If your woman cheat on you, it's your fault?

[Initiatedindenial]

Most girls have at least a FB, ex or recent bf on the side, and when you start dating her, those relationships don't usually stop overnight, but she should phase them out quickly. Also, most women around age 20 have never been faithful to anyone. They sleep with whoever they want. It's not cheating at that stage because she hasn't promised to be faithful. As men, in that situation we should be focusing on our other women, not trying to lock her down. It has to be her idea to be committed, and when she's asking you for a commitment, she will be faithful at that time. If you ask her not to sleep with anyone else, you are simply tempting her and letting her know you feel beneath her.

So many men here think they can use this formula:

1) Game her even though he is broke.
2) Sleep with her and then lock her down by letting her know what his boundaries are.
3) Give her a huge guilt trip if she is not faithful.
4) Whine about how his ex had BPD after she dumps his sorry butt.

Some passages of this post I agree with. You always have to wait for the woman to try to settle you down, it means that she already feels mentally faithful to you and wants to know if you do feel the same.

Always let her be the one opening this topic, and preferably never ask back.

 

[bigneil]

I had a serious problem recently. My gf realized her photos were rated 99 and started thinking she was the hottest girl I ever had. She started razzing some of my ex girlfriends as being overweight. I had to find some other highly rated women I had dated, but the average girl was only coming out to a rating of 85. Thankfully, the girl before her and the (one) girl after her were both rated 99.

Then she needed to see that photos of me could be highly rated (ironically the highest rated photo of all time was she and I together, briefly, until another photo of just her took over that spot).

The point is, your girl will only ask for a commitment if she thinks YOU are sacrificing other women who SHE thinks are as hot as she is or hotter.

A lot of guys here think women commit to men (jobless or not) because he lays down the law and tells her she is not allowed to see other men, and because she is a faithful woman, and if she isn't he says she is immoral for cheating and had BPD.

 

[guru1000]

I had a serious problem recently. My gf realized her photos were rated 99 and started thinking she was the hottest girl I ever had.

LOL. That and your worshipping her every other post.

 

[stovepipe]

women don't have to have a reason to why they cheat. Get yourself up and do what you want to do

It's not as easy when you don't have a pu$$y

 

[Doc Kas]

Haha good stuff guys. Basically, as Patrice O'neal put it, you gotta be that guy she looks up at all googly eyed and thinks you're the ****. In other words, you're better than her in every way and she knows it.

I think this explains why women lose attraction when they are making more money than you, look physically better etc.

They need to know they can be replaced quick smart, then their own devices should kick in and keep them gravitating to your presence.

If that doesn't work, you've either got a psychologically damanged woman on your hands (which you cannot fix), or she's just a plain flat out nympho.

 

[Trainwreck]

THIS YOUR FAULT NONSENSE IS ANOTHER WAY OF PUTTING WOMEN ON THE PEDESTAL. Who cares if a woman cheats on you. That's something you can't prevent and sometimes a girl can fool you with a facade. What matters the most is having that elastic adaptability to rebound from a breakup with ease and efficiency. Betas cry forever and let a few bad girls screw their mentalities up permanently hence mgtows and red pills. True alphas dust themselves off, learn from their mistakes, and get back in to the game.

 

[Doc Kas]

THIS YOUR FAULT NONSENSE IS ANOTHER WAY OF PUTTING WOMEN ON THE PEDESTAL. Who cares if a woman cheats on you. That's something you can't prevent and sometimes a girl can fool you with a facade. What matters the most is having that elastic adaptability to rebound from a breakup with ease and efficiency. Betas cry forever and let a few bad girls screw their mentalities up permanently hence mgtows and red pills. True alphas dust themselves off, learn from their mistakes, and get back in to the game.

"Elastic adaptability" is the emotional paradigm in which one wants to be operating in. Completely agree on that front. Unfortunately, that level of "being" is hard to attain for the average person. The best way is through pain, experience and unconditioing emotional foundations entrapped within old ways of thinking. Once attained, your state of "being" can become more fluid which is exactly how life is.

 

[Trainwreck]

"Elastic adaptability" is the emotional paradigm in which one wants to be operating in. Completely agree on that front. Unfortunately, that level of "being" is hard to attain for the average person. The best way is through pain, experience and unconditioing emotional foundations entrapped within old ways of thinking. Once attained, your state of "being" can become more fluid which is exactly how life is.

I agree, it does take some time to learn this, but I see most people not doing this at all and they are like 25 lol.

 

[Doc Kas]

I agree, it does take some time to learn this, but I see most people not doing this at all and they are like 25 lol.

Repetition and training the subconscious is where it's at. You're right though, even at 32 I'm struggling with this. It takes a great amount of effort and consistently to get to that level. It can be done. This is where "naturals" are operating from in my opinion.

Fastlife appears to be one who completely understands the process and intricate workings of this thinking.

 

[bigneil]

Repetition and training the subconscious is where it's at. You're right though, even at 32 I'm struggling with this. It takes a great amount of effort and consistently to get to that level. It can be done. This is where "naturals" are operating from in my opinion.

Fastlife appears to be one who completely understands the process and intricate workings of this thinking.

Oh thank you guru of SS for sharing your infinite wisdom after joining the forum Monday!

The new trend here is joining the forum this week under a pseudonym, something that should get members banned for life IMO. Pure deception, something I believe only a woman (or a man who turned into one) could ever do.

 

[Doc Kas]

Oh thank you guru of SS for sharing your infinite wisdom after joining the forum Monday!

The new trend here is joining the forum this week under a pseudonym, something that should get members banned for life IMO. Pure deception, something I believe only a woman (or a man who turned into one) could ever do.

You're welcome kind sir.

A pseudonym is common practice on Internet forums. Did you miss that memo?

I'm assuming your parents named you "bigneil"?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

You're welcome kind sir.

A pseudonym is common practice on Internet forums. Did you miss that memo?

I'm assuming your parents named you "bigneil"?

He was born with an 8.5" inch and his family new his name was to be "bigneil"

 

[fastlife]

"Elastic adaptability" is the emotional paradigm in which one wants to be operating in. Completely agree on that front. Unfortunately, that level of "being" is hard to attain for the average person. The best way is through pain, experience and unconditioing emotional foundations entrapped within old ways of thinking. Once attained, your state of "being" can become more fluid which is exactly how life is.

Sounds a lot like Cold Approach Pickup.

Which, of course, everybody likes to knock as creepy, try-hard, low value--since those are the labels people most fear having attached to their 'identity.' But the thing is, in 'real life' the traumas needed to shake or reshape your core beliefs about yourself are too few and far between--your ego has too much time to reconstruct itself and rationalize any given set of facts to suit its narrative. Meditation can certainly set a solid foundation. Your subconscious mind can be reprogrammed; certain thought processes can be replaced or cut off, etc. And that's a huge start.

But even then, the conscious mind needs proof. We tend to look toward our environment to tell us who we are. But the problem is, our environments, for the most part, remain generally static. Take, for instance, the first 18 or so years of your life, when neuroplasticity is the highest--you had your home life, which was good or it wasn't; you had school, where you were told you were good or bad based on your grades and you were popular or you weren't. And for most people, they make assumptions based on that feedback, develop whatever necessary coping mechanisms, and that's who they are.

If those environments were good and you developed useful assumptions about yourself and healthy, effective coping mechanisms, then that's great. But even then that identity can serve as a bit of a trap and what happens when you face rejection or pain or contradictory evidence? If you're going up to strangers and getting constantly rejected (and you probably will the first couple months, even if you do alright with girls in other contexts), then you will be forced to find things outside of any given set of external feedback on which to base your identity. By subjecting yourself to that type of external unpredictability and chaos, you're forced to detach yourself from everything other than the core of who you are.

That's super scary and I won't pretend it was all that fun lol (though getting laid a couple times helps), but it's definitely been worth it to me in every facet of my life. And the funny thing is, all those labels--creepy, try-hard, low value--even after gaming in the same city (and it ain't all that big) for over a year, nobody thinks of me that way. My friends are still my friends, my family still loves me, the girls I meet at the end of the night don't care about the handful of girls who rejected me earlier. Nothing really changes. Rejection just strips away all the bullsh1t you use to prop up your ego--and you're left with who you are.

 

[Doc Kas]

Sounds a lot like Cold Approach Pickup.

Which, of course, everybody likes to knock as creepy, try-hard, low value--since those are the labels people most fear having attached to their 'identity.' But the thing is, in 'real life' the traumas needed to shake or reshape your core beliefs about yourself are too few and far between--your ego has too much time to reconstruct itself and rationalize any given set of facts to suit its narrative. Meditation can certainly set a solid foundation. Your subconscious mind can be reprogrammed; certain thought processes can be replaced or cut off, etc. And that's a huge start.

But even then, the conscious mind needs proof. We tend to look toward our environment to tell us who we are. But the problem is, our environments, for the most part, remain generally static. Take, for instance, the first 18 or so years of your life, when neuroplasticity is the highest--you had your home life, which was good or it wasn't; you had school, where you were told you were good or bad based on your grades and you were popular or you weren't. And for most people, they make assumptions based on that feedback, develop whatever necessary coping mechanisms, and that's who they are.

If those environments were good and you developed useful assumptions about yourself and healthy, effective coping mechanisms, then that's great. But even then that identity can serve as a bit of a trap and what happens when you face rejection or pain or contradictory evidence? If you're going up to strangers and getting constantly rejected (and you probably will the first couple months, even if you do alright with girls in other contexts), then you will be forced to find things outside of any given set of external feedback on which to base your identity. By subjecting yourself to that type of external unpredictability and chaos, you're forced to detach yourself from everything other than the core of who you are.

That's super scary and I won't pretend it was all that fun lol (though getting laid a couple times helps), but it's definitely been worth it to me in every facet of my life. And the funny thing is, all those labels--creepy, try-hard, low value--even after gaming in the same city (and it ain't all that big) for over a year, nobody thinks of me that way. My friends are still my friends, my family still loves me, the girls I meet at the end of the night don't care about the handful of girls who rejected me earlier. Nothing really changes. Rejection just strips away all the bullsh1t you use to prop up your ego--and you're left with who you are.

Definitely see what your are saying here. By action, the reprogramming starts. It will take time. You will revert back and try to hold onto that former identity cause that's what feels safe, comfortable and has been the primary grounds for survival.

It's an illusion though if one wants to grow and evolve beyond their environmentally constructed boundaries. By forcing one self to constantly push the ego and the comforts of structure within the ego, self growth and better game should ensure.

I'm a long way on my journey but I know stagnancy is a killer to my development and game.

All this stuff doesn't just evolve around approaching. It can relate to jealousy, trust, narrow mindedness etc.

Definitely some things to think about with the above post by fastlife.

 

[bigneil]

A pseudonym is common practice on Internet forums.

I meant multiple pseudonyms on SS, which should have been obvious.

 

[Doc Kas]

I meant multiple pseudonyms on SS, which should have been obvious.

No, it wasn't obvious because you're OBVIOUSLY confusing me with someone else.

 

[bigneil]

No, it wasn't obvious because you're OBVIOUSLY confusing me with someone else.

Maybe you aren't the same person who joined 10 times this week to antagonize certain members. If so, my apology.

 

[Pilotnic]

You didn't grow up without a father. You grew up with 150 Million fathers. They are called taxpayers who underwrote your mom so she could still reproduce whiny romantics while failing to A) produce anything or B) keep any man happy.

My advice is work hard for 5 years. Get your feet wet and your hands dirty. Once you become a man women will love you for your ability to take care of them. They are never going to love sweet little unemployed you for you - ever.

I appreciate your comments, but I'm not from US and my mom worked hard to raise me. What I meant by growing up with a father, is growing up without a Alpha Male Character around, you can be a hard worker and good man, but don't know how to be good at being a man. I do work hard, but I lack of social skills

 

[Doc Kas]

Maybe you aren't the same person who joined 10 times this week to antagonize certain members. If so, my apology.

Apology accepted.

 

[pipeman84]

There was this other guy that became a super successful lawyer. He bought the token status car and made a mini-mansion. He went to the gym every other night. He had money, had status, and looked great. He thought the ladies would find him PERFECT. Well, they did find him perfect but not for the reasons he wanted. They found him PERFECT for STABILITY. So he married a ‘super hot babe’ and had kids (which he paid for a nanny to take care of). What does the ‘super hot babe’ do? She cheats on him! “Don’t you love him?” "Yes, yes I very much do,” and she speaks the truth. No, she sleeps around because SHE IS BORED. He dehumanized everything. She doesn’t have to work, doesn’t have to raise the kids, and doesn’t have to do anything. Of course she won’t leave him. And of course she is in ‘love’ with him (or rather his STABILITY). - The book of pook

In this paragraph Pook seems to put the fault on him, am i wrong?

No, you're not wrong. Cheating is about (lack of) character......it's not a matter of having the opportunity to cheat or a factor of worsening financial situation in case of a male or losing her looks in case of a female - plenty beautiful models and rich guys get cheated on. So in that sense, if a woman cheats on you, yes it is your fault because you haven't screened for her character. You chose to ignore the red flags.

My biggest fear in a long term relationship with a woman is that she is with you not because she truly likes you, but because she doesn't want to be alone or because at first she saw something 'interesting' in you. What happen if she meets someone more interesting than you? Would be your fault if she cheat on you, because you're not man enough or you're a nice guy?

That's what the screening process is all about. On one extreme there's the girl with the slu!ty/gold digging look on her that you could spot within the first 3 min of interaction. Now if you choose to think with your little head (wow, she's so hot!) instead of the big one then you'll get into a relationship with her and you'll get burned. On the other extreme there might be the girl that at first appears to be your perfect soulmate and only slowly over time you might detect she has mental issues. So if you're not needy (that's why self improvement is paramount) you'll be able to quite objectively assess her and see if she's with you for you or because of ulterior motives.