I'd like some feedback on how I handled this situation

[moneybanks24]

Okay, so I've been hooking up with this girl for quite a while now. She's very attractive, I'd say an HB8. On Valentines Day, I took her out to dinner (we're seniors in high school) with the intention of asking her out. I did ask her out, and she said she'd get back to me. So this Monday she shows up at my house with two of her friends, both of whom I'm close with. I ask her why shes here and she acts like she is going to say yes by hugging me and kissing me and whatnot. LAter when we go back to ehr friends house she sends me a text saying no. NOw, this greatly surprised me, because I had this girl eating out of the palm of my hand (or so I thought), all her friends said she liked me blah blah blah. She gives me the explanation that she just doesn't do relationships anymore (she's only been in one), and that it's too much effort but shes still not opposed to hooking up. Initially, I was hurt but then I realized this was probably a good thing. Until later....I'm at a party and get a text saying actually maybe I should just get over you now and we should stop hooking up. So I give her a call and she says that she knows we're leaving in 6 months and it wouldnt be worth it to get more attached. I don't argue because I'm not one to beg, I respected her decision but I said we shoudl be coo, and by cool i meant civil, not friends. TOday she ims me just wanting to "talk".
Me: is there anything in particular that you want?
Her: NO just to talk. Why cant I talk to you anymore or do i need a reason.
Me: WEll you said that you didnt want to be in a relationship with me, and then you didnt want to hook up with me...which are both insulting
Me: I dont want to be friends with you I have enough friends
(She proceeds to freak out about how I'm being unreasonable)
Me: So you don't want to ever be in a relationship?
Her: No, I dont want kiids and I dont want to get married. It's too much work.
Me: Good luck being alone for the rest of your life.
(I tell her my philosophy on relationships and how the pleasure involved outweighs the pain)
(It goes in one ear out the other)
Me: good luck and i sign off

I dont have any intention of keeping up a friendship, quite frankly I dpn't like her that much as a friend. Feedback on how I handled this or the situation in general?

 

[DJDamage]

If handling means that you got into an argument with her and now there is even less chances you are going to hook up with her then good job!

Better solution was to ignore her and withdraw your attention, smile to everything she tells you, and move on. You get points for refusing to becoming her new "emasculated talking buddy". If this girl still wants to talk to you then this better be "pillow talk" and she better be chasing you around after she sees you giving away your attention to other girls.

 

[Igetit!]

Okay, so I've been hooking up with this girl for quite a while now. She's very attractive, I'd say an HB8. On Valentines Day, I took her out to dinner (we're seniors in high school) with the intention of asking her out.

Now this part threw me off. Let me see if I got this straight:You "took her out" with the intention of "asking her out" on a date. Weird dude. You took her out to dinner with the intention out asking her out to dinner,or wherever you planned on taking her. This is some kind of mind twist/twilight zone thing going on here. What I'd like to know,is how did you get her to "go out" with you to dinner in the first place. Whatever you did to accomplish that,that is what you should be doing to get dates,not this officially asking her out thing.

I did ask her out, and she said she'd get back to me.

Well,this is bad,but the thing I find interesting is that she had no problem "going to dinner" with you on V-Day,but when you asked her for a date date,that's when to classic female mind games/flaking behaviors started. I think you inadvertantly stumbled upon something that guy after guy here on the forum has been trying to achieve. You need to identify it....both for yourself,and the good of everyone here. So to be specific:What did you do/say to get this girl to go to dinner with you on Valentine's Day?

So this Monday she shows up at my house with two of her friends, both of whom I'm close with. I ask her why shes here and she acts like she is going to say yes by hugging me and kissing me and whatnot. LAter when we go back to ehr friends house she sends me a text saying no. NOw, this greatly surprised me, because I had this girl eating out of the palm of my hand (or so I thought), all her friends said she liked me blah blah blah.

So this surprised you,huh? Didn't surprise me. I think I now understand why you had no problem getting her to go to dinner with you. Seems like another case of the friendzone man. Hate to say that,but from everything you've just said,the showing up at your house,her greeting you with a hug and a kiss,you,her,and your other friends ALL TOGETHER in a group going to a friends house,yep,you've become the lastest victim of the friendzone.

She gives me the explanation that she just doesn't do relationships anymore

That's a lie. Let me translate this for you. "I don't do relationships anymore."= "I don't want a relationship with YOU.

...but shes still not opposed to hooking up. Initially, I was hurt but then I realized this was probably a good thing. Until later....I'm at a party and get a text saying actually maybe I should just get over you now and we should stop hooking up.

So she rejected you as far as having a relationship,then a little later on,she closed the door on you two "hooking up". Translation time again. "I don't want a relationship you+I don't want to hook up with you=There will never,EVER be anything sexual between the two of us...EVER!!!

TOday she ims me just wanting to "talk".
Me: is there anything in particular that you want?
Her: NO just to talk. Why cant I talk to you anymore or do i need a reason.
Me: WEll you said that you didnt want to be in a relationship with me, and then you didnt want to hook up with me...which are both insulting
Me: I dont want to be friends with you I have enough friends
(She proceeds to freak out about how I'm being unreasonable)
Me: So you don't want to ever be in a relationship?
Her: No, I dont want kiids and I dont want to get married. It's too much work.
Me: Good luck being alone for the rest of your life.
(I tell her my philosophy on relationships and how the pleasure involved outweighs the pain)
(It goes in one ear out the other)
Me: good luck and i sign off

I dont have any intention of keeping up a friendship, quite frankly I dpn't like her that much as a friend. Feedback on how I handled this or the situation in general?

Overall,I think you handled it pretty well. You could have spared her the lecture on your philosophy about relationship,but I understand what you were trying to do.

 

[moneybanks24]

I'd like to clarify by saying that I'm looking for a girlfriend and a committed relationship, she didn't want that, thats okay.

Now to Igetit
I asked her to officially be my girlfriend, not on another date. We'd been hooking up for a while and I though it'd be time to take the next step persay. I think that answers your first two points. She really liked me, and before Valentines Day she asked what we were doing. I said it was a surprise and I'd pick her up at 8. She was into it and I ended up taking her out to dinner then going back to my house.

Trust me, I wasn't "friendzoned", don't read into that situation too much. I never talk to her as a friend, just more like a **** buddy. No emotional ****. Whenever I saw her, she was all over me not in a friendly way. And we were actually hooking up.

Okay another thing, I know you're taking that directly from somewhere. The whole I don't want a relationship with you. But the thing about this girl is that she's NEVER with anyone. And quite frankly she's not all there. Now you may ask why I would want to eb in a relationship with her in the first place. The answer is because I haven't been in a serious one before, she is attractive and into me, and I would end up ****ing her.

Once again, I understand your point. But I know for a fact if I went over to talk to her in person, I could end up hooking up with her. That's just the dynamics of our relationship, it isn't friendly.

Reading back on this, I may look delusional or appear not to understand the reality of the situation. What I haven't really explained is that this girl has been a booty call for me for over a year. I went out with her briefly last year, so it was kind of like our second time around. I'm pretty sure I can "hook up with her" when I want to, even though she said no (but that's only because I'm going away which may seem like an excuse but u don't know this girl shes pretty stupid).

 

[moneybanks24]

The real reason I've kept hooking up with her is because I don't feel like I can get anyone as hot as her to hook up with me consistently so I kept her around for an emotional and self esteem boost. That's where I really need the help. I want to just be done with this girl because she's an idiot and move on to the next one.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

The real reason I've kept hooking up with her is because I don't feel like I can get anyone as hot as her to hook up with me consistently so I kept her around for an emotional and self esteem boost. That's where I really need the help. I want to just be done with this girl because she's an idiot and move on to the next one.

It sounds like you don't really know what you want. The first thing you did wrong is blow up in her face when she politely declined your offer.

For all you know she has strong feeling for you and is trying to protect herself. You're both going off to college soon and entering a serious relationship then and at just 18 years old is not a good idea, especially when you say things like she's an idiot. I don't know if you say things like this because you are bitter or if you actually believe them. Either way it makes no sense for you to want her to be your girlfriend, why not be happy with how things are now?

You said she's only been in one relationship before, how did that go? Do you know anything about it? It sounds like she's just flat out telling you she doesn't want the responsibility or the burden of being in a relationship, and that she's not mature enough to deal with one now.

 

[moneybanks24]

bucket of truth, thanks thats what i needed to hear and originally why I posted the thread. I knew I did something wrong, but couldnt identify it.

 

[moneybanks24]

quick update- hadnt talked to her since last wednesday (hooked up with 3 other girls since then at parties). she ims me tonight saying that she misses me all this bull**** about how she wants to go back to the way we were as hooking up and that she was wrong. I responded by being slightly ambiguous and saying i dont really know ill have to see where things go.

Things lookin' pretty good.