I'm just not making any progress in dating - very frustrating

[bigdave17]

I don't know what to do. I am still stuck on being an obsessive perfectionist in regards to dating - I don't want to approach women unless I'm totally perfect and my life situation is totally perfect and the approach scenario is close to perfect. I'm getting a hair transplant in 4 weeks - my hair is decent now (hardly anybody can tell I'm losing a bit of hair) but this transplant will give me nearly perfect hairline and extreme density/super thick hair all over. I push myself so hard - I feel like I can't approach women unless every part of my existence is perfect. I can't snap out of feeling like women wouldn't be interested in me unless every part of my existence is perfect. As it stands now, every part of my life is very very strong but it's just never enough in my head. I want to be more and more and more and more successful in every part of my life to feel like I deserve a girlfriend.

When it comes to actually approaching women, I only want to do it when it's a very easy scenario with basically no obstacles and the girl makes it obvious that she likes me before I even say anything.

how the f*ck do I snap out of this nonsense? God I want to start dating so badly. I'm so sick and tired of spending every weekend with no women in my life. I'm so sick and tired of not being able to double date with my boys who have girlfriends and wives. I feel like I'm stuck in a terrible hole and I just can't dig my way out

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

This obsession with perfection is less than 'perfect'.

 

[bigdave17]

This obsession with perfection is less than 'perfect'.

in my head, women don't want a man unless he is a 10/10 in every way imaginable

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

in my head, women don't want a man unless he is a 10/10 in every way imaginable

Sure, and that is them being in their head also. But real attraction in the real world doesn't work like that. Also, you don't want to be going for the 'perfect' woman because often she is just plastic.

 

[bigdave17]

I can't drop this obsession with self improvement and it's just never enough in my head to have women in my life

- when I was 18, I told myself I would get girls once I was in shape. I'm now the leanest and most muscular I've ever been at 29. Still don't feel like it's enough
- Told myself I would get girls once I bought my own house - did it, still don't feel it's enough
- Told myself i would get girls once I started making 100k+ - I'm on track to make nearly 200K this year, still don't feel it's enough

I don't understand what I would have to be to feel that I'm good enough for dating. I think even if I was a world famous movie star and a 10/10 in every way imaginable, I would still make up an excuse to why I wasn't good enough.

I've convinced myself that dating is the hardest thing imaginable in the world, that women are impossible, that women's standards are impossible and that it's completely hopeless. I see a pretty girl at my gym and the first 4 thoughts racing in my head are

1)she has a boyfriend
2)she doesn't want to be approached
3)even if she is single, she would only date the 6'3 male model looking dudes at my gym
4)If I initiated conversation with her, she would be extremely annoyed

 

[bigdave17]

Sure, and that is them being in their head also. But real attraction in the real world doesn't work like that. Also, you don't want to be going for the 'perfect' woman because often she is just plastic.

I'm like a 7-8 but I'm very strong in almost all other areas

I want a woman who is a 7-8 who is decent in other areas. I'm not expecting to meet a 26 year old woman who makes 200K a year like I do. I realize I'm in top 0.001 percentile of people my age in areas like that

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

You have massive 'inner game' issues. You're like the man who wanted to be rich.. he wanted a million, then a billion, then a trillion. You may as well try to swallow the ocean as satisfy unrestrained desire.

You have to be able to say 'I have enough... I am enough'. This puts you into the gratitude frame of mind... where you start giving instead of taking..

 

[bigdave17]

You have massive 'inner game' issues. You're like the man who wanted to be rich.. he wanted a million, then a billion, then a trillion. You may as well try to swallow the ocean as satisfy unrestrained desire.

I think at a young age, I convinced myself that dating is impossible and that women are impossible and that I would never deserve to date at all

so now I'm trying to be perfect in every way to feel validated that I'm good enough to have a dating life but it's never enough. To be honest with you, my life outside of dating is going much better than I could have ever hoped for. I never thought I would be doing this well this young in all facets of my life. People look at my situation and they're absolutely baffled that I don't date. In my head, it makes perfect sense because I've made dating and women the most difficult thing in the world to understand

I see a hot girl at my gym and I get tons and tons of super negative thoughts racing through my head about how she has impossible standards and would never like me.

 

[Atom Smasher]

OP, you are figuratively throwing yourself down prostrate on the floor, begging all of womankind to accept you.

You are doomed to fail until you decide that YOU are supposed to be judging THEM. Women LOVE a man who judges them because they cannot date down. They need to perceive that a man is above them.

I started doing well with women when I started overtly judging them, taking them to task for stupid behavior and wearing a mildly disgusted expression on my face when they displeased me in any way.

They can smell your supplication 5 miles away. Your hairline doesn’t matter. Your imperfections don’t matter. What matters is how you make them FEEL.

What happens when you ruthlessly judge them in a detached way is that you find yourself being a very nice, decent, but firm guy to the ones who deserve your attention, and you obviously eliminate the ones who aren’t worth your while.

Men tend to be afraid of appearing hard or antisocial if they do this. It somehow feels wrong and unattractive. The direct opposite is true. Women are like moths to a flame when you decide to judge them. They DESPERATELY want a man whom they can look up to. The man who primps and fusses over himself can never be that man.

A woman who is worthy will value a man whom she senses she must bring her “A” game to.

 

[Dingo]

What did your psychiatrist say?

This...

Are you getting help ?

 

[bigdave17]

This...

Are you getting help ?

no

I feel like a loser if I need to talk to a shrink. I keep thinking I can fix this myself with positive reconditioning

what it comes down to is I just can't get over this huge hill of feeling hopeless and feeling like women are impossible

 

[R.U.G.]

You may have some O.C.D. tendencies. You need to see a therapist to help map out a way for your to relax and calm down. The problem is you, not the women. You want Wonder Woman. That's not possible. You are showing some feminine tendencies. Were you raised by a single mother? No judgement, just you are not acting masculine, you are acting feminine. Which, is fine, but most women do not really like that unless you are jonesing for cuck status.

You are not a loser if you talk to a shrink. Many people do that and they work through their issues. You ARE a loser if you select not to. Don't be a loser.

 

[bigdave17]

You may have some O.C.D. tendencies. You need to see a therapist to help map out a way for your to relax and calm down. The problem is you, not the women. You want Wonder Woman. That's not possible. You are showing some feminine tendencies. Were you raised by a single mother? No judgement, just you are not acting masculine, you are acting feminine. Which, is fine, but most women do not really like that unless you are jonesing for cuck status.

You are not a loser if you talk to a shrink. Many people do that and they work through their issues. You ARE a loser if you select not to. Don't be a loser.

I don't want wonder woman, I want something close to a female equivalent of myself

I'm a decent looking dude, with a nice fit body who is solid with finances, can hold a good conversation about anything, doesn't have kids but wants them and is very easy to get along with. Why is it so hard for me to have the female version of that?

and no I have a wonderful dad. What do you mean by feminine tendencies?

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

I don't want wonder woman, I want something close to a female equivalent of myself

This is a concern. I think you need to educate yourself... expand your horizons beyond yourself.

 

[Igetit!]

I don't want wonder woman, I want something close to a female equivalent of myself

A female equivalent of yourself?....

You want a woman who's insecure,has no confidence,and who's mind is full of fear,doubt,and negative talk?

 

[Dingo]

no

I feel like a loser if I need to talk to a shrink. I keep thinking I can fix this myself with positive reconditioning

what it comes down to is I just can't get over this huge hill of feeling hopeless and feeling like women are impossible

Dude..... Don't think that way.... Shrinks or counselors help you look at things differently... outside the box. They are trained to help you figure things out.

Sometimes you need somebody else to flip that switch in your head... I know.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Sure, and that is them being in their head also. But real attraction in the real world doesn't work like that. Also, you don't want to be going for the 'perfect' woman because often she is just plastic.

Yep he's fvcking up his vibe. He needs to decide he's a player and then start climbing pvssy mountain.

 

[sph21]

You're too afraid to fail (with women). You want everything to be safe when you are interacting with a woman. Deep down, you are still Mr. Nice Guy. Women are attracted to courageous men. Courageous men can be dangerous ones if the situations are needed. They protect what they value the most. Women want men who can be their shields when things are getting rough. Women want warriors. This is why women are attracted to them.

Pook wrote an excelent post here: Towards Manhood!. For your own sake, please read it. Only then, you'll understand what I wrote above.

Lesson Fifteen

...

“The greatest risk you can take in life is not to risk it all!”

“You can be the smartest person in the world, the most talented, the most persistent, but you will never win in the world or with women unless you embrace the glory of RISK.”

...

“But what if the situation itself seems IMPOSSIBLE? What if ALL ODDS SEEM AGAINST YOU? What happens then?”

Pook, exhausted from this post, began to vanish towards the Pook Place where all Pooks come from. “Just remember…”

“Opportunities are brilliantly disguised as impossible situations!”

 

[bigdave17]

You're too afraid to fail (with women). You want everything to be safe when you are interacting with a woman. Deep down, you are still Mr. Nice Guy. Women are attracted to courageous men. Courageous men can be dangerous ones if the situations are needed. They protect what they value the most. Women want men who can be their shields when things are getting rough. Women want warriors. This is why women are attracted to them.

Pook wrote an excelent post here: Towards Manhood!. For your own sake, please read it. Only then, you'll understand what I wrote above.

great post

and yes I despise risk. I want it all to be very easy

 

[Mike32ct]

Losing the ego is so important for this stuff. On one hand, you sound like a fun-loving guy who likes people. Great. But you need to be able to transfer that over to dealing with women.

One time (circa 2006 AD) I was in Vegas. This HB6 was coming on to me rather aggressively, but she seemed cool, so ok. Her friend was a HB7, but cold as ice to me. She kept talking down to me. Eventually, the HB7 met some tall 6’2” Air Force dude. Before she left with him (and left me alone with my girl), she said, “Mike, you’re wicked cool. I’ve been such a bytch to you, but it hasn’t phased you one bit.”

The funny part was I honestly wasn’t “trying” to not GAF or have “frame” or any of that crap. I was genuinely having a fantastic time and kept smiling and laughing at everything.

See my point? A guy like you can easily be that way with much hotter women.