I'm great around girls until I know they like me
- Thread starter Canibus27
- Start date
Bubs
Don Juan
Seems to me the problem is you look too far into the future.
I used to have hang ups like:
If i sleep with her and she likes me, what if i hurt her?
Oh God, What do i do? I know she likes me, and i'm showing i like her, i dont want a relationship with her.
bottom line, mine was hurting the girls feelings.
I'm not too sure what your hang up is. Maybe its like dancing in your kitchen. You feel great dancing in the kitchen and looking like an *******, till you notice somebody is watching you - then you stop!
Same with you - when it's working, you feel like you should stop.
Like i say, i dont know what your hang up is, but thru my experience its something that it's going to progress to.
Either:
You feel guilty leading her down the wrong path - relationship, commitment, hurting her because she has her hopes up etc
or
you're self-conscious you can't KEEP her interested, now the bar is up so high you have to keep to that level.
Most people with success get that pressure. Just figure out whats sabotaging you and why...then the rest is just a choice
I used to have hang ups like:
If i sleep with her and she likes me, what if i hurt her?
Oh God, What do i do? I know she likes me, and i'm showing i like her, i dont want a relationship with her.
bottom line, mine was hurting the girls feelings.
I'm not too sure what your hang up is. Maybe its like dancing in your kitchen. You feel great dancing in the kitchen and looking like an *******, till you notice somebody is watching you - then you stop!
Same with you - when it's working, you feel like you should stop.
Like i say, i dont know what your hang up is, but thru my experience its something that it's going to progress to.
Either:
You feel guilty leading her down the wrong path - relationship, commitment, hurting her because she has her hopes up etc
or
you're self-conscious you can't KEEP her interested, now the bar is up so high you have to keep to that level.
Most people with success get that pressure. Just figure out whats sabotaging you and why...then the rest is just a choice
S1NN3R
Master Don Juan
A lot of people get anxiety when they like a girl, even if it's not present with the same girl before or after they like them. I remember I used to be that way. I can't even remember the number of times that I had a back and forth relationship with a girl. I would meet her, start to like her, then act like a social invalid from anxiety, which would of course turn her off, then when I got the clue that she wasn't interested, I'd mentally move on and start to act like my normal self again, which would get her all hot and bothered, at which point I would again fall back into the timid type, and it would repeat. I don't really know how I got over it. I guess at some point, I just stopped caring, I had other things on my mind that were more important (of course, I always did, but tell that to a horny teenager). Once I didn't care, everything became easy. I wish I could tell you how to not care as much, but I'm drawing dead here.
highschoolguy
Don Juan
lol it happens to me too. When they say that I always tell myself not to screw this up, I am this close... Now I am trying to change how I think.
PRMoon
Master Don Juan
I've had similar problems in the past and I've come up with this theory. I think what the problem is, is fear of change. You're good at making moves, acting suave around, and having solid convos with girls who are your aquaintences or friends. This is the comfort zone for many (myself included). It's easy to work here because it's framiler, it's safe. It's like walking a tight rope with a saftey net. You're confidence is high because you know if you screw up you're still good. Nothing too bad will happen all in all and knowing that allows you to game with little conciquences. This is the train of thought that your mind is going through.
Then, the change sets in. All of a sudden this girl tells you she's into you or wants to date you or something. Things have changed because this isn't just a friend or an aquaintence for you any longer, now this is a physical interest and it's staring down at you. Now your actions have conciquences in your mind and though your confiedence may not be shot, you're more self consious because you know that there's at least one set of eyes on you now. You start thinking things over that you didn't think twice about before, double checking your convos, letting stupid lines slip, maybe even act a bit more juvenile. It's like the saftey net came down and now there are conciquences to your actions even though in reality nothing has changed that much.
My suggestion is this, when you're around a girl you're just friends with before, and she tells you she likes you or is attracted to you, engrain it in your mind by anymeans possible that things are the same. Meditation, hypnosis, mind drilling whatever it takes for you to no longer think of the situation as changed should do the trick. Do this for the next few girls and you should have the problem licked. I've taken the I don't care route recently and pretended that girl who recently told me she likes me, didn't (Because it's a co worker and I'm already dating one) and it's worked out okay for the most part. I treat her just like the rest of my friends/co workers at work and she's responding to it in a way that says "he's not interested right now" kinda way...I think...darn shame cause she's pretty hot but I'm dating the second co worker in the last three months so I'm not trying to develop too much of a reputation for "getting around"
That's my take on it anyway
Then, the change sets in. All of a sudden this girl tells you she's into you or wants to date you or something. Things have changed because this isn't just a friend or an aquaintence for you any longer, now this is a physical interest and it's staring down at you. Now your actions have conciquences in your mind and though your confiedence may not be shot, you're more self consious because you know that there's at least one set of eyes on you now. You start thinking things over that you didn't think twice about before, double checking your convos, letting stupid lines slip, maybe even act a bit more juvenile. It's like the saftey net came down and now there are conciquences to your actions even though in reality nothing has changed that much.
My suggestion is this, when you're around a girl you're just friends with before, and she tells you she likes you or is attracted to you, engrain it in your mind by anymeans possible that things are the same. Meditation, hypnosis, mind drilling whatever it takes for you to no longer think of the situation as changed should do the trick. Do this for the next few girls and you should have the problem licked. I've taken the I don't care route recently and pretended that girl who recently told me she likes me, didn't (Because it's a co worker and I'm already dating one) and it's worked out okay for the most part. I treat her just like the rest of my friends/co workers at work and she's responding to it in a way that says "he's not interested right now" kinda way...I think...darn shame cause she's pretty hot but I'm dating the second co worker in the last three months so I'm not trying to develop too much of a reputation for "getting around"
That's my take on it anyway
Dude, you are right on point with how I feel. I feel when a girl says that she likes me, that now I have to watch everything I do. I feel like she is watching everything I do.
About this girl I'm talking to right now, things are going great. Were laughing together all the time. She sits behind me in science, and she's constatly throwing paperballs at me, and passing notes to me. She always looks at me, and when I look at her, we both just start laughing. So right now, things are good.
About this girl I'm talking to right now, things are going great. Were laughing together all the time. She sits behind me in science, and she's constatly throwing paperballs at me, and passing notes to me. She always looks at me, and when I look at her, we both just start laughing. So right now, things are good.