If she is lustfully staring at other men or flirting.

[Barrister]

I’ve been out with a woman before that has looked another guy’s direction. That’s where it has ended. I’ve literally never experienced being out on a date and having her “stare lustfully” at another man. If this is happening you are doing something very wrong on the date or pre-date.

If that happened I would tell her it has been nice and get up and walk out. I’m not inviting her to my place in the future. I’m just calling it good. Because she is clearly low-interest and not worth pursuing.

 

[mrskinnypantz]

^like that
It shouldn’t be forced
. She should genuinely want to be with you and with you only.
She should just feel this way through how you carry yourself

 

[mrskinnypantz]

If this is happening you are doing something very wrong on the date or pre-date.

Not at all the time, sometimes it’s just a jealousy test
But it’s possible that it could be because you are doing something wrong

 

[Bokanovsky]

Advice from the old lady:

Date unattractive women who nobody notices. This will cease to be an issue.

Oh wait. You want an attractive girl? She’s had to learn to deal with (often excessive or unwanted) male attention. And you got an “F” in mindreading as well. Guys with this concern are either low value or insecure or both. You do not know what someone else is thinking.

Now. If she’s holding someone else’s hand or kissing/cuddling with someone else? This is physically observable behavior and yes you might have a point. Just understand that EVERY dude is trying to get with a hot girl. So if you find your girl hot? Guess what? So do others. I’m a gregarious person, outgoing and social. Men always want to acknowledge me and sometimes hug me to say hello (if I know them). It’s a nuanced thing to understand as a woman but women who get lots of male attention inherently must learn to manage this, because it’s going to occur (the attention).

If you’ve never dated or been around beautiful women it’s going to be an adjustment to calibrate to how she deals with the attention. You cannot reasonably expect her to be rude or ignore everyone (that’s rude and has adverse effects) or expect her to be a b itch to everyone else either.

I get approached constantly. My boyfriend understands this. This morning actually he joked with me about how many men would try and hit on me (we are attending an event for the sport in which he is semi-pro this week and so will be around lots of other participants)…I always politely shut them down nicely by saying that I’m here with BF. I’m nice but matter-of-fact about it. Everyone knows who I’m with in short order. But there are advantages conferred to my BF because he’s with a socially adroit partner as @2Rocky alludes to above. If I averted my eyes and refused to interact with anyone whatsoever that would be awkward and weird.

So be sure this isn’t your own insecure nature, OP. It’s either that or low interest on her part. And there are likely other observable signs if it’s low interest. Dismiss for low interest. Check your own insecurities if she’s into you.

My .02

There is a difference between "politely shutting down" and flirting. There is also a difference between being a "gregarious person" and an attention wh0re. You don't need to be a mind reader to understand when a woman is acting in a disrespectful manner.

 

[Bokanovsky]

or do like a friend I had in college did.

he was out with her in a festival or something, there she was staring to a guy in full army clothes, he notice, he take her to the guy, and tell him, look since she is staring at you a lot she find you pretty cute, hell I find you cute too, so here talk with each other, then he leaves,

That is an assh0le move to use a guy who has done nothing wrong to get back at his GF.

 

[mrskinnypantz]

There is a difference between "politely shutting down" and flirting. There is also a difference between being a "gregarious person" and an attention wh0re. You don't need to be a mind reader to understand when a woman is acting in a disrespectful manner.

Like that

 

[BeExcellent]

this is just more female manipulation and shaming tactics , you wanna give me a jealousy test and stare at other men while we’re out then if I say something, I’m “insecure”
So I got it, I will not say anything. I just know not to ever take you seriously, or take you out.
It’s totally fine if you wanna check out other guys but I don’t have to watch you do it

There is no shaming or manipulation in what I said at all. I’m simply pointing out that you are assigning intent to someone else’s thinking.

I do not assign intent to your thinking. I cannot read your mind. Likewise you cannot read my mind, nor can you read her mind.

This is why your presumptions are creating your issues. Nobody appreciates someone assuming their thoughts. Such assumptions are usually incorrect and arise from your own internal dialogue, which has nothing to do with her and everything to do with you.

Insulting me and assigning intent to my thoughts is pointless. But it demonstrates further that really the problem here arises within you…not her.

 

[BeExcellent]

There is a difference between "politely shutting down" and flirting. There is also a difference between being a "gregarious person" and an attention wh0re. You don't need to be a mind reader to understand when a woman is acting in a disrespectful manner.

I agree with you. But not everyone is nuanced enough to understand the difference. It’s a calibration thing. Not everyone is well calibrated.

For example, one night I was out with my exBF. Some Latin guy was staring at me all night from way across the club. I had no idea at all until my exBF got angry at me because some other man was staring at me…I was like WTF? I’m sitting here next to you, engaged in conversation with you & your friend & I have no idea what some other dude is doing or looking at nor does that have anything to do with me. But he got angry initially at me…because of HIS insecurities (reasons among others why I left him, by the way) and his drama/crazy making…

So I’ve seen this firsthand. It comes off very insecure/immature.

 

[mrskinnypantz]

There is no shaming or manipulation in what I said at all. I’m simply pointing out that you are assigning intent to someone else’s thinking.

I do not assign intent to your thinking. I cannot read your mind. Likewise you cannot read my mind, nor can you read her mind.

This is why your presumptions are creating your issues. Nobody appreciates someone assuming their thoughts. Such assumptions are usually incorrect and arise from your own internal dialogue, which has nothing to do with her and everything to do with you.

Insulting me and assigning intent to my thoughts is pointless. But it demonstrates further that really the problem here arises within you…not her.

I don’t understand
He is just saying what I have been saying this whole time ?

 

[Bokanovsky]

I agree with you. But not everyone is nuanced enough to understand the difference. It’s a calibration thing. Not everyone is well calibrated.

For example, one night I was out with my exBF. Some Latin guy was staring at me all night from way across the club. I had no idea at all until my exBF got angry at me because some other man was staring at me…I was like WTF? I’m sitting here next to you, engaged in conversation with you & your friend & I have no idea what some other dude is doing or looking at nor does that have anything to do with me. But he got angry initially at me…because of HIS insecurities (reasons among others why I left him, by the way) and his drama/crazy making…

So I’ve seen this firsthand. It comes off very insecure/immature.

This has nothing to do with the situation the OP is describing though.

 

[BeExcellent]

This has nothing to do with the situation the OP is describing though.

It does in the sense that my exBF was assigning fault to me for something completely outside my control. OP is assigning intent to someone else’s thinking, which is the same sort of thing.

Perception is reality. His perception is at issue here. That’s my point.

 

[Bokanovsky]

It does in the sense that my exBF was assigning fault to me for something completely outside my control. OP is assigning intent to someone else’s thinking, which is the same sort of thing.

Perception is reality. His perception is at issue here. That’s my point.

He's talking about a woman staring at or flirting with another man. You are taking about a woman being stared at (without reciprocation). Do you really not understand the difference between those two scenarios or are you just arguing for argument's sake?

 

[mrskinnypantz]

It does in the sense that my exBF was assigning fault to me for something completely outside my control. OP is assigning intent to someone else’s thinking, which is the same sort of thing.

Perception is reality. His perception is at issue here. That’s my point.

You’re projecting.
This is not the same scenario.
Your ex BF should have confronted the guy ,not you.
if it would have been you staring at the guy all night then he should confront you , that’s calibration.
He didn’t have to yell either or get mad, he could have related to you like an adult in a calm fashion.

 

[BeExcellent]

He's talking about a woman staring at or flirting with another man. You are taking about a woman being stared at (without reciprocation). Do you really not understand the difference between those two scenarios or are you just arguing for argument's sake?

The OP is assuming things. That is my entire point. My exBF assumed things incorrectly. That issue rested with my exBF, obviously. The OP has decided he knows what someone else is thinking. He too is making assumptions. The assumptions is the issue which is the root cause in both situations.

It not the same situation but it is the same root cause.

The giveaway phrase from the OP is the assertion that she is “lustfully staring”. That is his assumption and perception and is entirely independent of whatever her actual thoughts are (which he cannot know or ascertain).

If the chick is interested in some other guy (and low interest in him) then that will be evident in her actions and he should dismiss for low interest as I stated before. But it is unwise to assign his own perceptions as being her thoughts. THAT is projection.

But socially uncalibrated people do this all the time.

 

[Bokanovsky]

The OP is assuming things. That is my entire point. My exBF assumed things incorrectly. That issue rested with my exBF, obviously. The OP has decided he knows what someone else is thinking. He too is making assumptions. The assumptions is the issue which is the root cause in both situations.

It not the same situation but it is the same root cause.

The giveaway phrase from the OP is the assertion that she is “lustfully staring”. That is his assumption and perception and is entirely independent of whatever her actual thoughts are (which he cannot know or ascertain).

If the chick is interested in some other guy (and low interest in him) then that will be evident in her actions and he should dismiss for low interest as I stated before. But it is unwise to assign his own perceptions as being her thoughts. THAT is projection.

But socially uncalibrated people do this all the time.

BeExcellent, your posts are interesting to read because they illustrate what men instinctively know about women.

1. Women like to argue. About everything.

2. Women like to use pop psychology phrases like "socially calibrated" and "social intelligence".

3. Women are incapable of analyzing events from a detached, third person observer perspective. They can only think in terms of how things relate to them personally. The OP's post had nothing to do with you or your jealous ex. Yet you somehow made it about you and your jealous ex...

 

[Bingo-Player]

Advice from the old lady:

Date unattractive women who nobody notices. This will cease to be an issue.

Oh wait. You want an attractive girl? She’s had to learn to deal with (often excessive or unwanted) male attention. And you got an “F” in mindreading as well. Guys with this concern are either low value or insecure or both. You do not know what someone else is thinking.

Now. If she’s holding someone else’s hand or kissing/cuddling with someone else? This is physically observable behavior and yes you might have a point. Just understand that EVERY dude is trying to get with a hot girl. So if you find your girl hot? Guess what? So do others. I’m a gregarious person, outgoing and social. Men always want to acknowledge me and sometimes hug me to say hello (if I know them). It’s a nuanced thing to understand as a woman but women who get lots of male attention inherently must learn to manage this, because it’s going to occur (the attention).

If you’ve never dated or been around beautiful women it’s going to be an adjustment to calibrate to how she deals with the attention. You cannot reasonably expect her to be rude or ignore everyone (that’s rude and has adverse effects) or expect her to be a b itch to everyone else either.

I get approached constantly. My boyfriend understands this. This morning actually he joked with me about how many men would try and hit on me (we are attending an event for the sport in which he is semi-pro this week and so will be around lots of other participants)…I always politely shut them down nicely by saying that I’m here with BF. I’m nice but matter-of-fact about it. Everyone knows who I’m with in short order. But there are advantages conferred to my BF because he’s with a socially adroit partner as @2Rocky alludes to above. If I averted my eyes and refused to interact with anyone whatsoever that would be awkward and weird.

So be sure this isn’t your own insecure nature, OP. It’s either that or low interest on her part. And there are likely other observable signs if it’s low interest. Dismiss for low interest. Check your own insecurities if she’s into you.

My .02

This is very good advice i don' think there is much i could add other than an example

a few weeks ago i was talking too 2 chicks in a club one HB6 and one HB 7.5

the 7.5 was telling me that HB6 had just finished with her BF because the BF was obsessive with her , wouldnt let her wear what she wanted and all the usual other insecure crap beta males do with women

I straight up told HB 7.5 i wouldn't give a fvck when she why !?!

i said

" she can do what she wants because i know i can just get another one if she leaves"

HB 7.5 went weak at the knees and gave me her number despite having a BF herself

 

[TheProspect]

1. Women like to argue. About everything.

3. Women are incapable of analyzing events from a detached, third person observer perspective.

That’s ironic, considering some of the men in this very thread are being argumentative against ideas that don’t align with their own and analyzing events from a first-person perspective.

You cannot discredit a perspective or argument just because it came from a women. Discredit it based on it’s merit, not who it came from.

Anyways, I share BeExcellent’s perspective.

A lot of this is making the distinction between a woman “lustfully staring” at another guy vs another guy briefly capturing a woman’s attention because he is attractive. As BeExcellent suggested, a man should dismiss if it’s the former (I think everyone in this thread is on the same page with this)…

However, it’s a man’s insecurities and presumptions that prevent him of making the distinction between the two, subjectively perceiving one as the other.

Newsflash:
Attractive people capture attention. If you’re dating attractive women, get used to it.

Mind-reading and assigning negative intent when your girl (or date) notices an attractive guy that’s not you is just a reflection of your own insecurities. It’s not disrespectful for another man to momentarily grab a girl’s attention.

We men without a doubt notice other attractive women when we’re out on a date with a girl — imagine the girl dismissing us after lecturing us on disrespect because we stole a quick glance lol….

There’s a difference between drooling like a dog over a girl and taking a quick peek at what peripherally caught your attention (and vice versa for women), so let’s act like it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

There is a difference between "politely shutting down" and flirting. There is also a difference between being a "gregarious person" and an attention wh0re. You don't need to be a mind reader to understand when a woman is acting in a disrespectful manner.

If her stuff just doesn't work for you, it just doesn't work for you.

 

[mrskinnypantz]

Think about this for a moment. If women looking at men is not an issue......then why do women get soooooo bad and salty when I look at other girls?

That part right there.

 

[mrskinnypantz]

I see couples all the time where the woman isn’t making it a point to stare at every other attractive guy she comes across just because she can. Not only is that rude and disrespectful, it’s also very immature.
If you happen to look up and glance ok, but I don’t have to go to Harvard to know the difference between a quick glance and a stare