I'm great around girls until I know they like me

[Canibus27]

This is a problem I've always seemed to have. And I’m on top of my game, and when the girl says that she likes me, everything changes for me. I become self-conscious about what she is constantly thinking about me. It's like I have all these new obligations that I have to be this funny person every time I'm around her.

For instance, I'm talking to this girl, and I am on top of my game. Everything I'm say she is laughing her ass off, she is flirting with me. And I like what’s going on between us, because one, I don't know if she likes me, and two, this is the only time I act like this. We have 4 out of 7 classes together, and this is the only class I really let loose with her. Now, if she said she likes me, I feel like I would have to present this to her each and every time I see. I'm pretty quite in our first period class, and like we don't really talk. And if she said she liked me I would have to change who I am to be this funny guy.

I don't know, I guess it’s kind of weird. I guess it's just something I have to get over. I'm known as a weird funny guy who says crazy things and should be on the jackass show, but I'm also a genuine guy who has deep feelings.

My question is how I get over this. If anything does happen I want to be completely comfortable around her. I always seem to loose my free spirit every time I’m around women who I know like me.

 

[river105]

I suppose I have a similar problem. I can flirt and attract girls no problem, but once I start to like them I act completely differently. I begin to watch what I say and not flirt with them, and I am a lot more uptight around the girl I like.

This obviously comes from putting the girl on a pedestal. Remember, you are the prize. So what I did is act a little more careless, and its easier to be around her now.

Just, uh, be yourself. I know I wouldnt say something funny or be by normal self because I was afraid of offending her or I would act as to how I thought she would want me to. You have to remember that she is attracted to you, and by acting different around her you are changing yourself and her thoughts about you. If it aint broke, dont fix it.

 

[mister o]

I have a similar problem (actually I just made a post similar to this last night - http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=110759). river's right - changing the way we act will only make us less attractive. I've got to mentally reaffirm my place on the pedestal when I'm around girls I like.

 

[river105]

Yeah. One thing I like to think to help me bolster my confidence (because that is really all you need: the confidence to be yourself) is that you like these girls for a reason right? They are something special. Well, THEY like you! It feels pretty good to have a girl who you think is above everyone else be interested in you. That means you are at least at or above her level, so the next time you see her, dont automatically think she is better than you.

 

[bearfan34201]

I hear you guys. I started getting oneitis from this girl I met a month ago. We started hangin out on the weekends, She'd call me every once in awhile and I started genuinely liking her. Unforuntantly I did'nt listen to myself and went back to being a paranoid *****. Some things happened Friday night that didnt turn out well. She called me and asked me what happened and I yelled at her for some rumors I heard and other things.


long story short, She was suppose to call me sat night. Never did. Found out she was at a party. My buddy said he talked to her and she said she got done babysitting early and just went over to her friends. Onto a party.

Oddly enough, I havent talked to her since she called sunday night. I called her back, oh well. She can make contact with me if she wants too. Sunday night I hooked up with some girl who wants to start seeing me. So I have no desperation to call her or anything anymore. It's up to her.

So F her if she doesnt want to talk. I have more than her as options. Plenty more options once I get over mono! DOH!

 

[coldcoal]

The reason why she is telling you explicitly that she likes you is because she feels like she has to in order to get things moving along. It's when this becomes obvious that you start feeling the pressure? You're not reading them right. You're waiting too long to make some moves.

 

[Sean O]

I think you just care too much about the outcome. You have to learn to view women as a complimentary aspect of your life, rather than a focus of it. Also, this:

Just, uh, be yourself. I know I wouldnt say something funny or be by normal self because I was afraid of offending her or I would act as to how I thought she would want me to. You have to remember that she is attracted to you, and by acting different around her you are changing yourself and her thoughts about you. If it aint broke, dont fix it.

...is good advice. Just be your true self, and don't give it any more thought from there. The people who like you will gravitate towards you, and the people who don't will not. That's not to say that you shouldn't listen to constructive criticism or that you should never strive to improve yourself, but the key is to just let these things happen naturally. If you try to force someone to like you, it'll never happen .

 

[bearfan34201]

The reason why she is telling you explicitly that she likes you is because she feels like she has to in order to get things moving along. It's when this becomes obvious that you start feeling the pressure? You're not reading them right. You're waiting too long to make some moves.

Who are you talking too?

 

[coldcoal]

Who are you talking too?

I'm talking to the guy that started this thread. Usually, when a woman has to extend the effort to make her attraction clear the guy is lacking in his advances on her.

I've seen this play out several times before. The guy feels like he has to keep up the act that got him to that point without realizing she's actually telling him to stop with all that sh*t for right now and make a move. If he doesn't clue in to this soon, she's going to suddenly lose interest. And naturally, he's is going to think it was because he couldn't keep the act up when in fact it was because he wouldn't let the act go.

 

[Canibus27]

She hasn't said that she likes me.

 

[bearfan34201]

I'm talking to the guy that started this thread. Usually, when a woman has to extend the effort to make her attraction clear the guy is lacking in his advances on her.

I've seen this play out several times before. The guy feels like he has to keep up the act that got him to that point without realizing she's actually telling him to stop with all that sh*t for right now and make a move. If he doesn't clue in to this soon, she's going to suddenly lose interest. And naturally, he's is going to think it was because he couldn't keep the act up when in fact it was because he wouldn't let the act go.

That's true. I wonder if that's why the blonde might be losing interest. To be honest, I'm really stumped on how that went downhill so fast. It might have been the conversation on the phone that really threw her off. I'm thikning about touching base with her tonight or tomorrow to make plans for friday night. Then the girl I met sunday for saturday night. With maybe a new girl depending on what parties are going on or what I end up doing.

 

[donovan]

I think most of us guys are in the same boat, along with women...

The problem is, we are biologically pre-disposed to start "liking" someone if we connect and spend time with them. Its evolutionary. The trick is, to get yourself in a state of mind where you can attract her, and know that even if she leaves, or it doesn't work out, you've still got options.

Like one of the above posts said, make women a complimentary part of your life, not the focus of it. Do interesting things that you're passionate about and it will make it easier!

Heart goes out to ya

 

[coldcoal]

She hasn't said that she likes me.

You said that you're having issues when women tell you that they like you, so I responded in general to a problem that sounds like you're having with women in general.

This particular one hasn't said that yet. OK, fine. Are you going to wait for her to do that? She's laughing and she flirting with you. What exactly do you need to know to figure out if she 'likes' you? Seriously. Answer for me what exactly it is that convinces you that you're good to go; good to make a move. Only then can I help a little more.

 

[coldcoal]

That's true. I wonder if that's why the blonde might be losing interest. To be honest, I'm really stumped on how that went downhill so fast. It might have been the conversation on the phone that really threw her off. I'm thikning about touching base with her tonight or tomorrow to make plans for friday night. Then the girl I met sunday for saturday night. With maybe a new girl depending on what parties are going on or what I end up doing.

I wouldn't get too appologetic or anything like that. This is not a good way to touch base. You're better off showing a side of yourself she hasn't seen yet than to try to explain yourself and whatever it was that went down previously. I wouldn't bring up the issue that caused her loss in interest until she brings it up herself, and only then brush it off with a ho-hum excuse and move on to another topic.

 

[bearfan34201]

I wouldn't get too appologetic or anything like that. This is not a good way to touch base. You're better off showing a side of yourself she hasn't seen yet than to try to explain yourself and whatever it was that went down previously. I wouldn't bring up the issue that caused her loss in interest until she brings it up herself, and only then brush it off with a ho-hum excuse and move on to another topic.

Well we already talked about that friday night, I then told her everythings cool. And she agreed. I told her to call me the next day when she gets done babysitting so we could set something up.

Never heard from her, That's when my buddy had to call her. This is after she didnt pick up for me, But picks up for him. He told me she was at a party, and she said she got off babysitting early and went over to a gf's house.From there they went to a party. He also told me that when he called some guy answered and asked if this was "lewis". Which is my real name but I use a nickname(initials). And he said the guy asked a few times, Jokingly.

Which upsets me cause they obviously were making fun of me or some ****. My buddy said she called him back and siad some guys had her phone (ohhh sure) and that she has some guy named Lewis her phone. LOL. ok. My buddy said she doesnt have his number so she bviously told them to pick it up for her(which i've seen before) and they more than likely asked her my name. Which she jokingly replied lewis and of course they talked **** on the phone. But what's funny is they wouldnt be talking **** person to person.


That's the whole story. And then she calls me sunday. But again, It should'nt matter what goes on between me and her. Cause I don't care. I'm over it. But I still would liek to get to the bottom of it. And not have us not talk anymore, which has happneed to some girls in the past I hooked up with. I would like too see where this goes.

And for the argument on the phone friday. That's a whole nother story itself. If you guys are intersted in it, Let me know. It involved football crowds, fighting, people being pissed and alot of swearing. Typical highschool crap. haha

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Pretty much I'm looking at this situation as a slap in the face. That somehow I can't do what her other Boyfriends did. Whatever. It lasted like a few weeks and that's it. Once again. That's another one I Next. I have learn, For whatever I did wrong and not do it again. There's a lot of girls out there so I'm not upset.

 

[Canibus27]

My problem s that if I find out a girl likes me that I like, I feel like I now have all these obligations that I need to perform.

 

[Nighthawk]

Would you prefer a nice hard c*ck?

 

[bearfan34201]

My problem s that if I find out a girl likes me that I like, I feel like I now have all these obligations that I need to perform.

My problem is also that. I feel that I need to be the good boyfriend. Because I see these other guys with girlfriends, And I wonder to myself. "Why can't I have one?". And I do the things they do, and It ends up being ****ty because that's not me.

 

[DA KID]

I have a silmar situation when I told a girl I liked her and she said she liked me back but I dont know what I should do now. Should I just try and make a relationship with her ask her to be BF/GF or should I just take advantage and try and get more physical

 

[bearfan34201]

Depends, My buddy likes relationships.I've tried relationships before and they never work. They end in alot of paranoia and jealousy and me being hurt.

I'm also 18. Just have fun and see lots of girls. We're to young too know what we really want. So go out and experience alot of girls.