I'm about to cheat on my woman

[SwedishDJ]

Hey Guys,

First let me thank you all for this forum. It's really a great place for exchanging information.

I'm in an LTR with a 12 year older woman. She loves me to death but I'm beginning to realize I shoudn't be with her at all, never mind sharing an apartment with her. However, moving out is not an option right now for financial reasons. That has to wait for at least a year.

We've lived together for about three years now, and while she seems to love me to death, I actually look down on her for her promiscous past and all the money she inherited without even working a minute for it.

I have met another woman. A rather extraordinary 25-year old, good luckin, well eduacated sweetie and we have kept in touch and been seeing eachother for a few months now.

Nothing physical yet, but on monday we wi have dinner - at her place - and I will probably get an opportunity to bang her. She is primed and ready!

Why am I doing this? I don't love my fiancee and the sex is getting tremendousy boring. I want something fresh.

Do any of you mature guys have any experience of chating? Any advise or anecdotes?

/Swedish

 

[Latinoman]

Nothing to do with the cheating as I'm not here to judge anyone. You do what makes you happy.

But if you don't love her...why you became a "fiance"?

That woman is almost 50 years old!!! Why drag her through another 2 or 3 years? (Although, I understand waiting a few months to get your financial straight). Another thing...it appears that she is not mistreating you either. Why make her think that you are going to marry her?

She has treated you well...let her GO so she can find somebody that can make her happy. Besides, you obviously found one that is more compatible to your age.

 

[MacAvoy]

If you are going to do it, do it without any regrets. If she accuses you, deny, deny, deny. Women will forgive you and pretend it didn't happen as long as you never admit to it. The soon as you admit to it, you've broken her trust and the relationship will never be the same.

Whereas if you deny it, then act like you don't give a sh1t, don't accept any jealous behaviour, tell her if she doesn't like it then too bad. Your a man, a prize and don't have time for her insecurities. By her age, she realizes that men will cheat and she won't have a problem with it as long as you are discreet and don't rub it in her face. Don't ever stop treating her with respect (on the surface - what she doesn't know won't hurt her)

 

[kyphan]

I truly believe in being up front with your woman. Tell her you're not interested in a relationship with her anymore and end it before you do anything with someone else. Not being up front with her is gutless.

I moved in with my woman and we nearly broke up; I was looking at how awful it would be to have more than six months left on an apartment lease neither her nor I could afford on our own and hoping whoever kept the place could find a roommate. If I had not been in that situation, I know I would have left her then, and sure enough nearly a year later we split anyway. You're in a tough spot financially, and I was then as well. It makes things a lot harder. Just remember that if she finds out she has the keys to where you live and where your personal property is. Nevermind the moral or ethical aspect, it's not a good idea for that one reason alone.

 

[JC9]

Why not just break it off with your fiancee.

If you don't love her, or want to be with her, move on.

You should do that regardless of finding a new piece of tail or not.

Sticking with someone you don't like for convenience sake is what a woman would do, not a man.

As to not being able to move out for 1 yr, consider what that means.

If you did cheat on her and liked the new girl, you would be running around behind her back for 1 year. Sponging off her money, since you can't afford to move out on your own and need the roommate, while misleading her that you are still interested.

That just screams pathetic.

Be a man and handle your ****, don't drag people through pain just so you can avoid the trouble of a breakup and moving out.

 

[azanon]

If you are going to do it, do it without any regrets. If she accuses you, deny, deny, deny. Women will forgive you and pretend it didn't happen as long as you never admit to it. The soon as you admit to it, you've broken her trust and the relationship will never be the same.

Whereas if you deny it, then act like you don't give a ****, don't accept any jealous behaviour, tell her if she doesn't like it then too bad. Your a man, a prize and don't have time for her insecurities. By her age, she realizes that men will cheat and she won't have a problem with it as long as you are discreet and don't rub it in her face. Don't ever stop treating her with respect (on the surface - what she doesn't know won't hurt her)

I detect wisdom here. Dead on.

 

[Latinoman]

I detect wisdom here. Dead on.

For the most part, I agree too.

However, how to cheat is something that I would never advice as I know that MOST men would eventually get caught.

 

[Latinoman]

And by the way...from my perspective, I have no issues with advice given on how to cheat. As I am not going to play the morals game in here.

I simply choose not to give that advice. And simply touch on the surface of other issues.

 

[azanon]

I would never advice as I know that MOST men would eventually get caught.

And would that be so bad?; especially in his case? So what; be ready with a contingency plan. One's contingency plan can be something as simple as being more valuable than the harm caused by the cheating. Ride on "i'm sorry" and your resume, and watch things just go right back to normal.

If you ask me, one's in a dangerous situation when you're less valuable than your partner to begin with. All that's remaining in a case like that is an excuse (to get rid of you). But if you're more valuable, the world's in the palm of your hands.

 

[Latinoman]

And would that be so bad?; especially in his case? So what; be ready with a contingency plan. One's contingency plan can be something as simple as being more valuable than the harm caused by the cheating. Ride on "i'm sorry" and your resume, and watch things just go right back to normal.

If you ask me, one's in a dangerous situation when you're less valuable than your partner to begin with. All that's remaining in a case like that is an excuse (to get rid of you). But if you're more valuable, the world's in the palm of your hands.

The thing is...I don't promote things that can EMOTIONALLY HURT somebody that is treating a person well. Or that can destroy a family. Or that can messed that man up.

Whichever the case...I rather not promote it as very few men know how to have multiple women while in a relationship.

 

[azanon]

The thing is...I don't promote things that can EMOTIONALLY HURT somebody that is treating a person well. Or that can destroy a family. Or that can messed that man up.

Whichever the case...I rather not promote it as very few men know how to have multiple women while in a relationship.

Its certainly not the desired result, and i agree one should take great care to avoid hurting innocents. But remember, everyone has wants and desires. Your loved ones certainly don't want to be hurt. But you and I also have to be happy too. That does count for something. The fact that he's concerned about it reveals he has normal humanity.

I'd amend that to say very few men are cut out for multiple relationships. Its not for everyone. I see it as more of a personality thing than i do a morality one. If one can compartmentalize, be happy, and ensure the happiness of everyone involved in his life, then I say let them have at it.

You know; what someone doesnt know (usually) doesn't hurt them. I could be in ignorance of some kind of betrayal right this very minute, but you know what? I'm happy and i dont know about it.

Azanon

 

[MacAvoy]

The thing is...I don't promote things that can EMOTIONALLY HURT somebody that is treating a person well. Or that can destroy a family.

The fact is a man dumping a women emotionally hurts a women. Are you suggesting that men shouldn't dump women anymore?

***********NEWSFLASH**************

Getting emotional hurt is a part of life and all relationships

***********NEWSFLASH**************

 

[MacAvoy]

This thread is going downhill and fast. Time for the mods to close it as theres nothing more productive that could come out of it. Its been beat to death a million times before.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Nothing to do with the cheating as I'm not here to judge anyone. You do what makes you happy.

But if you don't love her...why you became a "fiance"?

That woman is almost 50 years old!!! Why drag her through another 2 or 3 years? (Although, I understand waiting a few months to get your financial straight). Another thing...it appears that she is not mistreating you either. Why make her think that you are going to marry her?

She has treated you well...let her GO so she can find somebody that can make her happy. Besides, you obviously found one that is more compatible to your age.

I'm right there with 'ya on this. However, what makes the matter even more volatile is that the Swede is not financially ready to make an exit. My gut says that this was a relationship of mostly means. None the less, the major problem is if he gets caught. Worse case scenario he gets kicked out and he has no other resources.

Should he stay in the relationship if he's not feeling the connection? Heck no, he should cut the chains and leave. But he's cheating just because has nowhere else to live. What's more important new pvssy or a roof over your head?

Personally, I say keep the fidelity and put more effort in being able to gather the means to move on. If his quality of life is more important he should try to work out his issues with his woman. She's put a lot into the relationship and should be receptive to making adjustment. That is if Swede isn't a kept man.

 

[insanity]

think about it this way. if your woman was in the same position you are in right now. how would you feel finding out about her seeing another guy on the side and the only reason she was staying with you was because you can supply the money and shelter. you would feel betrayed and angry. i know women are far from saints cause they pull this crap too. but man karma will come back to get you.

does this younger girl your seeing know about the other older woman. if she does then eventually in the future there will be trust issues with her because you were seeing her on the side. some women just go out with married and taken guys because it is a challenge. as soon as they won then usually they scat to.

no offence but your acting like a girl would. you say this girl loves you to death and would do anything for you, and guys always complain that most woman are crap and they can't keep a woman to save their life. and your complain that someone actually cares about you and your going to throw it all away. i'm dumbfounded.

well i guess if your not happy, then don't do it. if sealing the deal with some 25yr old makes you happy then all the joy to ya.

 

[Ratisson]

why dont you just marry your fiancee just for the money. Get a divorce and then get half.

 

[MacAvoy]

why dont you just marry your fiancee just for the money. Get a divorce and then get half.

Nows thats the most DJ and best thing I've heard all day!

 

[drmeathead]

hey man dont do it. just break up with her. even if you are on a lease together you can live together as friends or roommates, not as engaged. if she is that bad and disinteresting to you, drop her. dont cheat and stay with her.

i am for dating multiple women as long you never discuss directly any sort of exclusitivity. if you havent, then game on and they should have worked harder to impress you and asked you to be exclusive. but if they have and you agreed they have earned the right to be exclusive by sticking their neck out and you to be exclusive. also they have earned the right by treating you well enough that you agreed to be exclusive. if they are messing up, then tell them. be a man.

cheating is a bull****. it is something a chicken**** woman would and then rationalize some excuse to justify it.

 

[newbie81]

If you are going to do it, do it without any regrets. If she accuses you, deny, deny, deny. Women will forgive you and pretend it didn't happen as long as you never admit to it. The soon as you admit to it, you've broken her trust and the relationship will never be the same.

Whereas if you deny it, then act like you don't give a sh1t, don't accept any jealous behaviour, tell her if she doesn't like it then too bad. Your a man, a prize and don't have time for her insecurities. By her age, she realizes that men will cheat and she won't have a problem with it as long as you are discreet and don't rub it in her face. Don't ever stop treating her with respect (on the surface - what she doesn't know won't hurt her)

Deny, deny deny? Why denying? Why bothering with deny?

Just as Latinoman says: women can get away with it, but man can not. Females can see/smell it just by seeing you.

My humble advice:

1. Your finance.
Neither this woman or any other woman you can potentially have an affair with, is more important than your financial situation. Be carefull about any decision you are taking right now. If you can not leave for at least a year, she can make your life a hell during the next 12 months.

2. Know what you want with the 50y old woman
a. You want to be with her
b. You do not want to be with her.
There are no middlepaths anymore in your situation.

From the little information from your post, you appearently do not love this woman: her past bothers you. If it was true love, nothing could change your feelings towards her. Question: are you ready to leave her?

Once you have solved 1. & 2.
3. Cheating
-I'm against cheating. IMO cheating is a clear indication that the woman you are with can not satisfy sexually/isn't attractive enough or that you are not ready to settle.
-If you want to cheat: do it & tell the 50y old ASAP. Everybody makes mistakes. A true leader admits his mistakes before other can point them to him. Few man can take up their responsibility and do this.
-Handle her reactions, answer her question about what happened & why. After her crying, weeping, aggressiveness (lol), yelling,... she'll probably ask you to leave.
-At that point you leave. You don't come back, you do not call back. It's her initiative from this point on.
-If she wants you back, she'll call you. Again: you should already know what you want by this point.

It's your life. Appearently you have already chosen to cheat on your fiancé.

Watch out with the law of compensation.

-Good Luck.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

hey man dont do it. just break up with her. even if you are on a lease together you can live together as friends or roommates, not as engaged...

This situation only works on television.