Buddha_Mind
Master Don Juan
Well okay fine, sure, build up your value and don't come off needy and desperate (whether this be a business deal or a woman deal). I get that.backbreaker said:
But never commit to anything?
Backbreaker, didn't you commit to lifting weights at some point? Haven't you 'committed' to your wife, albeit she earned it? How can a person ever achieve anything great or momentous without any form of commitment? I'm not afraid of committing to something -- it's just got to be the right thing.
Backbreaker, I'm not saying your way of doing things is wrong. Clearly you've gotten alot more pvssy than myself in those ways -- we probably have different values in some ways and are clearly different people -- but I do respect you not allowing a woman to mess with your head.
I suppose I don't want to play such complex things with someone. It seems to me a relationship in my life should flow more naturally, without such heavy and intense competition, such intense action towards one another to essentially pressure someone into something...I don't want to hold any power over anyone...I work enough to keep power over my own self and keeping myself to the grindstone of my current objectives.
I would like to see a woman who WANTS to be with me and reaches out to be with me -- not a sorta complex thing of back and forth back and forth and messing with each other subconsciously.
In some ways, I wonder in my last relationship, if that was a major factor -- I mean I used my DJ toolkit to get her attraction up high, but I also believe those same DJ tactics encouraged me finding a chick who may have not been as bright upstairs as I need...and because of these sorta subconscious mind-games I think I just may have set a non-sustainable frame to begin with. One thing I have to ask myself when getting into a relationship of any sort, is how sustainable are these patterns? In some ways the DJ technique, say of belated text responses, or playing aloof -- how sustainable is that in a REAL relationship?
Re: This chick banging dudes, etc, "female player" --
She is honestly a really good person -- she is just very in tune with her femininity and knows how to work it. She is good at making a man feel comfortable and using her touch to de-stress. It is her right to not commit to something she doesn't want to commit to, and having sex with multiple dudes is her prerogative and choice. I can't hate on her for that -- many dudes on this forum are looking for the same thing -- lots of play without said exclusivity. Is this always the healthiest thing on a person? IDK. Is this what I myself want? I don't think so really and honestly. But she is 23 years old and attractive -- I guess what should a person expect -- especially in a town where attractive young women are on the lower end of the demographic spectrum.
In some ways maybe that is the nature of the beast. And not all women are the same -- not all women are like this. I know for a fact there are attractive women who don't sleep around, or whom are just as frustrated at being unable to find a healthy LTR. There is a divergence sometimes on this board or in life in general -- lots of young men do want no-strings-attached hookups -- other dudes would rather value a close emotional connection to someone they "love" -- whether or not the issue of "love" is real is an age old quesiton we could debate on this board for centuries...those who have children or siblings or parents or close friends may have some working concept of "love" they believe to be true in regard to how they feel about those said people...but in the end not everyone is the same. Some men/women view sexcapades entirely separate from what 'love' may be, while others link sex and love together, or at least prefer to only have sex with what they love. What is better for a person is not my judgement or understanding beyond what seems right for myself.
Backbreaker -- it does seem like though, despite the back and forth with your ex and both of you banging other people until you find exclusivity -- it does seem like your relationship with your wife was not this way exactly.
Maybe it is one's desire for commitment, to 'have' someone or something that causes us so much relationship pain. However at the same time, unless you know what you want and have standards, how do you ever expect to get it?
