I'm just not making any progress in dating - very frustrating

[bigdave17]

Losing the ego is so important for this stuff. On one hand, you sound like a fun-loving guy who likes people. Great. But you need to be able to transfer that over to dealing with women.

One time (circa 2006 AD) I was in Vegas. This HB6 was coming on to me rather aggressively, but she seemed cool, so ok. Her friend was a HB7, but cold as ice to me. She kept talking down to me. Eventually, the HB7 met some tall 6’2” Air Force dude. Before she left with him (and left me alone with my girl), she said, “Mike, you’re wicked cool. I’ve been such a bytch to you, but it hasn’t phased you one bit.”

The funny part was I honestly wasn’t “trying” to not GAF or have “frame” or any of that crap. I was genuinely having a fantastic time and kept smiling and laughing at everything.

See my point? A guy like you can easily be that way with much hotter women.

once I get the process rolling, I usually don't have a problem keeping it fun and pleasant

my 2 issues are

1)I hate risk and want everything to be super easy with no obstacles

2)I think that women have impossible standards and don't want to approach because I feel so hopeless

 

[mrgoodstuff]

If you keep doing what you where doing before and keep complaining about it, how do you expect anything to change?

 

[R.U.G.]

I don't want wonder woman, I want something close to a female equivalent of myself

I'm a decent looking dude, with a nice fit body who is solid with finances, can hold a good conversation about anything, doesn't have kids but wants them and is very easy to get along with. Why is it so hard for me to have the female version of that?

and no I have a wonderful dad. What do you mean by feminine tendencies?

bitching and moning. Me me me. I want I want I want. Sounds more feminine than masculine.

 

[Spaz]

You and Richard should meet up, compare notes and advice each other.

 

[spred]

I think at a young age, I convinced myself that dating is impossible and that women are impossible and that I would never deserve to date at all

so now I'm trying to be perfect in every way to feel validated that I'm good enough to have a dating life but it's never enough. To be honest with you, my life outside of dating is going much better than I could have ever hoped for. I never thought I would be doing this well this young in all facets of my life. People look at my situation and they're absolutely baffled that I don't date. In my head, it makes perfect sense because I've made dating and women the most difficult thing in the world to understand

I see a hot girl at my gym and I get tons and tons of super negative thoughts racing through my head about how she has impossible standards and would never like me.

Dave, looking through your messages I see myself. Good looking, good dresser, enough money and successful in my career, wanting quality women.
I spent 20 years overthinking like you, and I am 40 now.
These thoughts will remain with you forever but you have to learn to supress them and just go and fail.
Actually dating and failing will be much less painful than you think, see women and men with much more problems than you, real or not.
After a few months you will realise *all* people have doubts, failings and problems. Not just you.
I owned and own my issues and take it easy, one day at the time, one woman at the time.
Since I accepted myself and my problems, the aura I project changed, because I ger a sh1tload of attention from women, career is excellent and I get new quality friends.
Women are now at the botttom of my wishlist. Its Iike they fall in my lap
Get over it and start failing

 

[sazc]

Dave, you've got KILLER anxiety.

It really needs to be dealt with in a professional setting.

In the interim, maybe try some CBD oil. I hear it helps with anxiety.

 

[oldmanofthesea]

Search youtube for "infield approach".

Remember that a woman who you approach on the street can't reject you as a person. She doesn't even know you. In the 2-5 minutes you talk with her, she's going to know almost nothing about you as a person. She will make a snap judgement on whether or not she's interested in a date with you based on the general vibe she gets from you and how attracted she is physically to you, but if she decides the answer is no, that's not a judgement on you as a person, so don't take it as an indication of your value as a person or your value to every woman on the planet. Remember that the GOAL is to approach women, not get a specific outcome. Every time you approach, you should be proud of yourself, regardless of how she responds.

When it comes to anxiety, get out of your head. Before you approach, if you feel anxious, get out of your head and focus on your body. What are you feeling in your body and where is it? In your stomach? Knees? Focus on that feeling and it will help you relax.

Also remember that if you approach 100 women, only 1 is going to be really nasty on average. Most will be polite but not interested, quite a few will be very engaging but not interested, and a few will be very engaging and interested.

 

[bigdave17]

Dave, looking through your messages I see myself. Good looking, good dresser, enough money and successful in my career, wanting quality women.
I spent 20 years overthinking like you, and I am 40 now.
These thoughts will remain with you forever but you have to learn to supress them and just go and fail.
Actually dating and failing will be much less painful than you think, see women and men with much more problems than you, real or not.
After a few months you will realise *all* people have doubts, failings and problems. Not just you.
I owned and own my issues and take it easy, one day at the time, one woman at the time.
Since I accepted myself and my problems, the aura I project changed, because I ger a sh1tload of attention from women, career is excellent and I get new quality friends.
Women are now at the botttom of my wishlist. Its Iike they fall in my lap
Get over it and start failing

great advice

 

[Fzatf]

no

I feel like a loser if I need to talk to a shrink. I keep thinking I can fix this myself with positive reconditioning

what it comes down to is I just can't get over this huge hill of feeling hopeless and feeling like women are impossible

Going to see a therapist to overcome something you're failing to do alone doesn't make you a loser. You just might be able to shift your perspective with help.

 

[ohrein]

Talking about it isn't going to help you at this point, Dave. You have two options, as I see it. Continue to avoid your fears and post about your inaction, or go and face failure head on repeatedly until you master it. There are no words or shortcuts to escape learning through experience. A doctor can't be a great doctor without experience and actually practicing the craft. Practicing the craft means embracing inexperience and making mistakes. Everyone fails upward. It's how you achieve anything.

"Bravery isn't being fearless. It's being afraid and doing it anyway." Time for you to be brave.

EDIT : Just noticed @spred said the same thing. Great minds or something like that.

 

[spred]

Just to reinforce what me and ohrein said earlier:

Met this woman today by chance, who is flirty and interested since almost a year. I didnt make a move because she is a coworker, but I did reciprocate some of flirting.

In previous interactions I held my frame, acted aloof. Today I saw her from distance (hot af), she opened me up, I stated to act all mushy and shy, were talking about time, she said time is passing and people should go for what they want (covert message to me "make a move already you fool")
We parted our ways, I felt like a failure), but after 10 minutes I was laughing at myself how weak I was...

Next time I will make a move, even if I know she knows I am interested and lost frame.

**** it, I have nothing to lose

 

[Murk]

See a therapist, so worth.

 

[DBam]

Dude, you need to step up and stop avoiding what so many others have already pointed out. Get some GOOD professional help. Posting about the latest source of anxiety, discontent or unhappiness here, as you do usually in multiple new threads each week, isn't addressing the underlying issue.

You're not happy. It doesn't matter what you do or what you have as you've already pointed out. And this isn't about women, or your game, or how you sabotage your own chances of getting dates. You're sabotaging your chance at being happy and that's intrinsically derived.

I'm paraphrasing but you've basically said "If I could meet and date a girl like me I could be happy." No you won't be. You'll let yourself stop self-loathing for a time, until she's gone and then you'll probably be an even bigger mess. Depending on extrinsic crutches to be happy is a recipe for disaster.

What irks me is how unstable you are. What if something doesn't go your way, like you lose your job or get real sick and lose your health or have some family tragedy? Maybe some girl from your gym that you get oneitis-at-first-sight for gives you a harsh rejection. How are you going to deal with life's sh*tty situations? Do YOU think YOU would be OK? You can work super hard to make a perfect life but life doesn't always care; how are you going to respond to that?

Get comfortable in your own skin, be at a point where you can accept yourself and your limitations and strengths and weaknesses. It takes self-love. Go listen to Justin Bieber and learn to love yourself. Yeah that's right, he probably knows more about this than you and that alone should be enough to get you motivated. But admit you've got some issues to sort out and then seek help. I've sought help when I needed it and I don't feel anything but gratitude for it now. You've had your cry for attention now take the advice. Get happy.