I need a man's opinion on something...

[SunnyD]

Thanks for the replies...it just disgusts me that he slept with us both in the same day. I know many of you think that's the greatest thing..but while she has only been a FWB as far as I know...I cared about him and he spewed all the bull**** lines about caring for me too. I believed every word out of his mouth and now I feel like the biggest fool in the world right now.

I want to know also, from your points of view..what he's thinking now that he got found out. Is he laughing about it to all his friends? Is he thinking "well I still have *Julie...hahaha..." or does he feel the least bit bad for hurting me and lying so bad?? Does he miss me? Probably not, huh?? Guys like that don't really think about anything but themselves. We ended on "you're right sunnyd, we can't be friends because there are feelings there and it clouds everything." I dont think he was referring to himself so I said "there are no feelings on your end, just hormones..." He said "thats not true at all..." Yeah right.

This stupid rollercoaster has been going on for over a year and a half and I hate to discover just now what kind of ass he really is. I don't ever hate anyone, but I am the closest thing to it with him right now. I guess that would be my only reason for telling her, she isnt his gf after all.... I just wanted to blowup his happy little world.

 

[KontrollerX]

Well to be brutally honest most of the time guys don't laugh in a scenario like that we're more like damn lost a great piece of ass!

Then we might say ah well she'll probably be back eventually and then move onto the next chick in the rotation.

LOL, stuff more in line with that Sunny.

Sorry it can't be any more comforting to hear than to imagine him laughing at you but well thats the truth from my male perspective.

The thing for you to keep in mind though is if you do keep going back thats when the laughing is most likely to happen under our breath or after you make that desperate phone call or phone call in general to try and get back together with us.

Thats when a player guy will say "yeah baby can't get enough of my python" lol.

 

[DonJuan11]

He's NOT sexing us both...I called it off and cut contact as soon as I found out.

And I don't want him, she can have him. My only rule has ever been "if you're sleeping with other people, don't sleep with me." I didnt ask for a title, didnt demand his time, didnt ask questions. (Until I started to figure it out.) In which case, he lied to my face time and time again.."no there isn't anyone else..I would tell you."

It's a respect thing to let the people you're sleeping with KNOW that you are sleeping with our other people. I value my health thanks. I know that sounds ****ed up because I didnt use domes with him...but he was a damn good liar and I was with him over a year and trusted him.

Fair enough.

Of course women want the guy they are sleeping with not to sleep with other women while they are with them, but they would like to know that he could if he wanted to (i.e. not a "nice guy")

 

[JackPrescott]

i say that you just move on and not go out of your way to tell her.
i mean , if she looks you up and asks you, be honest.
if not, your friends are right, it will look like you are trying to sabotage them and she won't believe it.
she will find out in due time, whether he is worth her time or not.
you already know , good for you.

you don't need that sort of drama in your life

Kick him in the nuts. We all need a little drama, now and then.

 

[SunnyD]

I dont really care at this point if I'm forever labelled the "psycho exgf." Whatever. It's not psycho..its kicking him off his pedestal. He thinks he's King Shiate and he makes me sick.

This all happened two weeks ago and I don't know why I'm feeling so damn mad about it now. When I hooked up with him, I expected feelings to return (on my end) but they didn't. I didnt really feel anything and kind of felt closure. Like "that's what I've been crying over the last 6 months??" It was just a whatever hookup...he didnt even look good to me anymore and he was still the ahole that I remember.

So I shouldnt even care, I should just be done with it and never talk to him again..and I dont plan to. But it bothers me that he's still out pulling it off with this other girl who has no idea and he thinks he's winning some sort of game. He hasn't even contacted me to apologize or anything but that's the be expected.

So is there really no good in telling her?

 

[JackPrescott]

Thanks for the replies...it just disgusts me that he slept with us both in the same day. I know many of you think that's the greatest thing..but while she has only been a FWB as far as I know...I cared about him and he spewed all the bull**** lines about caring for me too. I believed every word out of his mouth and now I feel like the biggest fool in the world right now.

I want to know also, from your points of view..what he's thinking now that he got found out. Is he laughing about it to all his friends? Is he thinking "well I still have *Julie...hahaha..." or does he feel the least bit bad for hurting me and lying so bad?? Does he miss me? Probably not, huh?? Guys like that don't really think about anything but themselves. We ended on "you're right sunnyd, we can't be friends because there are feelings there and it clouds everything." I dont think he was referring to himself so I said "there are no feelings on your end, just hormones..." He said "thats not true at all..." Yeah right.

This stupid rollercoaster has been going on for over a year and a half and I hate to discover just now what kind of ass he really is. I don't ever hate anyone, but I am the closest thing to it with him right now. I guess that would be my only reason for telling her, she isnt his gf after all.... I just wanted to blowup his happy little world.

Wow, for you to take back a walking pile of puss like that, he must be hung like Ike Turner. You are a typical woman, I'll say that much.

 

[LovelyLady]

...they're not dating though, have just been sleeping together

...and I know he wasn't dating either of us but he was lying to us both about not being with anyone else

hmm... I am unclear - how do you know that he told her he is not sleeping with other people? If he is not "dating" her - much less said he will be exclusive physically with her - than she must assume he would sleep with other women as casually as he sleeps with her, IMO.

... or kick him in the nuts by telling her?

What consequence to him will it REALLY do to tell on him? He may lose her, but he will just move on to another woman after her. He does not care deeply enough for either one of you to commit, much less be honest with you - so there is no real worry of genuine loss fof love or relationship for him.

When he was saying he wants to stay friends with you, it is just his ego talking - if he can stay friends with you then he, and his behavior, is validated.

He does not want to think of himself as "that kind of a guy who has to lie to get laid" (which I assume you would not have slept with him had he been honest about being sexual with her) If you stay "friends" it helps him hold on to that illusion about himself and his behavior.

If you let this "relationship" end/cut off contact, and in essence say "Your lieing disqualifies you from even receiving my friendship" then his illusion is challenged.

But be clear on this: it is not YOU he is worrying about losing - it is just the challenge to the illusion that he is somehow still a great guy that he wants to avoid.

You are not relevant - you could be any woman in a line of women - and unfortunately, it sounds like to him you are just that.

 

[DonGorgon]

(background: he and I together over a year, not really comitted because he was a comittmentphobe..

And that is what you love about him .... you know he does not want to be with just you so inderectly by messing with him you can keep your sexual freedom and pretend you want to be dedicated to one man.... This happens all the time.

 

[LovelyLady]

Also Sunny, I would suggest you read Men Who Can't Love and more importantly: He's Scared - She's Scared.

Usually women who are attracted to commitment phobic men are also commitment phobic themselves - the women just are passive about it and the men are usually actively acting out. So, the woman can blame the men and get caught in the role of victim because they do not understand how they participate in it - and how it actually serves their own desire to avoid have a genuine commitment.

Whether you feel this may describe you or not, both books are valuable in recognizing unhealthy relating patterns many people exhibit.

 

[SunnyD]

And that is what you love about him .... you know he does not want to be with just you so inderectly by messing with him you can keep your sexual freedom and pretend you want to be dedicated to one man.... This happens all the time.

Well no, I really did want to be with him before I knew what a liar he was. In the past, we slept together for a long time but never dated because we worked together. He got a new job, I got tired of the situation and said "ok, so now what? We aren't working together..." and he agreed to date. That lasted 3 days before he changed his mind and said he wasn't ready, knew he couldnt treat me right, knew he would hurt me, thats just how he is, has cheated on all his gfs...blah blah blah. We didnt talk for awhile, then I got over it and was ok with just having a fwb with him for the rest of the summer. We started argueing too much and put an end to things. He still wanted to be "friends" so we were just friends for awhile (talked everyday, got along fine) until this girl told me she was sleeping with him and I found out he had been lying to me about a lot of things. So we stopped talking again then he started contacting me a month later, calling a lot and telling me he ended things with her, missed me, etc.

I gave in (there's my mistake) and hooked up with him again, found out she was still the picture, and voila... here I am.

Lovely lady, I'm fairly certain this girl thinks he is only with her...because when I told him to tell me what was going on or I would ask her myself, he got defensive and admitted everything to me, and seemed pretty worried about the fact I would approach her, and that she would never talk to him again.

Ugh, whatever..it's all my own mistake for trusting this loser in the first place.

 

[SunnyD]

Also Sunny, I would suggest you read Men Who Can't Love and more importantly: He's Scared - She's Scared.

Usually women who are attracted to commitment phobic men are also commitment phobic themselves - the women just are passive about it and the men are usually actively acting out. So, the woman can blame the men and get caught in the role of victim because they do not understand how they participate in it - and how it actually serves their own desire to avoid have a genuine commitment.

Whether you feel this may describe you or not, both books are valuable in recognizing unhealthy relating patterns many people exhibit.

Thank you, I'll check this out forsure.

I guess what bothers me a lot is not the loss of HIM...but the fact that he may actually care for her and treat her better than he ever treated me. I wonder if its me...or if its him and he is like this with every woman. I guess I'd feel better about it if I knew he was doing this same crap to her that he did me, and didnt really care about her. Stupid thing to say, I know...but I don't want her to be "special." haha.

 

[JackPrescott]

Well no, I really did want to be with him before I knew what a liar he was. In the past, we slept together for a long time but never dated because we worked together. He got a new job, I got tired of the situation and said "ok, so now what? We aren't working together..." and he agreed to date. That lasted 3 days before he changed his mind and said he wasn't ready, knew he couldnt treat me right, knew he would hurt me, thats just how he is, has cheated on all his gfs...blah blah blah. We didnt talk for awhile, then I got over it and was ok with just having a fwb with him for the rest of the summer. We started argueing too much and put an end to things. He still wanted to be "friends" so we were just friends for awhile (talked everyday, got along fine) until this girl told me she was sleeping with him and I found out he had been lying to me about a lot of things. So we stopped talking again then he started contacting me a month later, calling a lot and telling me he ended things with her, missed me, etc.

I gave in (there's my mistake) and hooked up with him again, found out she was still the picture, and voila... here I am.

Lovely lady, I'm fairly certain this girl thinks he is only with her...because when I told him to tell me what was going on or I would ask her myself, he got defensive and admitted everything to me, and seemed pretty worried about the fact I would approach her, and that she would never talk to him again.

Ugh, whatever..it's all my own mistake for trusting this loser in the first place.

You are a perfect example of the idiotic, ass backwards and asinine nature that we have to deal with on the dating scene on a daily basis. It seems women always want assholish, selfish and worthless cheaters, who abuse them. But it gives us valuable insight into what kind of man we have to be to land a good woman. So we all thank you!:yes: :yes: :yes:

 

[LovelyLady]

I gave in

Meant in a kind way, as this reads so much harsher than I intend... but...

No, I don't think so. There is no "giving in". You CHOSE this man. You made a concious decision to be with him - you knew he was a liar and you still CHOSE to be with him anyway.

When we act appalled or angry or want to punish a man for being how/who we already know him to be - it is a form of dishonesty on our parts.


This does not excuse his lieing to you, but you can't do anything about anybody else's behaviors - only - your own.

My Grandma would hug you close and tell you: "Why go to all that trouble puttin' your bucket down a well you know has run dry? You need to go dig yourself another well, Darlin' "

 

[SunnyD]

No, I don't think so. There is no "giving in". You CHOSE this man. You made a concious decision to be with him - you knew he was a liar and you still CHOSE to be with him anyway.

When we act appalled or angry or want to punish a man for being how/who we already know him to be - it is a form of dishonesty on our parts.


This does not excuse his lieing to you, but you can't do anything about anybody else's behaviors - only - your own.

My Grandma would hug you close and tell you: "Why go to all that trouble puttin' your bucket down a well you know has run dry? You need to go dig yourself another well, Darlin' "

I know I CHOSE...but what I meant was that he has been calling me to get together for several weeks and I had the willpower THEN to say no, because of what happened before. By "gave in" I mean, I finally relented.

 

[In Motion]

Thanks for the replies...it just disgusts me that he slept with us both in the same day. I know many of you think that's the greatest thing..but while she has only been a FWB as far as I know...I cared about him and he spewed all the bull**** lines about caring for me too. I believed every word out of his mouth and now I feel like the biggest fool in the world right now.

I want to know also, from your points of view..what he's thinking now that he got found out. Is he laughing about it to all his friends? Is he thinking "well I still have *Julie...hahaha..." or does he feel the least bit bad for hurting me and lying so bad?? Does he miss me? Probably not, huh?? Guys like that don't really think about anything but themselves. We ended on "you're right sunnyd, we can't be friends because there are feelings there and it clouds everything." I dont think he was referring to himself so I said "there are no feelings on your end, just hormones..." He said "thats not true at all..." Yeah right.

This stupid rollercoaster has been going on for over a year and a half and I hate to discover just now what kind of ass he really is. I don't ever hate anyone, but I am the closest thing to it with him right now. I guess that would be my only reason for telling her, she isnt his gf after all.... I just wanted to blowup his happy little world.

I feel we are only getting one side of the story, you must have done something to him. If you are even labeled as psycho exgf there is something you must have done! Be fvckin honest with us and tell us what you did. Maybe then we can give you some advice.

 

[SunnyD]

I feel we are only getting one side of the story, you must have done something to him. If you are even labeled as psycho exgf there is something you must have done! Be fvckin honest with us and tell us what you did. Maybe then we can give you some advice.

Are you kidding me???? Why would *I* have had to do something for him to have a reason to be a lying piece of sh!t? Other than catching him in his lies, I did nothing wrong. I never said he was calling me the psycho exgf...I said that I know if I were to tell her, that's what I would be. It's a "psycho ex-gf" move and I would like to think I have more class than to stoop to that level. I'd just like to kick him where it hurts..I think that's natural when you feel anger towards someone for playing you.

Give me a break.

 

[JackPrescott]

Are you kidding me???? Why would *I* have had to do something for him to have a reason to be a lying piece of sh!t? Other than catching him in his lies, I did nothing wrong. I never said he was calling me the psycho exgf...I said that I know if I were to tell her, that's what I would be. It's a "psycho ex-gf" move and I would like to think I have more class than to stoop to that level. I'd just like to kick him where it hurts..I think that's natural when you feel anger towards someone for playing you.

Give me a break.

And instead, you will offer him fellatio, and probably bring him a Beer afterwards. You need to buy him a crown.

 

[SunnyD]

And instead, you will offer him fellatio, and probably bring him a Beer afterwards. You need to buy him a crown.

What part of "I am no longer talking to him" don't you guys understand??? I have more respect for myself than to go back to a f*ckin liar who sleeps all over town, thanks.

 

[JackPrescott]

What part of "I am no longer talking to him" don't you guys understand??? I have more respect for myself than to go back to a f*ckin liar who sleeps all over town, thanks.

What you need to do is cut him out of your life completley. We the males here at So Suave have no interest in being cyber Emotional Tampons.

Thanks.

 

[SunnyD]

What you need to do is cut him out of your life completley. We the males here at So Suave have no interest in being cyber Emotional Tampons.

Thanks.

I have cut him out completely, and I don't need an emotional tampon..thanks.