Exactly, brother Zekko. You get it, as did many others here, but your articulation in very good.
You're correct in that you don't do it in a "snobbish" way, but rather that it is so obvious that it bears no thought or question, a "secret" as you say. It's a given as much as the sky is blue and the earth is round.
I found your second paragraph interesting. You need to offset that cool and detached vibe because you're naturally that way, and I have to cool down that intense laser eye because I'm naturally that way.
Now that I'm older I've noticed that I've always been an energy vampire (until recently). What I mean is that I was always somewhat reactive with women, on a very deep and subtle level. I was doing what females are supposed to do... yuck! I cringe every time I think of it.
I would always notice a slight change in myself when relating to women, in that I was somehow being guided by their energy and timing instead of mine. I think that came from growing up with 3 sisters, no brothers and a very domineering mom, along with a largely absentee father. A recipe for disaster.
I remember having a sort of "longing" attitude about me that I know showed in my body language. It was almost a telegraphing of my desire for acceptance. I really can't articulate what I mean but it had to do with sucking the energy from women instead of providing it myself. I'll bet some of you guys can relate even if you haven't been able to put your finger on what the problem is. Please excuse me as I need to make a trip to the vomitorium.
OK, all better. Back to following up on Zekko's excellent post, he makes a good point that if we are too intense we need to moderate that with coolness, which is exactly what I'm doing, but to an extreme. That's because the extreme works like magic for me. By the same token, if you are too aloof and detached, more intensity may be called for.
But we can't deny the bottom line... There is a contrived advantage that women have that necessitates sites like this, which is the power of looks and their ability to maximize them. Therefore we must reject that contrivance as worth (because the only real worth of that is sexual and having a trophy to show off), and instead elevate our own worth.
Tell me, reader, what is the worth of your taking the hammer and chisel to yourself every day to make yourself a man of substance? Has it been painful to do so? Has it cost you? Has it cost you discomfort, pain, money, etc.?
You're damn right it has. Even if you're just starting out to improve yourself, you are paying a heavy price to be a man of substance. Assign proper worth to that.Your own character, that you are creating, is an investment in FOREVER. On the other hand, a woman's looks (her only currency) is temporary and fading every day.
What is the worth of that fact?
For you younger guys who are struggling and don't feel you have your act together yet, never forget that there is no actual destination. It is enough to be on the right track, making tiny decisions and corrections every day to better your station in life, whether financial or relational. Assign WORTH to that. If you fall off the track, you haven't failed. You're simply one decision away from getting right back on track. The track is the success, not the destination.
Go into your interactions with women armed with the knowledge that you are forging yourself into a masterpiece. She would in no way be able to understand that concept if it were presented to her, but your own innate knowledge that you are forging yourself and therefore have great worth will cause you to relate to her with a proper relative evaluation of your own worth compared to hers.
She WANTS you to be worth more than she. She NEEDS this. She pines away and longs for a man like YOU, if you will only just recognize the worth of a man's character in relation to face putty and a pretty dress.
Get out there and convey your worth to the world. Convey your worth to females. The secret is that you can do this while still conveying proper humility, kindness, etc. Start to think about how to aceive that balance, but err on the side of: "I'm better than you".
Because guess what, Clyde? Until you shine your light, she thinks she's better than YOU!!