I'm Furious

[tick37]

I'm furious at my ex-wife, and I want to know how to overcome this anger. We've been separated for 5 months, and I can't stand her or her idiotic, insecure tactics towards me. I want her out of my life so bad, but I can't because by law we can't divorce until August. She's a *****, and she's always trying to get me down in some way. If we talk (which is rare), she talks to me like I'm beneath her.

This b1tch cheated on me twice, but she tries to rationalize it and blame me (I was the utmost AFC). Everything is my fault. She has never ever taken responsibility for anything that went wrong in our marriage, but most of it was her. Almost everything that went wrong was because of her nasty attitude towards me and her unfaithfulness. I got to the point where I wouldn't even touch her anymore and slept on the couch every single night.

Because of her I probably will never trust another woman. I'll probably never let myself get close to another woman. I'll fvck 'em, but I won't go into a LTR with 'em.

Currently she's living in my house out of my kindness, but since the sh1t she pulled today I'm petitioning the courts to have her remove, and I'm selling it. I don't want to know where she moves to. She can talk to my lawyer if she wants anything from me.

 

[wjh]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Life is incredibly trying at times.

Good luck.

P.S. I really like your sig.

 

[( . )( . )]

That sucks azz mate, but your not the first to go through this sh!t and definately wont be the last. And remember it will only make you that much stronger.

Just some things, take it or leave it.

This b1tch cheated on me twice, but she tries to rationalize it and blame me (I was the utmost AFC).

In that case it was your fault, remember chicks are re-active, not active.

Because of her I probably will never trust another woman. I'll probably never let myself get close to another woman.

Instead of having that sh!tty attitude why not try this : Trust a woman to be a woman, then leave it at that?

 

[KarmaSutra]

I'm furious at my ex-wife, and I want to know how to overcome this anger. We've been separated for 5 months, and I can't stand her or her idiotic, insecure tactics towards me. I want her out of my life so bad, but I can't because by law we can't divorce until August. She's a *****, and she's always trying to get me down in some way. If we talk (which is rare), she talks to me like I'm beneath her.

Red flags abound here. Let's go to work:

You're seperated and she's living in your crib. First Red flag. If you're seperated then be apart. Physically, emotionally and especially monetarily. Do it NOW!

This b1tch cheated on me twice, but she tries to rationalize it and blame me (I was the utmost AFC). Everything is my fault. She has never ever taken responsibility for anything that went wrong in our marriage, but most of it was her. Almost everything that went wrong was because of her nasty attitude towards me and her unfaithfulness. I got to the point where I wouldn't even touch her anymore and slept on the couch every single night.

She had some other guys punding away on her cervix and by your own passivity she construed it as acceptable behaviour. You taught her how to treat you. Accept her for what she is and then you can make a clear decision on your next move. Why would you WANT to touch her after other men have dumped thier loads in her?

Because of her I probably will never trust another woman. I'll probably never let myself get close to another woman. I'll fvck 'em, but I won't go into a LTR with 'em.

This is bullsh!t, victim mentality and you must cease this mode of thinking. Accept your responsiblity for what happened. Forgive yourself and then internalize it as a life lesson. Do not let HER decisions become a basis for your future decisions.

Currently she's living in my house out of my kindness, but since the sh1t she pulled today I'm petitioning the courts to have her remove, and I'm selling it. I don't want to know where she moves to. She can talk to my lawyer if she wants anything from me.

" out of my kindness "? What the fvck. Brother snap out of this defeatist, miasma you're sinking into. Boot her ass out. If she is not bound legally to your house. Get fvcking rid of her. She found at least one scumbag to use her as a cvm dumpster, she'll find another.

Do not EVER take her back,
Do not EVER take her attitude,
Do not EVER allow her to give you any sh!t whatsoever.

Cut communication with her and only speak to her through your lawyers.

Get your life back and whatever you do, DO NOT GET INVOLVED IN A REBOUND RELATIONSHIP UNTIL YOU ARE COMPLETELY HEALED.

 

[tick37]

In that case it was your fault, remember chicks are re-active, not active.

It's my fault? She was talking to one guy from the very start of our marriage. Then she went to his house and stayed over there a year after we were married. That doesn't sound like it's my fault. I had no clue about it. I should have walked out then.

 

[tick37]

Do not EVER take her back,
Do not EVER take her attitude,
Do not EVER allow her to give you any sh!t whatsoever.

Cut communication with her and only speak to her through your lawyers.

Get your life back and whatever you do, DO NOT GET INVOLVED IN A REBOUND RELATIONSHIP UNTIL YOU ARE COMPLETELY HEALED.

I won't ever take her trampy 4ss back, but I thank you for your words of encouragement.

 

[KarmaSutra]

It's my fault. She was talking to one guy from the very start of our marriage. Then she went to his house and stayed over there a year after we were married. That doesn't sound like it's my fault. I had no clue about it. I should have walked out then.

It is your fault. You should have walked but you did not. Thusly, you taught her that her actions were justified. She did it again.

You need to accept responsibility first. Once you have then, and only then, can you forgive yourself and learn from the experience.

 

[tick37]

Ok, I see what you're saying. The first time I left, and she begged me back. Now, my dumbass went back.

 

[tick37]

In that case it was your fault, remember chicks are re-active, not active.

Are you saying that women only cheat if they have a reason to cheat?

 

[KontrollerX]

Good posts in here guys.

T!ttyman and Karma knocked it out of the park as usual.

"This is bullsh!t, victim mentality and you must cease this mode of thinking. Accept your responsiblity for what happened. Forgive yourself and then internalize it as a life lesson. Do not let HER decisions become a basis for your future decisions.
"

Yeah bro don't let your experience with her poison you against all women but instead use the lessons you have learned with her to filter out women like her when you begin dating again.

Judge women and all people on an individual level by their actions towards you, not their gender.

 

[tick37]

Judge women and all people on an individual level by their actions towards you, not their gender.

I like what you said here. My ex was mean from the start. She comes from an abusive home environment. She saw her dad beat her mom as a child. So, she carried that crap into our marriage. This will be her 2nd divorce, and she'll do it again because no one will be able to get along with her.

I've since meet numerous women since her that are so sweet and seemingly would do anything for me.

It's a blessing that she set me free.

 

[iqqi]

Are you saying that women only cheat if they have a reason to cheat?

No.

I'd only say it was your fault in choosing the wrong woman.

Or if you don't learn the right lessons here.

We can't make a person faithful, we can only be careful in who we trust. It isn't your fault that she cheated, the only fault of yours would be to not learn here.

And deciding to "never love or trust again" is not the lesson to learn. Why give your trifling ex that kind of power over all women? And over your future?

 

[tick37]

No.

I'd only say it was your fault in choosing the wrong woman.

Or if you don't learn the right lessons here.

We can't make a person faithful, we can only be careful in who we trust. It isn't your fault that she cheated, the only fault of yours would be to not learn here.

And deciding to "never love or trust again" is not the lesson to learn. Why give your trifling ex that kind of power over all women? And over your future?

Hell, yea, I'm feeling better all ready. I ignored ALL the red flags. I knew it was going to end eventually because she had no respect for me, but that IS my fault, too. Why? Because I didn't respect myself and draw the line.

 

[KontrollerX]

Yeah tick when we're AFC's our logic tells us if we avoid conflict the girl should be greatful to have such a nice boyfriend but in reality that is seen as weakness.

It is establishing your own personal boundaries and putting her and anyone else in their place for disrespecting them that earns you love and respect in the world.

 

[Interceptor]

Tick, get yourself together, man.

Dont feed the hate and anger anymore.

Youre going to build too much toxic waste in your mind and body, and you dont need that.

let her do or say whatever the Hell she wants.
Dont let her control your mental state.

Your Peace of Mind is vital to you as a man.
Dont let her have control of it.

The next time she speaks to you in such a manner, you should simply tell her to stop addressign you in such a way. You dont appreciate it. And if she balks, tell her that if she wants to communicate with you, to get rid of that 'tone'.

We as men have to continually improve our skills in not only conversation, but communication.
There is no other choice.
And with women, we have to learn how to communicate what we think and feel and what we want to them. It is vital.

Dont let her ruin your state, and control your emotions.

Dont give her access to your internal resources anymore, man.

Stay in control. Take a deep breath. and visualize Peace between you two in every interaction Before you go to talk to her, or when she calls you, or when you meet, visualize you two being calm and at peace. Every time.
Put yourself in that frame of mind.

Start having some more understanding and compassion for both of you.

You dont always have to fight fire with fire.
Sp communicate with her calmly and cooly, no matter what she does.
do so Assertively.
Its not about avoiding confrontation, its about communicating maturely and clearly.

 

[KarmaSutra]

In that case it was your fault, remember chicks are re-active, not active.

I disagree t!ts. Saying a woman is merely re-active is taking all of the responsibility and accountability for herself completely away. She gets a free pass for no good-goddamned-reason.

Are you saying that women only cheat if they have a reason to cheat?

No. Women cheat because they need a fix of attention and affirmation that they're still sexually relatable to men. Nothing more. Pure ego boost.

 

[iqqi]

Also, she didn't cheat on you because you are weak. She cheated on you because SHE is weak. By disrespecting your relationship together, she disrespected herself as a person. Be glad she is leaving your life.

Be glad you are now strong enough to make her.

 

[KarmaSutra]

Also, she didn't cheat on you because you are weak. She cheated on you because SHE is weak. By disrespecting your relationship together, she disrespected herself as a person. Be glad she is leaving your life.

Be glad you are now strong enough to make her.

Looks like the extra green dot is proving to make some of us better posters.

Good job iq, you crotchity old bastard you!

 

[KarmaSutra]

It's a blessing that she set me free.

No. You set yourself free. Responsiblity for yourself above all else.

 

[tick37]

I got all the big guns posting in this post. I really appreciate your help.