Ignoring After Rejection

[Legend]

What will this get you? REcently i have been rejected by a girl i really liked for about a year and everyone just says ignore her. So far when i see her i dont look at her, i dont call her anymore, i dont IM her...etc. She still calls me sometimes, she ims me a lot (i dont respond back)

I'm just confused about this whole thing. I dont want to be friends with a girl that totally wants nothing to do with me sexual. I dont want to be that guy she runs to, to tell me about another guy she hooked up with.

Ignoring her is truly heart breaking....am i making the right choice by choosing this path?

Any advise will be appreicated

Thanks

-John

 

[SamePendo]

Well, you dont want her do you?
Sometimes the best thing is to talk. You want to tell her that you dont want to ____ (fill the blank,,).

 

[Legend]

I really do want her in my life.....but i dont know any more, the more i think about it, the more i realize she always sorta treated me bad. I ruined it...not her.

 

[SamePendo]

Well man, you dont have your thoughts sorted out. You want to FIRST decide, by yourself, and speaking with the bottom of your heart if you truly want her, if it is good.
Then, when you know where you want to go, I will be very happy to help. By all means, if you need any more help, just post it.

 

[Legend]

I think its out of my hands....shes the one that rejected me....If it was in my hands me and this girl would live "happly ever after"

 

[SamePendo]

oops, double posting.

 

[SamePendo]

Look to tell you the truth, I have a eternal one-itis. But I handle it differently than most do. I think about her when Im down, it reminds me of what i have to be.
I have to get to a self satisaction, to be the best I can, in which I know, from the bottom of my heart, that im the best option she has. And if she rejects me (that day), I will know that I have nothing else to offer. This implies knowing women, being with them, so I know how to satisfy them, and at the end of the day, how to satisfy her.
As I said, I dont take it as most guys, that just go all depressed, NO, I take action, and continue in my road to become the best I can be.
I know a lot, hell, thats why I give advice, but I can always go further as a person.

And, being with other women, getting to know them, I dont let my options just narrow to this girl, I expand my horizons, ready to take the best bidder.

I know its not what everyone here recommends, but im not perfect, that is my weakness, this woman.

Well, to add, since I know that I have few chances with this girl, while I grow as a person, I live to love. If im not going to be happy, I want to make other people happy, even if I cant(be happy).

 

[snatchdaddy]

It's okay to relax.

From the little info you gave about the situation I would suggest you not completely ignore her, especially considering she is still persuing you in some manner with phone calls/ emails.

Now how you react with your interction with her would depend on how you approached her with the sexual issue and how she "rejected" you. But from a general standpoint I would say why not be friends. Friends can sometimes turn into more I can say for a fact. And just because your friends does not mean you have to let her piss and moan to you about her personal problems with other guys- you can put that to a stop if it starts to happen.

 

[Rev]

I agree with snatchdaddy. I would rather just be friends and see if my DJism doesn't turn her around. You will still be DJing her . Furthermore, the value of Social Proof and Pivots should not be underrated. There is also the factor of networking: Meet her HB friends and their HB friends. If she is your 'friend' she will speak favorably about you to her HB friends and 'talk you up'.

As for DJing the girl in question, this is your mindset: You thought she might be someone you would offer the chance to get to know you better but you're not going to break your back over her. She rejected you, thus doing you a favor by not leading you on. You're not bitter. Only someone above your league can have that effect on you. In fact, you've already forgotten about her. You never really wanted her as a friend but you're polite. If she really wants to prove herself to you as a friend you will have the courteousy to give her that chance. Meanwhile you will be banging her friends and giving her less attention.

Your actions should be such that this is her perception of you.

 

[Sir_Chancealot]

Originally posted by Legend
...the more i realize she always sorta treated me bad. I ruined it...not her.

Those two things are mutually exclusive. Either SHE ruined it by always treating you bad, or you ruined it.

Capiche?

 

[Legend]

Do a search on "You're just not my type"...this is the girl i was talking about.

Say if i do stay friends with her....its different, she does'nt talk to me in the same matter. When we were friends all we would do is flirt and hung out and spend a lot of time together. Now since i told her i want to be more then friends everything has totally changed.

When she talks to me, she acts like shes doing me a favor, I know when shes ims me shes just doing it just to do it. Everything went from great to fake. I just dont want to waste anymore hope in trying to be with her. I wasted enough time with her already.

 

[bp1974]

Quote:
I wasted enough time with her already.

Sounds like you have your answer. FORGET HER, or you'll still be posting the same damn posts in six months time.. Tell her to stop IMing you - she's only doing it for her own benefit, not yours. If she really cared for you she'd know to leave you well enough alone so you can get over it and on with your life. Someone in the Tips board posted about 'Ganji' tricks, ie cut all contact. This is what you have to do, not coz it'll help you win her back, but coz you need to do it for you. You're obsessing right now and unless you cut off completely, you'll never get over her.

bp1974

 

[voodoolover]

Those two things are mutually exclusive. Either SHE ruined it by always treating you bad, or you ruined it.

Spot on, Sir. Couldn't have put it better myself.

 

[Escude]

I finished reading "You're not my type" volume I and II by you. Wow, what a long read. I'm going to respond to your post with several questions which you will have to answer yourself.

Anyways, look man, its one thing to be friends with the girl, but from what it sounds like she treated you like crap many times...

You say things may have been different if you'd met her outside of college.. are you sure? People who want to become Don Juan's change, but the vast majority of sheep out there don't change.

Think about this, let's say you and I knew each other, as guys. Then, I just start talking sh*t to you. The next day I'm all cool again, call you, let's go get a drink. Are you still going to be friends with me? Probably not, I hope; but, of course that's not what I would do to you in real life

That's the same way with friends. When you're a friend with her you have to treat her like any of your other friends, male or female. Do your other friends mistreat you?

Its one thing to want to be friends with a girl who essentially LJBF'd you, *but* is cool, and didn't intentionally want to hurt you, she only didn't want to go out with you. Its another when they say let's be friends, but let's forget all the mean stuff I said about you. In my experience the only way someone can truly be forgiven for hurtful statements is 1) time, and 2) to demonstrate repeatedly through words and actions that you are not out to hurt them again, that the hatchet really is buried.

As for your question, its probably OK for you to not completely ignore her but every time you see her, run a mental checklist of all the crap you've taken from her, this will keep things in perspective. From what it sounds like I would not want to be around her too much, hot or not.

 

[Rev]

You don't need her pity. Just who the hell does she think she is?

 

[Legend]

This board is really so helpful. Good posts....Even when we were friends it would be like she was using me. She would ask me the help her with all her work. Sure i would help, but enough is a enough. I got my own crap to do. I would help her move in and out of her dorm.

Its just a messed up situation because we are in the same class and i see her on campus a lot. Sure i could act friendly again, but why should i? It's a lost cause....i have been everything but mean to this girl and i am sick of the treatment. She acts like her life is so important. Never has concern for anything that does'nt have to do with her. Gives no compliments.......if she was'nt such a piece i would have never bothered getting to know her.

Classic line she used on me

"John, its been a year of knowning eachother, and you really not my type, i know what i want, and its not you" I was like..holy sh*t...knife in back getting heavy. haha

-Thanks for the responses, and i think i need to ignore her for about a month to get over it

-John

 

[z0diac]

Originally posted by Legend
I really do want her in my life.....but i dont know any more, the more i think about it, the more i realize she always sorta treated me bad. I ruined it...not her.

The more you think about it the more you realise... I think you just answered your own question.

 

[nycdoctor]

I would just forget about her. there are many other fishes in the sea. Let her GO!!!!!!

 

[WatchMeWalk]

I still obsess about my ex one-itis, but every time I see her, my skin crawls. She doesn't even look half as good as the girls I know that treat me right.

 

[xblitz44x]

John,

You have to figure out what's worse, cutting all contact from her? Or dealing with her hearing about boyfriends? If you plan on staying friends with her, you're going to have to change your perspective of her. Your ego is controlling you right now...and everytime you think about her, your ego is whining because it's not going to get "a piece". Realize the ego, and calm it down. You're an adult and you can be in control of your emotions. She's an attractive girl, and a sweetheart. You can be friends with her but not until you've taken control of the ego, and changed your perception