If you aren't mature and don't know what your talking about don't respond!

[big dizzle]

Ok, here is my story. I came here probably about 6-9 months ago. Somewhere around there (I surfed this place before I joined). Since then I have improved my game alot. I have changed in to the smooth mutha fvcker I wanted to be. I'am satisfied with my life involving women. Like alot of people here I will always be a student in the game of life and I'am striving to improve myself ALWAYS. I date twice as much as I use to and I feel like I have a good idea of the "game."

My problem is getting over one girl. Here is the thread I started back at the beginning of summer about her and our relationship.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=74148

Since me and her ended I have been dating other women casually. By no means did the girl I can't seem to forget about effect my love life with other women. I dated casually and had my own stuff to attend to (women aren't first on my list).

All the DJ's here are all at a consensus that you should never, ever get back together with your ex's. I agree with this. It didn't work out the first time and it won't work out the second, third, or fourth time (btw we only broke up the one time).

BC I care about her (owww, I know I'll get scolded for that statement) I kept somewhat in contact with her. I'm going to repeat this, "she in no way interferred with me dating other people since we broke up." So, I talked to her to see how she was doing probably a total of 3x this summer. This last time I sent her a birthday card to wish her a happy birthday.

Since then we have talked through text messages (I do not text girls I just meet but I think she is a special circumstance and I do it to her bc it is still kind of awkward). Nothing long, pretty much a drunk text and a hey how are you type of thing.

I'm going back to school on the 26th and I'am throwing a party for my homie Dave's B-day and my going away to school party. I invited her to come out. She agreed and we had a short convo over the internet.

She apologized for everything that happened between us. She said she hates her self for it. I responded with she has nothign to hate herself for. She lost her attraction for me and I take full responsibility for it. Shyt if I was her I would of been sick of the nice guy in me.

I'm getting the vibe she may want to get back together. I know the consensus on this already. Don't do it. It will never work. I don't know if this is true or not. I have a good idea that everyone is right on this one.

BUT, why after all this time (she broke up with me august of last year) do I still give a FVCK! She wasn't a great person; at least not to me. Every fiber of my being screams, "you stupid azzhole how could you still care about someone like this?"

My response is if I was in her shoes I would have done the same. I thank her silently bc I came here and became the guy I always wanted to be (when it comes to getting women). So half of me is saying, "her breaking up with me is understandable." I would have done it. The other half says you can forgive her but don't ever give her another chance.

I know all the answers. I know to never go back with her. I honestly can say I won't. At least not right now bc I'm going away to school and I will have way too many oppurtunities at stray poo-swah.

The real question is this: Why after a whole year of getting my shag on with other women, barely speaking a word to her, Why oh why do I care about her as much as I did the day she walked out of my life.

Sorry for the longer then long post.

Dizz

 

[nishbuk]

I'm no DJ. I'm at best an RAFC...but this much is true:
If you dated someone in your AFC days, and you broke up, perhaps both of you have matured...and you are different people. I believe that there is a chance after a long while, ASSUMING that you are both much more mature, to make something happen.

I know I'm going to get "STFU NOOB" for this, but that's how I feel. Perhaps my opinion will change later on, but some of the stuff written on this website is written by people who have become too bitter for their own good.

It's true that almost all the time, the best thing that you can do is to MOVE ON in your life, and get rid of your oneitis. But it seems like you've been able to date other people...but I don't think that you took any real space away from her. That might be why you still feel for her.
I honestly feel that if you've not dated someone for a couple of years, and the breakup wasn't on terrible terms, and there was a time directly after the breakup when you took a step back, and didn't have contact, so that you both could mature INDEPENDANTLY, then there is a chance you can get back togehter, because you're essentially not the same people that you were before. I would be extra cautious though, and really pay attention to your oneitis.

Let the flames begin...

 

[big dizzle]

Thanks Nish that was pretty insightfull. I did have a period in the last year we probably did not have contact with each other a combined total of 9 months. I don't know if this was enough time apart. I don't know if there will ever be such a thing.

Dizz

 

[bud1971]

I am of the opinion that it will never work, and it seems like your are a pretty insightful and self-aware guy.

I will tell you from personal experience that the only girls who have ever said that they felt horrible for hurting me, were the ones that only felt bad because they realized that they lacked the ability to feel true empathy for another person.

Everyone has their own way to get over heartbreak, but what always worked for me was to use the anger and heartbreak in a constructive manner. Start working out like a madman. Don't even consider going out with another girl until you have completely changed your physique. With the new confidence and looks that came with that, it seemed like the heavens would open and up and start raining chicks. I think he best way to get over an old dog is to get several new puppies. And with a new wardrobe, new physique, and confidence....no problem.

The only other tip I may have is that you somewhat blamed yourself for your girlfriend and you breaking up...don't do that. Of course you want to be the best person you can be, but it already sounds like you are self-aware, so it is probably just a case of you were not compatible, that's why they call it dating, no hard feelings or blame are necessary.

 

[Sasha]

in that last thread of yours!

RIGHT HERE!!:...
EvilMe552: I hate having this conversation, I hate you, I hate what happened, I hate how I feel around you, I hate how you make me feel..
EvilMe552: but what I hate most of all is that I can't live without you
....

^^^ RIGHT THERE!!! I stopped reading there!!

Do you know why? Beacouse I know now that you never will get this girl back. NO WAY!!

you just don't go saying to a girl that dumped your azz that you can't live without her!

You blow it! Go find somebody else. Cuz this chick!, she ain't comming back. You're too much of a "nice guy". Didn't you notice on that IM that you talkt 5 times as much as she? WTF is that all about? I know you like her but haven't you learned a thing from sosuave.net? NEVER SHOW A GIRL THAT YOU LIKE HER! Too much attension IS NOT A GOOD THING! Man you need to start changing! Real fast!

And as far as for "crappy punk bands" :woo: :woo: :woo:

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by nishbuk
I know I'm going to get "STFU NOOB" for this,

This is not a warcraft 3 forum. We're a little more mature than that usually.

 

[Black_Italian]

ill try to be nice......

You can’t seem to forget about her huh? You can’t seem to forget oh poor fu*king you. Use your fu*king head man. How about this here’s a novel idea stop calling her, stop msging her, don’t invite her to parties and don’t talk to her on IM anymore. You keep contact with her and you wonder why you still care about her. Now you’re inviting her to a party and deluding yourself into believing she wants to get back with you.

Now DONT try to defend your self in your reply to me just shut the fu*k up and listen. These are the facts:

- This girl doesn’t like you because your a pus*y. (and t0 this day you haven’t changed much)

- This girl will never get back with you. You literally begged her to come back. After all that she won’t come back to you.

- You don’t want to let her go. As much as you say you do IT IS OBVIOUS YOU DONT.

- You are hanging on to the false hope that she will realize her love for you and she will get back with you.

-When she said she still loved you and you hold a place in her heart SHE LIED. She could care less for you. You’re like that little stray dog that hangs around and people always throw him scraps because they pity him but none really loves him.

That being said my advice to you is to break of all contact with her. Then learn how to pickup new women (your lies about "getting your shag on" don’t fool me for a second). In time you will forget.


Ninja out

 

[NewMan]

BUT, why after all this time (she broke up with me august of last year) do I still give a FVCK! She wasn't a great person; at least not to me. Every fiber of my being screams, "you stupid azzhole how could you still care about someone like this?"

You care and still care because of several reasons.

1) you were an AFC

2) You allowed her to get to you emotionally. You opened yourself up in the relationship with her.

#2 above is a huge one. This will be the one woman (I hope for your sake) that you will give this power to. You should always hold something back, something in reserve - you should never roll on your back and present your soft underbelly to a woman.

The only thing you can do from here is TO CUT OFF ALL CONTACT.

She is your achilles heel. Now uninvite her to your party.

 

[bud1971]

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention to cut off all contact...I agree 200% with the above posters.

Another nice break up tactic is to have sex with her friends and this is super easy because they already know you. Just be very kind about your ex behind her back. Something along the lines of " Jane is a great girl, and I appreciate the time we spent together, but we just grew apart, I wish her the best" That way they know that when they screw you over, you won't talk bad about them behind their back.

 

[frivolousz21]

well....


the problem is that u care....

if you really changed you would of let go of the emotional attachment completely and moved on.

but you didnt.

that would of been the only way you could of changed her towards you..and then you would have to get those feelings back.

let this go and move on.

 

[Lost In Translation]

big dizzle
The real question is this: Why after a whole year of getting my shag on with other women, barely speaking a word to her, Why oh why do I care about her as much as I did the day she walked out of my life.

yes that is the real question

now here is the real answer

you were a pu$$y

AS A MAN YOU SUPPOSED TO BURN BRIDGES

some chick plays you and dumps you

BURN THE BRIDGE


no phone calls

no text messages

no christmas cards

no party invites

NO MORE CONTACT

NewMan
The only thing you can do from here is TO CUT OFF ALL CONTACT.

EXACTLY !

big dizzle you have oneitis

you can lay the whole " but i date other women " on thick BUT

there is only ONE woman you dream about at night in your sleep

you need to reach inside your heart and find that love for this woman PULL IT FROM YOUR CHEST AND KILL IT !

have no illusions she is the wolf and you are the sheep


all the best


Lost In Translation

**AUSTRALIAN STREET PIMP**

 

[nishbuk]

Originally posted by Sasha
in that last thread of yours!

RIGHT HERE!!:...
EvilMe552: I hate having this conversation, I hate you, I hate what happened, I hate how I feel around you, I hate how you make me feel..
EvilMe552: but what I hate most of all is that I can't live without you
....

^^^ RIGHT THERE!!! I stopped reading there!!

Do you know why? Beacouse I know now that you never will get this girl back. NO WAY!!

you just don't go saying to a girl that dumped your azz that you can't live without her!

Oh wow. I didn't know that. Remember my post was based on the stipulation that you have *really* moved on, and that you don't feel for her. Dude, If I was even THINKING about ever getting back with a girl, I would cut off all contact of any sort, which shows STRENGTH, then move on with my life, and truly meet other chicks. Then down the road, if I FEEL like it, and I have truly moved on, I may call her again for a fling. But this is assuming it's years after, and I've had no real contact with her, and I haven't said things like you have said!!
You can't make any girl want you by telling them things like that!! It doesn't work!

Originally posted by TilltheEndofTime
This is not a warcraft 3 forum. We're a little more mature than that usually.

Thanks.

 

[big dizzle]

Sasha,
That AIM conversation was my AFC days. Like I said I'm no smooth pimp now but I don't say **** like that anymore. Since that conversation we spoke maybe 5 times.

Nish,
That aim conversation is pretty old. This didn't happen recently. How much did all of you change over 6 months of reading this site? I changed a **** load. Namely I came to the realization the damage the nice guy in me was doing.

Black Italian Ill take your advice for what it is worth. Don't give me advice if your not going to believe what I say. I'm here and asking you guys for your help bc I believe most of you have the wisdom to give me helpfull advice. If your going to tell me that I wasn't getting my shag on and that I'm a liar then don't respond. By me lying to all of you abuot anything in this situation won't help me and won't help you to help me.

Lost in Translation,
Thanks I believe your right. As a kid I always had to learn the hard way and never listened to my pops. I'm not trying to say I won't listen to your advice I'm just saying sometimes people need to learn the hard way. Burn your hand on hot pan and you will never get burned again.

Bud,
I know what you mean about using anger for constructive things. I'm pretty far gone from the angry state bc of her though. I was angry 9 months ago. Now I'm just trying to figure out myself. As for getting in shape I'm in pretty good shape. 6'3" and 200lbs at 9%bf. I work out regularly provided I have the money and time.

And to everyone who said I'm still a AFC I have this to say, Just bc I still have feelings for her doesn't mean I'm an AFC! To me a DJ is someone who is constantly working on self improvement, is smooth, caring, and can get the women he wants. Putting his own well being as #1 is good but it is still a good thing to care for others. To many people here always are screaming, NEXT, FVCK that Ho*, and all these other things. Too many people are giving off the idea that you need to be an emotionless person who can get any girl and forget about her in a second. Sorry, that won't be me. At least not with girls I had a long relationship with. I can forget about the girl who didn't return my first call. I can forget about the girl who didn't, "do it for me" on the first night out. I'm having trouble forgetting about the only girl I ever said I loved and everyone screams idiot and AFC. Oh, and I don't love her anymore I just wanted to put my situation in a better context.

Dizz

 

[Black_Italian]

Cutt off all contact like i said. I belive i was the first to say it to.

She doesn't want to get back with you.

Ninja out

 

[big dizzle]

Black Italian how can you make the assumption that she without a doubt wouldn't want to get back together with me? To give me a absolute truth like that is just asidnine. I'm not trying to lash out at you at all. Every thing you previously said I only took as constructive criticism. Like I said I took your advice for what it was worth.

Dizz

 

[Black_Italian]

Hahahahaha how you acted that day in the IM you killed any possible hint of sexual attraction she could/will ever have for you.

Stop deluding your self. If you want to move on you need to get her out of your life. It’s simple.

As for me saying you lie. You never said that you’re not an AFC anymore. I assumed the IM conversation happened 3 months ago when you posted it and if it did I doubt that in those 3 months you “got your shag on” much. That would entail going from hardcore AFC to DJ in 3 months and if so you are a giant step ahead of half the guys here who have been at it 1 year and are still not doing as good as you claim you are. But if that IM convo is older then your story is believable.

Anyway get rid of everything that reminds you of her. Old IM convos he phone number cut off al contact. Then you will forget about her in time. If you want to continue deluding yourself believing she will want you back then you will never forget about her.

You’re a fu*king man get some balls and move on because right now you sound like a lil whiny bit*h.

Ninja out

 

[wjh]

Damn. I feel you Dizz. This type of sh*t isn't cool though, Black Italian is right. You have to grab your balls and be a man about it. You have no choice.

 

[nishbuk]

Well man, I'm not going to tell you what to do...but it sounds like you still have feelings for her, and I don't think that's a good way to start this.

Listen, it's NEVER going to be how it was between you two in the past after a breakup. Unless you have totally, and utterly cut off all contact, and you have both matured significantly into other people. I think that you'll know if SHE thinks that, if she gives you physical signals, and might start saying, "You're just totally different than before". Or, "You're not the same guy I was dating before!". (Good things).

But man...judging from what you are saying and how you are acting, I think this is a bad idea. I don't think that you will beable to keep your emotional attachment away. You're going to get attached, and you might fall for her (Hell, if I got back with my recent ex I certainly would...that's why it's a bad idea), and worse, because she's an ex, you're probably going to get burned again.

From all of the relationships that I've observed I've learned one thing:
You will only beable to seriously date an ex if you are both totally different people, if you broke up with her, or if you were separated by distance.
(I would say the circumstances I describe are very, very rare...)

In all other cases, and I think your situation falls into this category...Nothing serious can ever come of dating an ex...If you start to care about her (and you already do) you are going to get severely burned. Girls don't break up with guys for NO REASON. When she broke up with you, she starts to rationalize that decision, and that includes putting you in a little box in her head that says, "Not a man that is acceptable for me to date".
It is the absolute hardest thing in THE WORLD for a man to climb out of this box back into the "possible stallions" box.

And I seriously don't think that she's put you there.
You said yourself that it might take you to learn it the hard way...so be it. But please try not to fall to hard for your own sake.

 

[big dizzle]

Hey Nish I wanna start with saying how much I appreciate your advice. Secondly I agree 100% with everything you said. The chances of me giving her another chance are pretty slim. What I find hard is when I genuinely think about her and if she were to sincerely tell me she wanted to give "us" another go I would be confused. I know what I should do. I also know what my heart says to do. I'm well aware that climbing out of that "box" is going to be damn near impossible (which btw I'm not even concerned about this). All I'am concerned with is protecting my heart. Thanks for your help. I will keep you updated. Right now I'mconcentrating on not letting my "feelings" take control of my brain. I like to think logic rules in my world.. heh, at least for the most part.

Dizz

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Dizzle:

You cannot get over this girl because you won't let yourself get over her. Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo many hot girls out there, waiting for you to sweep them off their feet with your Don Juan-ness!! Go do it, go make new memories, rather than hold on to old ones.

This girl is a challenge to you, she treated you poorly, yet you say you are at fault for her breaking up with you? Fuvk that!! This byatch needs a real player to put her in line because she's getting your sympathy card again. You will always be an AFC with this particular girl as long as you stay in contact with her. I'm glad that your getting other girls and all, but you'll never be able to be "smooth" with this girl because your not letting yourself.

She's the girl that led you to find this site, and she's also the girl who's holding you back from progessing even further.



PIMP