I'm at a loss and don't want to go on...

[otr4]

I've been visiting this site for over 2 years now and I have seen no resuts. I have really tried to improve myself, but nothing seems to work. Everyday I hope things will start coming together for me with women, but nothing ever changes. I constantly see things in my life that contradict nearly everything I read here. For example, tonight I was with my two friends and their girlfriends (nothing is more depressing than hanging out with your guy friends when they are constantly all over their girlfriends). These guys are two of the biggest AFCs I know--one has almost NO confidence, but to his luck he looks almost exactly like Leonardo Dicaprio, and he has a hot girlfriend. My other friend does just about everything that an AFC would do--he worshipps women, spends all his time with his girlfriend, talks about his x-girlfriend and how "really special" she was ALL THE TIME...the list goes on and on..but he's getting laid on a regular basis now. I'M SO SICK OF MY LIFE. I'm at one of the lowest points in my whole life right now and I don't know what to do. This void in my life concerning women is leaving me suicidal. I know what you all are going to say.."You can't let women dictate your life or happy you are, or "you have to be happy with yourself" or "get a life and stop worrying about women etc..." I've heard it all before. Try going most of your life without a woman and then see if these are actually responses you could deal with. I DO HAVE A LIFE, I DO KEEP BUSY... nothing matters or helps.
I Know I'm rambling here, but I'm really depressed and I really don't want to go on anymore. I don't think I can deal with this kind of life much longer...I'd rather not be around at all.
Anything anyone can say to help or relate will be appreciated.

 

[In Sync]

First of all, you are hinting at suicide and that is only ever a PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM. Sorry, I don't often use caps.

A lot of my mates have got girlfriends recently as well, including one I'd never even seen talk to a girl before. Coming here just tends to act to make me feel worse when I see all these boasts about how easy it is.

 

[ulsterman]

Suicide is no answer. It is the irreversible finality to it that makes it so foolish. There is always hope in this life, always, even when it's only a faint glimmer, although I do know what it feels like to think there is no point in going on. Just bear in mind that only your nearest family will really shed tears for you for any length of time afterwards, and that all the girls you know will get over it pretty quickly. You might even get resented for it or labelled a fool.

I symapthize & empathize with both of you regarding the frustration of waiting, but I think being a DJ does require patience as well as all the other better known attributes. I think it is a bogus maxim that says a woman gets a life when she gets a man whereas a man gets a woman when he gets a life. The idea that a woman is something you get as a bonus add-on to your already happy life is actually an erroneous one, in my view. Yes, I agree with Pook insofar as we should seek to be as happy as possible regardless of whether we have a girlfriend or not, but for some people, myself included, true contentness as a single man in waiting is an impossibility. Yes, I can mask the fact that I am despondent and frustrated at being single when in the presence of desirable females; I can even BE genuinely upbeat in their company, although that requires a bit of willpower and "psyching up" beforehand. But I will never be content or truly, deeply happy, until I possess a woman I desire.

As far as your friends go, "otr4", I would be very wary about permitting the exception to prove the rule, as it were. There will always be anomalies in general rules about relationships because there will always be anomalous persons out there, both male & female. Perhaps your friend who looks like Di Caprio would be a hopeless DJ were he single. Perhaps he is succeeding with his girlfriend because he had help entering the relationship, e.g., she saw him, was smitten by his looks, someone told him he was "in" with her, and that gave him just enough confidence to ask her out or behave in a manly enough manner at the outset to get her hooked. And I think some women, esp. those looking for LTRs, can live with or even enjoy AFCism, once they are hooked on a guy.

Another thing you should bear in mind is this. There is no such thing as a DJ who gets it right all the time; I believe many DJs make many blunders, doing AFC things inadvertently. A girl is not going to lose interest in a guy over one or two mistakes (unless they are SERIOUSLY bad mistakes); I am sure many a man showed obvious signs of being nervous on a first date for example, yet ended up stealing the girl's heart! I just think as aspiring DJs we can be too harsh on ourselves, over-analyzing every little encounter, worrying, panicking, and fretting. We should always have a "plan B", always, whether it be an alternative course of action to pursue with a given girl, or whether it be to look for other girls in other places. The key is discovering the root cause of our lack of success; is it the type of girls we are pursuing, is it the way we approach women, is it the kind of places we look for girls in, etc, etc. Nevertheless, I still believe DJism is as much an art as a science, and if we lay too much emphasis on the latter element, we will ultimately fail. The science is in the theory; the art is in the practise. So, while I would not discourage you from studying your science, I would nonethless urge you to get back out into the field and make the development of your art your primary mission.

 

[Jay26]

Well ort4, ok, let's see, how many chicks do you approach and ask out a day or a week? or how many do you meet a week?

 

[Da Greek]

OTR4,put all the women to the side for one minute.There are people out there that love you.It might be your mom,dad,sister,brother,uncle,cousin,aunt,your male friends,grandparents.....You get the picture.If you did off yourself,these people would be permanantly damaged.THEIR LIVES WOULD NEVER BE THE SAME.Nothing tears up a family like suicide.

It sounds like you need a confidence booster.I used to compete in Bodybuilding.If you are interested in taking up weightlifting,you are more than welcomed to PM me and pick my brain.

Rejection is a part of life.WE ALL TRAVELED THAT LONELY PATH.

 

[OddTech]

Originally posted by Jay26
Well ort4, ok, let's see, how many chicks do you approach and ask out a day or a week? or how many do you meet a week?

Everyone here made valid points. I must say that suicide isn't the answer.

Here are some suggestions. First, like Jay said, ask yourself how many girls did you approach within the past week? And how many girls have you asked in the past month or year? A previous survey on this site claims that "success" rate is around 10%. That's not very high at all. You should understand that this is just a number-game. You need to bust your balls and risk those 90% rejections.

Also, here are some other things to think about. In my experience, a lot of guys who haven't dated before are overrating the importance of a girl. I prefer to have a pet instead of a girl. Of course, things are great in the beginning with the girl. But after awhile, things get very boring! Not only does the day go by monotonously, but I end up wasting more money and more time (expecially if the girl isn't good).

The last thing I can think of is to do the DJ Boot Camp. Even if you did it before, you should do it again until it becomes natural.

That's all I can think of now, I'll post more later.

 

[The Business Man]

Yea, just stick with your game, otr4. About the time I thought my DJing was not working was when I totally changed and women flocked to me.

Also, are you still in school? Girls do some pretty wierd stuff when they are that young, and you can't let that affect you. Just try to forget about women for a couple months, then come back and restart your game as strong as ever.

 

[dionysius_d]

wait.

otr4,

How old are you? I suspect you are not 25 yet..

1) Why are you going out with guys who are on dates with girls and you are empty handed?? This is self defeating to say the least.

2) Just cause you come here and are trying, doesn't guarantee "success" .. whatever that is in your mind. Think about this: How much WORSE would you be, if you had not been.

3) You're making something temporary and small into something huge. Suicide means you see NO way out. If you went to a brothel, i am sure you could get laid. I am sure your parents and some other people around you value you. There's more solutions than u think

4) Stop trying too hard. You have expectation, and that's why you feel like a failure. If you stop trying so hard, you might get lucky.

 

[Trickster_guy_2001]

Originally posted by otr4
I've been visiting this site for over 2 years now and I have seen no resuts. I have really tried to improve myself, but nothing seems to work. Everyday I hope things will start coming together for me with women, but nothing ever changes. I constantly see things in my life that contradict nearly everything I read here. For example, tonight I was with my two friends and their girlfriends (nothing is more depressing than hanging out with your guy friends when they are constantly all over their girlfriends). These guys are two of the biggest AFCs I know--one has almost NO confidence, but to his luck he looks almost exactly like Leonardo Dicaprio, and he has a hot girlfriend. My other friend does just about everything that an AFC would do--he worshipps women, spends all his time with his girlfriend, talks about his x-girlfriend and how "really special" she was ALL THE TIME...the list goes on and on..but he's getting laid on a regular basis now. I'M SO SICK OF MY LIFE. I'm at one of the lowest points in my whole life right now and I don't know what to do. This void in my life concerning women is leaving me suicidal. I know what you all are going to say.."You can't let women dictate your life or happy you are, or "you have to be happy with yourself" or "get a life and stop worrying about women etc..." I've heard it all before. Try going most of your life without a woman and then see if these are actually responses you could deal with. I DO HAVE A LIFE, I DO KEEP BUSY... nothing matters or helps.
I Know I'm rambling here, but I'm really depressed and I really don't want to go on anymore. I don't think I can deal with this kind of life much longer...I'd rather not be around at all.
Anything anyone can say to help or relate will be appreciated.

"true love" is bullplop. Love from a woman is not real.

Do what you like, cause you have certain freedoms that dating guys a lot of times DON'T get.

I don't have a CONSTANT job (Freelance). I don't have a girlfriend. I've got 3 different upcoming conventions to go to, if I want, I have any choice. (ok, money limitations, but...) I also have several more coming up. I've got a charity gig or two. I'm on the board for a magic club, and I play a VERY important part in the club. Every Wednesday, boys night out. Half the Thursdays, meetings. Fridays, church group (except in summer). Try all THAT with having a girlfriend.

My money goes for necessities, then ME.

Just remember that.

And don't be suicidal. You can't be a martyr until you do more amazing stuff. Even then, the remembrance of martyrs are temporary. Name all the Martyrs reperesented in Michaelangelo's The last judgement (Sistine chapel). Can't do it? me neither.

I'd rather try to have fun and mess with as many people as I can, and I can't do that lying in a huge box underground. If I have to go, I'm going with as much an effect on people as I can. Right now is not the time.

 

[Gman]

v v important point that was said earlier too....

suicide is IRREVERSIBLE. u feel low now. granted. ok, maybe u cant remember the last time u wer happy. granted. but these two facts have NO bearing on the future. There is no evidence at all that u will forever be unhappy. In fact, the odds are that in your 80 odd years on this earth, you will experience a good share of happiness. some ppl r happier than others, but how unlikely is it that ur 80 yrs were ALL unhappy>?

So just keep breathing, dont give up. Cos i guarantee if u commit suicide, all chance of finding happiness will be gone. At least if ur alive, u have that chance. And dont think everyone but u is happy. DOnt think that ppl who have more than u r happy. I have SO MUCH in life, Im not at all happy right now. I dont even know why. Ive thought in passing bout suicide but dismissed it IMMEDIATELY cos that means letting go of my desire, i.e. to be happy. DOnt do it. Just dont obsess over ur problem either. Cos by concentrating on it, in ur head the problem becomes disproportionately bigger. U must consciously recognise that this is a sore issue with u, and u expect urself to get upset over it, thats fine. But dont let it overtake u.

And keep discussing it, getting through it.

 

[Slickster]

Otr4

You say you have a void in your life because you don't have a woman. Well how high are your standards? Alot of guys here "say" they wouldn't accept anything lower than an 8. But I'm pretty sure that is crap.

Remember that post on the sosuave page "Get a Girlfriend"

It told Dj's to start a little lower on the scale and work your way up. If your looking for 9's start with 6's etc.

I find it hard to believe that you couldn't hook up with anyone. There are millions of girls out there who are GREAT people (maybe they are not all hot babes) who are dying to meet a guy like you who has put a lot of effort into improving himself and such.

I'll get flamed for saying lower your standards. But I know from experience that I've dated 5's and 6's who were WAY better people and alot more fun to be with than some of the 8's and 9's I've dated. And they work they're a$$es off in bed and everywhere else to keep you happy. You'd be suprised how much better they look once you get to know them. Weird but true. And F*ck what your friends think. They'll appreciate you being happy with a 6 than getting screwed around by a 9. If she's a quality person they'll like her just as you do.

Cheer up bro. It's not so bad. The best success stories all start out with people who didn't think they could make it.

 

[otr4]

The last post I read pretty much said "LOWER YOUR STANDARDS." This is even more depressing--to think I have to go after women I find unattractive in order to have any hope at all. I do have high standards, but I also have high standards in regards to myself as well. But the combination of having high standards for women, trying to uphold these high standards concerning myself, and then seeing no results--this is a lethal combination.
In regards to my age, I'm almost 24 years old. I know most of the guys on here are younger than me so this is also depressing considering how many guys on here claim to be getting women.
I'm not trying to *****. At this point I really have no will to continue on. If a year ago I could have seen where I am today, I probably would have ended it all. The thought of having to continue with this seemingly permenate dry spell for another year is what makes me hope I don't wake up in the morning. I'm not trying to depress you guys, this is just how I feel. I'm beyond frustration at this point.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by otr4
I'M SO SICK OF MY LIFE. I'm at one of the lowest points in my whole life right now and I don't know what to do. This void in my life concerning women is leaving me suicidal. I know what you all are going to say.."You can't let women dictate your life or happy you are, or "you have to be happy with yourself" or "get a life and stop worrying about women etc..." I've heard it all before. Try going most of your life without a woman and then see if these are actually responses you could deal with.

I have. I'm 24 years old and I'm a VIRGIN. The only date I've ever been on was with some ghetto-girl my sister fixed me up with that I was completely incompatible with. Every girl I asked out in high-school either laughed at me or called me "sweet" and ran the other way.

I would go to clubs and most girls wouldn't even look at me. My friends in college would be getting laid while I sat out in the living room wondering what I was doing wrong.

I know EXACTLY how you feel. You know something. What you know you can't explain. But you feel it. You've felt it your entire life. That there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is but it's there, like a splinter in your mind driving you mad

My high school math teacher once told me, "There's going to come a time in your life when you're going to have to choose...you can either be a VICTIM of circumstance, or a SURVIVOR of it."

Sooner or later, if you choose to live long enough, you're going to realize that life means NOTHING...that the past, the future, all of it is in your HEAD. All you have is NOW. A long string of NOWs, and in that instant, YOU are in control of EVERYTHING. You can change anything you want. All those rules that you're living by...most can be bent...some can be broken.

Life is a big f'ing game. You're being towed along by your endless quest to define who you are, to gain approval from women, to gain approval from yourself. You're being pulled every which way by your emotions and, somewhere along the line, you started to care so much that you forgot how to have fun.

When you finally stop being a SPECTATOR in this game and get out on the field, when you stop surviving and start LIVING...then people will want to follow you, will want to play with you, or against you, or whatever.

You say you're at the low point of your life, you're miserable, and you expect people to come down to your level and love you out of pity? I don't think so. You have to love yourself, first. You have to KNOW yourself, to BELIEVE in your greatness and your capacity for even greater greatness.

I know you're going to say, "I TRY TO BELIEVE BUT..." but NOTHING. You're full of BS and you know it, or else you wouldn't be here. You don't "try" to believe. YOu just do. No more of this bullsh*t. You KNOW it's bullsh*t or you wouldn't be on this message board waiting for all of us to tell you it is.

Enough feeling sorry for yourself...enough hiding in your corner, pretending that you're great but secretly being afraid to apply yourself and find out how great/not great you are.

Try this...just for once, let go of everything. Forget everything you ever learned, from your family, from your friends, from the DJ website, and just once, accept (don't THINK it, just KNOW it) that you are in control of your life. Let everything go.

You want to be reincarnated, you have to be willing to die. Not physically, but spiritually. Let everything burn to ashes, then RISE from it stronger than ever. Find the fire in your soul and unleash it instead of hiding it. Don't worry what anyone else thinks. This is YOUR life. Not theirs.

 

[matius]

otr4 - Man i'm really trying to hold back my anger from reading your posts. It's the same for everyone. Life isn't easy, nobody ever said it was. But if you kill yourself you'll never get a chance to know what it's all about.

Life is good and it can be for you. I've been lower than low and I'm older than you and not getting any women! It would be better to start smoking than do yourself off...atleast quitting will give you something to live for.

I think people who commit suicide are selfish. Everyone has to live with living or putting up with difficult circumstances...so get over yourself, move to some war torn country and go help people. What I'm saying is start over and realize that people have it alot worse than you.

 

[TDK4]

Two years ago I fell into a terrible depression over things that were unrelated to women. During that entire time I never once contemplated suicide. I always knew that if I hung in there long enough and tried hard enough to gain what I wanted then the day would eventually come when I would be ontop of the mountain looking downupon it victoriously. During my depression, yeah ill admit I beileved that if I added a woman to my life that it would make me feel incredibly better. The funny thing is that during this period of time I wanted a woman so bad, but yet never put in the effort to find one. I never got out there and actually looked for one. Even had I gone out there and tried to get a lady I guarantee you I would have been an abysmal failure. Why? Well thats because if you cant take care of yourself then how do you possibly expect to be able to take care of a woman. In a relationship you need to exert effort in caring for the other person. That is something I didtnt realize at the time. I couldnt even properly take care of myself then. If I could have taken care of myself I wouldnt have been in that depression I was in. The same goes for you. Right now since you are considering suicide you obviously are not taking proper care of yourself. If you were you would be happy. Happy in life because you were pursuing the things in your life that make you happy. A woman will not make you happy. Sometimes woman can seriously complicate your life and honestly ask yourself can you handle a woman that adds drama and sometimes serious complexities to your life? No, you cant right now because at the moment youre not even managing your life properly. It has been said many times on this site, that you cannot be happy with a woman until you are happy with yourself. Well that statement is so true. Right now at this moment you cant even consider being with a woman, you are not ready. So forget about them for now. Things happen for a reason and they happen when you are ready for them to happen. As hard as it is to accept this is not your time to be with a woman. Get your priorities straight and when I say that I dont mean placing woman on that list. Go out in life and find something that is bigger than you and adds value to your life. You obviously have alot of mental healing to do, get out there and try other things and heal up. When the time is right, you will find that special person, but until you do you need to live life because it is when you least expect things to happen that they happen. When you arent actively seeking to fill a void of desperation in your life you will find that life has a way of giving you things you werent looking for or didnt even know you wanted until you got it. Life is a strange trip, a trip that is worth journeying no matter how many bumps are in the road. For each bump you hit and each detour you take you never know whats going to be around the next bend.

When in doubt use the smell test. -Maurice Chavez, Grand Theft Auto: Vice City

 

[iqqi]

instead of killing yourself why don't you just donate yourself? Fcuk it.

like someone above said, go help a war torn country. volunteer.

trust me, you are needed. don't be so selfish.

and your life will change instead of end.

 

[Walden]

Man , if you're upset because your Djing sucks arse then *DO* something about it.

I was the biggest AFC in the box and B/C has helped me heaps , I've got more play than I know what to do with (I know , I know but I'm learning okay).

If you think that improving you DJing will make you happier , then commit to doing the boot camp. PM me and I'll give you my email and I'll make the comittment to coach you through it (not cos I'm a bomb DJ but cos I"ve recently done it so it's still fresh in my mind).

 

[Legend]

Just bear in mind that only your nearest family will really shed tears for you for any length of time afterwards, and that all the girls you know will get over it pretty quickly. You might even get resented for it or labelled a fool.

I agree with ulsterman.....the minute i read this post i knew it was def. from an older person that has seen a lot already. I have seen friends have other friends that killed themselves. Sure they are all sad for a day and then they are out that night partying it up with there other friends. Some people i will never understand...

Otr4....i have dated many women and i am usually the one that ends the relationship. Do i care that my other friends are getting laid and have gf;s? NO......I only care about myself.

Dont sweat sucking at DJing...its no big deal man. This whole summer i have'nt gotten laid, I wonder why. Its because i could if i really wanted to but i just got out of an relationship and would rather not. I just dont want to get a piece on..i want a girl that i really connect with. I feel this way because i have a lot of offer to any girl i end up with.


i have been enjoying my down time....preparing myself for the next hot girl that i will have.

sure you think you life seems like shyt right now but things dont stay the same my man. Time changes everything...just keep holding on.

I have had so many bad relationships i really dont put to much stress with women in my life. If one is there and i am getting a piece, wow...great for me. And when the time comes that i'm not getting a piece......i'm not going to go out and kill myself. I could never kill myself because it would put so much pain on my mother and brother. I am the world to my mom.....

YOU are a very selfish person to even consider killing yourself....i think you need time to grow up and stop being a lil wuss.

If life is to hard for you dude and if you think you'll be better off by killing yourself...go ahead man. Save a spot for me in hell.

Life is short enough and we'll be dead before you know it...so dont rush it.

-Cheer up man

 

[CLOONEY]

I heard this from an interview with an 85 year old woman from the hills in Kentucky, the most famouse quote I will ever remember, she said:

"if I had my life to live over, I would have more actual problems and less imaginary ones".

Step back from the situation and from your life and look at the big picture.................seriously if this is your biggest problem in life you have it MADE. Seriously, just keep on at it, eventually the right girl will come along. And dont think that just because other people are in relationships they are happy, BECAUSE MOST OF THEM ARENT!! SERIOUSLY, only about 10% of people in relationships are actually happy. maybe less.

Take it easy, and try to relax a little, and remember to take a step back and look at the big picture, and try not to have so many imaginary problems ok?

 

[Slickster]

Originally posted by otr4
The last post I read pretty much said "LOWER YOUR STANDARDS." This is even more depressing--to think I have to go after women I find unattractive in order to have any hope at all. I do have high standards, but I also have high standards in regards to myself as well. But the combination of having high standards for women, trying to uphold these high standards concerning myself, and then seeing no results--this is a lethal combination.

Listen Otr4, I'm the one who said to maybe lower your standards. And I said that cuz I don't know what you look like or how you act around women. You say that you've tried everything with no luck and still you have this "void" because you don't have a woman. And now you're to the point where you're talking suicide.

How about you answer a few more questions here for me.

1. How would you rate yourself on a scale of 1-10 in looks.

2. What is your standard for looks of the women you are seeking 1-10

If you are seeking women who are close to you in the looks scale then the problem has nothing to do with attraction in the sense of looks. It has to do with your attitude and that my friend CAN be fixed. I know it. You know it. And everyone else here does too.

However if you rate yourself a 6 and you won't accept anything less than a 9, then give us all a break.

We all want 9's! Do we all get them? Yeah right!