Modern Man Advice
Master Don Juan
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- Feb 3, 2021
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The first step is to not think about women, or not make them your main goal. Your main goal is mindset growth. I believe you have a few mental hurdles you should cross.Hey guys, I made this thread because I was hoping that some of you could help me by offering some advice. I'm 28 and never dated or had a girlfriend and I also don't have any friends and still live at home with my parents like the title says. Without making this post too long, the main reason why I've never dated is because I saw some friends getting harshly rejected when I was younger and I always thought that the same would also happen to me since I was associated with them and that I shouldn't even bother trying to ask anyone out because it was a guarantee that I would face the same pain and embarrassment that they did. I finally went on my first and only date when I was 21 because this girl asked me out and we hooked up that night. Then 5 years later when I was 26, I made it to 3rd base with a girl who I met through my 1 friend that i did have before he moved away and I've had nothing since then. I'm very discouraged about even trying to date now because I'm almost 30 and have so little experience, I feel like most girls are gonna be turned off if they find out and its going to result in a never ending cycle of going out on dates, only to be rejected once she finds out about my inexperience. I've also been addicted to p0rn since I was 12 and after I finally had sex for the first time, I discovered how much damage it has done to me as I have a very difficult time performing during sex since I'm too used to the type of stimulation experienced from watching p0rn, so I am in the process of quitting.
I still live at home with my parents because the cost of living is so high in my state, the monthly rent on a 450 sq ft studio apartment is $1,300 and that's the lowest price in my area. I do have a better job than my previous one, I currently work full time as a line cook in a ghost kitchen and make $20/hr, but I feel like I should still aim higher and have been considering trying to find a training program to enroll in so that I can land a higher paying job. I feel like still living at home is a big roadblock for me to start dating because I feel too embarrassed taking a girl back to my parents' house to have sex when I'm 28, maybe I should just make the jump and move into a small studio apartment like that. I also have no friends because my last friend moved away like I already said, and I used to be friends with my coworkers from one of my previous jobs but we've all lost touch with each other since then. More than anything, this has still been going on due to a lack of opportunities to socialize and make more friends. The same goes with my dating life too, I never even meet any girls due to a lack of opportunities and I've never used any dating apps because I feel like I can never take a good picture and that pretty much all I could post is selfies due to me not having any friends and I've heard that most girls like to see pics of a guy with his friends on his profile for social proof and that a guy having no friends is a red flag and a turn off.
What should I do and how do I change things? I feel like big changes need to be made in order to get the improvements to my life that I want.
The first hurdle is challenging yourself. Thankfully, you are aware you can do better. Including your current job and living situation. Always strive to put yourself in situations where you feel the most uncomfortable you've been. Eg. living on your own, learning new skills in your career.
I believe in the importance of setting yourself up for success. So start with a small and attainable goal, enough to challenge you but simple enough to start a snowball or domino effect. During this process be intentional about you allow to be and influence your life.
Lastly, women can be a distraction. A huge distraction. It can potentially hinder your personal growth and goals. So don't focus on them just now. Later yes, but not quite just yet. Not until you have some personal development momentum going.
Hope that makes sense and proud of you for reaching out.
Modern Man Advice