I only feel attracted...

[CoolProgram99]

Well, I have read over here in the forums and from all David DeAngelo information that women hang to men because they feel ATTRACTED to him.

However, recently I have heard a very curious and interesting response from a girl I was trying to attract. As I was talking to her, she said: "I don't know, I only feel attraction to you. I think we should only be friends". I was a little wow, because she seemed to didn't want to go on the relationship. However, I just acted plain cool and forgot it to keep the conversation going.

I know women have their own language (lol), so what does it mean when they say the only feel ATTRACTION?

 

[Igetit!]

Well, I have read over here in the forums and from all David DeAngelo information that women hang to men because they feel ATTRACTED to him.

This is true. Women want to be around a guy because they feel attraction for him.

However, recently I have heard a very curious and interesting response from a girl I was trying to attract. As I was talking to her, she said: "I don't know, I only feel attraction to you. I think we should only be friends".

Well this is weird. To be honest,this is the first time I've EVER heard of a woman saying this. Something seems "off" about this statement,it makes my spider sense tingle. It might be helpful to know what the conversation was leading up to her saying that to you.

I was a little wow, because she seemed to didn't want to go on the relationship.

Well "attraction" alone is NOT ENOUGH to make a girl want to get into a relationship with you.

She might want to have sex with you once or twice,but that's about it.

For her to enter into a relationship with you,she needs both attraction AND COMFORT. She won't date a guy long term if she's not comfortable with him.

I know women have their own language (lol), so what does it mean when they say the only feel ATTRACTION?

More info is needed here. For one...

Who exactly is this girl? Is she someone you've been "taking out" on dates for a while,someone you just recently met and are still getting to know,or what?


How long have you two known each other?

How often do you two speak with one another,and what do you talk about?


This "I only feel attraction for you" comment of hers,when did she say it? Was it before you two went out or afterwards? Have you two even had a date yet?


If you can answer these question...ALL OF THEM,and ACCURATELY,maybe we can help you make some sense out of this thing.

 

[CoolProgram99]

This is true. Women want to be around a guy because they feel attraction for him.



Well this is weird. To be honest,this is the first time I've EVER heard of a woman saying this. Something seems "off" about this statement,it makes my spider sense tingle. It might be helpful to know what the conversation was leading up to her saying that to you.


Well "attraction" alone is NOT ENOUGH to make a girl want to get into a relationship with you.

She might want to have sex with you once or twice,but that's about it.

For her to enter into a relationship with you,she needs both attraction AND COMFORT. She won't date a guy long term if she's not comfortable with him.



More info is needed here. For one...

Who exactly is this girl? Is she someone you've been "taking out" on dates for a while,someone you just recently met and are still getting to know,or what?


How long have you two known each other?

How often do you two speak with one another,and what do you talk about?


This "I only feel attraction for you" comment of hers,when did she say it? Was it before you two went out or afterwards? Have you two even had a date yet?


If you can answer these question...ALL OF THEM,and ACCURATELY,maybe we can help you make some sense out of this thing.

Jaja yeah, it's quite strange, also is the first time I heard it from a girl. However, since this is getting interesting I will give you more details.

First of all, we both are in 2° year of high school, in the same classroom. We have been very good friends for a while ago, and I just started noticing her as a friend at the beginning.
However, we both started developing feelings for each other, and I started to notice it on how she began to act with me, how she always was looking for me and always was happy to see me. I knew it totally for sure when she "herself" (ok, I know this was weird) confessed her feelings for me. And I was like wow, I didn't expected it, but I decided to give me a chance and I also confessed my feelings for her.

So then, things all went quite right for the next few days, and the kino and flirting began in the most natural way, to the chance we even holded hands while we were in classroom for a couple of times. I got that "I feel it" sensation, it was sooo cool! Jaja

Well then, the other day I was talking to her in the phone (to be exact, 4 days after we confessed our feelings, or 3? whatever). The conversation, although I don't remember it exactly, goes some like this:

Me: Hi there *girl* (name hidden for own purposes). How ya doing?
Her: Aaaww, jeje, It's you. (with timid voice), well right, just doing my things. And you?
Me: Jaja, as usual, saving the world like a true man and just checking you are beeing a good girl.
Her: Haha, you can bet it!
....
blah blah blah
blah blah blah

Her: Hey, I have to tell you something...
Me: Don't tell me, you too are a secret agent?
Her: Jaja, fool. You are funny. No, its kinda serious
Me: Ok, spill the beans *girl*
Her: It's about the other day I told you. It's just, I don't know...I think it was only attraction...
Me: So you feel attracted to me....interesting...
Her: Well, yes. I only feel attraction...

(Then her I was bit surprised, but fortunately I think I didn't ruined it)

Me: Jaja don't worry, it's just the beginning, (not the best I could said lol).
Her: Mmmm....
Me: Let's forget about that for now. Hey how about blah blah blah....


And so the conversation went on, and we never touched the topic again during it. However, I was kinda confused, as I knew women have their own language, and maybe she isn't referring to attraction itself.

Mmm...this is a job for the Don Juan guys. Any help?

Thanks again

 

[eaglez1177]

Well first off, BIG MISTAKE by confessing your feelings for her. NEVER EVER do that when it comes to girls. Not sure if that screwed you over on this one or not, but either way I think I have a pretty good idea of what she means.

Theres two parts of attraction: physical and mental. What I am definitely sure of is that she is MISSING one of these components with you. When she says "I ONLY feel attraction for you", she means "I only feel the ____ part of attraction for you" Now its just about figuring out what goes in that blank space; either the physical, or mental. Its tough to tell which one because you gotta give more information. How often do you guys talk? What do you talk about? Mostly, have you done ANYTHING sexual?

Like Igetit said, this is definitely a bit of a confusing comment.

 

[CoolProgram99]

Well first off, BIG MISTAKE by confessing your feelings for her. NEVER EVER do that when it comes to girls. Not sure if that screwed you over on this one or not, but either way I think I have a pretty good idea of what she means.

Theres two parts of attraction: physical and mental. What I am definitely sure of is that she is MISSING one of these components with you. When she says "I ONLY feel attraction for you", she means "I only feel the ____ part of attraction for you" Now its just about figuring out what goes in that blank space; either the physical, or mental. Its tough to tell which one because you gotta give more information. How often do you guys talk? What do you talk about? Mostly, have you done ANYTHING sexual?

Like Igetit said, this is definitely a bit of a confusing comment.

Mmm, really interesting this thing. I didn't know attraction had two parts, so things seem to start getting more clear.

I don't know if it was bad to confess my feelings, since I have been the first one to have approached her in her life, so she hasn't got any wuss treat nor is chased by men. However, I know I could have just keep quiet to keep the mistery, but I don't think it was all bad.

Regarding this. We have already dated to this time for 3 times (2 times if I don't count the first time when we were only friends). Like I mentioned, kino has been flowing very natural, and I have already holded hands with her a couple of times and shared some hugs.

No kisses yet, as is for both the first time and I not going to get my first kiss until I know she is special. This has raised quite good the tension, as she has boarded the topic and I am just keeping it in mystery. She is always wondering what I am about to do, and I never give her a direct answer (although sometimes I stop when she becomes quite frutrated).


We are the in same classroom, so we talk quite a bit between classes, but I try to go away with some friends so she has a chance to miss me. Also, since I am training for an knowledge contest, I have been absent for many days, so she uses every moment we have to get a chance to talk.

Our topics are quite random, as with her I can go talking from something as casual as friends, to some love inuendos, and then talking about stuff such as artists, sports, music, etc. I avoid at all costs school, and I am always the one who tells her what we should do next (obviously without forcing her).

No sexual innuendos yet, and I really want a healthy relationship without things getting farther than kisses (you know, not ending with sex). She seems to prefer this way, as thing have been going quite ok except for that response, but kino is perfect by now.


I really appreciate your help. I you need more info, please ask me

 

[Igetit!]

I don't know if it was bad to confess my feelings, since I have been the first one to have approached her in her life,

Well you confessing your feelings to her WAS BAD. I can't think of ONE thread here on the forum in all my year and a half of being here where a guy confessed his feelings to a girl,and it turned out good.

Not one.

I'm not saying that it's all over with,only that that's something you shouldn't have done...even though she confessed hers first.


When she confessed her feelings to you,instead of confessing them back,you should have just asked her out. I mean if a girl tells me she likes me and has feelings for me,that's the best time to ask her out.

You shouldn't have to wonder how she feels or if she'll say yes or not because she just got finished telling you she wanted you.

so she hasn't got any wuss treat nor is chased by men. However, I know I could have just keep quiet to keep the mistery, but I don't think it was all bad.

I don't like this. I understand what you're saying here. You're saying that since this girl is relatively new to the dating scene,that she's too ignorant or naive to know if a guy is giving her wussy behavior or not.

And I suppose that gives you a sense of satisfaction. You think,"Well,if I were to act AFC with her,she wouldn't know it's bad since she's never been pursued by a guy before".

You can't do that man. You can't substitue her naiveness to dating in place of you being a MAN. I see the logic in it,but it just doesn't work.


And her "I only feel attracted to you" statement is evidence that you didn't get away with it. Her FEELINGS caught on to what you were trying to pull.



If you're not a MAN with a woman,she'll know it because she'll "feel" that something is missing,and even though this girl is new to dating,she's still emotional just like every other woman.



That's why she's conflicted. You're trying to use her naiveness to your advantage. You may be able to trick her mind,but not her EMOTIONS,and here's a PROMISE...


Her emotions WILL WIN OUT.


She WILL follow her feelings,you can bet on it.


So you need to stop thinking that it's ok for you to be AFCish with her because she doesn't know any better.

Her mind may not know any better,but her feelings do. That's why she called you and was all nervous,saying,"I don't know",telling you "this is serious",etc.



And I think you were right in what you said in one of your earlier posts. You said that you think she mistakenly used the word "attacted" when she told you that she "only feels attracted to you".


I agree with you on that.


That what I meant when I said that I had never heard a girl say that before.

I read that post over and over again,to me,there could only be two conclusions here...

1)She was lying,or...
2)She was confused about what she was saying.


And I don't think she was lying. If you want to date her,you need to stop playing around hoping you can be AFC and get away with it because she doesn't know any better,and start being a MAN with her.


You know the deal:flirt with her,tease her,tell her you like that way she looks in something,etc. Or to put it another way,be SEXUAL.

Not VULGAR or PROFANE,but sexual/romantic. And you need to HURRY because her emotions have already started alerting her that something's missing with you,and what's missing is the SEXUALNESS.

That's what she meant when she said,"I only feel attracted to you". She misspoke. She didn't mean "attracted" as in sexual attraction. She mean affection,as in FRIENDS.



There are no shortcuts,you have to be a MAN. Stop thinking you can be an AFC with her because she lacks dating experience.

No sexual innuendos yet, and I really want a healthy relationship without things getting farther than kisses (you know, not ending with sex).

I understand what you're saying here,but you can use innuendos WITHOUT leading to sex. Just use them to generate the attraction.

The attraction is what's missing on her part. That's what she was trying to tell you when she misspoke.


If you keep going the way you're going,you're friendzone bound.

 

[eaglez1177]

I agree with all of what Igetit said, especially about the sexualness. You gotta get more sexual with her if you want anything to happen, otherwise you're just gonna get friend zone'd (if you havent already).

I mean the fact that you havent even kissed her yet is not good at all. That should be one of your top priorities right now. You have to break that sort of "friendly barrier", and you do that by kissing her.

 

[CoolProgram99]

Well you confessing your feelings to her WAS BAD. I can't think of ONE thread here on the forum in all my year and a half of being here where a guy confessed his feelings to a girl,and it turned out good.

Not one.

I'm not saying that it's all over with,only that that's something you shouldn't have done...even though she confessed hers first.


When she confessed her feelings to you,instead of confessing them back,you should have just asked her out. I mean if a girl tells me she likes me and has feelings for me,that's the best time to ask her out.

You shouldn't have to wonder how she feels or if she'll say yes or not because she just got finished telling you she wanted you.



I don't like this. I understand what you're saying here. You're saying that since this girl is relatively new to the dating scene,that she's too ignorant or naive to know if a guy is giving her wussy behavior or not.

And I suppose that gives you a sense of satisfaction. You think,"Well,if I were to act AFC with her,she wouldn't know it's bad since she's never been pursued by a guy before".

You can't do that man. You can't substitue her naiveness to dating in place of you being a MAN. I see the logic in it,but it just doesn't work.


And her "I only feel attracted to you" statement is evidence that you didn't get away with it. Her FEELINGS caught on to what you were trying to pull.



If you're not a MAN with a woman,she'll know it because she'll "feel" that something is missing,and even though this girl is new to dating,she's still emotional just like every other woman.



That's why she's conflicted. You're trying to use her naiveness to your advantage. You may be able to trick her mind,but not her EMOTIONS,and here's a PROMISE...


Her emotions WILL WIN OUT.


She WILL follow her feelings,you can bet on it.


So you need to stop thinking that it's ok for you to be AFCish with her because she doesn't know any better.

Her mind may not know any better,but her feelings do. That's why she called you and was all nervous,saying,"I don't know",telling you "this is serious",etc.



And I think you were right in what you said in one of your earlier posts. You said that you think she mistakenly used the word "attacted" when she told you that she "only feels attracted to you".


I agree with you on that.


That what I meant when I said that I had never heard a girl say that before.

I read that post over and over again,to me,there could only be two conclusions here...

1)She was lying,or...
2)She was confused about what she was saying.


And I don't think she was lying. If you want to date her,you need to stop playing around hoping you can be AFC and get away with it because she doesn't know any better,and start being a MAN with her.


You know the deal:flirt with her,tease her,tell her you like that way she looks in something,etc. Or to put it another way,be SEXUAL.

Not VULGAR or PROFANE,but sexual/romantic. And you need to HURRY because her emotions have already started alerting her that something's missing with you,and what's missing is the SEXUALNESS.

That's what she meant when she said,"I only feel attracted to you". She misspoke. She didn't mean "attracted" as in sexual attraction. She mean affection,as in FRIENDS.



There are no shortcuts,you have to be a MAN. Stop thinking you can be an AFC with her because she lacks dating experience.

I understand what you're saying here,but you can use innuendos WITHOUT leading to sex. Just use them to generate the attraction.

The attraction is what's missing on her part. That's what she was trying to tell you when she misspoke.


If you keep going the way you're going,you're friendzone bound.

Wow, you guys are the best. Finally, I can get what's going on. Unfortunately, things haven't gone very good. To end the post in an optimistic way, let's hear first the bad news.

Well, you were right, I am friendzoned duh. Haha, I can't believe I didn't saw this before. Actually, I was all well with kino and all the attraction, but I started losing some control and she was the one who began starting the interactions and ending them. I know, bad bad thing to do.

Then, I began being a little nice, or well, maybe a bit more than normal. Since she started telling me I wasn't always there as she wanted, and she never knew what I was doing, she got frustrated. I don't know if it was correct for me to kept her like that for quite some days, until finally, in fear of losing her, I just let out some info, which not exactly killed the mystery, but it damaged it in part.

I think she only felt the physical attraction, and the mental one began lacking due to me not being the alpha man she needed. This explains why she seemed to get bothered later, and as best as I was, she began to say I was too predictable, although this is weird, as other times she told me "she never knew what was next".

By the way, when I confessed my feelings, I actually asked her out. Howver, I think I had to do it since the dialog went like this:

Her: (in very timid voice) I like you....
Me: ............
Her: Come on, say it. I know, say it you don't like me
Me: .............well.........
Her: I know it. No problem, we can be friends....
Me: We have a problem here.....
Her: I don't want our friendship to end, please...
Me: No, it's that...well...I too
Her: What?
Me: I too like you...
(about 5 minutes of silence)
Her: Wooowww....
Me: Hehehe
Her: This is sooo....great
Me: Ohhh, hehe
Her: It's the first time it ever happens to me
Me: Hehe, me too
Her: Haha, it's hot haha
Me: Hey, don't start haha
(blah blah blah)

I mean, I had to say it or maybe I lost my chance, I think. Just to let you know.

Now with the good news. Well, I learned a lot from this experience, and I have a whole world awaiting me. I know, this hurts a lot, but I have to get over it .

Thanks by the way for all your help. I have learned from my mistakes, and I don't know, maybe if I continue I will get another chance.

 

[eaglez1177]

All you had to say there was just mysterious and say something like "its a secret...you'll never find out" (smile when you say it). Simple as that.

Jw when did this convo happen? Before she friendzoned you?

"Since she started telling me I wasn't always there as she wanted, and she never knew what I was doing, she got frustrated" Seems like shes a control freak. You dont wanna deal with girls like this it gets extremely annoying.

 

[CoolProgram99]

Ah well, sorry for taking so long.

This all happened before she friendzoned me.

About a month later, she friendzoned me, after I messed up, as predicted above. However, I have just moved on.