"I need space" But GF wants to see me for the weekend?

[Slick101]

First off... There have been many people here that know me based on my situation with my girlfriend.. I appreciate your support (you know who you are)

My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years, situation was bad about a month ago to the point where people gave me advice to break up, but after a long serious conversation with her we stayed together..
Thanks to the people that put me on track

Since Thanksgiving my GF has been really busy with school and work because she works in retail and hours were crazy over the weekend for her,.. She has been coming home exhausted and she barely talked to me on the phone... It was more of a 3 minute conversation based on what shes doing...

I have been complaining to her about why she has not answered any of my phone calls and doesnt call me back when I calll... only hours later... Her excuse is, "It has been a hectic weekend, I worked and went to school and I am sick and I was sleeping.... relax"

We have planned the WHOLE DECEMBER for us..

DEC 4th 5th and 6th... she planned a vacation for us somewhere and she is surprising me and has been telling me this for about 2 months now,, She wants to spend christmas together and so on...

NOWW! About 3 days ago, things got a little worse... After this whole week of her not really talking to me because she has been BUSY and TIRED.. She calls me at night around 10 oclock and I dont answer... When I dont answer she usually calls and texts me again but not this time... I call her back when Im still out with friends and I tell her that Im busy and I will talk to her tommrow... she responds with OK and hangs up... Then texts mee

HER: UR THE REASON Y WE ARGUE.. U DONT ANSWER MY CALL EARLIER AND U CALL ME WHILE UR OUT STILL LOL... UR FUNNY
PUSH ME AWAY ALL U WANT... I DID NOTHING WRONG..IVE BEEN BUSY WORKING IT WAS A HOLIDAY WEEKEND...U HOWEVER HAVE BEEN BEIN A JERK...IF U WANT TO PUSH ME AWAY KEEP DOING WHAT UR DOING BC I DONT NEED THIS DRAMA WHEN I MOVE THERE IN 1 MONTH...

I tried calling her she ignored me like 3 times...

the next day she calls me in the evening and tells me she wants" SOME SPACE" from me because she doesnt know what she wants... Shes like,, I love you and I have soo much going on in my life now, im moving up to NYC alone.. Im going to a new school... and Im working at a new spot.. I cant let you get in my way with ur drama... Instead of just arguing with you,, I want sum space so I can calm myself down...I tried bringing up how good we were in the past and how we make it through so many hard times... she tells me its different now...

BUT!!!!!!!... I asked her how the hell do you want space if you are going on vacation with me this weekend in 2 DAYS!!.... Shes like if you dont wanna go tell me,, Ill take someone else...

for 3 days she wants to see me but she wants space at the same time!!... I am confused... IDK what to do...

 

[V2Logger]

Usually "space" means it is close to the end or it is. Best you get yourself ready for that and don't look for hope from my experience. The vaca could bring out the worst in both of you. It could mean that she also has a back up plan already. Sometimes space makes you both realize what you are really worth to each other too. Careful where you tread next bud.

 

[Slick101]

Im giving her the space...

 

[ThunderMaverick]

...and she's giving you the boot.


God, you can talk all you want, man but it doesn't mean sh!t when it comes to her actions.

I always say: LISTEN to what she DOES.

 

[pipe007]

listen to this people slick, man up, and take control of the situation, if it doesnt feel right.... it probably means that something is going downhill...

always trust your gut!!.

take control, pull back... detach yourself, learn how to do that now, ask, read, learn to take control of the situation... its the only way you will find out if she really likes you or not.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

My girlfriend and I have been together for a little over 2 years, situation was bad about a month ago to the point where people gave me advice to break up, but after a long serious conversation with her we stayed together..
Thanks to the people that put me on track

Blood in the water already at this point, which was a month ago..


Since Thanksgiving my GF has been really busy with school and work because she works in retail and hours were crazy over the weekend for her,.. She has been coming home exhausted and she barely talked to me on the phone... It was more of a 3 minute conversation based on what shes doing...

That's understandable, but also a red flag if its happening consistently. When a girl has high interest, you, the bf is suppose to be her escape from the pressures of life. Instead she see's you as an added burden on her plate... BAD SIGN!

I have been complaining to her about why she has not answered any of my phone calls and doesnt call me back when I calll... only hours later... Her excuse is, "It has been a hectic weekend, I worked and went to school and I am sick and I was sleeping.... relax"

Neediness.... if you learn one thing from my post let this be it: NEVER, EVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE ASK TO SEE A WOMAN MORE OR TO CALL MORE ETC!

If she is only giving you a couple days a week to hang out or talking to you on the phone a few times a week, take it as a STRONG SIGN that her interest is fading fast.


DEC 4th 5th and 6th... she planned a vacation for us somewhere and she is surprising me and has been telling me this for about 2 months now,, She wants to spend christmas together and so on...

This was 2 months ago that she planned this, before you became super needy, whiney and clingy.

NOWW! About 3 days ago, things got a little worse... After this whole week of her not really talking to me because she has been BUSY and TIRED.. She calls me at night around 10 oclock and I dont answer... When I dont answer she usually calls and texts me again but not this time... I call her back when Im still out with friends and I tell her that Im busy and I will talk to her tommrow... she responds with OK and hangs up... Then texts mee

Its only Wed today, so its hasn't even been half the week and your complaining about her not talking to you.

HER: UR THE REASON Y WE ARGUE.. U DONT ANSWER MY CALL EARLIER AND U CALL ME WHILE UR OUT STILL LOL... UR FUNNY
PUSH ME AWAY ALL U WANT... I DID NOTHING WRONG..IVE BEEN BUSY WORKING IT WAS A HOLIDAY WEEKEND...U HOWEVER HAVE BEEN BEIN A JERK...IF U WANT TO PUSH ME AWAY KEEP DOING WHAT UR DOING BC I DONT NEED THIS DRAMA WHEN I MOVE THERE IN 1 MONTH...

TRANSLATION: I'm not into you...

I tried calling her she ignored me like 3 times...

You shouldn't have responded to the text... she's being extremely rude and selfish to throw this on your plate when your out with your buddies and she's doing it on purpose. She's trying to send you a message and you calling her frantically 3x's shows that she COMPLETELY runs the show.

the next day she calls me in the evening and tells me she wants" SOME SPACE" from me because she doesnt know what she wants... Shes like,, I love you and I have soo much going on in my life now, im moving up to NYC alone.. Im going to a new school... and Im working at a new spot.. I cant let you get in my way with ur drama... Instead of just arguing with you,, I want sum space so I can calm myself down...I tried bringing up how good we were in the past and how we make it through so many hard times... she tells me its different now...

Mentally she's already broke up with you; now she will start to search for your replacement unless she's already found someone she's interested in. Girls rarely break up with their bf right when they realize they don't have feelings for them anymore; usually its anywhere from 1-3 months later.

If you stay in this relationship at this point, she will only become more of a b-itch because she doesn't respect you for not standing up for yourself as a man. Instead you've completed supplicated to her.


BUT!!!!!!!... I asked her how the hell do you want space if you are going on vacation with me this weekend in 2 DAYS!!.... Shes like if you dont wanna go tell me,, Ill take someone else...

Why would you even want to go on vacation with her at this point?? Have some self respect bro!!

for 3 days she wants to see me but she wants space at the same time!!... I am confused... IDK what to do...

Your wrong, she doesn't want to see you anytime soon, if at all. She's trying to pick a fight with you so you end up NOT going on the vacation. Her "I need space" comment is evident of all this....

You need to understand that your gf is right in a sense. You have been consistently needy and clingy and nothing turns off a girl faster than that. Show some restraint and self respect by NOT going on the vacation and giving her space.

If you go on that vacation, I PROMISE you it will become a nightmare in paradise rather than a salvation of any sort.





PIMP

 

[DJ_Tekinkel]

Wow I was going to reply but pimp just owned this post.
So I'll just rep him

+1 to what pimp said.

You major AFC'd the crap out of it

let me add

I have soo much going on in my life now, im moving up to NYC alone.. Im going to a new school... and Im working at a new spot.. I cant let you get in my way with ur drama... Instead of just arguing with you,, I want sum space so I can calm myself down...I tried bringing up how good we were in the past and how we make it through so many hard times... she tells me its different now...

That basically means, I plan on moving on with my life - without YOU

 

[pipe007]

awwwww

I remember being in this situations when I had no experience how to unerstand natural female behavior... it feels out of control, they appear to have such an amazing power to run the relaitonship...

its only after you've been hit like this a bunch of times that you start to see the pattern of behavior..... so whatever it is, the OP must go through this situations by all means,,, get hit, learn from it,,, if you dont get hit,,, and think... until it hits home and you will realize,,, hold on,,, I caused it!!!

you will enter the matrix, and realize you hold the power if you wish, and from that point its soo easy to maintain the power, once you understand how to use it....

for now, it seems you dont know whats going on, so just enjoy the ride my friend.... it will be worth it in the long run .... you need this experience

 

[Slick101]

I feel like whatever advice I gave you in the past was exactly what you didn't do.. and so now you're still in the same situation you were in before and you've wasted more of your time.

What do you want? I know what you want.. you want to save your relationship.. ok here's how you save your relationship, pay attention: You find the best plastic surgeon and psychologists around.. you take your gf to both of them and have them give her a total makeover -- she'll look and think different. Than while you're at it.. grab her birth certificate give her a new name, use of a red sharpie should be appropriate here.. kill her parents and hire more ideal ones in their place. Tell her friends she moved to the Scandanavian countryside and than introduce her to new friends as the new and improved Slick's girlfriend. Viola, relationship saved, slick's happy, everyone cheers with joy! --Or you could just do it the old fashioned way and find a new girlfriend -- a different girl who is more fitting for your personality. Or you could do what your still doing.. which is try to fit this girl into a role she isn't meant to fill.

The bottom line is..the longer you hold onto this the harder it is going to be when it ends... and if by some chance she's stupid enough to not end it.. than you're going to live in this misery the rest of your life.

Pimpsicle is right in this aspect -- you're needy. I would explain how to get over your neediness but I already did that the last time I gave you advice. In fact at this point I would say you need to break up with your girlfriend just to work on yourself. If you want a more respectable, higher value girlfriend you need to work on yourself.. your inner game. From what I've seen.. you need help with it. It's actually a really self-rewarding thing to work for.

I can understand it's hard to break up with your girlfriend.. I just did it a month ago with my girlfriend (ex now). In fact, my ex-girlfriend respected me, she was really great, we had lots of fun, little to no drama, etc.. etc.. it was a healthy relationship. I broke it off.. why? Because I didn't see it going anywhere down the road -- there were a # of red flags that I saw that I didn't like.. nothing like the red flags that say "STOP!!! GET THE FVCK OUT.. ABANDON SHIP!!" you're getting I might add. So I gave up all the sex, all the lovey-dovey sh*t, having a solid friend.. because I had foresight, I saw down the road it wasn't in the cards for us.. or at least me. I knew I wouldn't be happy. That's what you have to do and I wouldn't ask someone to do something I hadn't already done. So get your act together.

Last thing I would mention is read that book I told you to get.. and if you read it, you need to meditate on it.. because I'm not sure you've grasped the concept of life yet. "It's all about the adventure and not the outcome!" If that last statement doesn't seem like good advice for your situation than you have to do some more searching. MAN UP.. I have nothing else for you.

Which book are you talking about? "The Way of the Peacful Warrior"? because I already read that...

 

[DJ_Tekinkel]

Hey bro just saying, if things dont work out and you break up, dont get to cut ( it is looking that way ) you could get the jump on her and break up first, but if you do I can see you doing AFC and then asking her to be back together/letting her get back to gether with you then itll fizzle out and wont be the same.

Nevertheless

You should start working on yourself, make your life awesome, work on your inner game, become sharper, learn and become stronger, bet you you will get addicted to becoming a better person with higher value! youll be grinning in no time, probably thanking her for giving you such a harsh lesson.

So just view it as a new opportunity however things go! with so many doors open to you, and you have the power to pick!

 

[SchoolBoy]

It looks at though your girlfriend's interest level is going down a steep slope.

Complaining to her that she doesn't pick up your calls or not calling you is a big AFC move on your part.

Remember, the key is to be indifferent and show her that her actions DO NOT effect you emotionally. Once you show her that her actions effect you, she's got you by the balls.

Your girlfriend is currently taking a step back from the relationship. It's your job as a DJ to take 2 steps back from the relationship. Give her the "space" she needs. If you continue smothering her, it will only make matters worse.

Everything a woman does if she has any interest in you is a sh1t test. So treat it like one. Let her know that you agree that you "both" need some space. After you have done that employ minimal contact with her or no contact at all. Give it some time.. She will either come back to you, or she will break-up with you. You can't control the outcome.

You should keep in mind that she may have already made the decision to break-up with you. So brace yourself to let her go. It may be in your best interest to break-up with her first. That way you maintain your self-respect and don't end up in her "DUMPED" folder.

By reading her text, it shows she's putting all the blame on you and isn't taking responsibility for her own actions. That doesn't sound like the kind of quality girl you want in your life.

Don't go on the vacation because nothing good will come out of it. When a girl has low IL or is angry at you, there's nothing you can say or do that will be considered "right" in her eyes.

Remember that you are the prize and it's her loss if this doesn't work out. Next time don't let a woman's actions get to you; if it does, never ever show it.

Goodluck.

 

[seano99]

all the advice is here is awesome, im filing it away for use too.

break up with her asap, or else she will... and when she wants you back (so she can dump you), tell her "no way!"

i know it sucks because 2 years is such an investment stay strong my man, you'll be better for this.. you're the prize remember

 

[Slick101]

Thanks guys... I havent spoken to her since tuesday night... Im used to speaking to her all the time.. It bothers me a little but Im still holding in their and trying to not think about her,,, she knows that we are going on vacation tommrow.. Im guessing she should call me today to confirm and what not...

Im still debating weather I should go or not.. Im thinking about meeting up with her.. Seeing how she responds to my presence by watching her body language and hearing what she says... if its too negative..Im thinking about just telling her there that its over...

I need closure... Thats what I feel like I neeed....

 

[Nutz]

I smell a pending branch swing. I'm willing to bet there's another guy she's interested in and it's making her second guess being with the OP. The vast majority of times when a woman says "I need a break" it actually means "I want to test drive some other dude's crotch".

 

[Slick101]

I smell a pending branch swing. I'm willing to bet there's another guy she's interested in and it's making her second guess being with the OP. The vast majority of times when a woman says "I need a break" it actually means "I want to test drive some other dude's crotch".

No shes moving to NYC, going to a new school, new job and internship... Im pretty confident there isnt another guy. I think shes just tired with my situation that maybe Im not giving her any kind of commitment,,, maybe she wants a fresh start in her new life, without worrying about me. She says she worries about me, wheather Im cheating on her or not.. insecure that is... Maybe shes trying to avoid that problem.. Thats why she needs space.. This is my logical thinking.. Shes confused,, probably people tell her that Im not the guy for her... but WTF she wants me to go on vacation with her tommrow and then see her on christmas? but at the same time have space... THATS what I dont comprehend...

 

[drak_ool]

shes moving to NYC, going to a new school, new job and internship... Im pretty confident there isnt another guy.

There isn't another guy... yet! If your girl is at least a little good looking, she will have a guy in the City in no time.

I don't know the background of your situation, but if a girl decides to move away from you for good, then she does not view you as a priority in her life. You say you're trying to salvage this relationship. But what are you really trying to achieve? Do you think you could have a healthy LDR with this girl?

Like everybody else said it before, drop her, move on...

 

[Slick101]

There isn't another guy... yet! If your girl is at least a little good looking, she will have a guy in the City in no time.

I don't know the background of your situation, but if a girl decides to move away from you for good, then she does not view you as a priority in her life. You say you're trying to salvage this relationship. But what are you really trying to achieve? Do you think you could have a healthy LDR with this girl?

Like everybody else said it before, drop her, move on...

EDIT.. She lives in NJ now and moving to NY where I live...

 

[Slick101]

LATEST UPDATE:

Wednesday I didnt speak to her at all... Yesterday around 6 PM I get a phone call from her. I didnt answer because I wasnt near the phone. She left me a LOOOOOOOOONGG Message, starting like this:

HER: HI (my name)!! Its (Her name)!!.. HAHA I cant belive I just said that.. (in a very sweet friendly tone) .. Call me when you get this but I wanted to let you know what to bring for tommrorows trip (she told me exactly what to bring and how to look nice, we are supposed to go away for 3 days.. then she concluded with) I love you baby bye..

I WAS SHOCKED!!... WTF was that about.. After hating me and wanting space she acted like this!.. I was confused.. So I picked up the phone and called her:

She was still friendly,, She told me that she would drive all the way to the city to pick me up and we would leave from there.. No I love you this time.. and she said I will call you tommrow when I get out of class Goodnight... (usually she calls me before bed.. is she still in her "space"??... IDK

NOW THIS IS WHAT I WAS THINKING TO DO!

I meet her in the city.. Sit in the car and tell her the deal about how her wanting space and me seeing her over vacation does not mix.. Without bringing up all the good past memories.. I will lay it flat and tell her.. "Look I know what is happening and Im not stupid.. You obviously dont want me around like you used to.. things changed now.. and you are dettatching yourself from me mentally until you find the right person to completely take my place, if you havent already found one. If it is hard for you to let me go tell me now.. and I will do it for us.. If she says yes its hard for me to let go.. I will end it right there.. get out of the car and leave.. if she says IDK.. im still leaving.. If she says NO I want to be with you.. (I KNOW I KNOW.. I STILL HAVE TO LEAVE)... But at this point I atleast understand that she wants me.. and HONESTLY SPEAKING.. I will go on this vacation...

Some of you might think its a bad idea.. maybe good... Thats my plan.. NOWW OPINIONS???

 

[Da Realist]

LATEST UPDATE:

Wednesday I didnt speak to her at all... Yesterday around 6 PM I get a phone call from her. I didnt answer because I wasnt near the phone. She left me a LOOOOOOOOONGG Message, starting like this:

HER: HI (my name)!! Its (Her name)!!.. HAHA I cant belive I just said that.. (in a very sweet friendly tone) .. Call me when you get this but I wanted to let you know what to bring for tommrorows trip (she told me exactly what to bring and how to look nice, we are supposed to go away for 3 days.. then she concluded with) I love you baby bye..

I WAS SHOCKED!!... WTF was that about.. After hating me and wanting space she acted like this!.. I was confused.. So I picked up the phone and called her:

She was still friendly,, She told me that she would drive all the way to the city to pick me up and we would leave from there.. No I love you this time.. and she said I will call you tommrow when I get out of class Goodnight... (usually she calls me before bed.. is she still in her "space"??... IDK

NOW THIS IS WHAT I WAS THINKING TO DO!

I meet her in the city.. Sit in the car and tell her the deal about how her wanting space and me seeing her over vacation does not mix.. Without bringing up all the good past memories.. I will lay it flat and tell her.. "Look I know what is happening and Im not stupid.. You obviously dont want me around like you used to.. things changed now.. and you are dettatching yourself from me mentally until you find the right person to completely take my place, if you havent already found one. If it is hard for you to let me go tell me now.. and I will do it for us.. If she says yes its hard for me to let go.. I will end it right there.. get out of the car and leave.. if she says IDK.. im still leaving.. If she says NO I want to be with you.. (I KNOW I KNOW.. I STILL HAVE TO LEAVE)... But at this point I atleast understand that she wants me.. and HONESTLY SPEAKING.. I will go on this vacation...

Some of you might think its a bad idea.. maybe good... Thats my plan.. NOWW OPINIONS???

Don't make the speech. If you're going to on the trip, just have fun despite her. See, I have the same problem where I just have to give some kind of lecture and I have learned it's better just to shut up. If you really have this feeling about what will happen, you just shouldn't go to begin with.

 

[Nutz]

Not a good idea ambushing her like that as it'll create a fight-flight-freeze response. None of which will be a good way to go about it. My suggestion is to completely ignore her previous behavior and mentally disassociate yourself form her and gradually downgrade her to FB/FWB do spend time with her like this little vacation, bang the hell out of her, but when you get back just be less invested than she is. The person who is the most invested has the least power. She's got the upper hand because she verbalized her disinterest in you and the relationship. Actions speak louder than words so you need to keep your trap shut and show her through your actions over time that you are in fact the one that's least invested. That's the only way to get a woman in your situation to begin chasing again... INVESTMENT!