If she is lustfully staring at other men or flirting.

[mrskinnypantz]

There's a big different between a "glace" for situational awareness and the "look" a girl gives when she's checking a dude out. Trust your gut. If your gut is telling you she's being an eye-slvt then trust it. Your gut has evolved to protect you from being cucked.

Like that

and it’s cool, she only gets to embarrass me like that once then she goes to booty call status bro

but keep it real bros if you know you’re prone to catching feelings go ahead and cut her off

 

[mrskinnypantz]

Why reward her with booty-call status? My d1ck is very precious meat from God.

Only chicks who behave themselves and show respect get to be my booty call ;-)

Lmao! Like that? Okay I ain’t made At you

 

[metalwater]

this is just more female manipulation and shaming tactics , you wanna give me a jealousy test and stare at other men while we’re out then if I say something, I’m “insecure”
So I got it, I will not say anything. I just know not to ever take you seriously, or take you out.
It’s totally fine if you wanna check out other guys but I don’t have to watch you do it

what you describe as a solution, is another way to manage the environment.

 

[metalwater]

There is no shaming or manipulation in what I said at all. I’m simply pointing out that you are assigning intent to someone else’s thinking.

I do not assign intent to your thinking. I cannot read your mind. Likewise you cannot read my mind, nor can you read her mind.

This is why your presumptions are creating your issues. Nobody appreciates someone assuming their thoughts. Such assumptions are usually incorrect and arise from your own internal dialogue, which has nothing to do with her and everything to do with you.

Insulting me and assigning intent to my thoughts is pointless. But it demonstrates further that really the problem here arises within you…not her.

usually, there is more about it. a glance is normal. a look and long look with the vibe are not. we can not read the mind, but the vibe can be decoded. if in doubt it can be further decoded by considering the behavior of the target guy. with a view of both and a little bit of understanding (that is missing in blue pill guys and if anything just comes as a gut feeling) it is usually very clear. no need to read minds. to be clear, the whole thing can occur in less than a minute...

You're right that a look is ok. more than that is not ok. tell me, what are the possible reasons for an eye lock between a woman and a man?

doesn't bother me as much as it used to... what it does now moves my interest in the girl down or up depending on this. this topic is actually one of the biggest deals aside from overt loyalty that tells good vs bad situations. I don't tolerate it from the men. you would be surprised at how the girl stops all that when the men don't respond. then the woman stops, and the issue is gone.

some women think that it is ok to have a separate social life with other men, within separate compartments of their mind when they are committed to one. it is not ok because she has only one body and the man she commits to thinks it is for him. some guys will tell that it is ok and doesn't bother them. some will even tell that it's healthy and go along with it. that's all player bull to manage the girl or try to. every guy prefers the girl to be single-focused on her male interest.

 

[metalwater]

I agree with you. But not everyone is nuanced enough to understand the difference. It’s a calibration thing. Not everyone is well calibrated.

For example, one night I was out with my exBF. Some Latin guy was staring at me all night from way across the club. I had no idea at all until my exBF got angry at me because some other man was staring at me…I was like WTF? I’m sitting here next to you, engaged in conversation with you & your friend & I have no idea what some other dude is doing or looking at nor does that have anything to do with me. But he got angry initially at me…because of HIS insecurities (reasons among others why I left him, by the way) and his drama/crazy making…

So I’ve seen this firsthand. It comes off very insecure/immature.

sort of a diff spot for your guy in that. it had everything to do with you as you are the focus in that time.

- Latin guy is making it clear to your date that he is checking you out AND will continue to do so. This is a direct challenge to the man with you. If your guy started btching at you, thats not good. If he simply commented to you about it and asked if you know the guy that's ok. Now a look is fine, but a prolonged stare for an hour while knowing that your date is noticed is looking for trouble.

- From what I have seen experienced women usually know that someone across the room is checking them out. They do one of two things based on that. One, try to fix self posture and start getting more animated to be more entertaining for them and perhpas find a reason to stand up, bend over, and so on. Or two, direct that same effort I just described into the focus of the person they are with, essentially shutting out the channel of the outsider. In that case, the outsider will stop. Nothing in either choice is something we can really describe. It all happens on a vibe. Seen many women do number one and then insist that they did nothing wrong. Technically they did nothing wrong, but all three, they, the outsider and the date know what she did. It's a double-bind that the girl does and is seemingly innocent. It definitely puts pressure on the date, the other guy doing it knows and in some situations can end up with the girl. The date may or may not get it, best to deal with it politely but direct. Much better that the girl deals with it but alas some just will not because they are sure they do nothing wrong while forcing the date into a double bind. Watching the date squirm makes them lose attraction.

 

[Indiveber]

they are obvious and they don’t care, I’ve been there too they will stare into guys eyes, they will drop hands, position themselves closer to the guy they are attracted to.
its a small gesture , but it weighs alot
I guess that’s where the saying “it’s the little things that count” come from

What does it mean if they do the opposite? I've noticed that girls will grab the guy they're with when they see me walking past. Even if I never look directly at her, I just look straight ahead, but I can see her movements in my peripherals. In all the cases I've noticed it, the guy has always been short and scrawny, fat, or skinny-fat. Also, the guy is typically black, hispanic, asian, etc and the girl is typically white.
(For reference, I'm White, 6'1" barefoot, 195 lbs shredded)

At that point, I will sometimes glance at her face, and she usually has a forced smile, or look of accepted complacency on her face. As if she's trying to get my attention. I interpret it as her being in the luteal phase and thus favoring the safe beta. Or possibly she is trying to say, "I don't care who you are, if you're White, I reject you!" (She's literally with him just so she can "virtue signal")

 

[BeExcellent]

I agree with you @metalwater and I consider myself extremely socially aware and extremely calibrated. Additionally my ex husband was the owner of a top nightclub in an internationally well known night life city and I’ve been around and enjoyed night life (and observed night game) for literally decades. I’m also a woman who routinely turns heads and really the fact is that as a woman who turns heads most men become invisible. I notice very very few men. I’m known for my loyalty and being into my guy to the exclusion of other men whilst still remaining socially engaging and gregarious but drawing strong boundaries (important if a man mistakes politeness or social interaction for interest).

Some men are obtuse and aggressive to the point of being arrogant, narcissistic and boorish, failing to respect boundaries. I can be quite pointed and harsh with men like that but I do not start out that way. I will say directly “I told you I have a boyfriend. Furthermore I am not interested in you. I have been kind and direct about that. I’d prefer not to be rude but I will be if that’s all you comprehend…”. That usually gets the uncalibrated over aggressive types to knock it off. They get pissed since in their mind they are Gods gift to women, and they hate the rejection/appearance of rejection and they do not typically get rejected. So I understand the varying degrees of sub communication innately. But not everyone does. Even I cannot possibly keep track of all men who might stare at me as I go about my business. That’s the landscape I occupy and have occupied for many years.

I explain all that not so much for your sake but for others who may not realize my frame of reference.

It’s also a different deal if you are not exclusively dating, especially if she has indicated that she wishes to be exclusive. I almost laughed when I read @Pan87 relating the level of commitment he appears to expect from a woman irrespective of his commitment level toward her.

No highly sought after potential partner (man or woman) is going to commit without reciprocal commitment/exclusivity. So if that’s the advice? Fine. Date the low quality women and have them devoted, but the highly sought after women everybody wants aren’t going to put up with that for any length of time before they drop you cold.

Highly sought after people have too many options and can drop BS and move on with breathtaking speed.

Many people project their own insecurities onto the people they are with. I agree that “in set” experienced and socially adroit people read others well but still you really do not know. People watching in itself is interesting and some people are interesting to observe. Now. If I’m people watching I’ll point that out to my partner (and so will he), but it is the OP’s assignment of intent (“lustfully staring”) that is the giveaway in the OP’s initial post. Everything else is posturing IMO.

 

[mrskinnypantz]

No highly sought after potential partner (man or woman) is going to commit without reciprocal commitment/exclusivity. So if that’s the advice? Fine. Date the low quality women and have them devoted, but the highly sought after women everybody wants aren’t going to put up with that for any length of time before they drop you

Highly sought after people have too many options and can drop BS and move on with breathtaking speed.

None of this has anything to do with my post and is completely off topic.
Miss excellent , thanks for your input but
I think we will just have to agree to disagree on this one.
Most of your advice on here is usually solid
But you are way off topic here

 

[Clamslammer]

The OP is assuming things. That is my entire point. My exBF assumed things incorrectly. That issue rested with my exBF, obviously. The OP has decided he knows what someone else is thinking. He too is making assumptions. The assumptions is the issue which is the root cause in both situations.

It not the same situation but it is the same root cause.

The giveaway phrase from the OP is the assertion that she is “lustfully staring”. That is his assumption and perception and is entirely independent of whatever her actual thoughts are (which he cannot know or ascertain).

If the chick is interested in some other guy (and low interest in him) then that will be evident in her actions and he should dismiss for low interest as I stated before. But it is unwise to assign his own perceptions as being her thoughts. THAT is projection.

But socially uncalibrated people do this all the time.

@BeExcellent you are usually good with your posts and comments and I usually agree with them but I have to disagree with you on this and agree with OP on this. I don't think OP is insecure.

First if a girl is attractive she is going to get a lot of looks and attraction which is normal and the guy better be secure with himself to deal with this or he should be dating a whale. Also the girl better be rejecting those advances if she is in a relationship out of respect.

OPs post basically stated that if the guy is in a relationship with a girl and the girl is eye f'ing other guys that's a red flag and is a sign of disrespect which I agree. Clearly the girl is going to find other guys attractive which is normal but there is a difference between glancing at a guy and eye f'ing a guy with desire (@BeExcellent you know the difference especially if you are attractive).

I get these kinds of looks of desire from girls myself when they are with their bfs and husbands and I find it disrespectful to their significant other. My thinking when this happens to me is man she must have settled for that guy because a girl that did not settle and who had desire for the guy she is with will not look at another guy like that.

I have friends wives who look at their husband with that desire but do not look at me with that desire even though they have told me that I am handsome because she respects her husband and knows how to control herself.

Summary for the guys: If a girl you are with is eye f'ing other dudes she does not desire and respect you. Move on and find a girl that does.

 

[BeExcellent]

Appreciate it guys, known chest thumpers aside. Was responding to metal water. We all have to check our own behavior. My point is to avoid assumptions. Assumptions can get you into trouble. If we disagree on the finer points that is to be expected because there are differing views on what is allowable & acceptable. Age, experience, relationship status, level of self assuredness, self awareness and maturity all contribute to one’s perspective.

This is a subjective area and relies on accurate interpretation of another person’s behavior; and further variables that cannot be known. We cannot know another’s thoughts. We also cannot know the constructs within interactions outside ourselves, level of inebriation in some environments, etc.

Hell. Some people are in open relationships of some sort for example. Very different dynamics therein, lol. You can’t tell those things by observation any more than you can read someone else’s thought process.

I’ve never been accused of eyeing another guy myself but this is a topic that comes up. Interestingly enough the more confident a man is the less he notices or cares about this issue. It is easy to come off insecure & butthurt by reacting when there is nothing going on. Amused mastery suggests that you simply apply Silence & Distance if you percieve an issue. But realize we are all subject to our perceptions, which are the subjective reality in which each of us functions. If you are drunk as an example, you tend as a rule to be more prone to misconstrue someone else’s behavior or motivations. Bouncers expel people from clubs for reasons arising from misperceptions everywhere all the time.

Realize that & be aware of it. Assigning intent to somebody else’s thoughts is subjective and you could be in error.

So examine your own assumptions. Ask how those assumptions are working for you & calibrate accordingly.

I think it is always a mistake to assume you know someone else’s thoughts.

That has nothing to do with me being female either, lol.

 

[metalwater]

@BeExcellent you are usually good with your posts and comments and I usually agree with them but I have to disagree with you on this and agree with OP on this. I don't think OP is insecure.

First if a girl is attractive she is going to get a lot of looks and attraction which is normal and the guy better be secure with himself to deal with this or he should be dating a whale. Also the girl better be rejecting those advances if she is in a relationship out of respect.

OPs post basically stated that if the guy is in a relationship with a girl and the girl is eye f'ing other guys that's a red flag and is a sign of disrespect which I agree. Clearly the girl is going to find other guys attractive which is normal but there is a difference between glancing at a guy and eye f'ing a guy with desire (@BeExcellent you know the difference especially if you are attractive).

I get these kinds of looks of desire from girls myself when they are with their bfs and husbands and I find it disrespectful to their significant other. My thinking when this happens to me is man she must have settled for that guy because a girl that did not settle and who had desire for the guy she is with will not look at another guy like that.

I have friends wives who look at their husband with that desire but do not look at me with that desire even though they have told me that I am handsome because she respects her husband and knows how to control herself.

Summary for the guys: If a girl you are with is eye f'ing other dudes she does not desire and respect you. Move on and find a girl that does.

gospel, best post on this topic.

 

[mrskinnypantz]

What does it mean if they do the opposite? I've noticed that girls will grab the guy they're with when they see me walking past. Even if I never look directly at her, I just look straight ahead, but I can see her movements in my peripherals. In all the cases I've noticed it, the guy has always been short and scrawny, fat, or skinny-fat. Also, the guy is typically black, hispanic, asian, etc and the girl is typically white.
(For reference, I'm White, 6'1" barefoot, 195 lbs shredded)

At that point, I will sometimes glance at her face, and she usually has a forced smile, or look of accepted complacency on her face. As if she's trying to get my attention. I interpret it as her being in the luteal phase and thus favoring the safe beta. Or possibly she is trying to say, "I don't care who you are, if you're White, I reject you!" (She's literally with him just so she can "virtue signal")

Forced look of complacency?
ouu idk,that doesn’t sound too good.
But if you’re tall,shredded and white there’s plenty of white pvssy for you
I wouldn’t worry too much about it
Let the short ,scrawny minorities have theirs, there’s more than enough to go around.
atleast she’s acting interested in her BF , and there’s somewhat of a chance if they fix their physique, or whatever else needs work.

 

[metalwater]

Some men are obtuse and aggressive to the point of being arrogant, narcissistic and boorish, failing to respect boundaries. I can be quite pointed and harsh with men like that but I do not start out that way. I will say directly “I told you I have a boyfriend. Furthermore I am not interested in you. I have been kind and direct about that. I’d prefer not to be rude but I will be if that’s all you comprehend…”. That usually gets the uncalibrated over aggressive types to knock it off. They get pissed since in their mind they are Gods gift to women, and they hate the rejection/appearance of rejection and they do not typically get rejected. So I understand the varying degrees of sub communication innately. But not everyone does. Even I cannot possibly keep track of all men who might stare at me as I go about my business. That’s the landscape I occupy and have occupied for many years.

I explain all that not so much for your sake but for others who may not realize my frame of reference.

+1 for you if you actually do that. it's not only the obtuse and aggressively arrogant ones but also the charming ones that you would probably like. In fact even more about the ones that you would choose if alone.

a clear rejection of someone you would reject anyway is good, but the real deal is rejecting someone you would otherwise choose. your date knows the difference and if not knowing it comes across as a gut feeling to him.

 

[DonJuanjr]

she has only one body and the man she commits to thinks it is for him.

That's his fault for thinking HER body is his. She isn't his slave. Society already agreed that a woman's body is hers. If he is ignorant of female nature, then that's on him.

 

[metalwater]

That's his fault for thinking HER body is his. She isn't his slave. Society already agreed that a woman's body is hers. If he is ignorant of female nature, then that's on him.

nope, it is on the intruder. the one that does know female nature. he knows that another has a contract with her. he knows what she is and he knows what her committed partner is. the intruder has added a huge layer of bad karma to himself and possibly destroying an entire family all for getting another nut. really really bad person, selfish and greedy to the extreme.

we differ on this topic is a guess. That's fine, usually, younger guys have your side of the debate, and almost unanimously with only a few exceptions older dudes will have mine. I am more extreme and it sounds like your extreme the other way.

regardless of who is right, the last one standing will tell the story.

definitely an interesting philosophical point to debate.

we agree women don't have much integrity; eh..?

If you got into bed with someone else woman, it's none of my business. If it was mine, it would be my business. As general advice that you're not asking for.. this is one topic that can get you into a situation that you can't get out of. you can be dead right, and that is just being dead; right ?

on your side of the debate, not that many men will actually take action if you can get away or hide it for a while. many will if they actually catch you in the act. but only a few have the tenacity and balls to hunt you down. but it does happen. lots of much simpler puzzy to get.

imagine on your tombstone one day (hopefully when your very old already) "here rest DonJuanjr who was able to destroy thousands of families and caused so many single moms, even killed a few betas for defending their family". As a young man that sounds funny and cool perhaps. As an older man, is that what you really want.

 

[Mike32ct]

It’s normal to notice attractive people around you. It’s only disrespectful to STARE at them in front of your partner.

One time, I was on a date and the chick looked up at this tall guy (behind me) for maybe two seconds and then went back to our conversation. We dated for a while, and she was a loyal gf. She’s human; she’s gonna look sometimes. As long as she doesn’t overdo it, it’s not a big deal.

 

[BeExcellent]

+1 for you if you actually do that. it's not only the obtuse and aggressively arrogant ones but also the charming ones that you would probably like. In fact even more about the ones that you would choose if alone.

a clear rejection of someone you would reject anyway is good, but the real deal is rejecting someone you would otherwise choose. your date knows the difference and if not knowing it comes across as a gut feeling to him.

Yes. I actually do that. It’s kinda funny at times with the aggressive types. The charmers are more smooth, and more cunning. At this event this week are many fit, athletic & handsome men. They check me out. They compliment my BF about me. And they smile or wink & say Hi when I am away from him as well as when I am with him. I refused a guy buying me a drink yesterday while awaiting my guy; I always make it crystal clear that I am taken and also make it clear who I am with. One of the other guys said to my BF yesterday “You better marry that girl…” to which my BF said matter of factly: “Don’t worry; I will.” They all KNOW I am taken and that I am loyal (and yes there are some serious charmers in the group.)

This gives my guy great confidence in me; in us. It also creates respect for my BF (and for me as well) among the men who understand they cannot poach me.

It’s funny this thread this week. Rather applicable here.

Cheers

 

[Blacksheep]

Don’t say anything about it if she is just staring, enjoy the rest of the date the best you can .
And from that day on , no more goin out. She comes to your crib or you can go to hers , order in , fvck her and send her back home.
If she can’t have the class or respect to treat like a human being in public then don’t be seen with her In public.
If she is actively flirting with other men now that’s different. You will say something and it will be the last time she sees you
This sounds simple , it it is not easy if you have built an attachment

I used to suffer from those kind of situations in some datings I had.

Now, in both scenarios it wouldn't be worth keeping such energy around. I just leave... I feel a high disgust for people who behaves like that.

They are not bad also (their behavior could be bad)... Maybe they are just blind/ignorant and doesn't even respect themselves. So how to expect respect from someone like that.

 

[mrskinnypantz]

The best and only way to deal with this is to Agree and Amplify. Laugh at it.
Or
If ot bothers your ego too much that she might be getting turned on at work or some other place. Stay single just walk away.
Every relationship you have with a hottie will end the same way. Your guts on the ground and pizzed off that you pushed her away with your psyco control freak

I used to think it’s about being a control freak too like women would try to have me believe. Until I noticed women were getting pissed if they caught me staring at a girls ass .
They don’t appreciate it
so why should we be ok them doing it?
lf she is just a date well then unfortunately she can’t be taken seriously it’s a next or a casual
If it’s your LTR gf then it’s a breakup and set a healthy boundary for yourself.
“I don’t appreciate you staring at other men in my presence, I think it’s disrespectful “
Then she can either apologize and come back to you or not. She has to come back to you , At that point you shouldn’t have the problem anymore
If it’s just casual,It’s something you don’t say , you just kinda let them hang themself with it.

 

[mrskinnypantz]

It’s normal to notice attractive people around you. It’s only disrespectful to STARE at them in front of your partner.

One time, I was on a date and the chick looked up at this tall guy (behind me) for maybe two seconds and then went back to our conversation. We dated for a while, and she was a loyal gf. She’s human; she’s gonna look sometimes. As long as she doesn’t overdo it, it’s not a big deal.

Yep , I’m right here with you bro.
Also, you never lash out at a chick for getting attention, that’s something you would handle with the guy if he’s being disrespectful about it

getting attention and giving it are 2 different situations that require different measures.
If the only tool you have is a hammer, then everything looks like a nail.