ignore all my advice

Wyldfire

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Originally posted by joekerr31
agreed. bars arent where the good women are.

as for women with children. I'm sorry, but I'm not looking for someone who has already shown poor judgement.

let me get this straight? she felt a guy was good enough to marry and create life with, but then realized he was really a prick?

ya, thats the kind of woman i want in my life. that's really going to help me build the kind of life i want for my kids.

I'll befriend a woman like that no problem. But I'm not creating children with her because she has shown bad judgement - bad judgement that she will pass on to my kids.

now i know what you are saying. she may have made a mistake nad she's learned from it and she's a great woman now.

its very possible. but it doesn't change the fact that she has already gone through an entire set of life experiences that I would like to go through for the first time with someone who is going through them the first time also.

For the guys who hook up with these women, I have the utmost respect.

But im sorry, you have to be prepared to skip the growing together phase with a single mom and jump right into "im your daddy". To me a very important and valuable life experience gets lost in all that - for the man anyway.

J
See...this is where so many of you are so wrong. Every single one of you have made mistakes in judgement. Otherwise you wouldn't be here. If you're holding women to a higher standard than you hold yourselves you can't expect to find one that you'll be happy with. If a woman hasn't learned from her mistakes, then yeah, you obviously don't want to get involved with her. However, if she did learn from them, then she's going to be a much better partner than someone who hasn't learned those things yet.

The real reason some men stereotype single mothers is because they feel threatened by the child's father.
 

Wyldfire

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Originally posted by STR8UP
Uh, kind of like it being really foolish to judge someone because they are out having a drink with friends?????

You are being hypocritical.

I have lots of friends who are GREAT people that like to go to clubs and bars. Hell, MOST people do this from time to time. It's ridiculous to say that you can't find a decent person in this type of venue. As much as my last g/f pissed me off I met her in a club and we (for the most part) had a great two year relationship.

You are just parroting a popular misconception, that's all.
I'm talking about women who hang out predominantly at bars. I'm NOT talking about the few women who go to a bar once in awhile. I'm speaking in GENERAL...and I'm quite right.
 

KarmaSutra

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Originally posted by Wyldfire
See...this is where so many of you are so wrong. Every single one of you have made mistakes in judgement. Otherwise you wouldn't be here. If you're holding women to a higher standard than you hold yourselves you can't expect to find one that you'll be happy with. If a woman hasn't learned from her mistakes, then yeah, you obviously don't want to get involved with her. However, if she did learn from them, then she's going to be a much better partner than someone who hasn't learned those things yet.


Oh JesusthefvckbastardChrist, I can't believe I'm going to take the plunge and agree with the burning bush here but I'm afraid she's right. You have to hold yourself to a higher regard or else you force denial and self loathing.


And one of the best things about living in Central Florida is that the winter blues rarely creep it's head through the door. The tanning god and Poseidon try really really hard to keep ya balanced :D
 

Rollo Tomassi

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JOKERR: If you are single at 31 with a moderate amount of personal success, you are the envy of man-dom because you posess 2 of the most valuable resources most men your age or older do not - time and freedom. I envy you. You are unshackled by the responsibilites, liabilities and accountabilities that most men your age in marriages, LTRs, with children, or recovering form divorce must contend with daily. Without any intention you are in such a position that you can go in any direction of your choosing without considering the impact of your choice for anyone but yourself. I, and many other men, in the most ideal of LTRs, do not have this luxury.

Enjoy it, relish in it. I get up at 5:30am to get my daughter ready for school, sometimes I take her, sometimes my wife does. I spend 45 minutes driving to work, I work a regular 8 hour day (not including any special functions I have to attend). I spend 45 minutes to an hour driving back to the gym by my home. I work out for 45 minutes to an hour. I help my daughter with her homework, I wallk the dogs, I talk with my wife for an hour to an hour and a half before she goes off to her graveyard shift at the hospital. I have exactly 1 hour to myself before I go off to bed and start this all over again.

When you think of all the responsibilities that are required of most men (and women) in modern life today, you have won the lottery! I was once asked what I'd buy if money were no object, to which I answered, time. Power isn't financial resources, status or influence over others; power is the degree over which you control your own life, and right now you are powerful. Trust me, this is as good as it gets and this is made all the better because you are old enough to understand what is really at work here.

Women are damaged goods for you now? So what? You have the freedom to sample as indiscriminately or as particularly as you choose. Can't find a good LTR? Why would you want to?! Let her find you! You fear you'll end up old and lonely? I'd fear ending up so paralyzed by this that you'd settle for a lifetime of controlling misery in a passionless marriage. Goddam if I had the time and opportunity with the understanding I have now of the whole game I'd be un-fvcken-stopable. It never ceases to amaze me when I talk with these young men in their teens and 20s and they try to impress me with their fierce independence in every other realm of their lives, that they are the same guys who are so ready to limit that independence and ambition in exchange for dependable female intimacy. They're far too eager to slap on the handcuffs of monogamy, rather than develop themselves into men of ambition and passion that women naturally want to be associated with.

So get our there and SARGE! If you are dissatisfied with the women your locale has to offer, fish in another pond. Go where the fish are. Hell, you and WESTCOASTER ought to plan a sarging vacation together out here in Ft. Lauderdale around spring break. He complains of the same thing in the north west - no real prospective women. Fine, go where they are. At the very least you had a fun vacation.

It's winter time. Get your ass in the gym, bulk up, cut up, do what you have to do, but now's the time to prepare for the spring and summer. You might even meet a girl there. I'd agree with most of what WYLD has stated so far with the exception of the online dating thing. Online dating is a crutch and a buffer for rejecting. You won't learn the semantics if you're not out in the field watching mannerisms and expressions and genuinely risking rejection in real time. You can play a flight simulator and land a plane all day, but sooner or later you're going to have to actually land a real friggin' plane.
 

joekerr31

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The real reason some men stereotype single mothers is because they feel threatened by the child's father. [/B]



no, its because it shows bad judgement.

wyld, there are no underlying reasons here.

it has nothing to do with the other guy. it has more to do with it being a life experience i dont have any interest in.

why would i want to jump into the daddy role. I want to experience that process as it was meant to be experienced.

see, women think theres nothing wrong with it, because women, as usually, could care less about what the guy does or doesnt experience.

look, you picked your man, you got knocked up, you f*cked up. not my problem. and it ain't going to become my problem.

ill take one of the women whose been able to exercise good judgement and not get preggo by some jerk.

J
 

joekerr31

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great post Rollo.

and you are right. outside of my mini flip out the other day (ah, one was due, its been a while) I am the envy of most of my male friends.

my women friends can't understand why i havent settled down.

at the end of the day its because i see marriage as probably the most important decision you can make in your life.

theres a quote "90% of your happiness will depend on who you marry"

i have no hesitations about getting married, but it has to be to the right woman.

ive always been fully aware that marrying the wrong person is the path to personal hell.

the only reason people rush into it is that they are so afraid of being alone.

ive never made life decisions based on fear, nor will i start.

as you get older you hear that clock ticking away and think time is running out. but once again, if you let hte clock scare you, then you'll make your decisions based on fear.

its strange how the grass is always greener eh? I know so many guys who are married, and 80% of them are not happy. they may not be horribly miserable, but they are like pavlov's dogs, zapped so many times they have accepted a state of helplessness.

thats not me and will never be me. I enjoy being me, having my ambitions, and pushing forward in life on my own terms. im willing to modify that a tad for the right woman, but ill never give up who i am.

so at the end of teh day, i know i've doen the right thing so far. and i know that im 1000 times better off than if i had settled with any of the women i've known so far.

thanks for the pep talk. much appreciated.
J
 

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Here's my boat: I'm 34, and have been on a grand total of one date in the past 6 months. That girl turned out to be an absolute weirdo. SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) could be part of your despair. I'm in Chicago where winters are brutal and the women fat and b!tchy, so I think it hits me sometimes.

I won't let it drag me down, though. I refuse to revert to the person I was in my twenties who was miserable when I lacked women. In fact, I've more or less given up on them, and have chosen to find other outlets in which I can pursue happiness. Then when I hear women complain about how men are jerks, while they choose them time and again, I turn and walk away with a grin. I know that while I rarely get the boots I'm happy and they aren't.

And I am an unemployed guy! But as Rollo noted, I am free to pursue anything I like, anywhere I like. And if I ever decide to re-enter the dating game full force I can do it at my leisure on my own terms.
 
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Wyldfire

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Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
I'd agree with most of what WYLD has stated so far with the exception of the online dating thing. Online dating is a crutch and a buffer for rejecting. You won't learn the semantics if you're not out in the field watching mannerisms and expressions and genuinely risking rejection in real time. You can play a flight simulator and land a plane all day, but sooner or later you're going to have to actually land a real friggin' plane. [/B]
Well obviously he needs to be getting out to meet people too...as I stated. However, if he's not meeting as many new people as he'd like then there is no reason at all why he shouldn't give online dating a shot to SUPPLEMENT efforts to meet people the old fashioned way. In today's world the majority of young people utilize the internet for a lot of things. Dating is no exception. That's too large a percentage of the singles out there to just ignore. It would be foolish not to use it.
 

Wyldfire

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Originally posted by joekerr31
no, its because it shows bad judgement.

wyld, there are no underlying reasons here.

it has nothing to do with the other guy. it has more to do with it being a life experience i dont have any interest in.

why would i want to jump into the daddy role. I want to experience that process as it was meant to be experienced.

see, women think theres nothing wrong with it, because women, as usually, could care less about what the guy does or doesnt experience.

look, you picked your man, you got knocked up, you f*cked up. not my problem. and it ain't going to become my problem.

ill take one of the women whose been able to exercise good judgement and not get preggo by some jerk.

J
Maybe not all men avoid single mothers for this reason...but most do. I know this is the case because I've talked to many men about the issue. It always starts out with "I don't want to raise someone else's kid" and ends with "I don't want to have to deal with the kid's father/her ex."

I probably (well, definitely) could have said what I did in a less offensive way than I did...but how I said it doesn't change the fact that it's true.
 

al77

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Originally posted by Wyldfire
I'm talking about women who hang out predominantly at bars.


You are absolutely right. I have no idea what people expect when they hang out in bars all the time, most of the time. Are they going to meet somebody decent? They can, but that somebody decent is drunk already, or simply dismiss any opportunity except ONS because "it is the bar scene".

Though I see why some folk defend bars: it is fun, feeling buzzed , friends are around and it is easier to at least try to talk to some gals. Rejection is fine since there are some friends who would understand and anyway he was nt going to pick his future wife there.

But if it becomes the primary place to visit, all a guy can meet is drunk AWs. One o fthe best result is ONS. I don't see it as fun at all.
 

al77

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Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
JOKERR: If you are single at 31 with a moderate amount of personal success, you are the envy of man-dom because you posess 2 of the most valuable resources most men your age or older do not - time and freedom.

It never ceases to amaze me when I talk with these young men in their teens and 20s and they try to impress me with their fierce independence in every other realm of their lives, that they are the same guys who are so ready to limit that independence and ambition in exchange for dependable female intimacy. They're far too eager to slap on the handcuffs of monogamy, rather than develop themselves into men of ambition and passion that women naturally want to be associated with.
Good post: very accurate picture.
But I am curious about the consistency of this philosophy.

What would be a goal of a guy who is developing himself into a man of ambition that women naturally want?
Self-development? It looks like it in general, but not in this context. His ultimate goal is anyway...women who want to be associated with him. His self-development is aimed to getting more women, more quality women.
So even this kind of guy is eager to get dependable female intimacy in exchange for whatever he managed to develop.

He has just more "resources", note that job\money is the resources #1 in this "development".
Now if we look at this closely it seem some guys are willing to get handcuffed and get that dependable female intimacy for free so to speak, i.e. without much efforts.
The self-development guys will spend time, energy, youth developing somehting that will eventually be exhnaged for exactlu the same good piece of female intimacy.

What's better - to get to with minimal efforts or to spend time, develop himslef and later on give that all to a woman in exchange for a hot piece of a**?
It seems that it is better to spend less and get the same pvssy anyway than to spend years and with the same results. A pvssy is a pvssy: educated, intelligent, smart, pretty.. it is still a pvssy.
 

Rollo Tomassi

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al77: Understood, but I my intent was to kick JOKEER in the ass a bit rather than go Socrates on him.

I'm an adherent of the 'build it and they will come' school of thought in this regard. Women should only ever be a compliment to a man's life - never the focus of it.

To answer your question though: Is it better to choose the path of least resistance to get to that intimacy or self-develop and get the same intimacy? Both instances put women as the focus of a guys life, and this is a position that most women will find endearing at first, but suffocating in the end. Women want to 'want' their men. She doesn't want a slave to her intimacy since this puts her in the masculine role. Rahter she wants a decisive mature man who has the confidence to put her off (however occasionally) in favor of his ambition and passions as this serves two purposes. First, it sets his direction as the one of authority and his development as the primary; the results of which she and her potential children will benefit from. Sencondly, it puts her into a position of chasing after him - essentially his legitimate ambitions and passsions become the 'other woman' with which she must compete for his attention.

Note that I stated 'legitimate' ambitions here. A woman involved with a law student or an intern who have the potential to become lawyers and doctors are fairly solid bets for future security. An artist or musician, no matter how talented or committed to their passions will only be viewed as beneficial if they can prove their case to select women. I'm an artist myself so I know how difficult this is for women to see success potential in talent. However this can be offset by singleminded determination, once again, with select women with a capacity to appreciate this. This said, think about the feloow who's chosen to be a plumber or a mechanic as his calling. The best plumber in the world is only going so far unless he has dreams to own his own business.

All of this is limited by a man's attitude towards the opposite sex. Most women are dream killers. Not because they have an agenda to be so, but because men will all too willingly sacrifice their ambitions for a steady supply of puuntang and the responsibilities that women attach to this.

If women would fvck in a cardboard box men would never buy houses.

So yes it is better to develop yourself rather than take the path of least resistance. That's not to say don't sarge until you're out of college, in your 30s and have your career in order. It is to say don't consider monogamy until you are mature enough to understand it's limitations and you've achieved a degeree of success to your own satisfaction according to your ambitions and passions. It is also to say that women should compliment and support your plans for your own life.
 

Sapiens

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Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi

If women would fvck in a cardboard box men would never buy houses.

Rollo, I am stealing this one!:D

-Sapiens
 

Immaculate

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Originally posted by Wyldfire
Well obviously he needs to be getting out to meet people too...as I stated. However, if he's not meeting as many new people as he'd like then there is no reason at all why he shouldn't give online dating a shot to SUPPLEMENT efforts to meet people the old fashioned way. In today's world the majority of young people utilize the internet for a lot of things. Dating is no exception. That's too large a percentage of the singles out there to just ignore. It would be foolish not to use it.
Screw internet dating. I've met 5 chics off match in the last month. They are all psychos.
 

al77

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Originally posted by Rollo Tomassi
al77: Understood, but I my intent was to kick JOKEER in the ass a bit rather than go Socrates on him.

To answer your question though: Is it better to choose the path of least resistance to get to that intimacy or self-develop and get the same intimacy? Both instances put women as the focus of a guys life,

Women want to 'want' their men. She doesn't want a slave to her intimacy since this puts her in the masculine role. Rahter she wants a decisive mature man who has the confidence to put her off (however occasionally) in favor of his ambition and passions as this serves two purposes.

First, it sets his direction as the one of authority and his development as the primary; the results of which she and her potential children will benefit from.
Sencondly, it puts her into a position of chasing after him - essentially his legitimate ambitions and passsions become the 'other woman' with which she must compete for his attention.
Rollo,

JOKEER admitted he liked your post. What would it mean? I guess you didn't kick his a** enough ;)

Anyway.. you have a very interesting ability to follow logic, think conceptually but you tend to omit analysis of the conclusions.
Every single thing you said is right. But as you said lets just play Socrates here: what is the result in terms of the answer to the question I posed?
1. "it sets his direction as the one of authority and his development as the primary". "It" does not set the direction.
"It" is something too abstract to have an ability to set things.
But you are right, he sets it, i.e. he sets his direction.. and hi development as the primary (if he wants to).
Now the main question here: what does it depend on? (That he sets his direction)
It solely depends on... _him_. On how he thinks. And it does not depends on how much money he accumulated so far, what job he holds.. etc. It influences him, sure, in the sense "I have resposibilitie sat work" but this is solely due to his thoughts he has his responsibilities. Responsibilities by themselves do not set a thing.
So back to the initial question: if what he does depends solely on him, on how he thinks, would it matter if he developed himself or not? It helps to be busy with work to pay less attention to a woman, sure. But he is the only person who has the power to decide what he really wants to do.
and it doesn't matter if he is a relatively young and relatively poor "undeveloped" guy or he is older and much more developed.
He is getting a pvssy due to his ability to get pvssy, and whatever he earns (little or a lot) will be brought to his "pvssy" anyway.
If a woman kills his dreams, then he simply didn't dream, didn't really want to. He was going in the way of low resistantce "if opportunity will come.. Ill jump on it". Yes, a woman severely limits hi opportunities so he does do much. But didn't want to in the first place.
If he is developed it is the same thing: either a woman kills his dreams and he "sits home" or he does what he wants.
It is in no way depends on the level of development of a man.
It depends on his ability to think and his desire to accomplish somehting.

Just a simple example: I know a guy who makes 80+. It is very good money in my area. He is married. Now he came to a conclusion he doesn't want to be an engineer anymore.. he wants to be a doctor and want to go to medical school. He is 31 and his situation is very stable. But is going to the med school for like 7 years and.. he is not going to work for this time. Somehow he convince his wife it is better for them and she agreed to support him throughout his studies.
Obviously he doesn't do it get more money or please his wife.
He does it because he wants to do it.

2. It is true: women tend to chase a "developed" man.
It seems as some easy advice fo a young lad.. go develop youself and women will chase you. True. But we have to look at the whole picture. When he will develop himself enough for women to chase him, he is not going to be 21 or 23. He is going to be in his 30s and most likely in his middle 30s. This is the time when men do not want ONS so much they did want ti in their 20s. They already ideally want one good woman, they want to settle down (not all but many). Sure attention of women who chase him is flattering, this is already not what he want, it is not his primary goal anymore. He wants a quality woman insted of flocks of semigolddiggers. He wants a woman who would not care much about his wealth. Do you see this paradox? He developed, established himself and now he wants somebody who does not care about what he has. Why the heck he was doing it? The only answer is for himself. He does it for himself, he does decide what he does himself and he lives his life himself.
Life usually shows him this path if he keeps his eyes open and his woman do not playfully close them with her hands.
It all depends on him, no matter what state he is in.
 
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joekerr31

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hey guys,

hehe, let's reframe this away from my situation. i had a momentary lapse. my heads back on straight.

i dont think the key is to wait until you're fully developed, because growing is a life long process.

i do think however that the key is to KNOW who you are, what you want from life and what you want from a mate. then to only marry when you find that.

for most of us thats late 20s early 30s. for some it may be sooner.

with regards to women chasing you. at the end of the day most women have no clue how much money you have. i mean, its not like i flash my bank book at them.

i think when you are comfortable with yourself, ready for a committed relationship, then its just a matter of time until you find the one for you.

i don't need women chasing after me, i can cast my net and catch as many as i want at any time.

anyway, without writing two pages on all this... my life is exactly where its meant to be right now.

i'm glad i've focused on bettering myself and my career, because first and foremost i believe each individual has a responsibility to stand on their own two feet. I think its only when you've accomplished this to some degree that you come into your own.

but to each their own. im very happy with the path i've taken. like i say, i could have settled down at a much younger age, but i would have likely sacrificed a huge degree of professiona (and much more importantly) personal growth.

And a woman who is after me simply because im successful, and not because im successful as a human being (ie. a strong independent man), i can spot a MILE away.

anyway, Rollo's advice was great. I respond much more positively to logic than mere beating of one's chest.

thanks for all the input guys.
J
 

Alicorn

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Originally posted by Wyldfire
The real reason some men stereotype single mothers is because they feel threatened by the child's father.
Shouldn't you be waving your ass in the air saying "hurt me, hurt me!"

Goddamnit someone ban this b!tch already. What is she blowing Alan on the side or something?
 

Wyldfire

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Originally posted by Immaculate
Screw internet dating. I've met 5 chics off match in the last month. They are all psychos.
Immaculate, that actually says very little about the kind of women that use internet dating and an awful lot about the type of women you go for.
 

Wyldfire

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Originally posted by Alicorn
Shouldn't you be waving your ass in the air saying "hurt me, hurt me!"

Goddamnit someone ban this b!tch already. What is she blowing Alan on the side or something?
Perhaps I AM Allen...you never know.

If you don't have constructive input on the topic you should probably just shut up.
 

ElChoclo

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No, the real reason men don't like women with children is the same reason lions kill cubs sired by other lions. Resources are finite. Your prime directive from Mother Nature is to pass on your genes.

If you spend $100,000 educating someone else's kid, thats $100K which you won't be spending on your own.

Who needs to be threatened by a kid's father? Watching your wife have a regular screaming match with him over their kids is more than enough deterrent.

Reminds me of what a friend of mine said about women (twice divorced). He tells them he's divorced. They always say, do you have any kids. He says no. According to him they always say thats good (or similar words).
 
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