I'm about to cheat on my woman

[Bible_Belt]

I truly believe in being up front with your woman. Tell her you're not interested in a relationship with her anymore and end it before you do anything with someone else. Not being up front with her is gutless.

... Just remember that if she finds out she has the keys to where you live and where your personal property is. Nevermind the moral or ethical aspect, it's not a good idea for that one reason alone.

I agree with this advice. Even if you could fool her, your new girl might do something to get you caught. You risk coming home to find all of your possessions strewn about the front lawn.

 

[azanon]

I will agree with the majority here that he should not cheat based solely on being in the disadvantaged position; meaning if he got caught she has all the power.

Cheating is mainly for those that can get away with it, even if they were caught. Its a privaledge, in a manner of speaking.

 

[azanon]

3. Cheating
-I'm against cheating. IMO cheating is a clear indication that the woman you are with can not satisfy sexually/isn't attractive enough or that you are not ready to settle.
-If you want to cheat: do it & tell the 50y old ASAP. Everybody makes mistakes. A true leader admits his mistakes before other can point them to him. Few man can take up their responsibility and do this.
-Handle her reactions, answer her question about what happened & why. After her crying, weeping, aggressiveness (lol), yelling,... she'll probably ask you to leave.
-At that point you leave. You don't come back, you do not call back. It's her initiative from this point on.
-If she wants you back, she'll call you. Again: you should already know what you want by this point.

It's your life. Appearently you have already chosen to cheat on your fiancé.

Watch out with the law of compensation.

-Good Luck.

If you want to see how fast and quick you can wreak your life, definitely listen to this guy.

Since you mentioned you hate cheating, I assume you're advise comes from theory. Let me rebut from experience.

Cheating: >Is not a clear indication your woman isnt satisfying you; she can do just that and you're horny the next day.
>has nothing to do with whether a woman can satisfy you sexually. Most men I know would love more than one woman anyway.
>has nothing to do with how attactive the woman you're with is now. We always want more (or many of us do). I had a cajun friend that used to tell me, "Azanon, there's nothing like "strange"."
>has nothing to do with you not wanting to settle. Wanting to live "a married or "coupled" life" and wanting multiple women are mutually exclusive desires.

>You say, (paraphrased) "If he wants to cheat do it, and then tell her?" Are you completely insane? I hope that was sarcasm. Cheating is only a "mistake", as you called it, if it is breaking one of your self-imposed, personal rules.

 

[drmeathead]

If you want to date more than one woman, do so. Dont commit to one just one then. If you want to date someone else, then have some integrity and tell her your feelings. No excuses, no complaining. Get it done

 

[newbie81]

If you want to see how fast and quick you can wreak your life, definitely listen to this guy.

Since you mentioned you hate cheating, I assume you're advise comes from theory. Let me rebut from experience.

Thank you for posting your opinion.

My humble advice come from my knowledge & my experiences (what I do, see & hear).

Most men I know would love more than one woman anyway.
We always want more (or many of us do). I had a cajun friend that used to tell me, "Azanon, there's nothing like "strange"."
Wanting to live "a married or "coupled" life" and wanting multiple women are mutually exclusive desires.

Totally agree with what you say.

Physical heredity has made us, men, hunters: we want pvssy, lots. Social heredity has brought monogamy.

There's nothing wrong with a man wanting to be a hunter through all his life, just don't make a contract for monogamy in that case. He has made a contract with the 50y old: they are fiancé. Now he's not happy with the contract stipulating monogamy. As you say: mutually exclusive. You hunt or you settle. You cannot have both.

>You say, (paraphrased) "If he wants to cheat do it, and then tell her?" Are you completely insane? I hope that was sarcasm. Cheating is only a "mistake", as you called it, if it is breaking one of your self-imposed, personal rules

The bond they have (fiancé) dictates monogamy. It are society's imposed rules, not personal. We wouldn't speak of cheating if he hadn't a bond (marriage, fiancé, exclusive relationship, spoken agreement,...)

In life when you have a contract, be it in business, with friends, or with women: you follow what you have agreed in the contract. If you want to break up the contract at a certain moment: no problem, tell the person you want to break it, tell it honesty.

If you want to backstab your associate, cheat on your wife,... you can do it too. I call that the "coward method". You must take responsibility for what you do in life. Believe me: it feels better to admit your errors than having other people pointing towards it.

Think about it twice before replying.

-Good Luck.

 

[azanon]

Thank you for posting your opinion.

My humble advice come from my knowledge & my experiences (what I do, see & hear).


Totally agree with what you say.

Physical heredity has made us, men, hunters: we want pvssy, lots. Social heredity has brought monogamy.

There's nothing wrong with a man wanting to be a hunter through all his life, just don't make a contract for monogamy in that case. He has made a contract with the 50y old: they are fiancé. Now he's not happy with the contract stipulating monogamy. As you say: mutually exclusive. You hunt or you settle. You cannot have both.


The bond they have (fiancé) dictates monogamy. It are society's imposed rules, not personal. We wouldn't speak of cheating if he hadn't a bond (marriage, fiancé, exclusive relationship, spoken agreement,...)

In life when you have a contract, be it in business, with friends, or with women: you follow what you have agreed in the contract. If you want to break up the contract at a certain moment: no problem, tell the person you want to break it, tell it honesty.

If you want to backstab your associate, cheat on your wife,... you can do it too. I call that the "coward method". You must take responsibility for what you do in life. Believe me: it feels better to admit your errors than having other people pointing towards it.

Think about it twice before replying.

-Good Luck.

If by "think about it twice", you mean that i should consider whether my views will win a popularity contest here or anywhere else, I already know they do not. The only place I even consider expressing such views is anonymously on a forum.

>You say there is nothing wrong with hunting without a contract; nothing wrong with screwing a woman intimately knowing full well you have no intentions of staying with her. Is that your position? Its mine, sure, but remember I also have no issues with cheating either. I admit, i find considerable humor that many here have no problems with gaming women to take their most precious offering with no intentions of giving commitment in return, but are so quick to condemn cheating. If you ask me, its hypocritical to say the former is ok, but the latter isn't.

>I think of business contracts only in how they relate to the law, not in the form of "honor". Contracts spell out what happens if you break them. If one is willing to live with the penalities of breaking a contract, then I say let them break it. Same with breaking relationship contracts of all forms. If you carefully analize the risks associated with breaking it, and conclude your personal gain is greater than the worst case scenario of breaking the relationship contract, then break it.

You call backstabbing/cheating as cowardness. Did you know that's the same thing the Britians said about us when we used gorilla warefare to kick their ass in the Revolutionary war? Perhaps in a way they were right about that. How dare we not fight in a straight line with bright colors and all fire in unison! You know, we won the war anyway. Im sure we were called cowards, but just remember, we won the war.

I'll have to say one of the primary reasons for a lot of my success is other people's rules. Karma is a lie created by those that play by the rules so that they can pretend that the world is fair.

 

[newbie81]

>You say there is nothing wrong with hunting without a contract; nothing wrong with screwing a woman intimately knowing full well you have no intentions of staying with her. Is that your position? Its mine, sure, but remember I also have no issues with cheating either. I admit, i find considerable humor that many here have no problems with gaming women to take their most precious offering with no intentions of giving commitment in return, but are so quick to condemn cheating. If you ask me, its hypocritical to say the former is ok, but the latter isn't.

The difference between just gaming & cheating is the absence of a contract in the former. I do not promess people things I know I can/will not deliver afterwards.

>I think of business contracts only in how they relate to the law, not in the form of "honor". Contracts spell out what happens if you break them. If one is willing to live with the penalities of breaking a contract, then I say let them break it. Same with breaking relationship contracts of all forms. If you carefully analize the risks associated with breaking it, and conclude your personal gain is greater than the worst case scenario of breaking the relationship contract, then break it.

It speaks for itself that any contract should be broken if it inflicts on your personal gains. The discussion is about how to break a contract.
Life is tough for everybody, lots of people have troubles handling it. Lots of decisions have colleteral damage that can not be avoided. What we can at least do, is make sure that we do not damage others more than we already do. So yes, break the contract, but with respect for the others feelings as a person. I believe that life will compensate for anything one does. I believe this because that is what I experienced (did, saw, hear): people who do wrong, generally end wrong in one way or another.
It's called respect: not doing to another what you do not want them to do to you.

You call backstabbing/cheating as cowardness.

I call it cowardness when one cheats, but hasn't the balls to tell it to his partner. That's cowardness: being afraid of the consequences. I call it irresponsible & childish. Anybody does what he wants, and I wouldn't cheat, but if I would, I would at least tell my partner asap before she can hear it from anybody else. That's being responsible for your act. No need to disrespect the woman even more after the cheating.

I'll have to say one of the primary reasons for a lot of my success is other people's rules. Karma is a lie created by those that play by the rules so that they can pretend that the world is fair.

I guess you meant" karma is a lie created by those who play by the rules so that they can pretent that the world is unfair"

I believe in karma: I believe life & time will compensate for everything one does. However I look at karma as facts and not as opinions: my own brains defines what good & bad karma are, not people.


If you're openminded: take a look at Emerson's essay on compensation.


Good post btw, you got me thinking.


-Good Luck.

 

[SwedishDJ]

Gentlemen,

Thanks a lot for your replies!
I have had several months to ponder the consequenses and the moral issue of my situation, and I would certainly not go ahead with this if I wasn't certain that I will never get caught.

Believe me, I WILL break our engagement in the coming year, but due to my financial dilemma I cannot do so for at least nine months.

Why should I choose not to bang this very young, very sexy lady when I have already decided that my current relationship is useless except for the money?

And as for the advice of marrying her and run away with half of her moey, it doesn't quite work that way here in Sweden.

 

[MightyMate]

I can tell You 1 thing from my experience. Cheatin is so dope that if You do that once, You will do it to rest of the life. Even if You gonna lovethe woman.

 

[azanon]

Well, drop back by and tell us how it went with the hottie, SwedishDJ. That way we not only get to hear the details, but the detractors here will see proof that you didn't get hit by a bolt of lightening from the karma gods.

 

[ElChoclo]

Ok Swede, you don't want to get caught, I assume. Therefore;

1 Better figure out a plausible excuse for any absences. One which can't be cross checked.

2 No perfume smells or anything obvious, shower it off.

3 Delete any messages or phone calls eg call listing. Careful with your phone bill too if she can get hold of it. It will have your whereabouts and who you call. False name for any phone number recorded, for the girl.

4 If you buy any gifts, keep the receipts where she can't find em. Also, best use cash. Credit cards leave a trail.

5 Girl can't have free access to ring you at inconvenient times, so work out a safe routine for phone calls.

6 Don't go anywhere where you are likely to be seen by someone you know or who your "fiancee" knows.

7 Don't be lathering up on cologne or doing other abnormal things which are out of place. Eg no new silk underwear or that type of give away unless you make it look like it is for the 50 year old hag.

There, that should be a handy starting guide for you.

 

[Latinoman]

The fact is a man dumping a women emotionally hurts a women. Are you suggesting that men shouldn't dump women anymore?

***********NEWSFLASH**************

Getting emotional hurt is a part of life and all relationships

***********NEWSFLASH**************

I didn't say that.

However, getting emotionally hurt due to a man's honesty (e.g. not wanting to be with her anymore and therefore dumping her) and being emotionally hurt due to a man's deception (e.g. cheating) it is NOT the same. For the same token, a man that is dump by a woman gets emotionally hurt, but eventually moves one. But a man that is cheated by his woman (she goes into affairs) has a longer lasting hurt that affects his other relationships.

That's one of my points.

But my biggest one is that he is making her think that he is going to MARRY her (that's why she is his fiance). And this is a woman that is 50 (let be honest here...she is WAY past her prime and her time is getting shorter and shorter) and is now under the impression she is with the man that is going to marry her. Now, I don't care he is cheating (or about to cheat)...the issue here is that he admits that he does not love her.

So, why make her think she is going to be his wife? Why not at least let her see that they might need some more time before going the "fiance" level? At least it gives her an excuse to reconsider things (which is a good thing for him too as he does not love her).

 

[Latinoman]

Personally, I say keep the fidelity and put more effort in being able to gather the means to move on. If his quality of life is more important he should try to work out his issues with his woman. She's put a lot into the relationship and should be receptive to making adjustment. That is if Swede isn't a kept man.

EXCELLENT ADVICE!

 

[azanon]

I didn't say that.

However, getting emotionally hurt due to a man's honesty (e.g. not wanting to be with her anymore and therefore dumping her) and being emotionally hurt due to a man's deception (e.g. cheating) it is NOT the same. For the same token, a man that is dump by a woman gets emotionally hurt, but eventually moves one. But a man that is cheated by his woman (she goes into affairs) has a longer lasting hurt that affects his other relationships.

This is not necessarily true. You (we all) are in complete control of how much something hurts us. This was first sunk into me when i read "Awaken the Giant Within" by Tony Robbins.

You have to remember if someone has lower morals, that's their problen and not yours. You don't have to give anyone power if you don't want to. In fact, i could make an argument that you'd be hurt less because you discovered that the character of the person you're with is not as good as you thought it was, and you'd hurt more when you lost an honest person. Restated, better that you found out "now" that you don't need to be with whomever it is.

...

I have no quarrel with your second point, assuming the OP did say he's given her the impression he was going to marry her. I cant remember what he said now.

 

[Latinoman]

This is not necessarily true. You (we all) are in complete control of how much something hurts us. This was first sunk into me when i read "Awaken the Giant Within" by Tony Robbins.

You have to remember if someone has lower morals, that's their problen and not yours. You don't have to give anyone power if you don't want to. In fact, i could make an argument that you'd be hurt less because you discovered that the character of the person you're with is not as good as you thought it was, and you'd hurt more when you lost an honest person. Restated, better that you found out "now" that you don't need to be with whomever it is.

Easy said that done. We tend to put every woman in a capsule. If one betray us...then we lose trust for the others that come into our future to the point that the way we view them change. It is unfair. But it is normal defensive mechanism. Some of us might overcome that...but those that do are a very small number.

...

I have no quarrel with your second point, assuming the OP did say he's given her the impression he was going to marry her. I cant remember what he said now.

We as men are the ones that ask our women if they want to marry us. And once they say "yes"...they become our "fiances". Which is the term HE used in reference to that 50-year-old woman.

 

[MacAvoy]

However, getting emotionally hurt due to a man's honesty (e.g. not wanting to be with her anymore and therefore dumping her) and being emotionally hurt due to a man's deception (e.g. cheating) it is NOT the same.

But my biggest one is that he is making her think that he is going to MARRY her (that's why she is his fiance). ... Now, I don't care he is cheating (or about to cheat)...the issue here is that he admits that he does not love her.

He has already stated that for financials reasons he CANNOT leave her. Therefore, he might as well cheat since he's already hurting her more in another area. At least if he does get caught, it will empower her to leave him and it won't be because he doesn't love her (well it will but it won't be that he used her for her money and that is a bigger slap in the face, at least he can blame it on his manhood/drive.

 

[Latinoman]

He has already stated that for financials reasons he CANNOT leave her. Therefore, he might as well cheat since he's already hurting her more in another area. At least if he does get caught, it will empower her to leave him and it won't be because he doesn't love her (well it will but it won't be that he used her for her money and that is a bigger slap in the face, at least he can blame it on his manhood/drive.

Well...maybe he should get his financial affairs on order FIRST and FOREMOST.

"Cheating" (as well as dating) is NOT a cheap thing. Maybe a 50 year old woman is more willing to "support" or "help" a financially DEPENDENDABLE man. And that's what is he...a man that financially DEPENDS on a woman...so, the "manhood" thing is actually laughable.

However, a 25-year-old woman (with options) might not be as inclined as to do the same. If that was the case...then he would have left that 50-year-old.

As a DJ...we should encourage this guy to better himself. If he cannot take care of himself...then he should not be in ANY relationship with women. Certainly NOT two.

 

[azanon]

Easy said that done. We tend to put every woman in a capsule. If one betray us...then we lose trust for the others that come into our future to the point that the way we view them change. It is unfair. But it is normal defensive mechanism. Some of us might overcome that...but those that do are a very small number.

Maybe when i was younger this would be true, but I wouldnt say this anymore. If one hurts me, that was just her in my mind. I know what I have to offer a woman, and one woman's opinion of me isn't going to change me that much.

I believe (as Tony Robbins does) that the choice ultimately is ours how we are going to perceive and respond to the world around us. Easier said than done only because so many haven't learned the truth of this yet.

 

[MacAvoy]

Well...maybe he should get his financial affairs on order FIRST and FOREMOST.

"Cheating" (as well as dating) is NOT a cheap thing. Maybe a 50 year old woman is more willing to "support" or "help" a financially DEPENDENDABLE man. And that's what is he...a man that financially DEPENDS on a woman...so, the "manhood" thing is actually laughable.

However, a 25-year-old woman (with options) might not be as inclined as to do the same. If that was the case...then he would have left that 50-year-old.

As a DJ...we should encourage this guy to better himself. If he cannot take care of himself...then he should not be in ANY relationship with women. Certainly NOT two.

At this point, who cares? We are debating semantics, we haven't heard back from the other poster since he made his initial post so its probably a moot point.

 

[azanon]

At this point, who cares? We are debating semantics, we haven't heard back from the other poster since he made his initial post so its probably a moot point.

Well, yeah we did - check out post #28.