Im 26 and Im pretty much in sexless relationship

[hithard]

Im pretty unexperienced and not 'that' sexually agressive – we had sex 6 weeks after we met.

Mmmmm sounds hot and heavy.

I think there is a few things going on here:

1. Your confidence.

Yep she started to give it up when you got a little more edgy. You seem a bit hung up on being inexperienced and not being able to escalate to sex. Relax a little. I know its hard with six weeks of blue balls. But good sex is mainly setting a chicks mental frame rather then performance based (unless you really suck).

2. You set the frame

And you set the frame at eunuch. Now its just backpedalling and scrambling to reset your position. Yeah you probably could turn it around, but its a hell of a lot of work. And give it a few years and you are back to square one.

3. No other options
Slickster covered this already. You are getting bent out of shape and knocking your confidence down even more focusing on a chick not putting out. Your mentality is that of scarcity.

4. Don't partner up with chicks that can't come

and that i shouldn't worry because she has never experienced orgasm with any boyfriend

Yeah run like fcuk. Its a great way of thinking its you doing something wrong. More likely she is asexual. It is a horrible life being attached with a girl with a low libido.
I've had a handful, and promptly ditched them all. There can be all kinds of horror back stories and mental issues attached to this. None of them good.

Chuck in parents house and oneitis and its a recipe for loooove



of not getting any

 

[treznik87]

Chuck in parents house and oneitis and its a recipe for loooove


of not getting any

i dont understand this one.. can you elaborate please... i agree with the rest tho...

 

[Slickster]

Wow, this is sad.

Do NOT have a "put out or get out" conversation with her. Nothing kills sexual attraction faster than talking about the problem.

Actions always speak louder than words. At this point you are allowing her to leave you sexless because your actions tell her that. It doesn't matter what you say. You are CHOOSING to be in a sexless relationship by continually giving her attention when you aren't getting sex. Don't tell her what she needs to do. Show her with your actions.

Treznik87 there is a very simple solution to your problem.

Go back and re-read my original post.

It is an absolute win-win situation for you. You either get sex from your girlfriend and she learns how to start treating you right OR you find another girl along the way who will.

She may be your first girlfriend but she's definitely not going to be your last. Not with the way things are going. You are stuck in a rut right now and YOU are choosing to stay there. That is called being a sucker or a chump.

It's your ATTENTION versus her PVSSY. Once you learn how to win this battle you will never be sexless again.

Go back and re-read my original post.

Grow up man. Grow some balls. Take charge.

P.S. And don't be a whiny b!tch about it. Don't whine to her about not getting sex. That is lame and gives her all the power. If she's not putting out, you suddenly aren't around so much. You are out having fun with other women who will. No conversation required.

 

[treznik87]

man, i know what you are talking about, and i was doing stuff like that in the first 6 months... because i didnt give a f*ck. but after that i developed some strong feelings/fell in love with her and for a while - 4 months - everything was fine. But after honeymoon was over things went back as they were at the beginning - her having excuses, everything was more important then me and my needs. Of course i was there for here and her needs because i was in love. its easy to give advices when you are not emotionally invested and want things to work. Acting like this may be solution or maybe she will dump me and find another guy. But then again, im not happy as it is now so... im pretty sure ill not be able to go on like this forever... so i do not have many options.


she always have the same defense:

'how many times did you sleep over at my place?' and blaming me for not wanting sex at my parents house while my mother was home in the next room. She trows stuff like that into my face every time i said we are not having any sex... i thing thats just her excuses because if she really wanted sex we would have it. im sure about it...

I just dont get it how a healthy woman at 27 has no desire to sex with her serious bf after just 1 year together. i mean weeks went by and she is just not bothered at all. nothing from her part, zero effort, nothing. 7 weeks went by im angr told her im not gonnabe able to continue that way - she replied it bothers her too and has many suggestion how to solve problem - moving in together, rent a room in hotel, ill call her whenever my parents are gone etc.. these were all her suggestion but she puts zero effort after that. We had sex and another 7 weeks went by sexless..

And talking about being rejected after 6 weeks of no sex day after anniversary because of the dog? i think i should end it just there. I find that extremely disrespectful towards me. its like she took me for granted and my needs are not important.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

You have a problem of motivation and attraction. Many marrieds fal into this pattern. They figure they arent horny, but also that you wont go anywhere.

 

[hithard]

i dont understand this one.. can you elaborate please... i agree with the rest tho...

Do you have the rest of your life in order?
Stick to the 3 F system to keep it basic Finances, Fitness and Fcuking. Try to strive in all areas both work and social and build confidence.

Oneitis is basically craving one girl and putting her on a pedestal.
In this situation you have over invested your emotions, where as she has under invested into you. It leaves you in the weaker position. Men in my opinion believe in the old true notion of love and loyalty and will stick it out no matter what. But times have changed.

You are also trying to change her core nature towards you. I would try Slicksters advice. Personally I would be finding a root on the side. Don't argue, beg, try reason, or whine to her and never use ultimatums.
Slickster hits the right cord again when he says to use action.

Start looking for other women, you don't need to say anything to your gf or make some over dramatic breakup scene with hopes she will see the error of her ways. You are way too young to be wasting away being unhappy.You regret it like all hell when you get older(wasting your youth).

Yes it may hurt emotionally for a while but I'll mail you a spoonful of cement so you can harden the fcuk up and get on with your life.

 

[sodbuster]

You've got to understand sunk costs. IF I start building a new building to expand my business and the economy falls off a cliff, I don't NEED the building for expansion anymore. I've already spent half the money.... Do I spend the OTHER half? OR do I say, "ouch, lost half, but I guess not ALL my money"?

You've wasted time and money on this girl. It's GONE. Would you continue to date a NEW girl who acted the SAME? OR would you cut your losses? Move on to a different woman?

 

[treznik87]

I wonder if it d be any better if id be better at sex. As i said she is my first, and cant make her come no matter how much i tried so i dont know.

She was also not interested to make things work - never guide me, told me what she likes... nada... You can imagine how i feel when she doesnt come and i have no other ex gf to compare my sexual skills to. I dont know if im even good at sex. Maybe its me, but she should tell me what to do if thats the reason. I felt better when she said she has never orgasmed with any bf, but at the same time maybe thats not true. My confidence is eating me away since she has no desire to sleep with me.

I think ill try your advices... but this no sex ha really taken a toll on relationship - im more and more resentful and bitter towards her.

What do you mean by 'You are also trying to change her core nature towards you.'

The thing im not forgiving myself is i did not sleep over when she bought a bigger bed for both of us so i could sleep over but didnt want for months because i was playing games to get back at her... and now that window of opportunity is long gone / behind us and she is no longer interested.

btw i ll never date a new girl if there will be sexual problems from the start. i have suffered too much. its torturing...

 

[hithard]

I wonder if it d be any better if id be better at sex. As i said she is my first, and cant make her come no matter how much i tried so i dont know.

She was also not interested to make things work - never guide me, told me what she likes... nada... You can imagine how i feel when she doesnt come and i have no other ex gf to compare my sexual skills to. I dont know if im even good at sex. Maybe its me, but she should tell me what to do if thats the reason. I felt better when she said she has never orgasmed with any bf, but at the same time maybe thats not true. My confidence is eating me away since she has no desire to sleep with me.
btw i ll never date a new girl if there will be sexual problems from the start. i have suffered too much. its torturing...

First of get this being bad at sex $hit out of your head. Some chicks are just lazy lays. Get this in your head you are not the bad lay- she is.
Sex isn't being awesome at thrusting in and out ffs. You have to lay the groundwork on heating their emotions up till the want you so bad they rape you.

Don't make sex a chore they have to do to please you. Its your job to make it fun, intense, spiritual and whatever other bull$hit emotional fantasy that turns them on. Learning how to get them horny to the point the rip their clothes off is already half the job. From their you lead. You want technique, there's a million videos on the net. Do not mention being inexperienced or wanting to learn unless you partner up with an older woman to teach you.

What do you mean by 'You are also trying to change her core nature towards you.'

She is not a sexual person at her core but you want her to change into something she more than likely will never be towards you.

im more and more resentful and bitter towards her.

Wrong attitude she gave you a pretty good lesson while you were busy looking at your unloved manhood. Being bitter and resentful is a bigger waste of time than a girl that doesn't put out. Live, learn and leave. No need to get pissy.

The thing im not forgiving myself is i did not sleep over when she bought a bigger bed for both of us so i could sleep over but didnt want for months because i was playing games to get back at her... and now that window of opportunity is long gone / behind us and she is no longer interested.

Dude No
This is the first step to running back like a biatch. It was a $hitty relationship don't go fricken back and be miserable ffs.

 

[treznik87]

It would be so much easier for me if she would be always like that - but she wasnt. There were a period of cca 4 months when she was eager to have sex, even initiate it and talking about it... What were I doing when this was happening - when she was like that? i have no idea - might be honeymoon phase for her. For example she was at my place, we had sex and then 3 days later she was asking me when she can come again or she invited herself...I remember saying to myself back then 'i must be doing something right' since she was inviting herself and showed interest. That behaviour lasted 4 months but then stopped and again i do not know why...

Thanks for your posts, i really appreciate it.

btw every time we have sex she really puts an effort to satisfy me.. . BJs are no problem, swithcing positions... she has no bondaries/laybacks/problems about the sex itself...

 

[hithard]

It would be so much easier for me if she would be always like that - but she wasnt. There were a period of cca 4 months when she was eager to have sex, even initiate it and talking about it... What were I doing when this was happening - when she was like that? i have no idea - might be honeymoon phase for her. For example she was at my place, we had sex and then 3 days later she was asking me when she can come again or she invited herself...I remember saying to myself back then 'i must be doing something right' since she was inviting herself and showed interest. That behaviour lasted 4 months but then stopped and again i do not know why...

Thanks for your posts, i really appreciate it.

Maybe she got scared you were going to leave. Maybe her hormone levels perked up. Maybe her other boyfriend was out of town. If you are trying to find a way back to how it was then forget it.
Get your inner game sorted first. You get a solid frame and understand how the game works and anything is possible.

Oh yeah one more thing and its the most important of all:
Don't waste your 20's
Don't waste your 20's
Don't waste your 20's
Don't waste your 20's
Don't waste your 20's
Don't waste your 20's
Don't waste your 20's
Don't waste your 20's
Don't waste your 20's
Don't waste your 20's
Don't waste your 20's
Don't waste your 20's
Don't waste your 20's
Don't waste your 20's
Don't waste your 20's
Don't waste your 20's
Don't waste your 20's
Don't waste your 20's
Don't waste your 20's
Don't waste your 20's
Don't waste your 20's

Trust me.... You will thank me in your 40's.

 

[Lozboss]

^^^^^^This^^^^^^

The answer to your problem lies in the above paragraph.

1. Stop giving a fvck.

2. Start looking for other girls.

You should be doing the above two things ALWAYS whether you are in a relationship or not.

So what you need to do now is this:

1. The next time you are together and the time is right for sex, try to initiate. If she turns you down find a reason to excuse yourself. Don't leave all hurt and rejected. Just happily go and say "see you later."

2. Don't call her. Don't text her. No email

3. When she calls you act as if nothing has changed and you are doing great. If she asks why you didn't call say you have been really busy.

4. Repeat steps 1, 2, 3 until you have sex with her.

5. When you do finally have sex, reward her with your attention. Call her the next day, arrange a fun date, etc.

6. Repeat steps 1 through 6 until you are having sex at the frequency you desire. (Within reason of course There is always some compromise here)


Do the above and she will figure it out pretty quickly. No sex means you are losing interest in her. Having sex keeps you around. There is no crime there. That is how the world works. There are hordes of women willing to have sex with you and she is nothing special.

You need her to believe that you are a man who knows what he wants and is going to go out and get it regardless of her.

Always always always be talking to other women. Don't do anything disrespectful if you have agreed to an exclusive relationship with your girlfriend but just keep meeting and talking to other girls. It changes the way you view everything and actually helps your relationship.

Good luck.

Slick- cracking post mate.

What do you do on Point 2 if she texts you? Do you reply but keep it short and don't engage?

Ignoring her would probably be too much right. You have to at least acknowledge?

 

[treznik87]

hithard tnx for your insight...

however im still fixated with the fact i did not sleep over at her parents house when she bought new bed for us and was eager to sleep over. She said few times how everyone at home are making fun of her since I do not sleep over...
I know it bothered her...

I didnt because i wanted to get little back at her and because there would not be real privacy (mother in the next room).

Dont you think thins would turn out differently if i grabbed the chance and sleep over when she wanted me to?

This is the only thing im still fixated on because i think it was a huge mistake. they say the more you have sex the more you want it so... as i said she never ever rejected my advances when we are in the bed. Even if she is on her period she gave me BJ... but on the other hand im thinking either you crave frequent sex or you dont - it doesnt matter if you live together /are married or just casually date... so she just might aswell come up with other excuses... who knows... i think we wont be together much longer... im meeting her for a drink tonight tho.

 

[Yewki]

It might turned out differently if i wasnt that stupid. Now she lost interest and nothing i can do. She doesnt invite me anymore and when i invite myself she always has a reason why i cant come. I BLAME myself for everything at this point. Sometimes im just dumb...

Damn it man, get a hold of yourself. Your insecurities are getting the best of you. You keep posting regrets about stuff you coulda shoulda done. Yes, you could have played things "better." But no one is perfect. Hindsight is 20/20. Ultimately, she is the problem. Get that through your head. She. is. the. problem.

She's either a huge prude or just isn't sexually attracted to you (if it's the later, that says a lot about her considering she's been with you a year). But it doesn't matter which. If she was sexually attracted to you, she would make it very easy for you. The fact that having sex with her is a god damn science goes to show she's not the one for you. If you guys were 40 or 50, this might not be a big deal... but you're freaking 27.

Every second longer you spend trying to fix things with her, is more of your time wasted. Someone else suggested seeing other women instead of just flat out dropping her. That's a good idea. Either way, you need to mentally move on. Start un-investing from her immediately. The sooner the better.

Repeat after me. She. is. the. problem.. Start moving on.

maybe it d be different if we moved in together, as i said she has never denied my advances once we were in bed, but to get her there is a hard task...

Lol. The desperation. Stop procrastinating, start looking for new women immediately. Now. Start going out with friends and looking. Go out by yourself if you need to. Sign up to dating sites. Start now.

NOW

 

[Bokanovsky]

Treznik, I'm sure that a lot of people here can relate to your situation (being inexperienced, low self-esteem, developing a oneitis, etc.) The bad news is that your posts demonstrate ingrained blue pill behaviour and thought patterns. The good news is that you are in the right place. The fact that you are here shows that you recognize your shortcomings and are open to change. Read these forums and absorb as much information as you can. The transformation will come, though it won't be an easy process.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

Where you are currently at, you would be better served by:

1. Focusing on self, improving and tightening what is currently week.
2. Put your priorities first
3. If there is a new babe more receptive to you, that's the type of attention you need. The attention your current babe is giving will kill your sex drive! And make you less attractive to others

You can still bang the current babe, but you cannot make her the center of your life. The payout is too low.


And you can bang girls from the past, but only till you are sufficiently attractive and set in your own frame. You cannot waste time on them, they have to come to you.

 

[treznik87]

I wonder how much did i contribute to the situation that im in right now.
I mean i know something was not right fromt the start. She was affectionate, caring, introducing me to everyone important to her... i got a feeling she was really serious about us very quick. But when it comes to sex everyting was more important then to come to see me/spend a night with me. I mean we had sex 4 times in first 5 months, if that is not crazy i dont know what is??? When i told her back then that this is the amount of sex new couples have in the first week together not in the first 5 months she said 'i know...'

I know we do not live together which makes the situation for my gf excuses easier, but still.
im not really sure what she thinks, where this is going. Even after telling her how important is sex to me (a while ago) nothing changes. its like se doest even care about my need and how i feel. Someone said if she was attracted to me sexually she would make it very easy for me - i completely agree since there were a period of 4 months when things like this was happening.

having problems like that from the start and now after only a year is bad news... what will happen if I stay with her for another year, 5, 10? i think i really should write her off in my mind as you said.

And i posted on different forums before. Women are mostly telling me (some even attacking me) to stop making sex the priority of relationship, asking me if I want relationship or sex, telling me there is nothing in it (for my gf) since im not giving her orgasms so i cant expect her to be enthusiastic about it, telling me to back off (romance her) and not bring sex up till she comes to me (i did that for a whole month, was patient, being there for her emotional needs, took her on a dinner, nice date, i know she loved it since i know her and even after that - for 4 weeks i did not even mentioned sex or anything related to it, guess what happened? nothing - she wasnt bothered). Men are mostly telling me that relationship is a joke and i should bail, telling me about sexless marriages and how many men are trapped in them and that all those men had problems having sex before they even married, that she is selfish and that relationship for her is about her not about 2 people, etc... Its like women are defending her while men are telling me to bail.

What bothers me the most is that my gf is not prepared to work on this problem and when she is comfronted she is telling me the lack of sex is bothering her too, but when there is a chance for it she rather goes for a drink with her friend, having dog sleep over in her bed instead of me etc... couple of months back i had 'put out or i ll get out' talk, had sex with her after few days and after that i had to wait another 7 weeks. But when we were talking about the lack of sex she had ton of sugestions how to solve it - moving in together, hotel rooms, etc. But the truth is we never need any of that if she was eager to have sex she would come to my place or invite me to sleep over at her when opportunity presents itself... when another month went by i was angry while mentioning nothing has changed after last talk and told her i ll start calling her a nympho...

It pains me because sex is really good but it happens like once every blue moon and im pretty sure she does it becuase she must not becuase she wants to...

I ll took your previous advices and some new if i get them...

 

[Kailex]

Just dump her... good lord, why do men stay in relationships like these? Lack of options? Lack of self-esteem? Fear of never having sex again?

I don't get it.

It makes NO sense at all.

What in the BLUE HELL are you thinking, man?

It's a form of psychological torture, except you are so happy with the few times that you get it, that it seems to gloss over the times you don't. Wouldn't you rather be with someone else who you wouldn't have these issues with?

I know I'd much rather be single and trying than to be in a relationship at 26 and be another Dead Bedroom story on Reddit.

And for some background, I spent a year with someone... like this once. 6 months of little to no sex, and I swore NEVER AGAIN. If I see sex fading in a relationship in an unreasonable way, she's OUT. If the sex drive is low from the beginning, she's OUT. If she even starts the relationship saying she is not interested in sex, she's OUT. If she says she is getting tired of men objectifying her for her looks, she's OUT.

I like sex. So the person I am with, better like sex too. Or she's OUT.

 

[MLU]

Hopeless just hopeless Dude... do you even know what a DJ Bible is? This deepshiit you into ITS ALL YOUR FAULT, now stop whining get over it. Take it like a man and look it as a learning experience, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU POSTING THE SAME SHIIT OVER AND OVER AGAIN? - she bought a bigger bed for "us" ; you said , the "us" is HER and the DOG. tell us do you think she loves you? not what she said.
All the DJ's are right take their advise. Dude I think you better look for your balls and JUST DUMP THE BEECH!: I mean she rejected you for a dog

AND READ THE DJ BIBLE!!

DJ's if he start whining again, get this guy Nismo-4!

 

[Prime_Beef]

Troll.