sex, as opposed to overtly desiring it. So, once the "Not having sex" line has been thrown at me, I find that it's best to skip to other topics to let the girl keep her illusion. Hell, once you've made it to this point, the sale has been made and it's not about talk anymore. Might as well keep my mouth shut and just let it happen.

 

[Tazman]

It sounds like a cultural thing, I can't ever remember being told this, atleast not this blatantly without some kind of smile/grin or sign that she's kidding around or being coy.

I understand her intent, but it's all in the way she presents it.

Everything building up to this was an obvious sign she wanted it, but she wasn't at all smooth about it. Seemed like a straight up sh-t test. I can see getting annoyed with it if you aren't used to being told that.

Some women just know how to seduce guys while not coming off as easy. She isn't one of them, and judging by her rated looks, probably not even worth the hassle.

 

[backbreaker]

when I was what, 22 or 23 years old I don't remember i went on a date with a girl in sarasota fl. we went to siesta keys to SKOB. first date. met her at the mall. anyway, you know that rick james episode of dave chapelle where rick james says "man I didn't step on that dudes couch who do you think I am.... yeah I stepped on his couch so what" or whatever.. so we are on the date, I am working it, we leave SKOB go to the pizza joint next door than go to the little dance floor across the street, then leave and go to a tiki bar I liked to go to at a hotel that is always packed, anyway, she says "just to let you know, i'm not having sex with you". lol, she didn't even give me time to come up with anything. the next, motherfvcking words out of her mouth where "so you want back to your place so we can watch TV" rotfl. I was so freakin stunned i sat there like... WTF just happened... i said fvck it sure let's go. I barley got a chance to close the door and her shirt was off.


seriously they are just words.

 

[runner83]

Her: I'm not going to sleep with you.
Translation: I'm going to sleep with you.

Buddha: Just drop me off back at my place.
Translation: Sorry, not my type.

Exactly, judge girls by actions not by words.!!

Probably 3/4 of the girls I've slept with have said "I'm not going to sleep with you" at one time or another.

One (who had a boyfriend) even yelled it out to her friend in the other
room while she was lying next to me in bed and stroking my **** through my pants while we made out. Banged her brains out later on more than one occasion.

If a chick says this, and if your gut says that there is some mutual attraction (e.g. if she is driving you back to HER PLACE!!), then chances are that she is thinking about sleeping with you, but just wants to say this to make her not like a slvt and is really just a sh!t test to see how you react.

If you hadn't made it so awkward at the time and you had went back to her place, chances are you would've banged her brains out.

 

[mrRuckus]

more than once i've heard this line and then when we get back to my place, i still take her hand and walk into my bedroom and she follows without a word.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Exactly, judge girls by actions not by words.!!

Probably 3/4 of the girls I've slept with have said "I'm not going to sleep with you" at one time or another.

One (who had a boyfriend) even yelled it out to her friend in the other
room while she was lying next to me in bed and stroking my **** through my pants while we made out. Banged her brains out later on more than one occasion.

If a chick says this, and if your gut says that there is some mutual attraction (e.g. if she is driving you back to HER PLACE!!), then chances are that she is thinking about sleeping with you, but just wants to say this to make her not like a slvt and is really just a sh!t test to see how you react.

If you hadn't made it so awkward at the time and you had went back to her place, chances are you would've banged her brains out.

I get it now; fine. Honestly, I don't disagree and I hit 'eject'. But at the same time the onus is not just on me, because *I* felt awkward by her comments, it took me off guard.

So yes I should have smooth sailed through the ASD, but I claim no pro-status here--I was simply genuinely enjoying the moment--but her comment threw things off for me, made me feel uncomfortable...and after she said that, I felt the only reason we were spending time together anyways was just to go back and bone and I just got rubbed the wrong way. Sex isn't always the victory or end goal.

Let me clarify--it's not that I *wasn't* open to getting with her--but I had been ignoring the bar floozies for a reason, I just don't feel anything there, they kind of annoy me, aren't my type, even if they are offering sex I do not get that excited by it--what I get more excited about is a woman whom I am physically attracted to but also mentally I enjoy or respect.

This chick was dressed normal to be at the bar, didn't look like she was trying to impress anyone, just wanted to have fun and reached out. That gave me positive feelings/experience, wanted to get to know her more. She invited me back, I thought you know I'm digging this let's roll with it (again I wasn't fixating on sex) -- I get in the car, the sex convo comes up, makes me feel strange, I should have known it was a sh!t test, I will understand the female nature better in the future if such comments re-present themselves. However, it just threw me off.

So sure, I should *know* better, but there is no exact format or formula for every situation or person. And everyone has their own tolerances and viewpoints for different things.

And it just seemed like another example in my life of some woman trying to tell me how sh!t is "going to be" -- and in my head you know I thought, "fvck this, she wants me to sleep on the couch like a buddy and call all of the shots? I'm tired of letting these women call the shots" so I asked to be driven home.

A suave response would have been to to just stay steady amidst her storm of emotion and guide it to where it needs to be.

Bleh maybe we are both kicking ourselves in the @ss.

Lesson learned. Thanks for the wise words everyone.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

This:

Some quick responses that come to mind.... (all said with a smile, wink, nudge nudge type tone)

Her: "I'm not going to sleep with you."
You: "What makes you think I'd want to?"

Her: "I'm not going to sleep with you."
You: "Haha, nice try. You're gonna have work little harder than this to get me in the sack"

Her: "I'm not going to sleep with you."
You: "That's good cuz I have standards to uphold."


Basically you just want to deflect the negative comment with some light humor. This is all just ASD posturing on her part. If you show that you are fun, easy going, and her comments don't affect you then those defences will come down.

And this:

Agree and Amplify.

Presume the sale
HER: "We are definitely not having sex."
YOU: " I agree, I'm not into 'Red Week' sex either."

Caffeinate the Hamster
HER: "We are definitely not having sex."
YOU: " You're right, my other girlfriends DO deserve a turn."

Defamation of Character
HER: "We are definitely not having sex."
YOU: " That's probbably for the best, I'm glad you want to take things slooooww,...it's nice to finally be with a girl who's so conservative and can restrain herself."

Shall I go on?

And:

I just nod, say "Sure, I wasn't even thinking about it." and move onto another topic.

If this girl really wants to pretend that we're not going to have sex while we're both alone and at her house at 3am, then I'll play along with the illusion.

I interpret this type of situation as a girl wanting to convince herself that she was "seduced" into sex, as opposed to overtly desiring it. So, once the "Not having sex" line has been thrown at me, I find that it's best to skip to other topics to let the girl keep her illusion. Hell, once you've made it to this point, the sale has been made and it's not about talk anymore. Might as well keep my mouth shut and just let it happen..

This is all very solid advice--as were many other's advice too--moving on with humor or just side-stepping the issue would have 100% been the right move.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

What would you all say / do to move through a sh!t test such as this?

The others already pointed out your rookie mistake on judging her words as the final verdict, rather than her actions which were screaming sexxxxx. It doesn't really matter what your response is as long as you don't project that her comment affected you.

girl: "were not having sex tonight"

you: "okay" (keep doing what your doing

or maybe go sarcastic on her:

you: "that's such a relief to hear!" (then smile)


I actually had one byatch shiat test me in a similar fashion a while back. Not to toot my own horn, but I'm a good looking guy, and this girl I was messing around with invited me to her place one night to come over and drink wine. I get there, she's already semi-drunk, she's wearing little booty shorts, tank top no bra, pins me against the wall right when I walk in and starts making out with me. She then says "I'm too good looking for you, (while smiling). I respond by laughing at her and say "riggggght, that's why you invited me over, that's why your all over me, that's why you asked Amanda for my # and told her how hot I was right?" Guess what her response was? "you ARE hot" then proceeds to keep making out with me.

I've gotten to the point where I literally see a woman's mouth moving but no words coming out, because I know what they say has literally no correlation with what they want to do or will do.

But honestly it did seem sort of snotty, like 'I'm not going to sleep with you just so you know'

Doesn't matter, she wanted you from the minute she laid eyes on you. You probably can still hit it, if you re-engage and hang out again.








PIMP

 

[scrouds]

She's not going to call you. Hell she might not even answer when you call her. You pulled the total rejection on her.

Her hamster has now been working for a while, and its come up with the following: I said no sex, he didn't want to hang out with me, all he wanted me was for sex. That's obviously not me. What does he think I am some kind of slut? If he calls it'll just be to have sex, and I'm not a slut, I better not even answer. That's basstard! He just wanted to use me for sex! fuucking assshole.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

She's not going to call you. Hell she might not even answer when you call her. You pulled the total rejection on her.

Her hamster has now been working for a while, and its come up with the following: I said no sex, he didn't want to hang out with me, all he wanted me was for sex. That's obviously not me. What does he think I am some kind of slut? If he calls it'll just be to have sex, and I'm not a slut, I better not even answer. That's basstard! He just wanted to use me for sex! fuucking assshole.

LOL. You might be right!

Meh, fvck it. There's always more.

 

[Viagra4Soul]

I had an interesting interaction on this subject with a new plate on the weekend.

We've got drinks plans laid out, and she's telling me she's dropping one of her plates to meet me (!) She tells me he's just after sex now, she knows it, so as long as I'm not after the same - drinks would be great. Of course, I tell her I NEVER operate like that. Anyone who trys to get sex on the first date, I tell her, is insane. It is automatic SUICIDE for a new relationship and guys who try this are crazy - that's my rule, I say. She heartily agrees and tells me I'm the first guy she has ever heard come out and say that. Plans are finalised.....

We meet at 8pm, the bar closed at 11pm, by 11.30 she is deep throating me on her balcony (totally her initiation), bedroom for the rest, fall asleep, more, beat a hasty retreat at 8am. Texting me now non-stop for a repeat performance. She has mentioned about 15 god-damn times since that she's "sorry we broke my rule - but that it's all my fault <smile>".

She's not a slut - she can't be because I broke my own rule and slept with her, despite her 'protests' (none). And now she's enjoying reminding me of it.
Guilt-free for her.

Actions..... not words.