Ignoring You: A Possible Interest Sign?

[icepick]

This is yet another shining example of the perplexities of attraction, and more proof that a man should not wait for "signs of interest":

Ever had this happen to you: you meet a new girl in a group setting and she seems to ignore you. She never looks in your eyes. When you are introduced she puts on a half-smile or none at all. Whenever you start to talk, or make yourself the focus of the conversation, she looks away or says something to a person next to her.

You get the feeling that she is not making any effort to "connect" with you in any way whatsoever.

This has happened to me quite a few times recently.

Before, I would chalk it all up to disinterest; possibly even hostility. Now I realise, that sometimes, it could be just the OPPOSITE.

Every single girl that I have gotten these types of "vibes" from has interest in me, I have found out. Through friends, obvious actions, words exchanged, I have pretty much figured out that girls that act like this have high interest...but something is holding them back at the time.

The ones that act this way, and they are giving off a slightly hostile vibe usually have boyfriends. It seems to me that thier relationships are just about to crumble though, because the few girls that have done this to ME (hostile ignoring) have eventually come around and have given me obvious signs of interest. (Turns out, they decided to dump/cheat on the borefriend...) Those that end up keeping thier boyfriend, try to hook me up with thier friends.

The ones that have a neutral vibe, that is, they "ignore" you, but you don't sense any real hostility, THEY are the ones that may be just a little SHY. Later, when you speak to them one on one, they will be a little bashful. If you "open them up", you will find that they have high interest, but wanted to "keep it quiet".

THESE are the ones you want; the NON SLUTTY ones.

But icepick, ALL girls are sluts!

Yes, I know, but I want them to only slut themselves to ME!

 

[Frosty]

Sounds like an unusual situation yet it happens to you all of the time, so many times you even have broken down the situation to its finest elements. Interesting.

 

[becker]

Icepick,

I can definitely relate to your situation, since I've been in your shoes before. Actually, I'm in a similar situation right now.

This girl doesn't ignore me all the time, but it was like this. We have a class right now together, and the regular school year just ended and we sat with each other during that class. When the summer course began, we each knew that the other would be in the class, but when it began, she didn't sit with me. The first 2 days of class we sat apart. I didn't do anything and on the 3rd day, she came over and said hi, and told me to make sure to save her a seat the next day, along with another for a friend of hers. The first day, her friend sat between me and her. The day after, she switched seats with her friend and sat next to me.

We talk all the time, and she doesn't totally ignore me anymore (I think she's feeling more comfortable around me now, although there's some tension sometimes). She used to be all eager to sit with me, but when she actually did, she talked to her friend who sat on the other side of her more often than talking to me. I understand that this type of behavior can show that she's interested since if she wasn't, she didn't even need to sit next to me in the first place.

I definitely also think that you're right on about the fact that these girls usually have BFs, since this one I just spoke about has a BF.

I don't know what to think, but it's good to hear someone with a similar take on this stuff. How have these situations panned out for you in the end? Have you ever ended up in a committed relationship with these women, and what did you do to get them to come out and admit this? Perhaps getting to know their friends a little better is a good way, since girls tend to like to sit around and chit-chat and reveal their little secrets to each other, secrets that none of them can ever keep

 

[WatchMeWalk]

My ex one-itis did that aloofness **** to me starting from the second time I talked to her. She would always avert eye contact and even looked away when I made her laugh. This behavior perplexed me and fueled my infatuation until I found this site.
Afterwards, I said "**** it all" and avoided her for a couple of months. During this time, she got a new AFC boyfriend. Apparently, she got real bitter from losing a male attention source so she slandered me. Her idiot BF hassled me at college until I scared them both to behave.
From that day on, she stopped that "Ice Queen" nonsense and finally talks to me like I'm a normal person. However, I am too disgusted with her at this point.

 

[crowes22]

Happens constantly!

They try to mask their interest, which only make it more obvious.

High interest chicks will try HARD to seem uninterested, because their high interest makes them wary, nervous, etc. The hot ones do this to a higher degree, much higher, and are damn good at it.

To hear BF from these hotties is commonplace, and they likely aren't lying. But she could be saying it for a 'good' reason.

They also play dumb to wanting to know things of you, they snoop instead, to your friends, my experience at least.

They try to act the role, but I think it makes it easier to see their interest, alot easier.

Signs mean you are hesitating.

 

[dontmindme]

Yeah I think it's true. Sometimes people get nervous, and they sorta tighten up and withdraw into themselves even though they might not be interested.

But I would say that's 20% of the case, and even then you have to take it girl-by-girl and see what their reaction is when they're nervous.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by crowes22


Signs mean you are hesitating.

In my experience, I've made moves on the girl and she still doesn't respond to them. Like I ask her out to lunch and she refuses every time, and then when we're in class or something, she seems all interested in me.

My wishful thinking when this type of thing happens is that she's just so interested that she's afraid to get any closer to you since it might point out that she's more interested in you than her BF. Sort of like she's doing everything she can to avoid the truth of the matter, which is that she's into you. I could see that happening with women, who seem to all be on guard in situations like this because they don't want to get hurt.

You know, sort of like when a person avoids the dentist despite feeling like they have a cavity since they feel that what they don't know won't hurt them.

 

[icepick]

Frosty wrote:
Sounds like an unusual situation yet it happens to you all of the time, so many times you even have broken down the situation to its finest elements. Interesting.

Nah, it is not really that unusual if you are meeting alot of people like I have been lately. In the last 6 to 8 months I have met many girls through job, school, and friends.

becker wrote:
This girl doesn't ignore me all the time, but it was like this. We have a class right now together, and the regular school year just ended and we sat with each other during that class. When the summer course began, we each knew that the other would be in the class, but when it began, she didn't sit with me. The first 2 days of class we sat apart. I didn't do anything and on the 3rd day, she came over and said hi, and told me to make sure to save her a seat the next day, along with another for a friend of hers. The first day, her friend sat between me and her. The day after, she switched seats with her friend and sat next to me.

Yeah, but did she try to ignore you when you first met? I am not sure about later on down the road (where you are right now), because by then, you have already made your move.

But I have noticed that some girls will just happen to sit closer to you in classes sometimes. (And then laugh at every joke you say!)

We talk all the time, and she doesn't totally ignore me anymore (I think she's feeling more comfortable around me now, although there's some tension sometimes). She used to be all eager to sit with me, but when she actually did, she talked to her friend who sat on the other side of her more often than talking to me. I understand that this type of behavior can show that she's interested since if she wasn't, she didn't even need to sit next to me in the first place.

Yeah, but it is not certain. In my experience, if a chick has a boyfriend and she is LOOKING for someone else, there are two situations:

One:

You just met, and you have NO IDEA that she has a boyfriend.

In this case, the boyfriend NEVER comes up. She will be flirty, etc. and not even mention it. (Maybe later, but that is just to let you know so she can remove her guilt!)

Two:

She KNOWS that you KNOW that she has a boyfriend.

She will eventually bring him up in some way during the conversation. She knows that her having a boyfriend will stop some guys, so she has to "make it safe" for you in some way.

Many girls (esp. at college) have boyfriends MILES away. They usually have no interest in continuing these relationships (that is, until he shows up again) but the point is that they are actually LOOKING for something else. You can be that something better if you feel so inclined.

How have these situations panned out for you in the end? Have you ever ended up in a committed relationship with these women, and what did you do to get them to come out and admit this?

Well, I wouldn't really call them situations. They are just things that have "happened". I have always found out AFTER the fact. None of them have given "confessions", but mostly they have given out obvious interest signs: touching, grabbing, laughing, blushing, remembering silly details (one girl, who I had ONE short convo with, knew my ENTIRE class schedule and told ME when I was available!)

I hadn't even considered any of these girls, quite simply, because they did not have the personality I was looking for. I will only go after SEXY FUN girls. If you have only HALF of this (the ignoring girls were SEXY, but how can they show me that they are FUN if they are ignoring me?)

But NOW, I really don't think that I should go after any of them. Why? Why let thier INTEREST persuade me into liking them and going after them? No, I will take the LESSON instead. And what "lesson" is that, icepick?

Don't write off girls (by thinking they are not fun and feminine) JUST because they don't show it by ignoring you!

I think that trying to HIDE thier interest may be a VIRTUE, and I would hate to cut off a virtuous part of the female population! So next time, if a girl is ignoring me, I will not think "oh, she is a bytch"; I will try to liven her up! Maybe see something in her that I wouldn't have had I just wrote her off and talked to some other girl.

WatchMeWalk wrote:
My ex one-itis did that aloofness **** to me starting from the second time I talked to her. She would always avert eye contact and even looked away when I made her laugh. This behavior perplexed me and fueled my infatuation until I found this site.
Afterwards, I said "**** it all" and avoided her for a couple of months.

Hey! That happened to me too! I wondered why she suddenly went from normal/somewhat bytchy to superhappy fun girl when I started to flirt with her. (Yeah, as an AFC I looked on the internet for "signs", and stumbled upon some gay-ass site that told me to "flirt with girls that I like"...horrible advice simply for the fact that it is a WASTE OF TIME!)

Also, it is funny how women get bytchy again when they get ignored. When THEY get ignored, it is a rejection for them.

crowes22 wrote:
They try to mask their interest, which only make it more obvious.

Yeah, kind of ironic. We can also do the same thing. (Try to hide it, but making it MORE obvious in the process!)

Signs mean you are hesitating.

Yup.

Don't beat around the bush guys. Things like this show how stupid looking for "signs" really is.

 

[vdk]

In my university social circle women tend to have a '***** shield' in that they act arrogant, expect to hear compliments and expect men to crawl at their feet. I usually ignore these attention *****s and the funny thing is they hate me for that reason of ignoring them. When a women, or should I say 'girl' does that, it means she is not good enough for you. Sure she may be HB 8.5 on your meter, but her ***** meter might be 9.9.

In conclusion, NEXT her.

 

[becker]

icepick,

This girl actually did not ignore me when we first met. She was pretty shy though, but her shyness came across as a bit stuck up, which happens a lot to people who are shy.

Anyways, not sure what you're trying to say, but this girl's BF is not long distance, and it's been a very long term relationship, so the bonds are pretty strong. I asked her to lunch the other day, and she refused, but didn't give me a reason. The next day she told me that she had to go out that night (with her BF, of course). I mean, to me, it was just lunch, friendly, platonic. I don't know if she got a different vibe. Anyways, I'm going to back off a little, and whatever the result is, it will happen.

 

[MikeYikes122]

Man I'm glad I couldn't sleep tonight because this is a great thread for me to bump into right now.

Well let me start off by saying I usually don't come here, and I really disagree with Doc Love a lot. I guess this thread has kind of made me realize why: I'M DATING/ATTRACTED TO THESE GIRLS YOU ALL ARE DESCRIBING!! I fvckin hate it when girls are all over me. It just doesn't feel right to me at all. I played tons of sports in high school, and I was always the little guy/underdog, so I'm a very challenge oriented person. Well anyway, this year at college I fell pretty hard for a girl who had a boyfriend. Let me describe the situation.

This girl was in a very very long term relationship, she came to college, cheated on her boyfriend two or three times then stumbled into me second semester. I remember when we met, we were both extremely wasted. It was beautiful. We talked almost the whole night that night at that party, then went on to talk a whole lot over winter break. We get back, start hanging out/working out together and talk even more, almost every night. So I figure I really have a keeper here, someone I really liked and could probably fall in love with, right?

WRONG! I ask her out on I guess our first formal date, and she freaks out. "I thought you knew I had a boyfriend!? Oh my god!! We can still hang out in groups and stuff..." Keep in mind I have given this girl plenty of oppurtunities to tell me she has a boyfriend. "Why are you visiting 'X' (her boyfriend attends this college) college? Why do you want to transfer there?" Never once did she say "Ohh I have a boyfriend there." So, I'm pretty upset. I walk up to my room to take a shower, and see an IM from her that explains to me how much I remind her of her boyfriend.

This is where I'm going to have to cliff notes the whole story because it's real real long and I don't want to type, nor do you want to read it all. Well a week later we start hanging out even more. We hang out more and more, every night, sometimes two times a day, start going to real places to hang out, not just working out. I confess my strong feelings for her in a letter to her before another break. She flips out, says she thought we were just friends. Things are awkward after that. One week after break we start hanging out a whole lot more than we did before, up unil the end of the year when I pretty much locked the deal down, or so I thought. Her and her boyfriend are fighting the whole time during her birthday. The guy neglects to buy her a gift, but luckily I'm good at gifts. Well I bought her something that really got to her, something personal. She loved it. The whole week all she could tell people was how cute and sweet she thought I was. Well to make a long story short, I confess my feelings again, and she does the same old B.S.

Now to what I really want to discuss. Up until I read this I had some kind of crazy wonderment as to whether or not she really liked me. Now, there is no doubt in my mind that we have feelings for each other, and something will probably happen in the future.

To put it simply, this chick is a total ice queen. I have never had a girl act so weird around me. She acted so weird that she made me a little bit more weird. I'm talking we could be standing right next to each other in the lunch line, and she wouldn't even acknowledge my presence. We had a class that was very small together, and never once did she sit by me or even talk to me. But ironically, I would walk her home from work or school later in the day/night and she would talk to me the entire time. In fact, she never shut up. She never talked to me in class except for two instances. It took me to have a serious stomach operation and go a week without talking to her for her to get out of her chair and come talk to me. The second time I had to make her all getty and happy by giving her that gift for her birthday. I'm sorry guys but I'm finding so many consistencies. She never IMed me. When her and I did engage in conversations in a sober state of mind, and around a large group of people she could only blush, smile, laugh, and let me do all the talking.

Ok, well I have proved to you that she is fvckin weird.

I was going to assess the situation, but this is getting real real long. Thanks for the thread. I really understand myself a lot better now. Don't think I'm some AFC chump loser who really only had this girl to fall back on. I made her jealous plenty plenty times.

I think you all have hit the nail so hard on the head. What do you guys think about that?

 

[Deep Dish]

It's weird this thread comes up.

[Raises hand]

Yes, I've learned this as well. Just recently I realized a woman whom I had totally thought wasn't interested in me, well I may have been totally wrong. A few months ago I had this happen to me with another girl, so this happening two times in short succession, I'm now becoming skeptical the absolute validity of DISinterest. But, what difference does it matter to me, I wonder, since I'm inches from having a girlfriend.

Now, there happens to be a woman at work whom seems to HATE me, and I have no doubt it's true. She's a real bytch to me, and while I had liked her when I met her, I hate her guts. So, sometimes they may genuinely not like you.

 

[comote]

They all want me, How do I know, it is the obvious way that they ignore me.

 

[Quick]

MikeYikes, we really need to discuss your situation, but that's not the subject of this thread.

It's a cliche, but it's true. "Hate is not the opposite of love, apathy is." If you haven't kicked a girl's dog or anything obvious, but she's giving off really negative vibes, that means there's something there. If she's not interested, she shouldn't be feeling anything at all for you. Negatives signs are often a sign that she's guarding or protecting herself.

I only saw this website last month. Last year I was working temporarily at another office. There was this girl that was the best looking girl there. When I first saw her, she didn't realize I was working there, and asked if she could help me. I just said I was looking around, and didn't explain or introduce myself. No big deal. After that, for the next month, she was hostile to me. She knew I was working there after a few days, but she would freeze me out. When I say hostile, I would see her in the hall and say Hi, and she would ignore me. Totally pretend I hadn't spoken. When she did rarely say Hi back, it was forced and strained. I felt like I had done something to her. I mentioned to a male co-worker how she acted and said how her hostility made me interested.

It was almost all females that worked there, and I ate lunch with some of them. I didn't realize until after a couple of days that she usually ate with them too. When we were eating together, I would joke and talk to all the other ladies but her. She still ignored my existence. Finally, near the end of my time there, we were all eating lunch. People started filtering out, but I was staying behind. Usually, she would never be alone in a room with me becuase that would mean we had to acknowledge each other. This time she did stay. Then she turned and not only spoke, but asked me if I wanted a donut. To say I was shocked was an understatement. There was no logical reason for her to offer me some of her lunch, and this was the first sentence she had spoken to me in weeks. I played it cool, smiled and accepted it.

That was a total ice breaker. From then on, she was very willing to talk to me. I kidded with her, she initiated conversations, and we went straight from not talking to acting like we were friends already. I stopped working there, but came back every week or two to talk with some friends I made there. Always talked with her a little. We flirted a little, but I never made stated obvious interest. After a couple of weeks, my friend told me that she asked him if I liked her. He said he didn't know or something and asked if she liked me. She told him she didn't like me like that. This was a lie. I hadn't seen her for weeks, and had never made any sexual overtones. For her to be sitting there after not seeing me for a while and me never coming on to her, wondering if I liked her or not, she had to really be into me. That she worked up the nerve to ask him also showed that it was important to her.

We didn't end up hooking up, but she did show even more later that she liked me. To this day, I have no idea why she was so hostile in the beginning.

 

[stevey_2000]

yup, i agree with this also!,

I have been told by a work-mate that my boss (Yeah, unbelievable eh?) has the hots for me and it's nice to see her always walking past me and she always ignores me and never looks me in the eye.

scary but true!!

 

[icepick]

MikeYikes122,

Maybe she liked you, maybe she didn't. However, the fact that you told her what you were feeling EXPECTING her to change or act a certain way (i.e. "Oh! I never knew you felt that way, will you be my boyfriend?") is the REAL problem.

Stay on this site and read a little more, you have a bright future ahead of you if you realize that what you were doing (whether she liked you or not) was not optimal.

Having a girl LIKE you is not the real battle, the real battle lies in making that INTEREST into something real. Doing this requires action, that is, don't expect HER to do the work just because you told her that you like her.

Deep Dish,

Yeah, that is true. Sometimes they may genuinely hate you...so WATCH OUT!

Deciphering "signs" (even this one) is silly, and sometimes counterproductive.

Quick,

Interesting story. Girls can be pretty passive-agressive sometimes (more so than guys.) Many girls think like we used to in our AFC days: "Do they like me?"

SOMEONE has to take the first steps, might as well be the man, because then you aren't at the mercy of the woman!

stevey_2000,

This is too weird...

Similar thing happened to me a while back!

Two words: JOB SECURITY!

 

[becker]

It's amazing, this is probably one of the best threads ever. Props to icepick for starting it.

I have a question for you all. Do you think that it's necessary to keep conversation with a girl going or else she will begin to lose interest? I mean, what about if you two are together and there are some silent moments where there isn't something to talk about?

I know that that doesn't usually cause me to lose interest in someone, but who knows how girls' minds work. There's this perception that they operate differently in that they need to be constantly entertained or else their interest level decreases.

What do you all think? I guess those times when she ignores you might be times where she's trying to avoid those silent moments because maybe she also thinks that way.

 

[Page]

From my experience, If chicks have any IL to speak of, they will show it. Even if they have it and don't show it, then it stands to reason that they were too shy to be worth my time anyway.

Chicks tend to operate the same, regardless of if they are 9.9's to -9.9's. The better looking chicks think more or less the same way as the others.

 

[trevjr]

I have a similar situation with a woman that I only see 1 or 2 times a week with other friends. The second time I saw her she was hot and cold meaning she would talk to me some and then ignore me completely for a while. But, when I had to go somewhere else she said 'I want you to stay here. I don't want you going anywhere else'. Huh?
She was giving me a hard time so I walked over to her and stood close to her (she is about 4'11'' and I am 6'4''). What did she do? She punched me in the stomach about 8 times in 2 seconds. I am thinking what is with her, but kinda liked this short thing having the guts to hit someone as big as me.
Anyway, she wound up coming to the next bar where I was and I found her staring at me a lot as I talked to other people. When I came over to talk to her she would run into the street to have a smoke. Then she would come in and sit on my lap!
I saw her a week later and she said 'come and sit with me' but I had to go and she looked disappointed.
I am a little confused because half the time she wants to talk with me and the other half she turns and walks away when she sees me. I am supposed to ask for her number at some point?

 

[becker]

trevjr, there seems to be in your case more signs of attraction than in ours. I mean, all that stuff where a girl looks sad when you leave and punching you in the stomach, etc. are all signs. I'd go for it.

The girl I'm involved with just sometimes ignores me more or less, or just doesn't show much interest, and sometimes does, but nothing more than just good bantering and sometimes kino, but never that look of disappointment when I leave, which to me is at minimum a sign that she's attracted.