I'm 28 and never had a girlfriend, have no friends, and still live at home. Please help!

[needimprovement250]

Hey guys, I made this thread because I was hoping that some of you could help me by offering some advice. I'm 28 and never dated or had a girlfriend and I also don't have any friends and still live at home with my parents like the title says. Without making this post too long, the main reason why I've never dated is because I saw some friends getting harshly rejected when I was younger and I always thought that the same would also happen to me since I was associated with them and that I shouldn't even bother trying to ask anyone out because it was a guarantee that I would face the same pain and embarrassment that they did. I finally went on my first and only date when I was 21 because this girl asked me out and we hooked up that night. Then 5 years later when I was 26, I made it to 3rd base with a girl who I met through my 1 friend that i did have before he moved away and I've had nothing since then. I'm very discouraged about even trying to date now because I'm almost 30 and have so little experience, I feel like most girls are gonna be turned off if they find out and its going to result in a never ending cycle of going out on dates, only to be rejected once she finds out about my inexperience. I've also been addicted to p0rn since I was 12 and after I finally had sex for the first time, I discovered how much damage it has done to me as I have a very difficult time performing during sex since I'm too used to the type of stimulation experienced from watching p0rn, so I am in the process of quitting.

I still live at home with my parents because the cost of living is so high in my state, the monthly rent on a 450 sq ft studio apartment is $1,300 and that's the lowest price in my area. I do have a better job than my previous one, I currently work full time as a line cook in a ghost kitchen and make $20/hr, but I feel like I should still aim higher and have been considering trying to find a training program to enroll in so that I can land a higher paying job. I feel like still living at home is a big roadblock for me to start dating because I feel too embarrassed taking a girl back to my parents' house to have sex when I'm 28, maybe I should just make the jump and move into a small studio apartment like that. I also have no friends because my last friend moved away like I already said, and I used to be friends with my coworkers from one of my previous jobs but we've all lost touch with each other since then. More than anything, this has still been going on due to a lack of opportunities to socialize and make more friends. The same goes with my dating life too, I never even meet any girls due to a lack of opportunities and I've never used any dating apps because I feel like I can never take a good picture and that pretty much all I could post is selfies due to me not having any friends and I've heard that most girls like to see pics of a guy with his friends on his profile for social proof and that a guy having no friends is a red flag and a turn off.

What should I do and how do I change things? I feel like big changes need to be made in order to get the improvements to my life that I want.

 

[firstbornunicorn]

Your focus should be finding friends and moving out. Do you need to live alone? Sharing a flat with others can be fun if they're cool people, and you will 100% end up being more social.

Seems like you're going in the right direction and are fully aware of what you need, so I don't have much to add besides good luck and keep going.

 

[needimprovement250]

Your focus should be finding friends and moving out. Do you need to live alone? Sharing a flat with others can be fun if they're cool people, and you will 100% end up being more social.

Seems like you're going in the right direction and are fully aware of what you need, so I don't have much to add besides good luck and keep going.

Thanks, and I would prefer to live alone mainly because if I have the chance to bring a girl home with me, we'll have more privacy and won't have to worry about any of my roommates hearing us. I also don't even know where I would find any roommates since I don't have any friends. I guess the biggest thing to keep in mind if I do decide to move out and live alone is that making new friends needs to be a top priority because if I have no friends and live alone, its easy to become too isolated and could even cause depression. Also, what are your thoughts on girls being turned off by my lack of experience?

 

[Focal core]

why have to have sex at house or parent home? motel way way convenience

 

[needimprovement250]

why have to have sex at house or parent home? motel way way convenience

I've thought of that and it would definitely allow me to start dating now, but won't girls get tired of going to a motel every time we want to have sex or just plain lose interest if I tell her its because I still live with my parents?

 

[firstbornunicorn]

Thanks, and I would prefer to live alone mainly because if I have the chance to bring a girl home with me, we'll have more privacy and won't have to worry about any of my roommates hearing us. I also don't even know where I would find any roommates since I don't have any friends. I guess the biggest thing to keep in mind if I do decide to move out and live alone is that making new friends needs to be a top priority because if I have no friends and live alone, its easy to become too isolated and could even cause depression. Also, what are your thoughts on girls being turned off by my lack of experience?

Why would you care if your flatmates are around when you're having sex?

She'll only be turned off if you're overthinking it.

You could find the flatmates first before the friends. At least around here there are always ads looking for people to join an established house share. Choose the ones you'd vibe with the most and go for it.

 

[Focal core]

I've thought of that and it would definitely allow me to start dating now, but won't girls get tired of going to a motel every time we want to have sex or just plain lose interest if I tell her its because I still live with my parents?

It's none of their business of where you're living. You still young, girls your age or below wont be bothered if you already owning a home. if your relationship works, both should be working for the relationship moving forward and start making a better life..

i'm 41, own my own place.. but i wont bring them here for privacy, personal preference. No it doesn't turn women off.

 

[needimprovement250]

It's none of their business of where you're living. You still young, girls your age or below wont be bothered if you already owning a home. if your relationship works, both should be working for the relationship moving forward and start making a better life..

i'm 41, own my own place.. but i wont bring them here for privacy, personal preference. No it doesn't turn women off.

That's surprising to hear because I always thought that they would be turned off by always going to motels and eventually ask why we always just get a room. What do you think about me having so little experience for my age, will that be an issue?

 

[Focal core]

That's surprising to hear because I always thought that they would be turned off by always going to motels and eventually ask why we always just get a room. What do you think about me having so little experience for my age, will that be an issue?

other than enjoying/spending your time outside with your gf, you get a room for sex, and intimacy.. it doesn't matter what room or place as long as you both enjoying the sensual experiences. i once did it in an random apartment plumbing room just for the sheer fun of it.

as i read it you only have 3 girls in your life? what holding you back son?

 

[DonJuanjr]

I finally went on my first and only date when I was 21 because this girl asked me out and we hooked up that night.

You have a notch count of 1 at 28? Don't feel bad. I had a notch count of 1 until 32. I've had sex with two other females in the past year. One that's been a plate for over half a year now. @SargeMaximus was a virgin until he was 28. His notch count is higher than 20 now. You've been celibate for 7 years? Don't feel bad. I was celibate for 12 years. Until a little over a year ago. I understand the immense pressure you're putting on yourself due to lack of experience. It is very embarrassing, and you're absolutely right that females will care about it. Don't tell them. You don't owe them your life story. They bring up notch counts, say what I did to my fwb when she asked...

her- How many have you been with?
me - I'm not telling you
her- Why
me- In my experience, if my number was too far from the girl's, it caused problems later on
her - come on, it won't cause problems
me - okay, what ever your number is, it's plus or minus 5 from that.

Then just keep repeating that if she keeps asking. You have to have this conversation in a lighthearted smirking idgaf manner. She should drop it after a couple of repeats. She can't read your mind. She doesn't know how many you've been with. When she's willing for you to penetrate her, it won't matter if your lack of experience is obvious. It won't matter if she rejects you after the fact. You'll have gained some experience, to be a little better for the next chick.

If they ask you how long you've been single, say a couple months. If they ask about your past relationships, say you don't like to talk about them as it's in the past, and only the present matters.

You're main goal right now, should be to gain more experience, so you'll not be as nervous escalating. I know you're self conscious about your kissing technique, to fvcking technique, and everything in between. Gotta gain experience.

Guys on here are going to oppose what I say, but I think you should lower your standards to fatties, if it comes down to it. Get a hold of some viagra, so you don't have to worry about ED problems in case nervousness affects your performance. I'm telling you, it doesn't matter if you bang a fatty, you'll gain a lot of sexual confidence. Just know, you're not going to find "the right one", or your soul mate. It doesn't matter if you embarrass yourself with some of these females in escalation attempts. There are always more.

 

[needimprovement250]

You have a notch count of 1 at 28? Don't feel bad. I had a notch count of 1 until 32. I've had sex with two other females in the past year. One that's been a plate for over half a year now. @SargeMaximus was a virgin until he was 28. His notch count is higher than 20 now. You've been celibate for 7 years? Don't feel bad. I was celibate for 12 years. Until a little over a year ago. I understand the immense pressure you're putting on yourself due to lack of experience. It is very embarrassing, and you're absolutely right that females will care about it. Don't tell them. You don't owe them your life story. They bring up notch counts, say what I did to my fwb when she asked...

her- How many have you been with?
me - I'm not telling you
her- Why
me- In my experience, if my number was too far from the girl's, it caused problems later on
her - come on, it won't cause problems
me - okay, what ever your number is, it's plus or minus 5 from that.

Then just keep repeating that if she keeps asking. You have to have this conversation in a lighthearted smirking idgaf manner. She should drop it after a couple of repeats. She can't read your mind. She doesn't know how many you've been with. When she's willing for you to penetrate her, it won't matter if your lack of experience is obvious. It won't matter if she rejects you after the fact. You'll have gained some experience, to be a little better for the next chick.

If they ask you how long you've been single, say a couple months. If they ask about your past relationships, say you don't like to talk about them as it's in the past, and only the present matters.

You're main goal right now, should be to gain more experience, so you'll not be as nervous escalating. I know you're self conscious about your kissing technique, to fvcking technique, and everything in between. Gotta gain experience.

Guys on here are going to oppose what I say, but I think you should lower your standards to fatties, if it comes down to it. Get a hold of some viagra, so you don't have to worry about ED problems in case nervousness affects your performance. I'm telling you, it doesn't matter if you bang a fatty, you'll gain a lot of sexual confidence. Just know, you're not going to find "the right one", or your soul mate. It doesn't matter if you embarrass yourself with some of these females in escalation attempts. There are always more.

That was definitely helpful, thanks. That's honestly one of the biggest things holding me back, for years I've been assuming that I'm gonna find myself in an endless circle of rejection caused by them getting turned off by my lack of experience. I've just been feeling like its too late for me because no girl will give me a chance when they hear how little experience I have. Who knows, I might be honest about it with some girls just to see what kind of reaction I get. I actually told the girl what I hooked up with and she wasn't deterred and still wanted to hook up, but I know that there are girls who will react negatively to finding that out. I don't know if I'd go for fatties since the 2 girls that I did have encounters with weren't fat and I feel like I can get skinnier girls, especially if I start working out and build some muscle. Viagra has serious side effects, so I'd probably go with a more natural alternative but I agree that I need something along the line of that because like I said in my post, my p0rn addiction has caused me to become so psychologically damaged that I can't even perform during sex because I'm too used to getting off to p0rn, which is why I'm trying to quit.

 

[Solomon]

are you in decent shape? if not start working out and hard

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I'm not sure what you would like us to do. All of these are internal things that you need to work on. Confidence, ambition, wanting to make something of your life, etc.

What is your passion?
What is your motivation to make things different?
What are you willing to do differently?

Nothing we say is going to matter unless you are committed to making changes in yourself and follow that through with actions.

 

[Mike32ct]

Need to work hard to beat the P addiction first. That will help give you a clear head and better focus.

I would attack that first while simultaneously getting some exercise/working out going.

Getting a gf in late 20s is no problem. I went on first date at 27 and had sex at 28.

 

[SW15]

Steps you need to take in order of priority.

1. End porn addiction. It's difficult to quit porn. I did it. I was really into porn in the past. Everything about your life will improve when you're not watching porn and mbating.
2. Get a 2 bedroom apartment with a roommate.
3. Lift/weights exercise
4. Start doing approaches
5. Make friends

 

[Thor’s hammer]

If you can’t increase your income, you could move to a city with lower rents. They may have less population, but some cities in US have more people than we got people in my whole country, so don’t be afraid of that. Some may disagree but one million people are plenty to have an active dating life.

You also need to quit porn. Like you said it affects your performance.

It is normal to lose some friends as you age but you definately can make new friends through hobbies and work.

Someone suggested for you to lift weights. It defibately helps if you are fit, but it mainly comes down to your personality and conversation skills. If you feel better about yourself for lifting then go and do it. I got a lot of attention from women when I was athletic, not big muscles but definately fit. The point is, choose a sport you enjoy if you need to start excercizing.

You don’t need to tell women that you don’t have experience from dating and relationships. Just practise with them, you’ll have them for a while, then they dump you and you move to next girl. Or maybe you dump them . If they really start pushing the info from you then you can tell the truth or tell them that you have been dating but nothing serious lately.

 

[Mike32ct]

You could even pull the dry spell card if you are feeling awkward around a chick where things might get physical. “My last relationship was six months (or a year) ago.”

That’s forgivable and understandable, especially with COVID.

 

[bat soup]

Hey guys, I made this thread because I was hoping that some of you could help me by offering some advice. I'm 28 and never dated or had a girlfriend and I also don't have any friends and still live at home with my parents like the title says. Without making this post too long, the main reason why I've never dated is because I saw some friends getting harshly rejected when I was younger and I always thought that the same would also happen to me since I was associated with them and that I shouldn't even bother trying to ask anyone out because it was a guarantee that I would face the same pain and embarrassment that they did. I finally went on my first and only date when I was 21 because this girl asked me out and we hooked up that night. Then 5 years later when I was 26, I made it to 3rd base with a girl who I met through my 1 friend that i did have before he moved away and I've had nothing since then. I'm very discouraged about even trying to date now because I'm almost 30 and have so little experience, I feel like most girls are gonna be turned off if they find out and its going to result in a never ending cycle of going out on dates, only to be rejected once she finds out about my inexperience. I've also been addicted to p0rn since I was 12 and after I finally had sex for the first time, I discovered how much damage it has done to me as I have a very difficult time performing during sex since I'm too used to the type of stimulation experienced from watching p0rn, so I am in the process of quitting.

I still live at home with my parents because the cost of living is so high in my state, the monthly rent on a 450 sq ft studio apartment is $1,300 and that's the lowest price in my area. I do have a better job than my previous one, I currently work full time as a line cook in a ghost kitchen and make $20/hr, but I feel like I should still aim higher and have been considering trying to find a training program to enroll in so that I can land a higher paying job. I feel like still living at home is a big roadblock for me to start dating because I feel too embarrassed taking a girl back to my parents' house to have sex when I'm 28, maybe I should just make the jump and move into a small studio apartment like that. I also have no friends because my last friend moved away like I already said, and I used to be friends with my coworkers from one of my previous jobs but we've all lost touch with each other since then. More than anything, this has still been going on due to a lack of opportunities to socialize and make more friends. The same goes with my dating life too, I never even meet any girls due to a lack of opportunities and I've never used any dating apps because I feel like I can never take a good picture and that pretty much all I could post is selfies due to me not having any friends and I've heard that most girls like to see pics of a guy with his friends on his profile for social proof and that a guy having no friends is a red flag and a turn off.

What should I do and how do I change things? I feel like big changes need to be made in order to get the improvements to my life that I want.

Move to Bangkok. To bang kock.

 

[SargeMaximus]

If they ask about how many you been with just say “a gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell” and then change the subject

 

[RickTheToad]

Just say, you're a virgin and you'll be my first one; with a smirk on your face.