Ignoring You: A Possible Interest Sign?

[MikeYikes122]

Honestly Icepick, i made the right moves the entire time. I really don't have anything to learn. The fact is, this is a pretty rare situation, and I really don't like when people preach to me about what to do and what not to do. It's already been stated that she is extremely weird, so please leave the advice out as I really never asked for it. You're not psychic, nor am I. If I wanted advice I would have added some detail in there. As you can see, I really don't like criticism.

 

[icepick]

becker,

It seems to me like you need to put a cap on this situation with the girl that you speak of. DO something to let her know that you are interested (if you haven't already.)

If she says no, then you have to move on, you can't wait around until SHE makes up HER mind on if she wants you or not. (Because attraction is HALF the battle.)

She will have you by the balls once she knows that you will say YES when she wants a man.

Most girls (like most guys) will be attracted to every cute member of the opposite sex. She may be attracted to you, but be MORE attracted to John, and even MORE attracted to Dave, and only a LITTLE attracted to Mike, etc., etc.

There only needs to be a decent amount of attraction to start a relationship. (Yall don't only go out with 10's do ya?) You gotta make a move, and forget about her if she says "no".

You want a woman that wants you AS MUCH if not MORE than you want her.

Page,

The point of my thread is that I don't want to write off the shy ones. You can find girls that want to party for a dime a dozen, but the easier you can get them, the quicker they will be to cheat on you. (Because they are wild!)

A girl that is somewhat reserved and tries to HIDE her interest (rather than telegraphing it across the earth by being really slutty) are the ones that I want.

I don't want an all-purpose-slut, just a girl that will only be slutty to ME!

The better looking chicks think more or less the same way as the others.

Not entirely true.

Many ugly chicks HATE me. I have to let them know that I don't hate them FIRST before they "drop thier guard" and start being normal.

I think people, if they consider themselves ugly, will not even consider those that are better looking (read: more physically fit) then them. There seems to be more of a barrier with ugly chicks.

The smoking hot chicks are becoming more open with me it seems. Before, I would NEVER be accosted by a really hot chick; now, it happens every so often. Kind of takes me by surprise sometimes!

There seem to be different levels. No matter WHO you are (ugly or not) getting women in YOUR LEVEL can be very easy. I think that there is a natural sexual selection at work, where we AUTOMATICALLY consider those in our "level" to be attractive. (As long as you are in shape, of course!)

It is not as simple as this, but there have been times where I have been appalled at some guys selection of women...there has to be a reason WHY that guy goes after the fat chick (or the ugly chick.)

MikeYikes122,

Hey man, I am not preaching. Do what works for you. Just trying to lend a hand.

If writing letters to girls about how you feel about them works for you, please, continue!

I just remember back in the day when I was ABOUT to do that very same thing and I am STILL embarassed that I thought of doing something like that.

The only reason I was going to do that was me HOPING against hope that she would want me and do all the work after I confessed my feelings. That was not a fun time.

But if you are doing what you are doing and you are NOT in the mindset I described above, good for you! I don't know the whole story here, so I am just giving my advice for the WORST case scenario.

You can ignore my advice, because you are right, I am NOT psychic!

 

[becker]

icepick, I can only go so far with this girl because she has a BF, and it's definitely not worth all the ramifications unless she clearly expresses more interest. This is why it will take a little more time for me to see if her acts show that she really isn't too interested or whether they show she's more interested.

 

[MikeYikes122]

Ok sorry Icepick, I kind of snapped. You were hitting an open wound. I just kind of felt like by saying that I was expecting her to say that you were assuming a whole lot. I never said that I expected her to say. "Ohh I like you too, be my boyfriend." That's absurd. The truth is, I knew she was emotional, and I was playing games with her the whole time with those letters. I didn't just say "Ohh I love you so much" and add some color around it. While I did do that, and trust me I do that well, I was pretty assertive in THE ONE letter I ever wrote her and every conversation I ever had with her. "It's obvious we have feelings for each other, and I think we need some time apart so you can choose who you want to be with." That's just an example. That's not word for word.

I once too had my letter writing days, and trust me, I'm very scared of them. Unfortunately, I didn't have a website to run to like all these people. I learned everything the hard way: by making mistakes. Granted, the occassional friend may have given me some advice here and there, but that was pretty much the only way I ever learned about girls. I think that's one of the reasons why I am pretty defensive about girl advice.

I understand you saw the word "letter" and probably shrieked, and that's my fault. I worded it pretty bad. But you gotta understand, I gave you a 4 line paragraph to summarize 5 months of a relationship.

Ahh well, it looks like we both made a mistake. Regardless of all that, I really learned a lot from this thread. In fact, I think this is the only thing I have ever really learned about girls from another person. I pretty much have to figure out things the hard way. But this has been the one thing that has always driven me crazy. I have dated girls before who wouldn't even say Hi to me in the hallway when I walked past them. And when you're a freshmen/sophomore in high school like I was when that was occurring, it does some crazy sh*t to your confidence.

I've been ripped to pieces, bruised, battered, and torn over girls and eventually gotten over them and learned from them, but there was always one thing that I never understood: why the fvck girls I liked/attracted to/dated always seemed to ignore me. It bothered me, and it was bothering me last night, and fortunately I ran into your thread....

 

[Buck Naked]

I've been having the same problem with a girl at work. I asked her out and she did say YES, she's just busy so we havent made plans yet. But ever since i asked her out she ignores me one day, and then the next day she smiles and waves at me. Can someone help me figure that out, im totally lost with it.

 

[Jon E]

Ive used to be very quiet and when girls were attracted to me they acted in this same exact way. They wouldnt approach me or show any signs of interest at all and were always very stand offish. I was always shocked to find out that they were interested in me because they were the ones that showed the least ammount of interest.

Girl #1
Comes over to my friends house a few times, doesnt look at me, hardly ever says anything to me and when she does she has zero emmotion. Kinda acts like Im just the tow truck driver here to get her car, no signs of interest what so ever. As soon as I leave she starts telling everyone how much she likes me.

Girl #2
Occasionally came into where I worked for business reasons, never spoke, very little EC and when there was she showed no expression or emmotion at all, basically ignored me and acted a little stuck up, then one day she basically tried to mount me in the parking lot.

Girl#3
First day of class she sits on the opposite side of the room from me and catches me looking at her. The next day she sits right next to me. She was friendly, talkitive and very outgoing with everyone else except me. Two years later we have another class togther in a huge classroom (that was half full) The first day she sits behind me, the second day shes sitting right next to me again, some days she would talk a little, other times she would leave after class like it was a race to get to the door. Sometimes she was so stand offish that she acted like she didnt even know my name, I would see her in the hall and only get a small forced smile.

 

[myfriendblu]

I dunno,
I have always found the best girls, i.e the "Flexible Givers" usually show signs of IL right away. Just my experience/2 cents

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Easiest ways to get those kind of girls to fess up on their interest is getting them drunk.

 

[Chewy Bagel]

Originally posted by Kineti[C]harm
Easiest ways to get those kind of girls to fess up on their interest is getting them drunk.

Booze makes scoring chicks so much easier.

 

[SDBmania]

Very interesting, I have had this happen to me too. Perhaps, now I will look at this situation differently. Thanks for your sharing. I have had girls react to me by ignoring me before and thought nothing of it.

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

Originally posted by Chewy Bagel
Booze makes scoring chicks so much easier.

not for scoring them, to get them to open up and be honest.

 

[squirrels]

If you are new to this board and/or bad with women in general, you should NOT BE READING THIS THREAD!

I can see it now..."I approached this girl but she's been ignoring me left and right. I KNOW she's interested! "

That being said, usually if a girl just ignores you, she's really NOT interested. The key point that a lot of people touched on is if she goes OUT OF HER WAY to ignore you...chances are she's trying to convince herself she doesn't like you, even though she DOES, or she accepts being interested but wants to play hard-to-get.

The key here is 1) extra effort to ignore you and 2) the reaction is neutral, not "negative". (if it is, you probably creep her out)

 

[Kineti[C]harm]

And when you get good at reading people you will pickup on the subtle differences and signs!

 

[becker]

Wow, dug this thread straight out of the archaeological digs.

There's a few girls right now that I know who have done this sort of hot/cold thing with me.

First girl, totally pursuing me, but I'm not that interested in her, but she tries to find excuses to be near me all the time but at the same time acts as though there's another reason for her being near me.

Second girl, pretty darn hot, but not sure if she's my type, finds ways to sit near me as well, and sort of plays more hot/cold games since she's pretty hot. Hotter they are, the more they tend to play this game. I'm not down with it, so I don't play.

Third girl, very cute, one of those girls who looks very good without any makeup, a friend of the second girl, also finds reasons to talk with me, but when she finally gets near me, she talks more to my friend who is married than me, but she keeps cutting glances at me and laughs nervously. You can see right through the pretext.

Bottom line, squirrels is pretty accurate in that they have to sort of be going out of their way to ignore you and you need to read their body language and look at the way they act.

 

[duke007]

Thanks Jon E for bumping this thread - 2 examples of this have just happened to me today!

The first was a lowering of the head of an HB6 who I started chatting to at the bus-stop. I was extremely laid-back, relaxed and in a jokey mood - and judging by her laughter at a barely humorous observation and good EC she surely had interest.

But then the bus comes, she gets in first and I talk to the driver for a little while about my ticket. When I turn to find a seat, she immediately lowers her head and looks awkward, which I take to be hostile.

Same thing when we reach our destination - she makes an extra effort to ignore me, without being overly "negative" (as squirrels says - she acts just like any bus commuter who'd never spoken to me before). However, I did notice that she was sitting in the '4-seat' (red on my little diagram), which is where you sit when you're with a friend.

I_ I_ I_ I_ _I I_

Number 2:

Tonight I went to a send-off dinner for a friend of mine. It was a difficult social situation for anybody - 12 guys + 6 girls (all g/fs in LTRs) plus me.
The 18 are all high school friends and that was nearly 4 years ago! Don't these people make other friends? I was the only 'intruder'. So anyway I only knew three guys there, but at both pre-drinks and dining at the table they weren't sitting near me.

So of course I have to socialise with new people, which is hard work when everybody is so established in their little clique. But thanks to this site I was able to mix with people as if I'd knew them as long as everybody else. Some of the girls would talk to and listen to me as normal, but there were no real signs of interest. (as expected, their BFs were right there)

But this one girl (who I thought I recognised) would never address me when she spoke (looking at others, not me) and would seemingly lose interest in the convo when I said something. When others laughed she never did, and I kept getting a weird vibe that confused me.

But what confused me more was when she left and said goodbye to the table and kinoed my shoulder as she walked past. She didn't kino anyone elses shoulder, except for a girl at the end of the table. At the time I thought "WHat? she barely acknowledges my prescence then KINO?" But now I think I get it.

On the way home I remembered why I recognised her. I spoke to her at a 21st party at the point in time when I first began getting success in field DJing. I had no idea at the time she was taken. From what I remember the convo was very good and her body language was quite different to what it was tonight. I used some kino and we were joking about the semi-naked pictures on the wall.

I then saw her about a month later at a club with a smaller bunch of friends. I talked for barely 30 seconds then got up and went to the dancefloor and didn't see her again the rest of the night.

So after reading this thread I'm wondering if she's not an antisocial b1tch after all. I might have piqued her interest all those months ago and now here I suddenly return as if I'm a part of the group.

 

[Trance]

Very interesting topic indeed!

I had 2 LTR's, one 1 year long, other 3 years long. Thinking of it, BOTH of them started with the girls ignoring me!!

The first, for instance i would flirt with her, she would talk normally, but at a party or something, she wouldnt talk much to me and that kinda stuff. Then at our prom, she eventually comes to pick me up to dance. I was kinda amazed by her atitude, totally unexpected SHE would be coming straight to me to dance!

The 2nd one, i used to try to talk to her, but she would answer quickly and in an arrogant way. When she was with all the other freshman at the initiation's, i would just stand there, looking straight into her eyes, and she barelly glanced me. I kept going to the bus stop with her, and flirting with other at the mean time, and she would notice it..
At parties, i would talk to her, but right after go talk to other girls. At some point, she would leave the whole group and come allong with me, wherever i was, with all the other college ppl watching.. I got her where i wanted.

So i think this can be very true indeed!! It would be very weird a girl that doesnt know you very well to be ignoring you in such a flagrant way, so that is probably the oposite, and she's falling into you. Just have to play your game..

Its amazing i did some of the DJ stuff to get many girls, and i didnt ever noticed i was doing it so perfectly.. Only now after reading all this stuff here it makes sense..

 

[Don Juanabbe]

I get this ignoring thing all the time. I recall hanging around with a mix of guys and girls from work all the time. This one girl used to joke around, talk and laugh with everyone. She was very guarded with me, however. Very cautious in what she would say to me. This went on for several months. She was very good at it too. I could never quite tell if she was interested or not. Slowly she began to talk to me a little more, but still, never really opened up to me, only to EVERYONE else in the group. Finally one day we were at the pub with everyone, and I was getting really frustrated with this chick. We had all had a few. I was on the telephone downstairs, checking my messages, when she walked by on her way to the washroom. As she walked by, I say hey, wait a second. Hung up the phone, grabbed her by the arm and planted one on her. She kissed me at first, but then recoiled a little. I suppose it shocked her a little. I went on to have an awesome relationship for six and a half years with her, and nearly married her, but got cold feet at the prospect of marriage. So, there is truth in this. Sometimes it may be no interest, or they don't like you. Other times they ignore you because they're bloody well in love with you and don't know what to do about it. I would say the latter was definately my situation eh?

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Originally posted by Trance
Its amazing i did some of the DJ stuff to get many girls, and i didnt ever noticed i was doing it so perfectly.. Only now after reading all this stuff here it makes sense..

Yep. It happened to me with the situation I described above. My thinking at the time was, well, I can't tell if this person even likes me as a person, much less as a love interest, so I said, to hell with it. **** it, I'll just go about my daily business and treat this person as I would anyone else - as kind of a friend and colleague.

Turned out I drove her nuts! Found out from her sisters that she drove them nuts for months because I was all she ever talked about!

Ain't life funny sometimes?

 

[Jon E]

OK, let me ask a question here.

What do you guys think was the reasoning behind them acting this way and ignoring you?

-Was it just because they were shy?

-Were they were intimidated by you?

-Or was it because they were very attractive and out-going and everyone else was giving them attention except you?


In my experience its usually been #2 and 3.

 

[FreeStyleZ]

Man I'm glad I couldn't sleep tonight because this is a great thread for me to bump into right now.

Well let me start off by saying I usually don't come here, and I really disagree with Doc Love a lot. I guess this thread has kind of made me realize why: I'M DATING/ATTRACTED TO THESE GIRLS YOU ALL ARE DESCRIBING!! I fvckin hate it when girls are all over me. It just doesn't feel right to me at all. I played tons of sports in high school, and I was always the little guy/underdog, so I'm a very challenge oriented person. Well anyway, this year at college I fell pretty hard for a girl who had a boyfriend. Let me describe the situation.

This girl was in a very very long term relationship, she came to college, cheated on her boyfriend two or three times then stumbled into me second semester. I remember when we met, we were both extremely wasted. It was beautiful. We talked almost the whole night that night at that party, then went on to talk a whole lot over winter break. We get back, start hanging out/working out together and talk even more, almost every night. So I figure I really have a keeper here, someone I really liked and could probably fall in love with, right?

WRONG! I ask her out on I guess our first formal date, and she freaks out. "I thought you knew I had a boyfriend!? Oh my god!! We can still hang out in groups and stuff..." Keep in mind I have given this girl plenty of oppurtunities to tell me she has a boyfriend. "Why are you visiting 'X' (her boyfriend attends this college) college? Why do you want to transfer there?" Never once did she say "Ohh I have a boyfriend there." So, I'm pretty upset. I walk up to my room to take a shower, and see an IM from her that explains to me how much I remind her of her boyfriend.

This is where I'm going to have to cliff notes the whole story because it's real real long and I don't want to type, nor do you want to read it all. Well a week later we start hanging out even more. We hang out more and more, every night, sometimes two times a day, start going to real places to hang out, not just working out. I confess my strong feelings for her in a letter to her before another break. She flips out, says she thought we were just friends. Things are awkward after that. One week after break we start hanging out a whole lot more than we did before, up unil the end of the year when I pretty much locked the deal down, or so I thought. Her and her boyfriend are fighting the whole time during her birthday. The guy neglects to buy her a gift, but luckily I'm good at gifts. Well I bought her something that really got to her, something personal. She loved it. The whole week all she could tell people was how cute and sweet she thought I was. Well to make a long story short, I confess my feelings again, and she does the same old B.S.

Now to what I really want to discuss. Up until I read this I had some kind of crazy wonderment as to whether or not she really liked me. Now, there is no doubt in my mind that we have feelings for each other, and something will probably happen in the future.

To put it simply, this chick is a total ice queen. I have never had a girl act so weird around me. She acted so weird that she made me a little bit more weird. I'm talking we could be standing right next to each other in the lunch line, and she wouldn't even acknowledge my presence. We had a class that was very small together, and never once did she sit by me or even talk to me. But ironically, I would walk her home from work or school later in the day/night and she would talk to me the entire time. In fact, she never shut up. She never talked to me in class except for two instances. It took me to have a serious stomach operation and go a week without talking to her for her to get out of her chair and come talk to me. The second time I had to make her all getty and happy by giving her that gift for her birthday. I'm sorry guys but I'm finding so many consistencies. She never IMed me. When her and I did engage in conversations in a sober state of mind, and around a large group of people she could only blush, smile, laugh, and let me do all the talking.

Ok, well I have proved to you that she is fvckin weird.

I was going to assess the situation, but this is getting real real long. Thanks for the thread. I really understand myself a lot better now. Don't think I'm some AFC chump loser who really only had this girl to fall back on. I made her jealous plenty plenty times.

I think you all have hit the nail so hard on the head. What do you guys think about that?

Very AFC.

Read the bible.

You are her FRIEND, she's USING you for friendship. You are hoping that you will be more than friends with her in the future, but each time you try, you are told the same thing. This situation is stated clear as day in the bible. Snap on me if you want, but it will just show you dont want to believe the facts.