And it feels like there is no way out,and I haven't been able to or can't seem to do anything about it. I keep having the same negative thoughts and feelings over,and over. Alot of it stems from loneliness,anger,possible lack of conifdence,too many insecurities,feelings of unworthyness,low self worth,or the feeling that I am just not attractive,or not the person I want to be. I have been recently trying craigslist,I don't really know what to say about my success on there,but I feel like I am getting desperate. I look at the adds on there,guys and there girls looking for other girls for 3ways and fun,and yet here I am all alone. I don't know if its cause I don't want to change,or I just don't have the will. What can I do?
I think I am in the midst of a serious,serious depression...
- Thread starter ItsOnNow
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First step is to accept that a woman will never solve those problems for you. You have to be strong inside, before you can have success with women. They aren't a band-aid, or a quick fix, or ultimate salvation.
Your loneliness and insecurities are caused by you, and you have control over them. At this time it may seem that you have no power, but that's irrelevant, you do have all the power, always have, will.
Finding a woman in your state will heighten your insecurities and bring out the worst in you. So, you must learn to bring out the best in yourself.
How you do that is your responsibility, you don't have a choice. You cannot be needy and depressed and have successful relationships. Does not work that way.
So, first step, is get rid of the illusion that a woman will save you from yourself. That's the first step of self-responsibility.
Your loneliness and insecurities are caused by you, and you have control over them. At this time it may seem that you have no power, but that's irrelevant, you do have all the power, always have, will.
Finding a woman in your state will heighten your insecurities and bring out the worst in you. So, you must learn to bring out the best in yourself.
How you do that is your responsibility, you don't have a choice. You cannot be needy and depressed and have successful relationships. Does not work that way.
So, first step, is get rid of the illusion that a woman will save you from yourself. That's the first step of self-responsibility.
canadianmetalhead
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http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=112673&highlight=motivated
read this, and then do it. dont *****, dont complain, dont come up with excuses. just take action and forge the life you want to live
read this, and then do it. dont *****, dont complain, dont come up with excuses. just take action and forge the life you want to live
I know only I can save myself,I can't ask someone else to magically solve all my problems for me,but I feel so behind in so many parts of life in one way or another,whether I really am or am just insecure,I don't know. I try to hide these feelings whenever I talk with someone,but it's still there. Thats it,I haven't put my best forward,I feel like I am not my best self,and possibly no where even near my own potential,yet here is everyone else moving along so quickly,I think a big part is that I need to get laid,yet seemingly can't or won't.
Getting laid won't solve the problem. Women will not solve the problem. Only you. Where other people are in their lives, irrelevant. Only your life is what counts. Other people's lives, don't count. Yours counts.
You're not your best self. You have potential. You can grow and progress, just like anyone. You have just as much right to happiness as everyone else on this planet.
You have to believe you deserve happiness, and that you have control, that you actually have the power to pull this off.
It will take time and effort and determination. But start with basics, otherwise it's just a mishmash of different things pulling you in different directions.
You MUST make peace with the fact that a woman will not cure this. It all starts from there. It's not that you're lonely, or that you can't get laid, or xyz... it's that you don't have a strong sense of self.
So work on creating that. It will take the time it takes. When you get it, it's yours, no one can take it from you. But you have to start building it.
Make a commitment to yourself, that from now on, the only approval you seek is your own, the only standards you need to live by, are your own, and the only person that decides how you are progressing, is you.
This is about YOU... not other people. And it is your responsibility, to start living for you. Not others. This place is FULL of advice on how to do it.
But you can't do jack shyt until you decide that you are going to take 100% responsibility for not only how you feel, but the actions you are going to take.
We can give you advice, but in the end, the person that actually DOES anything about it, is you.
You are in the depressed victim-mentality, It hurts, I've been there, and ther reason I'm being so cut and dry, is to break through all that. It feels good to sulk but it will not get you where you want to go. The past is gone, you are in control. How you feel, right now, is a result of choices you made. So make new choices.
You're not your best self. You have potential. You can grow and progress, just like anyone. You have just as much right to happiness as everyone else on this planet.
You have to believe you deserve happiness, and that you have control, that you actually have the power to pull this off.
It will take time and effort and determination. But start with basics, otherwise it's just a mishmash of different things pulling you in different directions.
You MUST make peace with the fact that a woman will not cure this. It all starts from there. It's not that you're lonely, or that you can't get laid, or xyz... it's that you don't have a strong sense of self.
So work on creating that. It will take the time it takes. When you get it, it's yours, no one can take it from you. But you have to start building it.
Make a commitment to yourself, that from now on, the only approval you seek is your own, the only standards you need to live by, are your own, and the only person that decides how you are progressing, is you.
This is about YOU... not other people. And it is your responsibility, to start living for you. Not others. This place is FULL of advice on how to do it.
But you can't do jack shyt until you decide that you are going to take 100% responsibility for not only how you feel, but the actions you are going to take.
We can give you advice, but in the end, the person that actually DOES anything about it, is you.
You are in the depressed victim-mentality, It hurts, I've been there, and ther reason I'm being so cut and dry, is to break through all that. It feels good to sulk but it will not get you where you want to go. The past is gone, you are in control. How you feel, right now, is a result of choices you made. So make new choices.
You essentially upped your VALUE in her eyes by showing her that, if she wants you, she has to at times do things that you like to do. You are SOMETHING after all. You are NOT FREE. If she wants to hang with you, it's going to cost her something — time, effort, money.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
KarmaSutra
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What can you do? You have to first acknowledge that you indeed have a problem, which you've done. That's the hardest part. Admitting you need to step out of your ego and seek help for an issue which is bigger than the symptoms.
You have a couple of alternatives.
1. Seek professional help. A therapist, counselor, priest, psychiatrist, etc . . .
2. You can contemplate yourself until your blue in the face but it won't get easier until you find the source of your problem. Women, work, second guessing, are all symptoms of the underlying problem, the core problem. What it boils down to is your commitment to reslove. You can't rely on someone to fix you. YOU have to fix you. This forces you to make yourself accountable for your thoughts and actions. Your greatest weakness is also your greatest strength, you jsut need to know how to look at your life differently. I don't mean turn to any New Age guru and become another sheep. That won't work either. Instead find someone or a group of people who you relate to. If you relate to Wayne Dyer than get his material and go through it. If you don't like Freud and his perspective then go another way. The importance is that you make a change because the same thing you're doing now is the same thing you'll be getting in 24 hours.
Do it FOR YOU. Don't do anything FOR anyone. Do it because you're sincere to your own well being, not to please someone. This will only get you temporarily high and the fall just may kill you. Don't let it.
There is so much help here for you. We'll be the crutch you can lean on brother. But we're only going to help you in your mental perspective. Physically you'll need to see someone who is tangible.
Anything you need. Whenever you need it.
You have a couple of alternatives.
1. Seek professional help. A therapist, counselor, priest, psychiatrist, etc . . .
2. You can contemplate yourself until your blue in the face but it won't get easier until you find the source of your problem. Women, work, second guessing, are all symptoms of the underlying problem, the core problem. What it boils down to is your commitment to reslove. You can't rely on someone to fix you. YOU have to fix you. This forces you to make yourself accountable for your thoughts and actions. Your greatest weakness is also your greatest strength, you jsut need to know how to look at your life differently. I don't mean turn to any New Age guru and become another sheep. That won't work either. Instead find someone or a group of people who you relate to. If you relate to Wayne Dyer than get his material and go through it. If you don't like Freud and his perspective then go another way. The importance is that you make a change because the same thing you're doing now is the same thing you'll be getting in 24 hours.
Do it FOR YOU. Don't do anything FOR anyone. Do it because you're sincere to your own well being, not to please someone. This will only get you temporarily high and the fall just may kill you. Don't let it.
There is so much help here for you. We'll be the crutch you can lean on brother. But we're only going to help you in your mental perspective. Physically you'll need to see someone who is tangible.
Anything you need. Whenever you need it.
dannyegg4575
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Good post reset... I agree with this point to a certain extent. However, I know where you've been, I'm been there several times... I'm still going through the same thing. The best way to do this is to not try to move on so fast... But do try to move on.
It's very difficult in the initial stage because you feel that you've been cheated, you've been lied to, you've been hurt and you need answers but no answers are available anywhere. The very best solution I have for you, is to accept it. Accept it as much as you can and as quickly as you can. Don't try to fight the feelings you're experiencing. Accept that you're overpowered. And let your body heals itself. When you can experience no more pain, then, you can slowly start to recuperate. At that stage, you will come to a realization of everything of what reset is trying to tell you. You will come to peace with yourself and you will be ready to move on.
Breakup is hard... it's not the easiest thing in the world. The other person never gave you any warning... or at least, the warning signs were everywhere but you just didn't see it coming or it was kept hidden well from you.
There is no buts, there is no why... there is only be. So, let it be.
Rumpelstiltskin
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You live in an upside down world - be upside down and things will seem to make sense - but if you are upright then you will see things as they truly are!
ThePhantomOfTheForum
New Member
Wake up boy!
What is this kind of talk, the talk of a man? It is the talk of a lost and confused soul! What drives you to this madness, pray tell. Do not live life in the ordinary, it is the quick way to death before you have left this earth. You must let your mind start a journey to a strange new world!
Leave all thoughts of the life you knew before! Let your soul take you where you long to be! Only then will you be free of the cage your mind has built around your soul, your spirit!
Boy you must wake up from the dream, and succomb to the world that your soul only knows when you sleep! They shall reveal themselves... only when you are ready to listen.
What is this kind of talk, the talk of a man? It is the talk of a lost and confused soul! What drives you to this madness, pray tell. Do not live life in the ordinary, it is the quick way to death before you have left this earth. You must let your mind start a journey to a strange new world!
Leave all thoughts of the life you knew before! Let your soul take you where you long to be! Only then will you be free of the cage your mind has built around your soul, your spirit!
Boy you must wake up from the dream, and succomb to the world that your soul only knows when you sleep! They shall reveal themselves... only when you are ready to listen.
Yeah,the responses are nice and all,but for some reason,I can't break out of this. I don't know why. I have been so used to this for such a long time,it feels as if I can't get out. I seriously feel like I cannot attract anyone or I am not attracitve,whether its cause of height,weight,inner state,or as some have said,maturity problems,I do have a learning disability,and add,so that may explain. I don't know,maybe it's cause I look at everyone else together and I feel so alone,so helpless. What Can I do? Im like worried that I am going to be this way forever.
LostAndConfused
Master Don Juan
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From someone going through depression right now, let me tell you that girls are no help. I'm still dating and still depressed.
Well,as I see it,at least you,and everyone else with problems,if they have problems,at least you're getting laid. At leas you have someone special,at least you can and know how to attract. I don't know,maybe I just can't,or don't realize how too.
LostAndConfused
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It's not like that. I had depression before I started working on game and getting girls, and I would always think to myself that I needed a girl to set me right.
I'm still depressed. Now, I realized that no matter what you do with her, its like smoking weed or masturbating...you feel good for that small amount of time, then you feel like sh1t or even worse off after she's gone. You'll start overanalyzing everything, and she just becomes another reason to worry.
You've gotta find it in yourself...I know I may seem like a hippocrite in saying this, and I know that it seems clicheic, but its true. Right now I have no method to cope with it.
I'm still depressed. Now, I realized that no matter what you do with her, its like smoking weed or masturbating...you feel good for that small amount of time, then you feel like sh1t or even worse off after she's gone. You'll start overanalyzing everything, and she just becomes another reason to worry.
You've gotta find it in yourself...I know I may seem like a hippocrite in saying this, and I know that it seems clicheic, but its true. Right now I have no method to cope with it.
You're right I guess,but I have been so used to feeling this way for such a long time,it has taken hold of me,and I can't snap out of it,and it is affecting me in so many ways. It's like I am not the person I want to be,or could be. Basically,the guy on top with all the chicks after him one way or another. Or is that unrealistic. I am like starting to worry about whether or whether not I will be able to start a family. I feel that useless. I haven't even started on game,or girls,getting in shape,being best self,etc. Oh sure,I can not kiss her ass,bust her balls make her laugh, not make her into a godess,Im still unsure about the whole pride and confidence thing though.Ego,etc. Maybe I am too angry or insecure. Of course,seeing all the guys,who are usually more taller and muscular,with there hot gf's,looking for other girls for threeways,doesn't help either.
This line of thinking leads nowhere. But you are right, you are USED to feeling a certain way. Thing is, you can get USED to feeling a different way. There will be some cognitive dissonance at first, but you'll get the hang of liking yourself if you start to treat yourself well.
You absolutely MUST stop saying bad things about yourself, to yourself. No more self-criticism. Self-reflection is fine, but judging yourself is a dead end.
You say you think you could be something more, than you are now. That's your real self trying to break out man. Listen to that.
You absolutely MUST stop saying bad things about yourself, to yourself. No more self-criticism. Self-reflection is fine, but judging yourself is a dead end.
You say you think you could be something more, than you are now. That's your real self trying to break out man. Listen to that.
Tell her a little about yourself, but not too much. Maintain some mystery. Give her something to think about and wonder about when she's at home.
Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.
oakraiderz2
Master Don Juan
Stop comparing yourself to people. Flood your brain with positive stuff. Quotes, affirmations, whatever...and...go talk to a professional. Advice from wanna be pseudo PUA and know it alls isnt the best route to take.
Bible_Belt
Master Don Juan
Everyone gets depressed, some people a lot worse than others. I agree with the advice to consult a professional, but therapy has been proven to be as effective as anti-depressant drugs. Unless you think your life is at risk, don't go on medication until you have given a counselor or two a chance.
Sounds like you feel other people are doing exciting, interesting things you'd like to do yet you feel you're spinning your wheels and getting nowhere fast as life is slipping by and things will never change for you. Is that pretty much it?
Here's what you're not considering:
These other people aren't having the fun you think they're having. Many of them aren't achieving what you think they're achieving. Not all these couples are happy behind closed doors! Some are pretty miserable, actually. Many of these peoples' lives aren't a bit as exciting as you think. Plus, they have many other problems.
Secondly, it's not going to be like this forever for you. Life changes. That you can be sure of. Nothing stays the same forever.
Thirdly, and importantly, you're seeing everything through a depressed mind. A depressed mind will color things as negative and magnify that while also discount or minimize any positives. It's like seeing a rain cloud but never seeing the sun behind it. It's the way the mind is processing things that makes it work against you.
You're worried about your future, but this is not a definite to be concerned about since the future hasn't happened yet and what you're considering is only right now an imagined future scenario. Many things may happen by the time the future arrives. Things change. The things we most worry about are usually the least likely to happen.
Right now, this moment, is the only thing that really matters because it is in this moment now that you are actually living.
Your reasoning is like this because the depressed mind reasons negatively. I'd like you to realize these are like "tricks" a depressed mind plays on its owner.
Your feelings/emotions are the result of your thoughts. Feelings follow thoughts. Negative thoughts lead to feeling negative emotions.
You realize you're in a form of depression. That's a good thing to realize! There is hope for you, since people can come out of depression.
Maybe you'd like to talk to a mental health professional in your area. See if there's a clinic near you, someone you could talk to. Sometimes the arrange fees based on income.
There are a couple of things you can do to jump start yourself OUT of a depression.
It would improve your mood to exercise regularly, do aerobics for about half an hour. This will stimulate endorphins in your brain chemistry. Those are the feel good chemicals.
I'd like you to avoid smoking, alcohol, and any recreational drugs. These deplete your serotonin levels. They make you feel good momentarily, but leave you worse off.
Get outside during the day. Part of your depression may be due to ultraviolet deprivation.
Eat healthy, avoid junk food. Healthy food will naturally increase your serotonin levels. You may also look to take St. John's Wort as a daily supplement for a few months to help boost those levels as well.
Get enough sleep every night too.
Take care of yourself and get any help you need.
Here's what you're not considering:
These other people aren't having the fun you think they're having. Many of them aren't achieving what you think they're achieving. Not all these couples are happy behind closed doors! Some are pretty miserable, actually. Many of these peoples' lives aren't a bit as exciting as you think. Plus, they have many other problems.
Secondly, it's not going to be like this forever for you. Life changes. That you can be sure of. Nothing stays the same forever.
Thirdly, and importantly, you're seeing everything through a depressed mind. A depressed mind will color things as negative and magnify that while also discount or minimize any positives. It's like seeing a rain cloud but never seeing the sun behind it. It's the way the mind is processing things that makes it work against you.
You're worried about your future, but this is not a definite to be concerned about since the future hasn't happened yet and what you're considering is only right now an imagined future scenario. Many things may happen by the time the future arrives. Things change. The things we most worry about are usually the least likely to happen.
Right now, this moment, is the only thing that really matters because it is in this moment now that you are actually living.
Your reasoning is like this because the depressed mind reasons negatively. I'd like you to realize these are like "tricks" a depressed mind plays on its owner.
Your feelings/emotions are the result of your thoughts. Feelings follow thoughts. Negative thoughts lead to feeling negative emotions.
You realize you're in a form of depression. That's a good thing to realize! There is hope for you, since people can come out of depression.
Maybe you'd like to talk to a mental health professional in your area. See if there's a clinic near you, someone you could talk to. Sometimes the arrange fees based on income.
There are a couple of things you can do to jump start yourself OUT of a depression.
It would improve your mood to exercise regularly, do aerobics for about half an hour. This will stimulate endorphins in your brain chemistry. Those are the feel good chemicals.
I'd like you to avoid smoking, alcohol, and any recreational drugs. These deplete your serotonin levels. They make you feel good momentarily, but leave you worse off.
Get outside during the day. Part of your depression may be due to ultraviolet deprivation.
Eat healthy, avoid junk food. Healthy food will naturally increase your serotonin levels. You may also look to take St. John's Wort as a daily supplement for a few months to help boost those levels as well.
Get enough sleep every night too.
Take care of yourself and get any help you need.
Ken785
Master Don Juan
so its...NOT on now??ItsOnNow said:
Poonani Maker
Master Don Juan
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It'sOnNow, try this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uaNFtQ1Topg or this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fgg2tpUVbXQ, if you will. Then try many others stacked on top of that http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSShPnOS15Y. Keep building positive thoughts and memories.
You seem to be a VISUAL person because you see a woman, and you WANT to break her, go in her, and become close with her soul, her spirit. Your job is to improve her, to make her a better person by just simply being in your presence, by being around you. Women are attracted to positive people. ALL people are attracted to positive people.
You may also need to move from your town if you've always lived there, especially if it's a humid climate. Humidity depresses you. You need nature, ABSOLUTE quietness, maybe a chirp or a, rummaging squirrel, faint blowing wind. When you say "I'm depressed" or "I can't (do this or do that)" you're bombarding your control center, your mind, with chaos and confusion. You need peace and nature. NO VIDEO GAMES.
Go a buy and go cycling or mountain biking in the woods. Buy and eat Spinach, DAILY, drink wheatgrass. Drive your car to places, stores etc and just say "Hello" to people and then leave. People you greet usually smile at you and greet you back as long as they see you on your way out, leaning as if you're about to exit.
Hum songs while you walk wherever you walk. Enjoy the birds and the trees, the tail-wagging barking smiling dogs chained behind their fences. Move forward. Love. Live. Don't be haughty or proud, just loving, and happy to see people and them to see you. Lastly, join a church. You need people. The girls, maybe even marriage, will come in time.
You seem to be a VISUAL person because you see a woman, and you WANT to break her, go in her, and become close with her soul, her spirit. Your job is to improve her, to make her a better person by just simply being in your presence, by being around you. Women are attracted to positive people. ALL people are attracted to positive people.
You may also need to move from your town if you've always lived there, especially if it's a humid climate. Humidity depresses you. You need nature, ABSOLUTE quietness, maybe a chirp or a, rummaging squirrel, faint blowing wind. When you say "I'm depressed" or "I can't (do this or do that)" you're bombarding your control center, your mind, with chaos and confusion. You need peace and nature. NO VIDEO GAMES.
Go a buy and go cycling or mountain biking in the woods. Buy and eat Spinach, DAILY, drink wheatgrass. Drive your car to places, stores etc and just say "Hello" to people and then leave. People you greet usually smile at you and greet you back as long as they see you on your way out, leaning as if you're about to exit.
Hum songs while you walk wherever you walk. Enjoy the birds and the trees, the tail-wagging barking smiling dogs chained behind their fences. Move forward. Love. Live. Don't be haughty or proud, just loving, and happy to see people and them to see you. Lastly, join a church. You need people. The girls, maybe even marriage, will come in time.
