I LOVE YOU GUYS! Thank you, thank you, thank you :D :D :D

[vatoloco]

Call her up (or text if you prefer) and tell her this:

"Mother will be joining us tonight. We need to get her approval before we can get engaged, you know."



Since it seems like the practice would be beneficial to you, go ahead and go forward with the plans. Like Kailex said, DO NOT GET SUCKERED INTO A GROUP DATE!

If it were me, I would just withdraw the invitation telling her that something came up and next her. It's just too much disrespect for my liking...

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Sent "Yes just us two". Took the text desision (I'm at work right now).

She responded instantly with "OK then. Are we dancing again? lol x"

 

[vatoloco]

"Of course we are sweetheart! Wear something sexy"

Of course, you are a dancer, right Bunny?

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Well just got home from this waste of time.

Heres how it went.

Got home from work, got ready and recieved... wait for it... A PHONE CALL!!! from her checking if I will definately be there. WTF???

Followered by a million texts with live comenty on what shes doing and how long she will be, and "just got in taxi", and "nearly there, you are there right???" you get the picture.

She turned up alone all shakey and nervous. I mean she even told me how she drank before she came out to calm down.

It started well, the payment thing... That was a breeze, she insisted (even after me saying what curious girl said) to get the first round.

Then it was all in turns. Buy I have never been so BOOORRAAARDDDDDDD!!!!!!!! in my life!!!!!!!!

She is innocent, anyone can tell she would treat any guy with so much respect in a relationship.

She has a high waged job, fancy car, lives in a respectfull area.

Amazing body and good looking. But my questions like "hey, so what do you do in the week to chill after work???" to divert from her boring conversion on what do you? left nothing more than a shrug and... "I dunno, just chill". For ****s sake.

Sorry guys, this girl is so hot!!! (much more hot than she looks on facebook) I was so depressed and fed up. I really had so much more fun with my ex, even though she was a minus 6 and wanted to be smacked in the face. What a waste of time.

There was no kino, even though she tried to get touchy at the worst possible times when there was more chance at getting more interaction with a frozen chicken!!!

The only touching we had was when we left (I ordered her a taxi) she treid to kiss me and I went for the hug.

Im not happy!

 

[CuriousGirl]

Well just got home from this waste of time.

Heres how it went.

Got home from work, got ready and recieved... wait for it... A PHONE CALL!!! from her checking if I will definately be there. WTF???

Followered by a million texts with live comenty on what shes doing and how long she will be, and "just got in taxi", and "nearly there, you are there right???" you get the picture.

She turned up alone all shakey and nervous. I mean she even told me how she drank before she came out to calm down.

It started well, the payment thing... That was a breeze, she insisted (even after me saying what curious girl said) to get the first round.

Then it was all in turns. Buy I have never been so BOOORRAAARDDDDDDD!!!!!!!! in my life!!!!!!!!

She is innocent, anyone can tell she would treat any guy with so much respect in a relationship.

She has a high waged job, fancy car, lives in a respectfull area.

Amazing body and good looking. But my questions like "hey, so what do you do in the week to chill after work???" to divert from her boring conversion on what do you? left nothing more than a shrug and... "I dunno, just chill". For ****s sake.

Sorry guys, this girl is so hot!!! (much more hot than she looks on facebook) I was so depressed and fed up. I really had so much more fun with my ex, even though she was a minus 6 and wanted to be smacked in the face. What a waste of time.

There was no kino, even though she tried to get touchy at the worst possible times when there was more chance at getting more interaction with a frozen chicken!!!

The only touching we had was when we left (I ordered her a taxi) she treid to kiss me and I went for the hug.

Im not happy!

Aaaww that's a shame.
I know how you feel, there was a guy that was really keen on going on a date with me, we met randomly in a queue and had been talking online a lot since then, and we eventually did go on a date. And he was quite hot, and reeeeeally easy to talk to, it was a dinner date followed by ****tail bar, followed by him dropping me home and we chatted for the whole 6 or 7 hours non-stop. And I feel really bad because he seemed like a great guy, but it was a bit ...bland. And throughout the date he gave no clues to even fancying me! There wasn't even any subtle flirting. The only reason why I thought he may have fancied me was because he had drunk texted me loads the week before declaring how gorgeous I was, and after the date he was keen on going on another one. But on the date it was like talking to a relative you've not seen in years. Don't get me wrong, I had a really lovely time, I wasn't bored but I'm in no rush to go on a second date either.

Actually funny you mention the word 'innocent' as I would have said the same for the guy. Oh and the touching thing was the same! The only time we touched was when I got out his car (he got out too) and I gave him a kiss on the cheek before I went inside. But we were just stood next to his car chatting for quite a bit too, which in hindsight might give the impression he was after a bit more than a peck on the cheek...but then because of how the date went I took it for him being polite.

What are you going to do about the girl then? Has her personality really put you off her?

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

we chatted for the whole 6 or 7 hours non-stop.

We had huge spaces of silence.

What are you going to do about the girl then? Has her personality really put you off her?

I don't know what to do. She definatly thinks I'm not interested, I don't know if I am.

It would be a next but Id give it the benefit of the dought that maybe we are both just natrually shy people (even though I don't display it). It feels like we reached the comfort zone but theres no banter or any type of connection.

I'm like this when I meet new people, like mates etc. I can be a bit quiet but I'm completely the oposite when I know them.

I could never imagine this girl having a one night stand. I think she gave into me as the places she likes to go are full of young needy men/studants trying to get into bed with her.

She is ideal g/f material on the trust issue I have, along with her living in a nice area, good upbringing, sending all them texts on the way to meeting me.

Another worry is I really think she just wants "a boyfreind" and not "me". Of which we all know how that will end.

The way she said "you seem really quiet, you were talking non-stop last week" makes me think she was expecting to be meeting something else. She made very little conversion when I delibratly went quiet to see how long it would be before she said something (which was an eternity).

I took the leed and decided most places to go deciding where to sit etc., wither her requests in there to go to a couple of places. Her interest throughout the night apeared to become lower and lower, to the point were we ended up in a club and she didn't want to dance which is unusual fer her as this is her main thing, she goes dance classes etc. We had a little bit of a moment when we cuddled up (sitting on them comfy matress type thingys round the edge of the venue) but that was it. The after date text message I received from her when I was on my way back was just "Had a gd nite just felt bit tired "

I thought this would help me out but there was a point last night where I really missed my ex. The situation was all familiar, just the two of us sitting down but with the ex if there was no converstion it was because we couldn't stop laughing all the time. but I've realized the ex was actually the one starting all the talking.

 

[Kailex]

DB, I was looking forward to this report, and now that I saw that, I have a few things to say.

#1: Congratulations on the first step, which was getting a phone number and then actually going out on the date. That in itself is a step towards the better you.

#2: I'm sorry to hear that conversation was boring, but guess what DB, when women go out with you on a date, more than 90% of the time, if they are boring, it's because you aren't bringing much to the table yourself. You might have to strike up a few hobbies, go out, do more exciting stuff.

Asking: What do you do when you're not at work...

That's too much fluff, not interesting. She's not going to know what to say.
No matter what she can say to that question, it's not going to be exciting. She could say: I go hang-gliding in Brazil...

And you'd still find her boring.
YOU need to lead and YOU need to bring the excitement.
If not, the whole date will come off as boring.

#3: You only miss your ex because this date didn't go as you wanted it to. Had the date gone AWESOME, you wouldn't have had a single thought about your ex.

#4: If she's going in for a kiss, why are you going in for a hug? There's something monumentally wrong with this picture. So let me break it down to you.

- You're more used to the other person leading the interaction.
- You're saying the other person was boring in the conversation.
- They went in for a kiss, you gave a hug.
- You felt the interest level sinking throughout the night and really made no attempt to raise it, as if you really didn't care.

Conclusion: You are the female in the relationships, and this NEEDS to change. Just because you told her where to go, it doesn't made you took the lead. And that's why she made the comment about thinking you were different, it's because you probably were different.

You SEEMED like someone who took the lead, but you proved otherwise.
This whole attitude of: "I open up when I get to know someone" is GOING to have to change. You can't just be quiet and shy from the get-go and wait for the other person to take charge of the conversation. You'd be no different than a woman taking her role of waiting to have questions asked.

You don't ask a woman what she does for fun when she's not working, you find that out for yourself. Ask her engaging questions, questions that'll make her think and make her believe you are into her and that you want to get to know her... questions that'll establish comfort and rapport and at the same time give you a chance to establish attraction.


Again, you did take a first step already.
But rid yourself of this mentality of "I miss my ex".
She DID YOU WRONG. Remember that. Absorb it.

And last but not least.
I'm willing to bet that if you had come into that date with a positive mindset, and had been an exciting version of you, the date would have gone MUCH more smoother. Every single time, women are going to feed off of OUR energy. And I'm also willing to bet that she's not as innocent as you think, you just couldn't open her up much, but even shy girls want to fvck.

As you can see, it's all a learning process.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

#2: I'm sorry to hear that conversation was boring, but guess what DB, when women go out with you on a date, more than 90% of the time, if they are boring, it's because you aren't bringing much to the table yourself. You might have to strike up a few hobbies, go out, do more exciting stuff.

The thing is I couldn't find a way to get onto this. I had a couple of stories that I just couldn't get on the subject of, about how I did a skydive once, nearly crashed a race car (I go on track days in the summer). Its like I jokingly said to her saying "no poking me today, my pecks are aching after the boxing session last night" (we had this poking thing going on when we first met last weekend). But after saying that her response was positive but just killed it.

#4: If she's going in for a kiss, why are you going in for a hug?

I don't know why I did that. I was just so pissed off.


Apart from trying to get more numbers (I feel this date has shattered my confidence) have I completely ****ed this one up or is there any chance she could accept another date?

I'm in town tonight with my freinds (my game is clearly going to be affected), and shes in with hers but I know that it isn't a good idea at all to see her in that situation. There has been no texts at all today, so has she really given up or think that I have no interest in her?

 

[Kailex]

I'm in town tonight with my freinds (my game is clearly going to be affected), and shes in with hers but I know that it isn't a good idea at all to see her in that situation. There has been no texts at all today, so has she really given up or think that I have no interest in her?

Like I said, it's all a learning experience. You aren't going to get it right, the very first time.

Leave her alone today.

See what happens over the course of the next few days. If she is REALLY interested in you, she'll probably send you a text within 2-3 days. If not, just call, and try again.

My advice for the next one, if you do get to go out with her again is ACTION DATE. Do something that isn't completely depending on talking about each other, but something that you two can enjoy while you're doing it.

 

[vatoloco]

Okay, I'm gonna play Devil's Advocate here.

What if the girl's REALLY interested and she just FROZE because her IL was through the roof. IDK how good-looking you are but if you're just her type, she might just be so attracted to you that she doesn't want to do/say anything that will turn you off (which is kind of ironic, seeing that it was an actual turn-off for you).

Why do I say this? Because back in my younger (and more attractive ) days, some girls would literally freeze and shut down because they liked me (physically) so much. Plus people tell me that back then I gave off a "conceited" vibe so maybe they were even afraid that I wouldn't even talk to them.

I know. Crazy stuff! LOL

Since it seems like you need the plate anyway, keep seeing the girl. Like Kailex said, schedule a date where you do something fun (go race some go-karts, go play some mini-golf, go have fun at an amusement park, etc.) and see if the girl's still shy and boring.

You might just be surprised.

 

[Tazman]

Something just doesn't add up with this.

You had a shy chick with an amazing body and good looking, who was interested in you, but rather than try to make her feel at ease you recoil and complain about what she wasn't doing right.

You went even further in describing how respectful she was and her high paying job...

Despite how awkward things were she tried to kiss you and you just gave her a hug?

All this coming from a guy who admits his former gf was below a 6 in the looks department.

I have a feeling that this girl's only flaws weren't just her shyness and lack of conversational skills. I don't really believe she's as attractive as you say she is, I mean it really wouldn't make sense, the way you described her as almost being desperate...

Usually when a guy comes across a very attractive woman it motivates him to atleast try and make things work by developing rapport, etc. Unless she was a huge b-tch, I just can't see her being all that good looking, especially since you decided to next her because she wasn't a great conversationalist.

I could be wrong, but damn I don't think I am.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Called her this afternoon inviting to see her in the week. No answer left a voice mail.

She texts "Thanks but im afraid not sorry x"

Since the first date she had completely stopped all of those random texts she used to send 2-3 times a day.

I think Kailex was right, and has actually made me realize that me being the boring person has been the problem and not just with this but all along with women, maybe its also the reason my ex ended it.

Within my looks department I'm just average (I will admit, I do have one of those faces that makes me look unhappy when I'm feeling ontop of the world), but slighty less than average height and not very well built. I wouldn't have been bothered if this girl was interested, but to have her refuse me because of what I am just hurts, a lot. Its the way I was brought up and how I went all the way through school derpessed with no freinds because of an event when I was very young. It wasn't until I was around 16 and was at college was when I started to find out about pua and general self improvement. Its taken me just under 10 years to get a proper date. For those newbies, I understand how sometimes they complain and ask how can that stuff in the bible work, I went through peroids of following it then doing it AFC. I only got it when I expereinced those situations and saw the results, not just in my game.

Was out last night, couldn't get any good interactions flowing which clearly left no numbers. Its like some start well e.g. while waiting to get served at a bar last night, some chick (we were both leaning on the bar) was unknowingly digging her elbow into my arm so I linked into it. She errupted into laughter and apologized, after a breif introduction her face was all lit up with huge grin. She got served but left her drinks on the bar for a minute or so while talking to me (normally in these situations I notice the amber light when they have there hands on the drinks). But when it got into a proper conversation it stalled. Then I was about to say "lets get out of the way" but just before she goes "well nice meeting you, enjoy your night". This type of thing happens whenever theres a green light. My posture, tone of voice and the whole vibe must be working but theres no substance.

Sorry for the rant, I'm just so pissed off right now and back to depression. I'm off out in a hour, its bank holiday here. So hopefully see what happens.

 

[kingsam]

my bits in blue!

Called her this afternoon inviting to see her in the week. No answer left a voice mail.

She texts "Thanks but im afraid not sorry x"
some times peoples personalities just dont "click"... probably happens more with weaker personalities

Since the first date she had completely stopped all of those random texts she used to send 2-3 times a day.
another reason why you shouldnt spend loads of effort texting beween dates
you only should call her up to set it up, maybe a few flirty C+F texts, apart from then No contact till the date - here "less is more"

I think Kailex was right, and has actually made me realize that me being the boring person has been the problem and not just with this but all along with women, maybe its also the reason my ex ended it.
ther will be more to it than that ... your ex found you exciting at the start...more like the overal and gradual lowering if her interest level in you...!

Within my looks department I'm just average (I will admit, I do have one of those faces that makes me look unhappy when I'm feeling ontop of the world), but slighty less than average height and not very well built. join a GYM....= better looking and CONFIDENCE I wouldn't have been bothered if this girl was interested, but to have her refuse me because of what I am just hurts, a lot. WELL this is a perferct reason to IMPROVE YORUSELF so that your "self" is more exciting and people will want to talk to you! Its the way I was brought up and how I went all the way through school derpessed with no freinds because of an event when I was very young. It wasn't until I was around 16 and was at college was when I started to find out about pua and general self improvement. Its taken me just under 10 years to get a proper date. For those newbies, I understand how sometimes they complain and ask how can that stuff in the bible work, I went through peroids of following it then doing it AFC. I only got it when I expereinced those situations and saw the results, not just in my game.

Was out last night, couldn't get any good interactions flowing which clearly left no numbers. Its like some start well e.g. while waiting to get served at a bar last night, some chick (we were both leaning on the bar) was unknowingly digging her elbow into my arm so I linked into it. She errupted into laughter and apologized, after a breif introduction her face was all lit up with huge grin. She got served but left her drinks on the bar for a minute or so while talking to me (normally in these situations I notice the amber light when they have there hands on the drinks). But when it got into a proper conversation it stalled.PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE - get some canned lines you can pull out if it goes stale....
you seem to need to work on your "chat/banter" - Check out RSD they have a lot of good stuff that will add to your knowledge Then I was about to say "lets get out of the way" but just before she goes "well nice meeting you, enjoy your night". This type of thing happens whenever theres a green light. My posture, tone of voice and the whole vibe must be working but theres no substance.again check RSD ("the attraction forums" have some very good stuff too )

Sorry for the rant, I'm just so pissed off right now and back to depression. I'm off out in a hour, its bank holiday here. So hopefully see what happens.

-----
whats your social circle like nowdays?

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

another reason why you shouldnt spend loads of effort texting beween dates
you only should call her up to set it up, maybe a few flirty C+F texts, apart from then No contact till the date - here "less is more" .

I think I only sent her a total of 5-10 texts since getting her numnber. All of those were in response to her 30+ that she iniciated. I was supprised how she could just suddenly go cold like that and I have HUGE regret that I didn't go back to hers/mine that night we first met.

ther will be more to it than that ... your ex found you exciting at the start...more like the overal and gradual lowering if her interest level in you...!

I'd like to take in your view, but when we first met she was living on the sofa in her ex's house (from what she claimed, but she did move out after a month and rented a flat). I guess she just wanted a proper bed and realized how sucessful I am in my carrier when she saw my house, car etc. I don't tell women anything about what I do, just say I'm in full time work and try and change the subject.

WELL this is a perferct reason to IMPROVE YORUSELF so that your "self" is more exciting and people will want to talk to you! [/COLOR]

This is what I've always wanted, I've read loads of material on conversations, public speaking, body language etc. At business gatherings I have no issues if its project related. But, as you say when its the actall banter and the more casual side/general chit chat is where I go wrong. Its just things like common knowlege (as in I went to a quiz night at a pub ages ago, didn't get anything right on the subjects like names of songs, celebrates, sports etc.)

COLOR="Blue"]again check RSD ("the attraction forums" have some very good stuff too )[/COLOR]

Do you have a link?

Sorry for the rant, I'm just so pissed off right now and back to depression. I'm off out in a hour, its bank holiday here. So hopefully see what happens.

lol, last night was an epic fail, one even included a blatent rejection right infront of everyone.

-----
whats your social circle like nowdays?

[/QUOTE]

Kinda small and mostly male. Many freinds are now nothing more than aquatences as they've go into a serious LTR or moved to another part of the country, gradually loosing contact. I know I have to go out and network, but as the problem is I struggle for things to say if I don't know them. Its like they would say some comment about something or someone of whats around us, but I have no response and go blank (which I can understand can appear very arrogent) . I guess I could blame this on my parents as much as I love em they have no social life (when I grew up they never had freinds over or never took me out to places involved with other people) and if they are invited to an invent, they make a very big thing out of it and seem lost not knowing what to do when they are there. When I meet them nowdays its mostly me doing the talking. I get that sinking feeling realizing that I started to learn how to socialize too late. When I started proggessing out of the lonley & depressed darker times of my days (you know that guy who used to sit quiet and alone at the back of the class, yeah), this was after I had left school. At that point I had very little respect for myself and had about one mate.

I appricate all the help on here (I really do and I know I'd still be that lonley guy I once was if I didn't find this forum years ago) but this issue isn't really anything to do with attracting women - I can do that ... until it gets to the point where the women wants a bit more but dissapears realizing she was mistaken that I'm not that cool guy afterall, it happens over any peroid of time everytime. I had a terrible moment last night when I was thinking "right now that HB8 is chatting to all her freinds describing in detail how much of a terrible time she had with me while she proberbly got a massive ego boost out of it".

 

[kingsam]

BD have sent you a pm in reply ....

 

[Kailex]

DB, you have a wealth of information and a hell of a resource in the Health & Fitness forum.

You need to start working on YOURSELF, before you worry about women. And you've come to JUST the forum for that.

Start picking up hobbies, do things outside, read books, whatever it takes. Forget whether that girl was talking about what a horrible time she had... that doesn't matter. These are just building blocks to a better you. If we all got it right the first time around, this forum wouldn't exist.

 

[Forty0ztoFreedom]

IMO, it sounds like you went into that lazy comfort zone on the date, content in playing it SO COOL that you avoid any real risk. I've had that problem too . . you lie to yourself. Its like being at a club and going against the wall with your drink and complaining about the music. Right. The 'club' is the problem.

I really think its a big sticking point with this stuff. Our inner-AFC's twist this sh*t around to protect the ego, and we become too-cool-for-school-guy not even trying because of a,b, or c.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

Kingsam: Cheers, will take a look tonight.

Oh for ****s sake. I'm very pi$$ed off now.

Only something trivial, but I'd really like to know if this is normal for the aftermath of a failed date?

All I did was accept her friend request of Facebook. She was online at the time and removed me within a matter of minutes. Out of curiosity (and knowing I'll not be speaking to her again after that anyway, so who cares) I sent her a message on the lines of "Hey, I understand it didn't go well for us the other night. Don't worry its cool I've deleted your number But whats with the facebook removal, did I do/say anything to offend you? Just checking, nice meeting you".

That was a stupid thing to say. Clearly her response was vague: "Its ok you havn't. I think we should leave it as that, yeah was nice meeting you too".

Whats that all about? I hate the way shes just treated me, what a *****. Complete cut off TOWARDS ME! Shes gone from sky high interest, and then instantly after the first date she has put me into enemy territory, no thanks or anything - is this normal? Or does she really think I'm that much of a loser.

I know she wasn't interested at all. I deleted her number after that rejection the other night. But surely a bit of politeness can't do any harm. I thought if I randomly bumped into her again (which is possible as she goes do similar bars as I do at the weekend) it would have been a good bit of social proof for friendly hi and a very short chat.

I hate the way women treat us like $hit. I'm FURIOUS at how she blanks me with no explanation or any thanks right after bothering me 2-3 times a day with texts from Sunday-Friday last week.

I certainly won't be saying hi if I see her out. Is there more of this to come? I thought women act that way when guys go AFC and bombard them with sloppy texts before and after the date.

 

[Kailex]

You are going about this all wrong.

Be glad that she decided to cut it off COMPLETELY, as you should have as well. Why did you send that message to her? You already knew what the answer was when you sent it, so what did you expect her to say?

I'm actually surprised that she was quite honest about just "leaving it at that".

You already knew why she deleted you, and you shouldn't be too pissed, you deleted her number as well.

Just let this one rest and let it go.
It was one date, which is more progress than probably half this forum.

What explanation do you want from her? We already told you what went "wrong", you shouldn't be asking her for anything. That was a complete AFC move.

It just seems that you are more apt to pointing the finger completely at her instead of realizing WHY her interest level went down, and you know that you had some fault in that.

 

[vatoloco]

Oh my good Bunny, don't let her get to you!

...Out of curiosity (and knowing I'll not be speaking to her again after that anyway, so who cares) I sent her a message on the lines of...

Remember what curiosity did to the cat? This is why you NC a girl after you're no longer interested. If she contacts you, fine but you don't initiate contact.

I hate the way women treat us like $hit. I'm FURIOUS at how she blanks me with no explanation or any thanks right after bothering me 2-3 times a day with texts from Sunday-Friday last week.

But it's not really her fault now. You allowed her to send you all those texts. Next time, cut it off early on "Hey listen sweetheart, my messaging plan is very limited on the texts so let's just talk while on our date, deal?"

I certainly won't be saying hi if I see her out.

And with this you'll let her know that she got to you... well, she already knows (with the AFC message you sent her). Let's not remind her, shall we? Next time you see her (IF you see her) you just a quick "Hey" and "Later" with a nice smile will suffice.