If human beings need intimacy, then how can one not be desperate.

[harkkam08]

I believe that we as human beings need love, intimacy and closeness at some point in our lives. I know that rather than random hookups and sex what I'm looking for from the game is the ability to have a big pipeline of potential dates, and screen women based on the qualities I like and developing a relationship with that woman. I don't really care for pulling chicks from clubs and bars and sleeping with them the same night and never seeing them again.
But I don't judge people who like that sort of thing, to each his own I say.

My question is that in many PUA circles its often mentioned that a man should not need a woman to be happy, that a woman is a bonus to his already fulfilled life.

However in direct contradiction there is psychology and my own belief that human beings do need each other, man does need woman. That we as men do need a woman's touch to be our happiest. That to be completely happy a man does need a good woman to be part of his life.

I think for most men I can say that they'd like a beautiful nice woman to be a part of their lives is not a stretch.

Numerous studies point to people who don't have relationships with the opposite sex are often less happier and more depressed.

I do believe that we as men do need women to be our happiest.

And I resolve it with PUA advice by saying that "Men do need women, but not A particular woman"

In that wanting intimacy and a relationship from women is not a desperate thing, but chasing after one woman because you aren't spinning any plates is and is a turn off.

What do you guys think?

 

[Scars]

Not exactly true. Look at sociopaths.

While I agree, most of the population needs some level of intimacy, it is not at all imperative. You can survive without it, some people survive even BETTER without it.

The only people who "need" it are men and women who are extremely insecure, and are trying to make up for the lack of love they received while growing up.

I enjoy being single, and I like variety. People tell me I'm not "myself" when I date, and I agree. Being single is liberating. I only have to worry about myself, as I should. The only person I have to answer to is myself. I don't have to make sacrifices, and I do what I want, whenever I want.

In today's society, love is just a myth my friend. And "true" intimacy is only temporary.

What's the lesser of the evils, being lonely or going through the most excruciating emotional pain in your life? Because this is what will happen if you "fall in love". Guys who truly fall in love will slowly let their guard down, and they get crushed, completely. No, you're girlfriend is NOT special, or different. She operates under the same laws that your last ex girlfriend did.

Although I can't even really call living the life of a bachelor lonely. You will always have back-up women. You may go through a dry spell now and then, but it's only for a short while. You can also have some level of intimacy with your sexual partners, but also be smart enough to know when to drop them as soon as they try to rope you in.

"A woman wants one man to meet all of her needs..

..A man wants all women to meet his one need."

-Scars

 

[perseverance]

Do human beings need intimacy, love, relationships? I'm not so sure! I'm in my early twenties, haven't had a relationship for as long as I care to remember, haven't had sex in a while either, have never loved and yet I am happy with my life. I'm not sad, lonely or miserable, quite the opposite in fact and I am about to embark on a new adventure in my life, so I have lots to look forward too.

 

[Strelok]

Have you ever had a goal in your life?
If so you should know that intimacy like all the other things they tell you need, not only is not necessary but most of the time an annoyment.
Wheter you're a scientist getting close to the cancer cure or an atlete getting closer to a record or even a criminal preparing a heist,you dont feel that hard need for intimacy.

As scars said most of the times looking for intimacy is due to lack of it or even need for validation an self validation since from few years it seems that if you dont have a girl you're a lesser man.
Intimacy can improve you life quality but at the same time can be the first step to be miserable if something goes wrong in the long run.

 

[FairShake]

Don't listen to guys who say you don't need intimacy or women in your life. They likely don't have any.

You can live on it, but it's not the best life possible. But I don't think intimacy has to be from an HB10. It could be from a 5 and you will still find your life is infinitely better. A loving and respectful relationship just makes life so much better. Just look for a loving and respectful woman.

 

[Cherokee]

I'm in my early twenties, haven't had a relationship for as long as I care to remember, haven't had sex in a while either, have never loved and yet I am happy with my life

Early twenties being the prime optimum phrase there.

Wait until you're 60 and still in the same boat, a loving relationship might sound like a good idea then.

 

[FairShake]

But let me also say you can't be desperate to the point that you can't live WITHOUT a relationship. Alot of people are like that and they only focus on having a relationship not a loving and respectful relationship. Have some standards about how you are to be treated and the right ones will come your way.

 

[perseverance]

Early twenties being the prime optimum phrase there.

Wait until you're 60 and still in the same boat, a loving relationship might sound like a good idea then.

I have no interest in living until that age. I smoke, drink too much and I am entering the military where I will deployed to Afghanistan (if all goes well), so I'd say it is highly unlikely that I'll reach that age.

A loving relationship does appeal to me, I'd love nothing more than to meet a good quality woman and to settle down marry and raise a family, but at the moment, I am young, I am free and I have a life to live and lead. Maybe one day I will meet that woman, maybe I'll never meet her. However I will not stop enjoying life, I will not be broken by the dogma that society spouts out. I know where I want to be there and I know where I want to be and that's all that matters to me at the moment. Women are a secondary concern.

 

[Voice]

I agree with scars. I desired intimacy by far more when I was a young insecure afc. Now that I've had multiple sexual and intimate encounters, I really don't NEED them anymore. Of course the desire is still there but the satisfaction is nowhere near the level of my first intimate partner.

Why? Because I am less dependent on intimacy to make me feel good about myself. Of course I still desire sex but intimacy is something that I can go without of and still be very happy. Scars is right when he says that the more insecure you are, the more you will desire and depend on intimacy for happiness and satisfaction. Desperation is simply a mindset of scarcity. The more intimacy and sex you receive, the less scarce your mindset will be and the less importance you will put on receiving it.

 

[rocket87]

I have no interest in living until that age. I smoke, drink too much and I am entering the military where I will deployed to Afghanistan (if all goes well), so I'd say it is highly unlikely that I'll reach that age.

I really "envy" your attitude. (this is a compliment) - Not cause of that quote above, but moreso the one before it where you reference how women are secondary in your life.

You should be proud of yourself for having that kind of outlook on life. I sometimes wish I could be the same, but I have too much desire of "normalcy" (based on societal trends) in me to want a family, to live healthy & long, etc. Anyway, just thought I'd say keep up your good vibes, and if you end up in the service - thank you for fighting for our country.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

In today's society, love is just a myth my friend. And "true" intimacy is only temporary.

How can you say this only at age 21? Life has a lot of head of you man -- I hope there are people in your life who love you and whom you love in return.

To the OP;

Of course people need each other -- anyone on this forum who "doesn't need anyone" ought to ask themselves why the hell they are HERE then ASKING OTHERS FOR HELP. Clearly people need each other -- from food to clothing to everything we use on a daily basis passes through someone or something designed or created by someone...to act like we are not in need of others would be very ignorant..

But let's look at this from a lover stand-point. In my personal experience, when I "needed" by girlfriends of the past, I was clingy, desperate, likely not very self-satisfied and was operating also on fear of losing them. This sort of "need" is a heavy burden for people, it is a sucking sort of vacuum. So when PUA's say, "don't need a woman", they mean, don't let a single woman be the sole bearer of your happiness -- because if she is removed you're emotionally and mentally fvcked. Look really -- NOBODY should be the sole bearer of your happiness other than yourself. This is not always easy. But when you are happy with yourself -- reaching into life in the ways you want to -- you will be that much better for those whom need you, and better for those of whose need you require. This is not the "needy desperate" sort of way...but rather one of self-reliance. And one would question -- if they left me when I really needed them -- did they love me, really? Do those people in your life who truly love you abandon you in your dark moments?

But life brings us down man -- of course you need people at times. Everyone will need someone at some point. I dare to find anyone who has not found the help of some other to have provided for them at a time of weakness/need. HOWEVER: A lot of men on this forum (myself included) had a woman leave them when they were down or weak or dismantled or whatever. A lot of this "non-need" is saying, "ok fvck it, for the next one [in regards to women], I'll be the captain of my own ship" and staying in a mode of self-reliance.

I definitely agree having an active sex life and a growing relationship are beneficial things to the human psyche.

I have no interest in living until that age.

What if you do? What would it be like? Where would you like to be?

 

[PapiChulo]

Light- heartedness, sir! That's all you need to combat desperation.

 

[harkkam08]

Thank you for your responses guys.

So basically then its okay for me to put tons of energy and effort into getting out there and make myself a more social person because I want to find a good woman.

Its been more than 1.5 years since I've had a date and I have just sat around and didnt really do much. Im 25 btw

Its okay to say that I am going to make effort so that I meet more date able women so that I can meet a woman that Id like to pursue a relationship with.

I have many other things in my life that give me happiness, my career and my hobbies are two of the greatest sources and my personal conviction that if you're living breathing and in America you have a good life and at least put a little smile on your face.

But I also have been feeling lonely more so as the time goes by and I dont do anything to change my woman situation.

I dont care so much for sex in that I need it and I crave it, I want sex with a woman that I actually respect and admire and I dont want to have sex with random women. I did that once and it felt so pointless compared to when I was with a woman I cared about.

But my point is that I've been feeling worse and worse and more lonely as the time goes by since I havent been doing anything to make my situation better with women.

So that part of my life sticks out and really bothers me, even though the other parts of my life are going well and Ive handled them nicely.

So its not desperate to desire to improve with women, so that you can find a woman worthy of being intimate and close with emotionally and physically?

Because in my head the PUA mindset to me sounds like "Fu*K bit*ches you dont need em, Im the catch and forget the rest" or like " bit*ches aint sh*t"

I feel like its more geared toward sex and getting laid than finding a woman to have a relationship with. I was wondering that if you put lots of effort into meeting woman who qualify as relationship worthy so instead of just sex you get intimacy, love and sex that if then makes you a desperate person.

 

[Poonani Maker]

I've been dreaming a Lot lately, and I slept like 15 hours from Friday night to Saturday afternoon. Basically, I'm almost a 40 yr bastard, can still squeak out a number of lays in 2-3 more years I imagine, maybe even beyond that, who knows? Will I WANT to still be bangin a lot of chicks when I'm older and tireder? I'm already beginning to FEEL older and tireder, but I STILL want pvssy, of course. I don't think that we men ever stop wanting pvssy until we are in our late 70s, even then I question our urges to plant one in on a woman. My granddad is 88 (survived 2 wives, God rest their souls), and is Still on the make for women his age at Sunday School, my other grandmother who lost my grandfather just a couple of weeks ago, and women on out-of-town trips to casinos, old school country music shows and such). He's a very social dude for 88.

I've been doing some reflecting since getting back from my other grandfather's funeral from almost 2 weeks ago, and basically, I got to be with, in person, family I hadn't seen in 2-3 years. I got to feel who I Really love the most. Sure I love some of the girls I've banged in the past years, but it is CERTAINLY a whole different kind of love than the love I feel for my family, except for maybe 1 or 2 or 3 that I've been "intimate" with. It's an energy, And it's a love. And that energy is transferable back and forth between your genetic family, as well as your mate (who you may or may not decide to keep).

The dreams I've dreamt are spiritually, powerful, emotional. One in particular was of me Waaay back in kindergarten being told by a woman who knew me then, "I'll see you soon" while smiling at me, but as her older self today. It was very bizarre, as most dreams are, but I think educational and a stamp of approval of myself, a spiritual kindred love (whoever that woman was I have no idea, I Do remember being well-loved by most of the "cool" kids, parents, and teachers then, while other kids, I could tell were jealous and sought to "steal my crown" so-to-speak over the years - I went to the same private school k thru 12, and they succeeded to knock my crown off and self-confidence along with it for many years at about mmm, the 9th grade. That's when my self-image started going way down like a stock would get sold off would, I was in the doldrums for many years and didn't know who I was, but in 2005 I met a oneitis, a gal who clicked with me for the first time in a Long time, she was like how I was way back then, and she reminded me how I was, which in turn, resurrected the self-image and the self-confidence of/in my true kindred person I was born to be - ALIVE and not dead).

So, I look around, and I see. I know who I am. I know who I was born to be. I know the many years Lost, for sure. It's sad all those years lost, but I'm happy to hold a true image of who I really am, who I was born to be, and thankful for the mom (and the dad to an extent), God, and oneitis I was lucky to have met at the right place at the right time, who from beginning to present have breathed life into me.

It's that breathe of life that keeps us going and living a life worth living.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Maybe the difference is whether you're an introvert or not. Some people like being alone. I've almost always lived with a woman, but after getting divorced, I went about two years without dating, getting laid, or even talking to women. I don't think I was any less happy.

There's a big difference between "need" and "like." A lot of people stay in bad relationships, because they think that they really need the other person, or at least just need somebody.

People who do need to interact with others can get a lot from their friends, family, work, and even pets. If you want to experience being needed, go to an animal shelter and adopt a dog that is just about to be euthanized. Then tell that story to girls, and they will love you too...just not as much as the dog.

 

[Scars]

Dude, as awesome as most of your posts are this is a terrible example. Sociopaths are considered abnormal because they lack the ability to generate sincere feelings for other human beings. The tone in your post implies that this quality is almost something to be admired.

I actually do admire sociopaths, in a sense. They may be cold a ruthless at times, but not all sociopaths are serial killers. Yes, they abuse and manipulate people for their own personal gain, but who doesn't these days?

It's funny, because this whole DJ mindset is all about being confident, working on your success, career, becoming somewhat wealthy, or famous even..

Let me let you in on a little secret. MOST successful people (politicians, movie actors/actresses, pop stars, and comedians especially) ARE sociopaths. You can draw so many correlations with the disorder to them it's not even funny.

CEO's of large businesses didn't gain that spot by being lucky. I mean some do, yes, but the majority got it through manipulation, and the ability to fvck people over without even thinking twice about it. Think about large business employers, and all these power moves, all these lay offs, or how they expect you to make them more money than they did last year, even if it means putting in ridiculous amounts of over time, maybe sacrifices with your home life, not being able to see your kids etc... these strings are being plucked by sociopaths. Most sociopaths are successful, and rich, the adapted and socially coherent ones at least. Not all of them are in jail or on death row.

What's wrong with admiring people who are successful? Isn't that what this whole DJ thing is all about?

Not to mention you will never see a sociopath let a girl walk on his heart, or ANYONE for that matter. He doesn't have one.

Baloney. That’s the same as saying people who like the company of others and enjoy a tight circle of friends are weak because they feel better when they’re around others. I think the notion that humans are naturally social creatures is simplistic but to ‘need’ others in the sense of being happier in their company, is not weakness, just preference.

Actually no, I don't see the correlation at all. There's a huge difference between being dependent on intimacy/constantly being surrounded by people, and another to just enjoy it.

Being happy surrounded by people is not a weakness, only when you become dependent on it. Even perfectly healthy adults don't like to be a lone too much.

I was born an only child, so I had a lot of "me time" growing up. But I am also a very social person. I go out, and have fun. You can read my field reports. I don't just write that sh!t for entertainment. I have experienced both extremes of the spectrum, and I am happy either way. I used to get bummed when I was by myself for too long, I think everyone does. I wouldn't call it weakness or insecurity, just boredom.

How can you say this only at age 21? Life has a lot of head of you man -- I hope there are people in your life who love you and whom you love in return.

I'm not going to act like I know everything, because I don't. But I can say from the time I have been on this planet I have learned and retained a lot. I still have more life lessons. I realize that. But you must also realize I have learned from your mistakes. I have learned from my peers mistakes. My co-workers, my parents, random strangers from the "mature man" forum, sharing beers with old times at the bar. I am that observant. I listen. I draw correlations to things all the time. Maybe I am too analytical, so be it.

And yes, I do have people in my life that love me deeply.

-Scars

 

[l e g e n d a r y]

Comparing "needing intimacy" with "not being desperate" is comparing apples to oranges: yes people do need intimacy, but there is no reason to ever be desperate because you have plenty of options.

Intimacy is something we all want.
Being desperate is a state of mind, not reality.

 

[backbreaker]

Maybe the difference is whether you're an introvert or not. Some people like being alone. I've almost always lived with a woman, but after getting divorced, I went about two years without dating, getting laid, or even talking to women. I don't think I was any less happy.

There's a big difference between "need" and "like." A lot of people stay in bad relationships, because they think that they really need the other person, or at least just need somebody.

People who do need to interact with others can get a lot from their friends, family, work, and even pets. If you want to experience being needed, go to an animal shelter and adopt a dog that is just about to be euthanized. Then tell that story to girls, and they will love you too...just not as much as the dog.

this is a good post.

the reality is that, it's so many factors at play at a persons personality. It's not a basic need. That's just stupidity talking. But some people feel the "need" so to speak more so than others.

Have you ever had a goal in your life?
If so you should know that intimacy like all the other things they tell you need, not only is not necessary but most of the time an annoyment.
Wheter you're a scientist getting close to the cancer cure or an atlete getting closer to a record or even a criminal preparing a heist,you dont feel that hard need for intimacy.

this is true as well. Using my own life at a spectrum, the most AFC time in my life was between ages 16 and 19. Those times being when I had absolutely no goals whatsoever. I wanted to bang hot women, therefore I equated my self worth with if i had a woman or not and then just how hot she was.

as i got older and developed long term goals, real goals and started achieving them, i mean make no mistake ***** is nice and all it really is but it wasn't a need. i wasn't going to be checked into tshe ER for lack of ***** or antyhing.


Anyone who can sit here and say "you have to have intemancy", seriously, and i hate to be this blunt but it calls for it here, you are an idiot. Preists, monks, people who set goals,...


no, i have one ever better. Chris rock once made a joke about how there are no lactose intolerant africans. Becuase alot of them, and I've been to south africa before it's not like the entire place is a slum, but, using this as a joke reference, alot of sub-sharian africa is dirt poor. you think they give a **** about lactose inoerance? food is food.

It's only a "need" to you because it's something you want in your life, but if you were suddenly forced to life a life without it, you would somehow find a way to make the best of it, you might even be happy. What about butt ass ugly people lol? I know a guy who burned half his face as a child in a fire, half is face is pealed and he "turns heads", in the bad way, and always has. has never been on a date. women frankly find him repulsive. But he's a pretty normal guy.

You only need it because you want it. It's like my son telling me he needs ice cream.

My wife and i are polar opposites. she had both pararants and has a brother growing up. she has never in her life lived by herself. either with her parents or her older brother or a room mate or a boyfriend. she grew up with that, she likes talk.

me on the other hand, my parents divorced when i was 7, my mom's job was in Memphis and she basically lived there 4 days out of the week and i was the only child. by the time i was 13 years old or so i was basically living by myself. i would come home, cook dinner, watch tv, do my home work, go to bed by 10:30, catch the bus in the morning, all on my own. Friday my mom would come home and lock herself in her room and read the bible, or watch some TV in the living room only to do it again next week.

I wasn't scared by this in any way or anything, but that "need" was never there.I mean i liked women just as much as the next guy and i had my share of gF's, but i never felt like i'm not going to function without intimacy or anything like that.when i had to cut myself off for 3 years i had no problem doing so. I get along perfectly fine by myself, in fact prefer it. I prefer jobs where I don't have to socialize with people all that much, though I happen to be a good talker, i don't like to talk all that much.

 

[perseverance]

I really "envy" your attitude. (this is a compliment) - Not cause of that quote above, but moreso the one before it where you reference how women are secondary in your life.

You should be proud of yourself for having that kind of outlook on life. I sometimes wish I could be the same, but I have too much desire of "normalcy" (based on societal trends) in me to want a family, to live healthy & long, etc. Anyway, just thought I'd say keep up your good vibes, and if you end up in the service - thank you for fighting for our country.

Thank you very much.

What if you do? What would it be like? Where would you like to be?

I'll cross that bridge when it comes.

 

[Scars]

You admire self absorbed, self obsessed megalomaniacs who ruthlessly pursue their own self interest without any regard to the welfare of others despite the horrendous consequences their actions might entail? Interesting.

Yes.

I don't think you realize how little I care for others well being. Even the people that are supposed to be "closest" to me. I don't need to get into detail of my past, but my father was out of my life at a very young age, and my mother was/is a crazy psychotic borderline b!tch that kicked me out at the age of 16. I'm not trying to get a sympathy award, but if you want to try and connect the dots as to why I am the way I am as most people do, then by all means, do so.

Sociopaths are not always bad people. I'm not saying I agree with what they are as a whole, but some of their traits will help you succeed. Not only in the business, and society world, but also in seduction.

The seduction is all about manipulation, am I wrong? Think about all these stupid gimmicks you learn, the dvds you buy, the books you order, what do they all entail? They teach you how to manipulate women in your favor. They literally teach you how to be a sociopath.

I just find this whole thing kind of humorous. If manipulation is so far off your moral compass then maybe you shouldn't be on a seduction/dating website.

Stalin was successful.

So was Hitler.

-Scars