I need a man's opinion on something...

[MacAvoy]

Ok first off, I wouldn't bother telling her. What positive for you can come out of it. She is a grown women and can take care of herself. Why lower yourself to becoming a vindictive b1tch under the guise of doing the right thing.

As for him, what your not realizing is that a guy can totally separate sex from emotions. So when he said that he misses you etc... it was likely true, however a guy can easily have feelings for multiple women.

I think part of your problem is your natural ASD. You afraid to get out there and sleep around, so you only go back to a safe place where you've already been.

Forget about this guy and move on with your life, don't get tied up in the past. Move forward.

 

[JackPrescott]

I have cut him out completely, and I don't need an emotional tampon..thanks.

That might be the first smart move you have done all year. Do yourself a favor, and tell the "Playas" like this lobotomized little monkey to "Get lost" Now if you want to offer us a female's perspective on how retarded/brain dead women are out in the dating scene, we would welcome it.

 

[DonGorgon]

Well no, I really did want to be with him before I knew what a liar he was. In the past, we slept together for a long time but never dated because we worked together. He got a new job, I got tired of the situation and said "ok, so now what? We aren't working together..." and he agreed to date. That lasted 3 days before he changed his mind and said he wasn't ready, knew he couldnt treat me right, knew he would hurt me, thats just how he is, has cheated on all his gfs...blah blah blah. We didnt talk for awhile, then I got over it and was ok with just having a fwb with him for the rest of the summer. We started argueing too much and put an end to things. He still wanted to be "friends" so we were just friends for awhile (talked everyday, got along fine) until this girl told me she was sleeping with him and I found out he had been lying to me about a lot of things. So we stopped talking again then he started contacting me a month later, calling a lot and telling me he ended things with her, missed me, etc.

I gave in (there's my mistake) and hooked up with him again, found out she was still the picture, and voila... here I am.

Lovely lady, I'm fairly certain this girl thinks he is only with her...because when I told him to tell me what was going on or I would ask her myself, he got defensive and admitted everything to me, and seemed pretty worried about the fact I would approach her, and that she would never talk to him again.

Ugh, whatever..it's all my own mistake for trusting this loser in the first place.

Sounds like he played the Don Juan game perfectly and kept you chasing and wondering... The fact is that if he had given you what you say you wanted (been AFC) and commited to you you would have found some reason to end it with him... You know deep down he had other women and you liked that... i know you can face and accept you nature as a human female..

 

[SunnyD]

Ok first off, I wouldn't bother telling her. What positive for you can come out of it. She is a grown women and can take care of herself. Why lower yourself to becoming a vindictive b1tch under the guise of doing the right thing.

As for him, what your not realizing is that a guy can totally separate sex from emotions. So when he said that he misses you etc... it was likely true, however a guy can easily have feelings for multiple women.

I think part of your problem is your natural ASD. You afraid to get out there and sleep around, so you only go back to a safe place where you've already been.

Forget about this guy and move on with your life, don't get tied up in the past. Move forward.

I agree with everything exept that he has feelings. He doesn't have feelings. This is one of those guys who cheated on his "first real love" (and only one to date) then lost her, and regretted what he did. So now he doesn't let women in anymore, "keeps them at a distance and doesnt fall for them." This is what he always told me anyway. So now he just uses girls for sex, no feelings involved..but pretends that he does.

Absolutely thats my problem MacAvoy. This is the same guy I told you about in the emails. Its not HIM I'm after..it's the comfort of the situation. When it was about sex and I thought it was just me, I was fine with that. Honest to God.

DonGordon, I agree with you as well that I probably wouldn't have lasted with him anyway if he decided to date. Because when he did for those 3 shorts days (after a year of me trying) once he finally said "yeah ok lets try it" I didnt feel all happy like I thought I would. I explained this to MacAvoy as well...I felt all confused and like "oh, ok...so now what..?" and wondered if it was the right thing. I guess the chasing him part was over and I didnt know where to go from there.

In the end, its a good thing we're not together and we dont belong together..but if he'd just been honest like I asked from the very beginning...he could have had all the no-strings attached sex with me that he wanted and we'd both be happy. There still needs to be a level of respect. ie. Telling about other partners if there are.

Now things have ended absolutely ugly, filled with hate which isnt what I wanted.

 

[DonGorgon]

...As for him, what your not realizing is that a guy can totally separate sex from emotions.

Females do the same thing... but they pretend alot better...

 

[LovelyLady]

This is one of those guys who cheated on his "first real love" (and only one to date) then lost her, and regretted what he did. So now he doesn't let women in anymore, "keeps them at a distance and doesnt fall for them."

He told you the truth about who he was - and what his "frame" is in romantic relationships. The question is not why he is this way, but why were you wanting to give your self to a man who is wired this way. When you can answer that, you will be able to keep your self safe from ever having to hurt this way again. :yes:

 

[DonGorgon]

He told you the truth about who he was - and what his "frame" is in romantic relationships. The question is not why he is this way, but why were you wanting to give your self to a man who is wired this way. When you can answer that, you will be able to keep your self safe from ever having to hurt this way again. :yes:

Because this is exactly the type of man that women find irrisistable. he is the complete opposite of and AFC..

 

[JackPrescott]

He told you the truth about who he was - and what his "frame" is in romantic relationships. The question is not why he is this way, but why were you wanting to give your self to a man who is wired this way. When you can answer that, you will be able to keep your self safe from ever having to hurt this way again. :yes:

Because you women, for some weird reason, are wired to get your panties wet over the most repulsive piles of human excrement males on the Planet Earth. Did you ever watch "Urban Cowboy".....Sissy was a typical female, much the way you two are. She was MARRIED and had a hubby who worked his a$$ off, 6 days a week at the Refinery, and had bought her a home, and was loyal to her. What does she do? She wets her panties over Wes Hightower an EX CON who lives in a 12X7 trailer outside of Gillies. She lands up hanging out at Gillies to learn how to ride the mechanical bull, and then lands up sleeping with him. He screws her little brains out, makes her have a few multiple orgasms, and then slaps the piss out of her, and forces her to buy him cigarettes and groceries, and BEATS her ass, and then demands she make him an omlette....AND SHE DOES!!!! WTF with a capital "F"....She was willing to go to fuc*king MEXICO with his ass in HER car, because he owned nothing except a knife and a pistol. Except this being the movies, Bud saved the day, beat his ass to a pulp, which was a fun scene to watch, and took Sissy back away from him. Bud is the Ultimate male DJ.

 

[LovelyLady]

Sunny,

One of the wonderful things about this life journey we are all on is that we do actually have opportunities to learn and grow. I have faith you will see your way to the otherside of this and glean the truths that will make you a stronger woman.

I have learned to surround myself with people who want to see me grow - who enhance my life. And I have learned to not give any of my self to people who try to have me function in ways that do not honor me, themselves, or our relationship together.

It makes a very small pool of people to connect with, but the connections have depth and are rich - and are worthy of my time - my life.

As the Great Goddess Oprah ( :crackup: ) says : "Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.'

It is better to be alone than with a man who is not going to honor himself - or you. <<<hugs>>>

 

[JackPrescott]

Sunny,

One of the wonderful things about this life journey we are all on is that we do actually have opportunities to learn and grow. I have faith you will see your way to the otherside of this and glean the truths that will make you a stronger woman.

I have learned to surround myself with people who want to see me grow - who enhance my life. And I have learned to not give any of my self to people who try to have me function in ways that do not honor me, themselves, or our relationship together.

It makes a very small pool of people to connect with, but the connections have depth and are rich - and are worthy of my time - my life.

As the Great Goddess Oprah ( :crackup: ) says : "Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.'

It is better to be alone than with a man who is not going to honor himself - or you. <<<hugs>>>

Wrong. Women hate being alone. They go through phases. Shock, denial, anger, sadness, acceptance, but all in quick fashion. Then it's "manhunting" time, time to hit the clubs/bars, wearing tight pants, too low shirts, too much eye make up. An HB 7 or greater will find, in this day and age of the ridiculous male to female ratio, no less than 5 willing men per place. Drinks enhance this, and within a matter of weeks, they find themselves naked, and moaning at 4am with a stranger, and so the cycle continues, as the only male who could land them in bed is a bigger ******* than the last one. :yes:

 

[DonGorgon]

^^true.

 

[iqqi]

hmm... I am unclear - how do you know that he told her he is not sleeping with other people? If he is not "dating" her - much less said he will be exclusive physically with her - than she must assume he would sleep with other women as casually as he sleeps with her, IMO.




What consequence to him will it REALLY do to tell on him? He may lose her, but he will just move on to another woman after her. He does not care deeply enough for either one of you to commit, much less be honest with you - so there is no real worry of genuine loss fof love or relationship for him.

When he was saying he wants to stay friends with you, it is just his ego talking - if he can stay friends with you then he, and his behavior, is validated.

He does not want to think of himself as "that kind of a guy who has to lie to get laid" (which I assume you would not have slept with him had he been honest about being sexual with her) If you stay "friends" it helps him hold on to that illusion about himself and his behavior.

If you let this "relationship" end/cut off contact, and in essence say "Your lieing disqualifies you from even receiving my friendship" then his illusion is challenged.

But be clear on this: it is not YOU he is worrying about losing - it is just the challenge to the illusion that he is somehow still a great guy that he wants to avoid.

You are not relevant - you could be any woman in a line of women - and unfortunately, it sounds like to him you are just that.

I concur a billion percent.

It hurts, but its true.

 

[iqqi]

Meant in a kind way, as this reads so much harsher than I intend... but...

No, I don't think so. There is no "giving in". You CHOSE this man. You made a concious decision to be with him - you knew he was a liar and you still CHOSE to be with him anyway.

When we act appalled or angry or want to punish a man for being how/who we already know him to be - it is a form of dishonesty on our parts.


This does not excuse his lieing to you, but you can't do anything about anybody else's behaviors - only - your own.

My Grandma would hug you close and tell you: "Why go to all that trouble puttin' your bucket down a well you know has run dry? You need to go dig yourself another well, Darlin' "

DAMN, rep points. You are on a ROLL.

The men on this site should take a lesson here too.

 

[Interceptor]

Wrong. Women hate being alone. They go through phases. Shock, denial, anger, sadness, acceptance, but all in quick fashion. Then it's "manhunting" time, time to hit the clubs/bars, wearing tight pants, too low shirts, too much eye make up. An HB 7 or greater will find, in this day and age of the ridiculous male to female ratio, no less than 5 willing men per place. Drinks enhance this, and within a matter of weeks, they find themselves naked, and moaning at 4am with a stranger, and so the cycle continues, as the only male who could land them in bed is a bigger ******* than the last one. :yes:

Actually, she's right.
Please re read what Lovely Lady wrote:

It is better to be alone than with a man who is not going to honor himself - or you.

What you're talking about is people who want to get attention from whomever at any cost, and do not want to be alone, even if it means being in a bad relationship.

Lovely Lady is saying that it is fundamentally BETTER to be 'alone' than to be in a miserable, unloved, and disrespected relationship.

She is of course aware that people have free will.
And they may choose to act in a way that may not be the 'best' for them.

It's good advice. But like all advice, people can take it or leave it.
If a woman wants a good life, she must learn how to have a good life with a partner and alone.
Same as men.
To be the BEST man, we must be able to have a good life alone and with a good woman.
Now, following that advice is another matter....

 

[JackPrescott]

Actually, she's right.
Please re read what Lovely Lady wrote:

It is better to be alone than with a man who is not going to honor himself - or you.

What you're talking about is people who want to get attention from whomever at any cost, and do not want to be alone, even if it means being in a bad relationship.

Lovely Lady is saying that it is fundamentally BETTER to be 'alone' than to be in a miserable, unloved, and disrespected relationship.

She is of course aware that people have free will.
And they may choose to act in a way that may not be the 'best' for them.

It's good advice. But like all advice, people can take it or leave it.
If a woman wants a good life, she must learn how to have a good life with a partner and alone.
Same as men.
To be the BEST man, we must be able to have a good life alone and with a good woman.
Now, following that advice is another matter....

Women today REFUSE to follow that advice. At least most of them wont. Women want a partner in their lives, they feel they have a miserable existence without it. I work with a woman who, when broken up with her boyfriend was a miserable wretch, and when she got back with him was as happy as a fly inside a rotting deer carcass. A woman who recently "friendszoned" me, was basically dumped by a Marine she was madly in lust with, and is now "plotting revenge" She is going through the "anger" part of her loss. That is her way of coping, probably her way of revenge is going to be to land another boyfriend as fast as possible. But she is 28 and she loves men at least 4-6 years younger, and with her ass, breasts and face, she can land these, especially in this male to female "Twilight Zone" ratio city. She REFUSES to be alone, a boyfriend validates her miserable existence.

 

[SunnyD]

Women today REFUSE to follow that advice. At least most of them wont. Women want a partner in their lives, they feel they have a miserable existence without it. I work with a woman who, when broken up with her boyfriend was a miserable wretch, and when she got back with him was as happy as a fly inside a rotting deer carcass. A woman who recently "friendszoned" me, was basically dumped by a Marine she was madly in lust with, and is now "plotting revenge" She is going through the "anger" part of her loss. That is her way of coping, probably her way of revenge is going to be to land another boyfriend as fast as possible. But she is 28 and she loves men at least 4-6 years younger, and with her ass, breasts and face, she can land these, especially in this male to female "Twilight Zone" ratio city. She REFUSES to be alone, a boyfriend validates her miserable existence.

Anger stage is the "revenge" stage isn't it?? Well I'm glad I never did something stupid. Maybe I'm getting past that stage now. I had all kinds of ideas, onces I'd never go through with (except the possibility of telling this girl but I decided in the end what's the point.)

Anyway, personally speaking...maybe not for all women but I'd like to see a study done because I am SURE that we turn into miserable wenches after a break not because we miss HIM or need HIM...but because we are no longer getting laid!

I seriously think it's like PMS when women are forced into celibacy...I know it makes me a real *****, and once I'm getting it again...I'm in the greatest of moods all the time..haha.

 

[MacAvoy]

Hell has no fury like a woman scorned

I'm glad to see that you've starting moving beyond that phase without making any stupid moves. Your on the right track. Now its a matter of keeping moving forward and totalling forgetting about this guy.

But back to scorned women, I'm noticing that there seems to be less and less of them, than say 10-20 years ago. Why? I think largely because of a role reversal where the women have become the players and the men have become the snivelling women (AFC's)

I've never really thought about why women get scorned but you bring up an interesting angle. However I think it has more to do with rejection. Thats why women nowadays do whatever they can to suck the guy back in so they can do the rejecting.

 

[SunnyD]

I've never really thought about why women get scorned but you bring up an interesting angle. However I think it has more to do with rejection. Thats why women nowadays do whatever they can to suck the guy back in so they can do the rejecting.

Agree with the first part..the rejection is a blow and it's all about "is she better than me? Whats she got?" (Which I still don't get, because I'm not being spiteful here but she is nasty...) But, to go through all the trouble of reeling him back in just to reject him... not worth all the time and effort. It makes more sense to run into somewhere (which I know I will) and him seeing me happy without him, enjoying myself. (and looking gooood...haha) Way better.

 

[JackPrescott]

Anger stage is the "revenge" stage isn't it?? Well I'm glad I never did something stupid. Maybe I'm getting past that stage now. I had all kinds of ideas, onces I'd never go through with (except the possibility of telling this girl but I decided in the end what's the point.)

Anyway, personally speaking...maybe not for all women but I'd like to see a study done because I am SURE that we turn into miserable wenches after a break not because we miss HIM or need HIM...but because we are no longer getting laid!

I seriously think it's like PMS when women are forced into celibacy...I know it makes me a real *****, and once I'm getting it again...I'm in the greatest of moods all the time..haha.

Ok, I wont mince words here. If you are an HB7 or especially higher, there is no reason you should not be getting laid, other than petty ass pickiness. You, say you live in Anytown, USA can go either to a Nightclub, with the Trance Megamix, or a poolhall with a bar, and land a man, who will be sexual with you, no problemo. He could be anything from a wannabe gangsta type, like K-Fed, to a Black man, to a biker, to an AFC, but you will get your vagina filled with manmeat, nonetheless.

I know how women are. You ladies are as horny as men, or even hornier. If you would let your sexuality free once in a while, instead of waiting for Prince Charming, you'd rely on your vibrators and hugging your pillows at night a lot less.

 

[SunnyD]

Ok, I wont mince words here. If you are an HB7 or especially higher, there is no reason you should not be getting laid, other than petty ass pickiness. You, say you live in Anytown, USA can go either to a Nightclub, with the Trance Megamix, or a poolhall with a bar, and land a man, who will be sexual with you, no problemo. He could be anything from a wannabe gangsta type, like K-Fed, to a Black man, to a biker, to an AFC, but you will get your vagina filled with manmeat, nonetheless.

I know how women are. You ladies are as horny as men, or even hornier. If you would let your sexuality free once in a while, instead of waiting for Prince Charming, you'd rely on your vibrators and hugging your pillows at night a lot less.

I'd agree we're as horny, and I'd agree that I could go out on any given weekend and pickup. (not being vain here, but I don't have problems.) BUT...I have always had a thing against bringing a guy home from a bar. I just won't do it. If I am desperate and haven't been laid in months, yeah maybe...but for now, I'd rather find that guy at the laundromat or grocery store.

And yes, I AM very picky. I end up "making out" (f**kin hate that term) with guys all the time at bars...but I won't bring one home with me for a one-nighter.