I'm gonna try it!!!! plz keep me motivated!!!!

[Somedude_UK_31]

Hi guys,

I'm gonna force myself to get out of my comfort zone even though I feel like I'm at the bottom of the ocean now. I donno maybe you've read some of my previous postings but in summary I feel like no chick will ever want me

Any advice for a newbie?

Please note I'm not interested in HB8s or up because my goal is not to shag left and right, I'm actually interested in a meaningful long term relationship so I'm going to try to go for 25-28 yrs olds and I'm only 31 so I'm not like one of those guys I saw posting here being 40+ and trying to get a 20 something

I admit I'm so convinced that I'm gonna get shot down left and right, heck I even find girls walk so fast because they don't wanna get bothered

I'm gonna go for my first try at the bookstore, I figured the crowd would be more sophisticated and more inline with what i'm looking for.

Please please please leave me any advice you think is helpful for a newbie at this game. I need all the courage I need and I'm pretty much on my own and no one is really physically with me to give me courage

Thanks in advance guys.

 

[Night-hawk]

My advice for you is this. Don't go out gaming girls until you raise your self esteem. Going out with a "no girl wants me, but I will try anyway" mental gremlin on your shoulders, you most likely will only reinforce negative thoughts about yourself. Do what you can to love yourself first, to where it doesn't matter what a girl's view of you is. Strenghten yourself first. Then, you will discover the little things that used to bother you won't faze you let alone even notice them. You wouldn't dive into a body of water without checking the depth first to make sure its safe, that way no matter how you jump in you will come out ok.

 

[Somedude_UK_31]

My advice for you is this. Don't go out gaming girls until you raise your self esteem. Going out with a "no girl wants me, but I will try anyway" mental gremlin on your shoulders, you most likely will only reinforce negative thoughts about yourself. Do what you can to love yourself first, to where it doesn't matter what a girl's view of you is. Strenghten yourself first. Then, you will discover the little things that used to bother you won't faze you let alone even notice them. You wouldn't dive into a body of water without checking the depth first to make sure its safe, that way no matter how you jump in you will come out ok.

Thanks for the reply NH, I might be totally wrong but I think what is damaging my self esteem is hating myself for no being able to approach and score, again I might be wrong.
I hit the gym constantly, I'm built well, I have a good job as a manager at a big financial institution (rare for my age).
I'm not really short I'm 5'11.

I'm desperate to get out of my bad mood due to not being able to approach.
I always thought no girl wanted me or would want me because I never caught one staring at me or I never had a girl approach me, but then after reading some posts here it became clear this rarely happens, the guy must persue? I donno man please correct me if I'm wrong.
I only asked one girl out in the past 8 months, but i got rejected.

I never approach, I don't even make eye contact with a woman if she walks by me I never look them in the eyes or face. I figured it makes sense I'm not scoring because I'm not approaching?

Thanks man please keep the advice coming!

 

[Desdinova]

Please note I'm not interested in HB8s or up because my goal is not to shag left and right, I'm actually interested in a meaningful long term relationship

Sex is an important and necessary part of any relationship. How in hell are you going to get your d1ck to work if she's an ugly slob?

A woman's physical appearance is NOT a reliable indicator of what her personality is like. Some of the ugliest bytches are also the most fvcked up ones.

so I'm going to try to go for 25-28 yrs olds and I'm only 31 so I'm not like one of those guys I saw posting here being 40+ and trying to get a 20 something

Okay, let's take a woman who's 25-28 years old. She's been with at least 15 different men. A couple of them have cheated on her and she has a much lower opinion of men. She's also had one abortion. Some of her 25-28 year old friends have already become single mothers. Now you get to deal with her being self-conscious in bed and not getting fully naked because two of her ex-bfs called her fat.

Now, take a woman who's 20-22. She's had maybe two or three guys. She's never had an abortion. She's never been called fat. She dumped every guy because they weren't confident nor masculine enough for her which is becoming the norm in this metrosexual world. Only one of her friends has a kid.

Which woman is better quality for a LTR?

I admit I'm so convinced that I'm gonna get shot down left and right, heck I even find girls walk so fast because they don't wanna get bothered

You should do the DJ Bootcamp. Practice and field testing will put things into perspective for you. Scroll down to the bottom, click the link that says "DJ Bible" and the Bootcamp link is near the top of the page.

...and I AM one of those guys you're talking about. If I'm still with my gf when I turn 40, she'll be 27.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Any advice for a newbie?

Small goals. Demolish them, then add a new goal. You can't build a house in one day. But everyday you can do a little thing, here and there. And next day another few things here and there.

This becomes your new comfort zone and you'll be surprised what you can accomplish. Instead of making large changes, make smaller changes every single day that add up. This keeps you far more consistent as well and less likely to get back into your old habits.

Your new habit is forming new habits.

I'm gonna go for my first try at the bookstore, I figured the crowd would be more sophisticated and more inline with what i'm looking for.

Hang around until you get comfortable, talk to some people here and there. Even the ugly ones. Why? Practice, plus they might have something interesting to say and you might learn something. Everyone has value in some way. Even worthless people have value.

 

[Iceberg]

Hi guys,

I'm gonna force myself to get out of my comfort zone even though I feel like I'm at the bottom of the ocean now. I donno maybe you've read some of my previous postings but in summary I feel like no chick will ever want me

Any advice for a newbie?

Please note I'm not interested in HB8s or up because my goal is not to shag left and right,

Sounds like you're saying that you're not interested in women that you find attractive. I mean just because you see a woman as a HB8 doesn't mean that you're goal is to "shag left and right".

If you're dating a woman and she doesn't meet your standards of attraction, then you're going to have a hard time waking up to her every morning. I know people like to think love is this magical thing that conquers all, but you gotta be attracted to the woman you're in a long term relationship with. She doesn't have to be a model. But you don't want to tell yourself that you're not after HB8's.

I'm actually interested in a meaningful long term relationship so I'm going to try to go for 25-28 yrs olds and I'm only 31 so I'm not like one of those guys I saw posting here being 40+ and trying to get a 20 something

For a guy who claims he has zero options, you seem very specific. I'd wager that if a 22 year old HB8 asked you out today, you'd give her a shot.

And as far as "meaningful long term relationships", well you get those the same way you get one night stands, short term hook ups, and everything else....you go on dates. There's no guaranteed method for finding LTRs. You date....you have good dates and bad dates and eventually you find something that works.

Please please please leave me any advice you think is helpful for a newbie at this game. I need all the courage I need and I'm pretty much on my own and no one is really physically with me to give me courage

Thanks in advance guys.

My advice is to relax. Stop looking at your interactions with women as "pick ups" and just start talking. In fact, talk to everyone. Men, women, old, young. Get in the habit of talking to people, and then it's not such a big deal when you talk to women.

Also, it's important to build your social circle. Learning how to Cold Approach is important, but you gotta understand that more people find women through social circles than cold approaching. So get yourself involved in activities (volunteering, sports, music, arts) and meet people.

 

[troy_003]

you don't need a handful of plans and strategy just to start a conversation with a girl," being yourself " is the best costume you will be wearing in front of a girl,and a bucket of self-esteem yet not boastful,I guess after experiencing a lot of relationships the best that I can advice is just be sincere in what you say or what you do,a girl would appreciate that more.

 

[logarithm]

I'm not an expert, but think it will be very useful first to get some interesting social hobbies and use them to improve your conversation/flirting skills and build-up your self-confidence. Approaching random girls in the stores or on the street may be fun and will give you more of the "don't give a fcuk" factor, but I think it's not a good idea to rely solely on it.
Good luck with the sarging - just perceive it as an experiment, keep your cool and don't take it personally. Initially it may feel awkward and confusing, but on the other hand you will have lots of fun stories to share with friends

 

[Somedude_UK_31]

After reading the helpful replies above, a lot of you are saying I should really focus on myself the most to feel better about myself and then as a side task, chat up girls to get used to it and become no more afraid of it.

So I decided to do this to boost my confidence, I donno if this is what you mean by doing things to make myself feel better about myself but here's one thing I identified, please tell me if it qualifies:

Complete overhaul of my wardrobe, I'm going to take everything out and put away the clothes that I feel "not so good" when I wear them.
I have some clothes that I wear because I hate shopping for clothes and too lazy to go spend time picking up nice clothes. I'm going to get rid of them and donate them and go grab a few good quality ones.

What sort of social activities do you suggest? Here's the messed up part, I thought about it but first thing that came to my head immediately that if I join, other people will automatically realize I'm there because I'm lonely and desperate to make buddies. Honestly I know this is twisted, but it's hard and don't know why I can't overcome it even though I know it doesn't make sense.

Also tell me this, I hit the gym 5 times a week so some people I see a lot, is it homo if I ask the guys that I often see there and chat with a little to exchange numbers and do something together sometime?

 

[AAAgent]

you should do the DJ Boot Camp.

It's always the reccomended route for everyone to try to break out of their shell. It's really a life changing course, especially if you stay true and finish it. I'm currently on week 3.

 

[Alvafe]

you can make friends, really how you make friends here and there? don't think that would be a problem.

 

[Alle_Gory]

After reading the helpful replies above, a lot of you are saying I should really focus on myself the most to feel better about myself and then as a side task, chat up girls to get used to it and become no more afraid of it.

It's a matter of comfort. When you are comfortable with them, they will be comfortable with you. Focus on that for the meantime. Make yourself pleasant to be around.

Once that is achieved, then you can move on up. If you try to do everything all at once, you're going to have some really bad anxiety and you'll be acting pretty sketchy. You won't be comfortable in situations and that will ruin all the effort. So take it easy and everyday push it a little bit. Every opportunity you have, push it.

Complete overhaul of my wardrobe, I'm going to take everything out and put away the clothes that I feel "not so good" when I wear them.
I have some clothes that I wear because I hate shopping for clothes and too lazy to go spend time picking up nice clothes. I'm going to get rid of them and donate them and go grab a few good quality ones.

The fit of the clothing matters. I can wear a piece of garbage and it looks pretty acceptable on me. Why? Because it complements my body, because of the fit.

Now when you find yourself something that fits and is stylish and made of nice materials, that's when the magic happens. But your number one priority is to make things fit. If you like a shirt but it's too loose, get it adjusted. Pants? Get them adjusted. Why throw things out if they are still good? Plus it's really hard to find clothes you like and that fit well and it will take you lots of time.

What sort of social activities do you suggest? Here's the messed up part, I thought about it but first thing that came to my head immediately that if I join, other people will automatically realize I'm there because I'm lonely and desperate to make buddies. Honestly I know this is twisted, but it's hard and don't know why I can't overcome it even though I know it doesn't make sense.

Not if you join something you are interested in, or something you want to know more about. Ever try a cooking class? Not only do you learn how to cook and feed yourself (which is also impressive to others), but there are probably going to be women there, and they will take pity on you "Hey cute girl beside me, I don't know what I am doing with this, can you help me out? I burnt the last one to a crisp..."

BAM. Opportunity. You made a new friend... friend who you will use to get comfortable with women and maybe she has cute friends too. BAM. Yet another success.

Also tell me this, I hit the gym 5 times a week so some people I see a lot, is it homo if I ask the guys that I often see there and chat with a little to exchange numbers and do something together sometime?

That's too vague... "do something together sometime" you need something more specific. "Oh you go to the shooting range too? Well my father has this old rifle that I've been meaning to clean up and take it for a test run... thing is I don't know how to shoot. Can you help me out?"

Specifics. I think for now you should focus on conversation...

 

[Trump]

One of the pieces of advice I wish someone gave me when I was growing up, that I ultimately learned the hard way, was the power of Focus.

It's good you are looking for a relationship, you know what you want. But I don't like it when you say I'm going to get shot down left and right, that sounds more like a instant gratification thing. If you are really serious about a relationship, you have to focus. Join online dating, join some clubs with females, join dance, ask friends if they know anyone (although I've learned they use it against you later on..). By focusing you'll be able to weed out the girls who aren't serious with the ones that are, and you will be able to handle any test any girl throws at you.

When you say girls don't want to be bothered..well bro, do you want a gf or not? Give them a reason to care about you, to invest in you. Pretend you are the father of the girl who is bringing you home to show their dad, would you give your daughters life, security and safety to someone like you?

 

[Packers2010]

my advice is. for jiggas like us. it's fooking tough out there man.

you need to drop ALL standards before you get out there.

sure you can have your " ideal women" but reality it isn't going to come.

just go out, see who you like out there and talk to them. key point being. TALK TO.

 

[JohnChops]

Keep yourself motivated and I recommend the book of pook, such a great read

 

[logarithm]

Mate, the most important thing is to learn how to enjoy yourself, your life and never stop improving yourself. When you succeed with this, you will get the much needed self-confidence, positive attitude and the hot girls you are looking for. Stop thinking about chicks for a while - think about improving your lifestyle, work hard and in few months you will notice the huge difference.
Some suggestions:

- First, buy new clothes - dirty sneakers, old jeans and a casual t-shirt won't do much good. You say you work-out regularly, so buy some nice shirts, stylish pants, leather jacket is cool. Try to accentuate your physics, but keep the smart looks too.
- Attend some salsa classes for example. Don't jump right away on girls there - it's important to learn how to relax and just have fun first. You can get lots of friends at such places, too.
- Good male friends are extremely important - try getting some in the gym or at work, maybe in a social club.
- Go through "The Game" and few of the newbie articles on this site. Don't read too much, this may only confuse you. Don't blindly trust every technique or routine - some things work for some people and don't for others. Don't use memorized lines - usually they feel/sound fake.
- Your self-confidence, positive attitude and boldness are the key for success.

Again - I'm not an expert, but talk from my personal experience.
Wish you all the best

 

[Somedude_UK_31]

Guys please help me out.

So I built up the courage and went to the mall to carry out the experiment recommended by many of the good guys on this site:
Keep eye contact with a girl for 2-3 seconds.

Guys, most girls would break eye contact after a second at most, this is very discouraging, they won't even give me the chance to make long eye contact.
I tried saying hi to one of them as soon as we made eye contact and she looked down and said hi without maintaining eye contact...please tell me guys, is it a rejection that they all break eye contact after like 1 sec?

What to do?

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Guys please help me out.

So I built up the courage and went to the mall to carry out the experiment recommended by many of the good guys on this site:
Keep eye contact with a girl for 2-3 seconds.

Guys, most girls would break eye contact after a second at most, this is very discouraging, they won't even give me the chance to make long eye contact.
I tried saying hi to one of them as soon as we made eye contact and she looked down and said hi without maintaining eye contact...please tell me guys, is it a rejection that they all break eye contact after like 1 sec?

What to do?

Jesus. Calm down.

You're a stranger staring them directly in the eyes for no reason. What are they going to do? Give you a high-five? "Hey, that's some nice eye contact, Somedude_UK"

Hate to break it to you, but people usually dont go wandering around malls looking for conversations with strangers. It's not a nightclub, you know.

If you want to talk to them, go start a conversation. But, yeah buddy...dont be surprised when women look away from a guy staring them in the face as they're walking around the mall trying to buy socks.

If you want to continue your eye contact experiment, look at it this way...its about YOU getting more comfortable with eye contact. It's a tool that you need to build for yourself. It's not about strangers getting comfortable with you staring them down in shopping malls...because, well, it's just not a comfortable position for them to be in.

 

[Somedude_UK_31]

Thanks. This site is the best, it really gives me motivations. Please understand that I only asked a girl out once, I never approached before, I'm beyond a newbie to this.

Alright so it's normal they break eye contact after more than 1 second? I just wanted to know if what I was doing was right.
I didn't come up with this method, I'm just following the boot camp and the posts on this site where it says it's best to take one step at a time, first being getting comfortable establishing eye contact. I wasn't sure what to expect, so I was surprised they all couldn't keep the eye contact for more than a second. I'm obviously just sharing my results to see if you guys can tell me if this is expected and that I'm not doing it wrong or something.

Your feedback is very much appreciated :nervous:

 

[AAAgent]

Jesus. Calm down.

You're a stranger staring them directly in the eyes for no reason. What are they going to do? Give you a high-five? "Hey, that's some nice eye contact, Somedude_UK"

Hate to break it to you, but people usually dont go wandering around malls looking for conversations with strangers. It's not a nightclub, you know.

If you want to talk to them, go start a conversation. But, yeah buddy...dont be surprised when women look away from a guy staring them in the face as they're walking around the mall trying to buy socks.

If you want to continue your eye contact experiment, look at it this way...its about YOU getting more comfortable with eye contact. It's a tool that you need to build for yourself. It's not about strangers getting comfortable with you staring them down in shopping malls...because, well, it's just not a comfortable position for them to be in.

Just so you know, he's doing the DJ Bootcamp and the first week's exercise and to say Hi to 50 strangers and hold EC.

@ someonedude

the whole point of the EC exercise is to make you comfortable and confident in holding eye contact. Most people shy away from EC as they aren't comfortable in holding EC. Holding eye contact generally is a sign of interest/aggression but if you are doing this exercise, you shouldn't just stare at them. If they acknowledge EC with you, trying smiling and saying Hi.