I still don't get it. What is it that I need?

[moneyisking]

Gentlemen, before I begin, I must let you know I am in pretty serious mental shape. I feel like a mouse circling around a maze that was designed without an exit. I really don't get this sh!t. Look, I thought that if I finally like myself for who I am, look into the mirror and say "I am proud, I really like this", I would be a player. Being real honest, I still haven't learned to like myself and I still don't think I am the Real Man yet.

Even if I really liked me, would it help me get laid though? I mean I look at all the hot girls I want to approach and be sexual with, but I don't somehow pull myself to do it, and at the same time I don't know how to do it either.

What is it really? What!!! AARRRGGH, how I can really enjoy my life, make any girl love me, and actually have someone that loves me? I know a guy doesn't find happiness by having a girl until he finds his own happiness inside and I agree, but at this point I am so clueless, disappointed that even that truth seems blinded. I just want to get a girl and tell myself "see, someone does like you money. There's someone who desires you in this world."

This feeling sucks, Jesus Christ, I am tired of being left out;My roommate went out to fvck a girl, guy upstairs is fvcking a girl... I feel devastated. What is it, what mind, what attitude, what, howhowhowhowhow???

Is it about liking yourself that is in the core of all seduction success? I don't even know where to start. I am actually buying a motorcycle (Not for women but b/c I want to ride), but I feel like it would be pretty okay if I died in a crash. I don't know why I can't become desirable; I want to know what actions, what talks, what mentality, mind, attitude can help me finally get someone to find me desirable...

Fvck I sound like a pvssy, but I have nowhere to talk to... my chest and heart feels real damn heavy... Help me...

 

[PapiChulo]

First, you should stop these thoughts going through your head, because are simply demotivating unless they make you angry.

Take a break from all of it, enjoy yourself- whatever makes you tick. Dont think too much. I like where you are going with the bike ( I wanna ride myself as well)

Do your homework.Make sure you read the stuff and get the right attitude.
Let us know what kinda self-improvement you ve been doing so far.

 

[joe henny]

All you have to do is talk to em. If you can learn to talk to a hoe and be a man you caa=n get laid like crazy trust me : D

 

[kush]

First off, having a strong self game and liking yourself is very important, however that doesn't mean that there are things that can't be improved.

You like yourself the same reason why you would like anyone else. They have good and attractive qualities that make them likable. Look at the guys who are likable and see what kind of qualities they have. Usually they're friendly, social, charismatic, smart, funny etc. while unlikable people are rude, unfriendly, too serious, obnoxious, stingy, argumentative etc.

These are all traits you can improve upon if you put in the effort to change. And by effort I don't mean some half-assed attempt, you really have to push yourself to limits you'll be uncomfortable with because those thoughts in your mind will try to hold you back. Don't listen to those thoughts in your head, they will only control you almost like a puppet on strings.

 

[Maxtro]

How often do you interact with women? Are there any girls you regularly talk to? How often do you ask girls out?

 

[penkitten]

self esteem is everything.

 

[Atom Smasher]

This guy is at absolute rock-bottom, crying out for help, and all this community can come up with are these utterly meaningless platitudes?

"Self esteem is everything."
"Stop these thoughts."

Moneyisking,
Let's take a step back and look at your position with better perspective.

You say you don't like yourself. Can you identify areas of your life where you are behaving in a way that is robbing you of self-respect? For example, I have learned that part of my self-esteem issues stems from my propensity to handle money poorly. It has always been the source of an underslying self-loathing. Now that I've identified this I am taking baby steps to improve, and my self-loathing has let up because I know I'm making progress.

Pornography - If you're viewing it, STOP. Pornography has a way of eroding a man from within. I'm convinced that it does something on a spiritual plane and it is one of the most damaging things a man can expose himself to. It tends to make one lazy, unfocused, stupid, unmotivated, and just generally "slow". It also breeds self-loathing and it takes away your need to go out and get the seduction game handled. It kind of creates a pseudo "success" with women, but the real you knows it's artificial and a failure.

How do you present your self to the world? Do you dress as a man who has self-respect? Learn to dress for yourself, not for others. Be happy with how you have groomed yourself in the morning before going out into the world.

Are you chatting up people you meet day-to-day? I found this to be very useful for getting out of my shell. When you smile and say hello to people (male and female) throughout the day, you start changing from within. Don't look for a payoff... Just take a genuine interest in the person you are talking to. Make a decision to really care about what they are saying. They will perceive you as being "present" with them, and that's how real bonding occurs.

Learning to smile is very important. It has been very hard for me to learn to smile socially without feeling (and probably looking) like an absolute douche, but there is a nuance to it that works. I find that the best kind of non-douchey smile is where the eyes are slightly squinting. A wide-eyed smile makes you look weak. A squinty-eyed smile conveys friendliness but also intent and power.

Are you working out? Very important for self-respect.

I'm not sure what to say about the motorcycle. Two things concern me. Number one, what you said about crashing. I think you should wait until you are in a better state of mind.
Number two, you might be buying that motorcycle to compensate for your feelings of failure with women. You might find yourself feeling even more lonely riding that motorcycle and realizing that you are doing a fun thing but that you are doing it while very alone. Been there, done that.

At least consider taking a step back and looking at some of these issues. Good luck.

 

[xdreamz]

yea we all know how you feel. some college jackoff is having loads of sex while u sit on ur computer. what does he have that i don't? the simple truth is to not worry about it and appreciate what you have to the fullest degree. use everything that you have and you will have more. it's not about liking yourself then it is believing in yourself.

 

[Maxtro]

I know exactly what moneyisking is going through. I've been living my life desperate for more since I was 13.

The only real solution is to get a girl. There is no other fix.

It's taking me a long time to figure out a way that works. The way that most men in the world do it.

Be in situations where you regularly interact with girls. Become friendly with a few. Invite one of them to do stuff with you.

Everything else about looking good, working out etc, is mandatory, but it won't get anybody laid by itself. Also having fun when around girls is a must. Nobody wants somebody who looks and acts depressed.

 

[Radharc]

This guy is at absolute rock-bottom, crying out for help, and all this community can come up with are these utterly meaningless platitudes?

"Self esteem is everything."
"Stop these thoughts."

Moneyisking,
Let's take a step back and look at your position with better perspective.

You say you don't like yourself. Can you identify areas of your life where you are behaving in a way that is robbing you of self-respect? For example, I have learned that part of my self-esteem issues stems from my propensity to handle money poorly. It has always been the source of an underslying self-loathing. Now that I've identified this I am taking baby steps to improve, and my self-loathing has let up because I know I'm making progress.

Pornography - If you're viewing it, STOP. Pornography has a way of eroding a man from within. I'm convinced that it does something on a spiritual plane and it is one of the most damaging things a man can expose himself to. It tends to make one lazy, unfocused, stupid, unmotivated, and just generally "slow". It also breeds self-loathing and it takes away your need to go out and get the seduction game handled. It kind of creates a pseudo "success" with women, but the real you knows it's artificial and a failure.

How do you present your self to the world? Do you dress as a man who has self-respect? Learn to dress for yourself, not for others. Be happy with how you have groomed yourself in the morning before going out into the world.

Are you chatting up people you meet day-to-day? I found this to be very useful for getting out of my shell. When you smile and say hello to people (male and female) throughout the day, you start changing from within. Don't look for a payoff... Just take a genuine interest in the person you are talking to. Make a decision to really care about what they are saying. They will perceive you as being "present" with them, and that's how real bonding occurs.

Learning to smile is very important. It has been very hard for me to learn to smile socially without feeling (and probably looking) like an absolute douche, but there is a nuance to it that works. I find that the best kind of non-douchey smile is where the eyes are slightly squinting. A wide-eyed smile makes you look weak. A squinty-eyed smile conveys friendliness but also intent and power.

Are you working out? Very important for self-respect.

I'm not sure what to say about the motorcycle. Two things concern me. Number one, what you said about crashing. I think you should wait until you are in a better state of mind.
Number two, you might be buying that motorcycle to compensate for your feelings of failure with women. You might find yourself feeling even more lonely riding that motorcycle and realizing that you are doing a fun thing but that you are doing it while very alone. Been there, done that.

At least consider taking a step back and looking at some of these issues. Good luck.

Atom Smasher is right on the money. What I did myself was make a mental list of all the things that were my causes for self loathing, of my fears. Then I went to tackle them, one by one. Hell, I´m still on the process of doing that. It means stepping out of your comfort zone big time. You are afraid of talking with big groups of ppl? join some theatre group, you afraid of confrontation? go learn how to fight. dont like how you look? go to the gymn and dress sharper, etc. - you get the idea.

If you do this you´ll notice youll start to change from within, your attitude, the way you behave naturally will start to change.

Another important thing is environment, know thyself, know what you are looking for in women and go fish in the right places. Also having a dynamic social circle, with new ppl coming in helps immensely.

 

[J. Darko]

It's about liking, not being liked. Active, not passive. You're brainwashed. You want to do something, anything, some way, any way, to get a girl. Nothing will get you a girl. Only contacting girls will get you girls. There's nothing more to it.

 

[moneyisking]

This guy is at absolute rock-bottom, crying out for help, and all this community can come up with are these utterly meaningless platitudes?

"Self esteem is everything."
"Stop these thoughts."

Moneyisking,
Let's take a step back and look at your position with better perspective.

You say you don't like yourself. Can you identify areas of your life where you are behaving in a way that is robbing you of self-respect? For example, I have learned that part of my self-esteem issues stems from my propensity to handle money poorly. It has always been the source of an underslying self-loathing. Now that I've identified this I am taking baby steps to improve, and my self-loathing has let up because I know I'm making progress.

Pornography - If you're viewing it, STOP. Pornography has a way of eroding a man from within. I'm convinced that it does something on a spiritual plane and it is one of the most damaging things a man can expose himself to. It tends to make one lazy, unfocused, stupid, unmotivated, and just generally "slow". It also breeds self-loathing and it takes away your need to go out and get the seduction game handled. It kind of creates a pseudo "success" with women, but the real you knows it's artificial and a failure.

How do you present your self to the world? Do you dress as a man who has self-respect? Learn to dress for yourself, not for others. Be happy with how you have groomed yourself in the morning before going out into the world.

Are you chatting up people you meet day-to-day? I found this to be very useful for getting out of my shell. When you smile and say hello to people (male and female) throughout the day, you start changing from within. Don't look for a payoff... Just take a genuine interest in the person you are talking to. Make a decision to really care about what they are saying. They will perceive you as being "present" with them, and that's how real bonding occurs.

Learning to smile is very important. It has been very hard for me to learn to smile socially without feeling (and probably looking) like an absolute douche, but there is a nuance to it that works. I find that the best kind of non-douchey smile is where the eyes are slightly squinting. A wide-eyed smile makes you look weak. A squinty-eyed smile conveys friendliness but also intent and power.

Are you working out? Very important for self-respect.

I'm not sure what to say about the motorcycle. Two things concern me. Number one, what you said about crashing. I think you should wait until you are in a better state of mind.
Number two, you might be buying that motorcycle to compensate for your feelings of failure with women. You might find yourself feeling even more lonely riding that motorcycle and realizing that you are doing a fun thing but that you are doing it while very alone. Been there, done that.

At least consider taking a step back and looking at some of these issues. Good luck.

I appreciate everyone's advice. I must say when man engages in conversation, society, or women, he is like a computer that has input (the mindset) and output (outer game, seriousness, depression, happiness, etc) that depends on the input. I think my input is not in the right place.

I grew up with a father (Asian family) who was pretty negative about me (not blaming him) and ever since I was young, I was compared to my older brother a lot. My self-esteem was damaged starting from my childhood. I try to be positive, but sometimes I look myself in the mirror and say "ya, even if I was a chick, I wouldn't date this guy". It's horrible, but I can't help sometimes.

I also have really high expectations of myself b/c I want to prove to myself that all the negative things I heard can be wrong; that I am capable, that I can get girls, that I am as good as my brother, that I am desirable like he is (he got laid lots and is popular). But when reality is not congruent with expectations, I become very depressed.

I just wiped out any porn on my computer, thanks man. I am going to take WHATEVER it takes to put my life back on happy track and live the life I want. Also, I don't dress fancy; just t-shirt and jeans. I usually don't chat b/c something inside tells me "you're not good enough, why would they want to talk to you?" I think the self-negativity has been rooted deep in my mind.

I work out and run, I am in a pretty good shape. 5-7, 145lb. Not much fat.

I will start over again here... right here.

 

[SandHawk]

I grew up with a father (Asian family) who was pretty negative about me (not blaming him) and ever since I was young, I was compared to my older brother a lot. My self-esteem was damaged starting from my childhood. I try to be positive, but sometimes I look myself in the mirror and say "ya, even if I was a chick, I wouldn't date this guy". It's horrible, but I can't help sometimes.

That's crappy to hear, but nothing you cannot overcome. Many people in the world with sky high self esteem got picked on, treated badly or completely abused by their environment during childhood.

Trying to be positive however, is NOT enough. You are trying to argue with your emotions that you should be happy, while on the inside you're crying. You create a veil around yourself that tries to cover up your depression, while in reality nothing changes for you. And it's very likely that your depression is still visible through your veil, no matter how hard you try.

There is a fix for this. Next time you're standing in front of that mirror, instead of saying "I wouldn't date this guy" say "You're a great guy, you're the best thing that can happen to a girl". And say it 5 times in a row. And do that daily, every day, for a few months. Why? Because positive affirmations are used in therapy for people suffering from a low self esteem. Keep doing it, and try to FEEL how it feels when someone tells you ARE worth every single atom in your body.

I used to have this thing where I'd wink to myself every time I saw my own reflection, as a little reminder. It was my little positive affirmation that was completely invisible to everyone around me, but reminded me how great I am.

And every single time you screw up with something, BE GENTLE. Instead of batting yourself in the skull, just ask yourself "How could I have done this better?" and then use the answers to learn. Next time it happens and it goes different, pat yourself on the back and be proud. Most people are very gentle to people around them, but end up being harsh towards themselves. Turn negative tendencies into tendencies of reflection, and how you can change yourself. In the end, this will help you in your day-to-day life too, as you will become capable of learning from your own mistakes better than most people.

I also have really high expectations of myself b/c I want to prove to myself that all the negative things I heard can be wrong; that I am capable, that I can get girls, that I am as good as my brother, that I am desirable like he is (he got laid lots and is popular). But when reality is not congruent with expectations, I become very depressed.

Reality if what you make of it. Reality Control is basically being in charge of your reality. Instead of focusing on EXTERNAL factors you cannot influence(does a girl like me, flat tire of your car when doing for a date, lost wallet), focus on internal factors that you CAN control. Did your tire blew while driving towards this HB10 with garantueed banging? Stay calm, focus and work out a solution. And if none is available, deal with the fact of not getting laid means not the end of the world. Plenty of poon in the world out there! Focus on how you react to things, instead of how external factors react to you. This will also help with deflecting negative things said to you by other people, as you stop caring for what they say.

Having high expectations is normal, but learn to throttle them. Don't expect to run in a day, if you can't walk. Things take time to become proficient at. And that means a lot of time. Life will bring in massive amounts of hurdles that will slow you down, sometimes make you fall. Don't lie down, get up and keep going! With your reflective skills you can work out why you fell and how to prevent it from happening next time! See? It's a spiral that gets bigger each time you use these skills to improve yourself. Eventually, you no longer need to ask yourself what went wrong, you know instantly!

I just wiped out any porn on my computer, thanks man. I am going to take WHATEVER it takes to put my life back on happy track and live the life I want.

Good choice. Porn == evil. Hell, take some off time from fapping too.

Also, I don't dress fancy; just t-shirt and jeans. I usually don't chat b/c something inside tells me "you're not good enough, why would they want to talk to you?" I think the self-negativity has been rooted deep in my mind.

Get some nice looking threads then! Go shopping for some good and proper fitting threads, and have someone in a shop help you out. And when you're dressed up, ask some people in the shop what they think of it. It's a great opener too .

Good luck there!

 

[PapiChulo]

Hey, my advice is pretty good on getting rid of negative thinking self-masturbatory-analyzing. And stop associating happiness with having women or "friends". Guess what, some people rather have money.


No porn will turn into a metrosexual, and porn is mainstream and omnipresent, so you cant get away from anyway if even if you decide that that double anal penetrations are not for you all over sudden.

Stop being *****-whipped by the feminists.

 

[J. Darko]

double anal penetrations

You are watching gay porn...

 

[PapiChulo]

You are watching gay porn...

Dude, whatever rocks your boat.

2 in the vajay-jay, 2 in the butt hole, one in the mouth.

 

[Kerpal]

I feel the same way. Do you know that scene in fight club where the guy is brushing his teeth while the other guy is ****ing that girl really loudly? That's how I feel.

 

[Chosen1]

Gentlemen, before I begin, I must let you know I am in pretty serious mental shape. I feel like a mouse circling around a maze that was designed without an exit. I really don't get this sh!t. Look, I thought that if I finally like myself for who I am, look into the mirror and say "I am proud, I really like this", I would be a player. Being real honest, I still haven't learned to like myself and I still don't think I am the Real Man yet.

Even if I really liked me, would it help me get laid though? I mean I look at all the hot girls I want to approach and be sexual with, but I don't somehow pull myself to do it, and at the same time I don't know how to do it either.

What is it really? What!!! AARRRGGH, how I can really enjoy my life, make any girl love me, and actually have someone that loves me? I know a guy doesn't find happiness by having a girl until he finds his own happiness inside and I agree, but at this point I am so clueless, disappointed that even that truth seems blinded. I just want to get a girl and tell myself "see, someone does like you money. There's someone who desires you in this world."

This feeling sucks, Jesus Christ, I am tired of being left out;My roommate went out to fvck a girl, guy upstairs is fvcking a girl... I feel devastated. What is it, what mind, what attitude, what, howhowhowhowhow???

Is it about liking yourself that is in the core of all seduction success? I don't even know where to start. I am actually buying a motorcycle (Not for women but b/c I want to ride), but I feel like it would be pretty okay if I died in a crash. I don't know why I can't become desirable; I want to know what actions, what talks, what mentality, mind, attitude can help me finally get someone to find me desirable...

Fvck I sound like a pvssy, but I have nowhere to talk to... my chest and heart feels real damn heavy... Help me...

I will say this man I love u as a brother but you have a fvcked up mentality. Trust me I had this same mentality women can sense this weakness read this post by yours truly www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=177384
Your mindset was mine at one point. The one advice I can give you that what unites great men is some goal be it to win the Superbowl or to fvck as many women as you can. Go get yourself a hobby with some buddies. I'm going to get into mma myself. Just don't end up life me settling for the first war pig you can get then not knowing how to act. I made myself a list of goals I need to complete I suggest you do the same make friends go out with friends open up.It's really not that bad trust me.You can PM me if you want to talk. I wish you lived in Indiana we would hang out.

 

[moneyisking]

I will say this man I love u as a brother but you have a fvcked up mentality. Trust me I had this same mentality women can sense this weakness read this post by yours truly www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=177384
Your mindset was mine at one point. The one advice I can give you that what unites great men is some goal be it to win the Superbowl or to fvck as many women as you can. Go get yourself a hobby with some buddies. I'm going to get into mma myself. Just don't end up life me settling for the first war pig you can get then not knowing how to act. I made myself a list of goals I need to complete I suggest you do the same make friends go out with friends open up.It's really not that bad trust me.You can PM me if you want to talk. I wish you lived in Indiana we would hang out.

Thank you sir dearly. I live in Texas, but you give me courage. Thank you again.

 

[synergy1]

All you have to do is talk to em. If you can learn to talk to a hoe and be a man you caa=n get laid like crazy trust me : D

Aside from all the other "regular advice" such as working out, inner game etc, this is probably the most practical advice that will be overlooked. Of course some will say cold approaching works, and others will say just be social. I prefer running with a good group of friends and meeting women at any/all venues. Its simple, just chat it up. Once you seriously get good enough at it, you won't even have to try to get them attracted to you. Of course I just assume women want me to talk to them, so that makes it easier for sure.

Now, some substance so this isn't an armchair post. Last weekend my buddy was inviting some chick up he met earlier. I had no intentions of hitting on her since she was up to see him. Before the night started, we just made idle conversation. Find out what she likes, where she's going in life etc. By the end of the night she wanted to hook up w/ me (didn't happen obviously), and i had put no effort in trying to get anything.

The next instance is a work in progress so we will see. This chick claims to have a bf, but I know better. Again, I am just chatting it up w/ her raising the buying temperature a bit. She's playing the hard to get thing, but thats just more reason to harass her a little more. This week will be busy, but I'll get her out next weekend for the tailgating event and work it from there. Again, nothing fancy except conversation.

The moral of the stories is you make your own breaks. Fvck all that mental crap about meaning, mice mazes, the perfect system etc...just get out there and make your own luck. Sure it helps being confident, but this ain't rocket science ( and I have done rocket science before, its harder). Now stop reading this thread and get some work done!!!