"If someone better came along, ide leave you"

[Crissco]

I'm very curious about what happened in between. How did you respond to the first question (what are we/where's this heading), could you give us an idea on how that part of the conversation went?

First of all, I'm curious about that coz it's a standard question/situation that will happen to all of us DJ's many times in our lives. We can all benefit from hearing a "live" example of this.

Furthermore, that part of the conversation and how you acted during it, might hold great relevance with regards to what came next (the question about leaving for a better person). So how did you respond when she asked that first question and what was said between the two of you from there on until that final question came?

After she said that, I didnt say anything. I let it sink it, ive never heard that before and it hit my ego. Then I walked out of the room. Came back, told her she needed to go.

My take? I think she was playing a game to try and gain the upper hand. She wouldn't bring up the "what are we?" conversation if she just saw you as a stopgap. When girls treat a guy as a second-stringer, they act aloof. They don't talk about "where things are going."

I think her statement was said to protect her ego. I'm not sure how you responded when she asked where things were going, but I'm thinking you might've called it something along the lines of FWB, which would indicate that you don't view her as relationship material. Her response was too pointed to be a true display of disinterest. Furthermore, you say her actions before all this were consistent with those of a high interest woman.

You still behaved appropriately, IMO. She sounds like she has some issues with trust that will likely lead her to sabotage her future relationships. If she truly wanted a relationship, she should've said as much, rather than playing the "who cares less?" game.

Again, this is all just conjecture on my part. I just think that if she really WAS stringing you along and waiting for a better deal, she wouldn't verbalize it, and she certainly wouldn't have brought it up.

She always tried to gain the upper hand, i knew that since day one, thats what i liked about her, the challenge was fun to me. We went back and fourth of who had the upper hand, and honestly it was fun playing those games. But after 7-8 months of it, i was getting tired of it, and just wanted her to be "her"

She has gigantic trust issues with men, I know that, ive broken down those walls at times, but then she put it right back up again the next time i saw her.

Its not necessarily that she was straining me along, its was more of a routine for us to hang out once a week, twice a week, bang, whatever. It just became routine for the both of us.

I know she cares about me, she knows i care about her, she even said it, I love you, but im not invlove with u, and i feel the same way.

This could of been a test I dont know here.

Again, this is all just conjecture on my part. I just think that if she really WAS stringing you along and waiting for a better deal, she wouldn't verbalize it, and she certainly wouldn't have brought it up

Elaborate a little bit more of this bro, that post really hit me

 

[Die Hard]

I'm not sure I understand you correctly.

All started when she asked what where we, and where are we headed with this.


................................................


Then she asked me if someone better came along would you leave me. I said no, then she goes "I wouldnt be able to do the same for you, sorry"

So nothing was said by either of you where I inserted the "..................."??

 

[bukowski_merit]

This woman is obviously low-self esteem. If she doesn't trust men - it's because she's been treated bad by them (perhaps even was molested) and therefore expects that. I see a lot of guys on here consistently talking about how they are with a girl who has been hurt a lot in the past (alas, most girls are extremely damaged goods these days.)

What needs to be understood is that these girls are often severly low-self esteem and therefore will not feel worthy of being treated with things that occur in "normal/healthy" relationships.

They're more comfortable feeling discomfort than feeling comfort!

So if they're in a cozy relationship (even if the guy is "alpha" it can still lack the drama neccessary), once the high they get from the first few months wears off - they will often grow bored and in return will very often create drama.

I believe that is what this girl was doing. This is an extremely awkward thing for a woman to say. As others have said - if she really feels like she'll leave you if the next best thing comes along - she gains NOTHING by telling you that before the next best thing comes along. Wait... wait... wait.... She does gain a whole lot of DRAMA!

Tears, emotional words, etc. from her.... To you..... And what does she get in return??? Coldness....

Just... like.... she's used to.

She has now created the @sshole of her dreams (maybe.)

---

Now, i would have handled it differently.

HER: "If someone better came along, i'd leave you"
Me: "Oh? Well, let's go out tonight and see if we can find him so he'll take you off my hands." (this will create drama too, but it's my own drama, and it's easier to manage.)

I realize it's unrealistic for most guys to be as unemotional as me; so... I don't think you handled it bad. The main reason i don't think you handled it bad is this girl is NOT relationship material. Fvck buddy only? Maybe.... She sounds like she likes to play head games though... Maybe "Booty calls only" would be more appropriate... Sex and only sex. "Hi" and sex and "Bye"...

So yeah, i defintely don't fault you for dropping her. You.... gave her what she wanted deep down too.

 

[Hollow.man]

Hey, at least you walked away.

Look around these message boards...About 80% of the other guys would write "My girl just said she'd leave me for something better...How can I raise her IL?"

Hahahahahaha!

Nothing lasts forever mate. If you get tied down too long you lose your edge.

 

[Sofomore]

I know you want posts sympathizing for what happened but you are a DJ and you know what you need to do.

As we all say: NEXT!

 

[Sofomore]

Also, don't get all worked up if you don't get laid for a few weeks. I just broke off a 2 year relationship and the hardest part so far is no *****. Just work on your game/hobbies.

 

[joverby]

This woman is obviously low-self esteem. If she doesn't trust men - it's because she's been treated bad by them (perhaps even was molested) and therefore expects that.

She always tried to gain the upper hand, i knew that since day one, thats what i liked about her, the challenge was fun to me. We went back and fourth of who had the upper hand, and honestly it was fun playing those games. But after 7-8 months of it, i was getting tired of it, and just wanted her to be "her"

She has gigantic trust issues with men, I know that, ive broken down those walls at times, but then she put it right back up again the next time i saw her.

I guarantee she has some type of damage like that. My EX was molested when she was young and what you described is EXACTLY the type of **** I went through. A lot of games and push / pulling. A lot of hot from cold.(Breaking down and building back walls)

I eventually got fed up because she desrespected me(in a different way) I handled it well initially but reverted to AFCisim unfortunately(trying to get her back)

Stick with your guns, buddy. You did well. Best of luck to you in the future.

 

[pdx1138]

This woman is obviously low-self esteem. If she doesn't trust men - it's because she's been treated bad by them (perhaps even was molested) and therefore expects that. I see a lot of guys on here consistently talking about how they are with a girl who has been hurt a lot in the past (alas, most girls are extremely damaged goods these days.)

What needs to be understood is that these girls are often severly low-self esteem and therefore will not feel worthy of being treated with things that occur in "normal/healthy" relationships.

They're more comfortable feeling discomfort than feeling comfort!

So if they're in a cozy relationship (even if the guy is "alpha" it can still lack the drama neccessary), once the high they get from the first few months wears off - they will often grow bored and in return will very often create drama.

Absolutely true.

Describes exactly what I went through.

The girl I was with had been molested at a very young age repeatedly and was also verbally & physically beaten by her first husband.

 

[Crissco]

You guys hit the nail on the head with the sexually abused part (Especially bukowski_merit with everything he said)

She was from 11-14 from her uncle.

I did what had to be done, its over with.

/End thread/

 

[loveshogun]

Funny part is I know thats what most girls think, but when someone verbalizes it to your face, its different.

Just like racism. Haha! Seriously though, racism's a b*tch and a half, ain't it?

Anyway, kudos on your ability to know where you are, what you're doing, what you want, and being able to change your plans on the fly when you need to.

 

[Kailex]

Hey, at least you walked away.

Look around these message boards...About 80% of the other guys would write "My girl just said she'd leave me for something better...How can I raise her IL?"

BINGO.

And that's what you must understand, Crissco.
You walked away, so in the end... what she said and what you said in regards to that question, DOESN'T MATTER, because both of you could have lied.

What DOES MATTER is how you reacted to the situation and stuck to it.

That action spoke louder than her words.

 

[Crissco]

BINGO.

And that's what you must understand, Crissco.
You walked away, so in the end... what she said and what you said in regards to that question, DOESN'T MATTER, because both of you could have lied.

What DOES MATTER is how you reacted to the situation and stuck to it.

That action spoke louder than her words.

Exactly. Its done with, over with

 

[DonGorgon]

Her - "what are we"...

You - "we have a wonderful close connection that transcends labels and limits.. we get along great and have lots of fun .. its perfect.."

 

[Crissco]

Her - "what are we"...

You - "we have a wonderful close connection that transcends labels and limits.. we get along great and have lots of fun .. its perfect.."

Ha ha..Thats pretty good, gotta remember that for the next girl.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

Then she asked me if someone better came along would you leave me. I said no, then she goes "I wouldnt be able to do the same for you, sorry"

My intuition tells me this is a sh*t test. Actually a double sh*t test. The first one is the question itself, which you should have either not answered or jokingly said something along the lines of, "Of course I would! Who wouldn't?" I strongly believe that she said she wouldn't be able to do the same for you just to see your reaction. You did well though, you actually set a boundary, despite losing your cool. You could have handled it better, but now she knows that if she tries something like that again, she will be punished.

 

[Crissco]

My intuition tells me this is a sh*t test. Actually a double sh*t test. The first one is the question itself, which you should have either not answered or jokingly said something along the lines of, "Of course I would! Who wouldn't?" I strongly believe that she said she wouldn't be able to do the same for you just to see your reaction. You did well though, you actually set a boundary, despite losing your cool. You could have handled it better, but now she knows that if she tries something like that again, she will be punished.

Im done with her bro. Despite her still testing me and her wanting to date me and appolgizeing over and over



She said this. She did it out of fear and doesnt want to be hurt by me again(I ended it once because it wasnt working out and it hurt it(Didnt know that untill now)

Shes just a mind f*ck, and i cant stand that anymore.

 

[Crissco]

She just texted me this: I gave u a second chance after u hurt me...look past ur anger and please realize what im trying to say to u.


LMAO...Talk about trying to manipulate me back

 

[Crissco]

Update: Im playing the Fox Return game with her.

Me: What you did was really disrispectfull and I will never tollerate it again, I will only take u back if you do something really nice for me to prove you love me.

Her:What, I thought my word was good enough

Me: I judge by actions not words

Her: Im putting my heart out there, please dont break it.

Her: What do u want me to do

Me; Make me a gift, hand made that shows how much you care.

Then, I called it off again saying good byeush:

She said no im making the gift, and if ur playing a game and burn it shell never forgive me...lmao

i told her im going out and text me when i get back(Not gonna text her untill she texts me)

 

[Z Man]

Crissco, I thought you were done with her? Now you are demanding a home made gift from her?

What if she actually goes through with it and makes you something?

( I had an argument with my ex gf and she wanted to apologize and she made me Heart-shaped notes and taped them to my car while I was in class. I knew they were from her because the spelling was atrocious LOL!)

I can understand you still have emotions built up about this girl, and that she has played mind games with you in the past, but it sounds like you are playing mind games back to her now.

If she makes you a gift and you reject it, it will destroy what little of her is left.

Be the better person and just stick to your plan of walking away..

 

[Crissco]

Crissco, I thought you were done with her? Now you are demanding a home made gift from her?

What if she actually goes through with it and makes you something?

( I had an argument with my ex gf and she wanted to apologize and she made me Heart-shaped notes and taped them to my car while I was in class. I knew they were from her because the spelling was atrocious LOL!)

I can understand you still have emotions built up about this girl, and that she has played mind games with you in the past, but it sounds like you are playing mind games back to her now.

If she makes you a gift and you reject it, it will destroy what little of her is left.

Be the better person and just stick to your plan of walking away..

I know I thought that too after I said what i said, i was still pissed off i felt like I needed to get her back, im going to text her today and tell her , yet again it wont work out.


Just have to figure out a way to word this now