I love my LTR but have constant urges to fool around.

[Ragin_Asian]

I have been with my LTR for over 3 years, been fighting off temptation from a lot of hotties but lately I have been struggling.

I dont know what it is but I have been daydreaming about hooking up with other girls, most arent even as hot or as good as my current gf.

I am at this stage where I know I can pick up a girl in the same day. It's like I can feel the energy in between when I am interacting with a girl. I have quit all my other jobs that involve interaction with other girls and assigned myself to a job working by myself but I can't get the thoughts out of my head.

I always feel a rush of energy spike through my body when I see any, even average looking girl. I am too much of a hornbag.

On the other hand I have a great LTR, shes doesnt drink, smoke, sh*t test and other whorish behaviours. I think I am starting to get bored and too comfortable, but not to the point I want to give it all up over uncontrolled urges.

I need help, I dont want to turn out like Tiger Woods. I dont want to hurt my gf and I have not cheated, yet. But this is getting me down and distracted. It is doing my head in. I have about 5-8 girls swirling in my brain trying to tempt me. It is horrible and its affecting me. I cant even have sex with her without thinking about other girls.

 

[JdelaSilviera]

Probably if your girlfriend was a *****, flirting with other guys you would give her more value...and that´s sad...

Don´t cheat, if you are a decent person you won´t....

 

[Ease]

I have been with my LTR for over 3 years, been fighting off temptation from a lot of hotties but lately I have been struggling.

I dont know what it is but I have been daydreaming about hooking up with other girls, most arent even as hot or as good as my current gf.

I am at this stage where I know I can pick up a girl in the same day. It's like I can feel the energy in between when I am interacting with a girl. I have quit all my other jobs that involve interaction with other girls and assigned myself to a job working by myself but I can't get the thoughts out of my head.

I always feel a rush of energy spike through my body when I see any, even average looking girl. I am too much of a hornbag.

On the other hand I have a great LTR, shes doesnt drink, smoke, sh*t test and other whorish behaviours. I think I am starting to get bored and too comfortable, but not to the point I want to give it all up over uncontrolled urges.

I need help, I dont want to turn out like Tiger Woods. I dont want to hurt my gf and I have not cheated, yet. But this is getting me down and distracted. It is doing my head in. I have about 5-8 girls swirling in my brain trying to tempt me. It is horrible and its affecting me. I cant even have sex with her without thinking about other girls.

I went from these thoughts a few months ago, to a sharp decline.

I had urges and temptations everywhere and had a rock solid gf. Then one week she became very argumentative over the smallest things and was throwing red flags hard and fast. 3 weeks on and my confidence of months ago has dissapeared and im left with a relationship that is doomed, and no other girls.

Savour it, and never slip up and get dependant on your girlfriend. Getting too dependant is worse than temptation to fool around any day. You can tell that im having a bad time lately. Its better than to make a mistake fooling around than to make a mistake losing your game.

My policy on nights out has always been that im ok with kissing or making out with girls. If its burning you that badly then do it carefuly, and dont feel guilty.

 

[Big Pappy]

horndog?

Ah, the rush of an unknown female showing interest....

You mention that you have a great LTR. Obviously, you are not a great LTR. You've a choice to make. Drop the LTR and quit feeling guilty for wanting to have relations with other women. Alternatively, keep the LTR and quit feeling guilty for wanting to have relations with other women.

So far, you've been a man. You've controlled yourself. Continue to do this.

My only fault for you is in your insensitivity to the men (on this site)that are struggling to talk to one girl, and here you are fighting them off with a figurative stick.

Keep being a man. Control yourself. Unemotional sex is pretty much masturbation with someone else. It's not the emotions that make sex so nifty, but the intimacy of the relationship. It's how God designed us. Laying the mack down on random hotties just because you can makes you a boy, or a "playa". Control, Daniel-sahn. That is the key!


Oh, are you aware that the word love (from your post title) can be taken several different ways. Do you love her like you love ice cream? or like your sister? In what way?

Because if you mean it in the romantic sense, Love is an action, not an emotion. Putting their needs above your own, that is love.

 

[Ragin_Asian]

I dont even go out anymore because each night out usually involves me fighting off temptation with other gals. Im no romeo but this site has helped me become more "DJ".

Sometimes I wish she would cheat lol..and put me out of misery jks. I have not even gone as far as holding hands with anyone else, cos i know how far I can push it.

Its hard being a better man sometimes, knowing that someone else out there is a habitual cheater and gets away with it.

 

[HeMan]

i feel you man.

in the exact same situation . i love my girl too but get so tempted (especially when im drunk)

try not to hang out with chicks you find attractive to stop the possibility of you slipping up

 

[Ragin_Asian]

I have tried being the better man in my earlier days and all I got out of it was a bookful of regrets for not making the most of my youth. Now I always have this feeling of missing out and cheating myself all the fun things in life.

I have refused a 3some because I thought it would look bad.

I have refused sex from this stunning model because I was goin out with this trashy h*

I refused to hook up with my HB "friend" only to hook up with an ugly friend later.

Ya all know wat i mean? Missing out on fun stuff cos Im too considerate

 

[Miles28]

Take the advice of someone a few years older than you - **** as many of these hotties as you can. Don't try and bottle it up and be a 'good' or 'moral' guy. Bull****, we were designed to **** as many women as possible. It's healthy and natural. Revel in it.

You're 26 - the chances are you won't end up married to this girl, so when you have broken up in a few years do you really want to look back with regret at the opportunities you missed out on? If you will feel too guilty then break up with her before you start ****ing all these other chicks. If you won't feel guilty then do it behind her back but don't get caught.

You have PLENTY of time to settle down and be the good, faithful boyfriend/husband/father. You're 26 for goodness sakes! No sane man would choose a lifetime of monogamy at 26. Are you really telling me that you're content never to bone another girl again for the rest of your life? Exactly. So go get on with it and make us all proud.

By the way this isn't said from a position of ignorance. I've been in your situation, been through all the angst and introspection and, having come out the other side, I can tell you there is only one answer.

 

[JLW]

You're 26 - the chances are you won't end up married to this girl, so when you have broken up in a few years do you really want to look back with regret at the opportunities you missed out on? If you will feel too guilty then break up with her before you start ****ing all these other chicks. If you won't feel guilty then do it behind her back but don't get caught.

I would advise against doing it behind the girl's back. No use hurting this girl's feelings after 3 years. It will also probably make you feel guilty based on what you've been telling us.

I would REALLY look at the situation and seriously consider if there's a good chance you will marry this girl. You've been dating for 3 years so you should have a pretty good idea by now. If after THREE YEARS you arent at least considering marriage with this girl, dump her.

Based on what you are saying, it does not seem like you will end up marrying her. If I were you, I would get rid of her and start hooking up with other girls.

If you truly liked her you would not be so tempted by other girls.

I was in a relationship for 3 years and the beginning of the end of my relationship was when I started seriously considering hooking up with other girls. I had those urges around the 2.5 year mark. Within 6 months we broke up. On some level she must have sensed it, and on another level I knew my attraction for her was fading.

 

[Ragin_Asian]

so indecisive but its eating my head. maybe i just have to do sly things like her hair colour lol, different dress etc

 

[OMGWTFLMAO]

The grass always looks greener on the other side, but only until you jump the fence and go lay on it. Then you realize that the grass you had was actually better and had less weeds. Usually by the time you figure that out it's too late and your once nice grass is all brown and covered in crap because you neglected to take care of it and keep it fresh and nice while you were wandering around on other lawns.

Don't screw up a good thing because you'll only end up regretting it.

 

[Miles28]

Yep listen to OMGWTFLMAO, everyone who finds a relationship they consider 'good' should stick with it for the rest of their lives........... sorry but I don't think that's good enough. The guy is 26 for heaven's sakes. He has YEARS to settle down. This is the time when he should be acting on his impulses.

The only reason not to cheat on this girl or break up with her and screw other girls is if he is totally sure that he wants to marry her.

As I say I have been in this situation. Just repressing your desires will make you feel resentful and unfulfilled. OMGWTFLMAO has a point in that you may well eventually decide that the 'greener grass' wasn't actually that much greener after all, but in the interim you'll have some adventures, fun, magic and excitement, none of which are you likely to get staying in your current relationship.

And you know what, when you finally decide that shagging around really doesn't have any appeal anymore you will meet someone you like and you can settle down with her. So you lost one girl, big ****ing deal. They're largely interchangeable anyway.

 

[zekko]

I'm usually the guy on here who has to defend relationships since no one else will do it. But it sounds as if the OP has not done enough running around yet and is not ready to settle down. And 26 is pretty young. So maybe he should end his LTR and start sowing his oats. I doubt that will hurt her much less than cheating on her though.

As others have noted though, he may find that shagging around isn't all it's cracked up to be either. But since he hasn't learned this yet maybe he needs to find out for himself. And he very well may miss his LTR. See, men are usually pulled in two directions. They want to shag around but they also have a drive to bond with a woman. This nature stuff works both ways.

 

[EFFORT]

so indecisive but its eating my head. maybe i just have to do sly things like her hair colour lol, different dress etc

Its important to understand that this is normal. Your functioning just how nature has programmed the male to work. There is nothing wrong with you, tiger woods, any of the other 1000's of names. The real problem is westernized culture doesn't accept the natural purpose of a man. (provide,protect,populate the world). One of the roles of your gf/wife/main girl is to take care of your sexual needs. Your sexual needs include needing to have sex with a variety of different women, so she should actually be finding you other women to have sex with. This will actually make your relationship stronger.

Getting her to do this for you is the tricky part and takes time. It's doable though because she's already naturally pre programmed to do it for you and because of this theres a high change that she might be having fantasies in her mind about you having sex with other women or may just be curious about it but was confused by them and never told you. Your job is to guide her to her natural self, once you accomplish this you'll be able to have sex with her and other women. Your going to have to start very slow though especially since your 3years in and haven't probably spoken of such things.

Become opened about sex with her. Talk about what you enjoy and let her tell you what she enjoys. Ask her what she doesn't like that you do and do the same for her. If its tough to just come straight out with this type of conversation , you can induce it by watching certain TV shows, MTV has a show out about couples on where its pure real talk, it obv bashes guys pretty hard but it'll get you on this sex subject. You can also go to a book store and get a book about better sex and read it and have her read it and you can become more opened with each other.

(don't bring up the other girl thing up yet at this point unless she does on her own)

So once you guys are more opened about sex your sex will improve, and you'll be doing a lot of new stuff. Do new positions, dirty talk, outfits, costumes, role plays, crazy locations, etc. As time progresses bring up a "fantasy" about wanting to make a porno with her and get into filming all your sexual adventures with her. Start slow. She'll get off on watching them and over time you'll create a lot of different videos with her of fantasies etc. Keep inching forward with your fantasies. Say you fantasize about going to a strip club with her to pretend shes a stripper and then taking her back home with you. Once you go to a strip club with her make it a regular thing and just keep moving your experiences forward. Keep coming up with new baby step fantasies "I want to watch a stripper give you a lap dance" "I want to have a stripper give me and you a lap dance" "I want you to watch me get a lap dance" Just keep pushing forward slowly over time with it. Take her to a swingers club or party so she can just observe something different and build upon that. Eventually get to the threesome fantasy, once you make it there keep building on it. Understand its a process and you'll have to go at a pace she can handle, don't try to rush it and if she ever resist stop doing that and pull back. Your moving like a inch worm....starting at a comfort zone, then making a tiny step outside of it, staying there for awhile until its a new comfort zone then taking another tiny step outside. If any tiny step outside causes resistance then take a step back to the previous comfort zone for a month or so before stepping out again.


Note that she might actually bring up what you want way sooner than you'd imagine and at that point you just go with it.

Any how this is the best advice I can offer you.

 

[Miles28]

Intriguing post Effort. Makes me think of a Houllebecq novel where the couple have a great sex life which involves other partners.

However I very much doubt that any woman is ever going to go for this. I definitely agree with you that men are naturally programmed to desire and have multiple partners. Unfortunately Western society is too brainwashed for the vast majority of MEN to accept this so the chances of women accepting it are extremely slim I would have thought.

Have you managed to accomplish this?

 

[zekko]

I definitely agree with you that men are naturally programmed to desire and have multiple partners.

I would argue that men have conflicting urges. They are driven to have multiple partners, yet they also have an urge to bond with a particular woman. How many guys have come here because they were hung up on one woman? You can't tell me this isn't a natural impulse. I don't buy the idea that this phenomenon is strictly the result of being brainwashed by western culture.

Perhaps having both impulses allows the man to adapt to a variety of situations.

 

[Sir Psycho Sexy]

You have been with her 3 years? I dont think you will be able to leave her just so you can act out on these impulses. Most men are not willing to trade a comfortable relationship for multiple partners. Which is why so many men cheat, you get the best of both worlds. Your in a tough position, im even torn on what you should do.

I did get a laugh about how you have YEARS to settle down. I dont think he realize how fast those YEARS will go by.

 

[EFFORT]

Intriguing post Effort. Makes me think of a Houllebecq novel where the couple have a great sex life which involves other partners.

However I very much doubt that any woman is ever going to go for this. I definitely agree with you that men are naturally programmed to desire and have multiple partners. Unfortunately Western society is too brainwashed for the vast majority of MEN to accept this so the chances of women accepting it are extremely slim I would have thought.

Have you managed to accomplish this?

Its not something your looking to convince them on. If you come at it from that angle the society self policing comes in instantly and it won't work. The programming is built to resist explanation.

What your doing is taking her on a "sexual journey" with you. Your showing her a new world and perspective of sex she's never seen or experienced before. Most guys are only scratching the surface when it comes to sex..EX missionary, doggy, oral. If you look at it like a piano, there only playing 3 notes (and probably not even that good). Imagine all the different sounds, songs, arrangements, notes, chord, etc that can be created with a piano, this is how you need to view sex. Other women is just another song of many. You start at her comfort zone and slowly keep adding more notes, songs,etc (if we keep with the piano example). Your never convincing her something or selling her something, she should never feel pressured.

Because we see through the programming we can clearly see a destination of where we want to take her and know it'll actually make the relationship stronger. At the end you know it'll actually be good for her. She can't see this though because of programming. Imagine she has a bomb inside her body and you have to take her to a particular place that she thinks she doesn't want to go to, to have it removed, and if you tell her she has a bomb in her it'll explode. You'll have to craft up some sort of plan to get her there on her "own" merit even though your inducing the whole thing. This is how were approaching it. Yes, I've personally accomplished this and seen it done a lot. Join some swinger forums just to read and see a different way, its very eye opening experience.

 

[EFFORT]

I would argue that men have conflicting urges.

The urges are "conflicting" because society creates the context in which creates the actual conflict.

They are driven to have multiple partners, yet they also have an urge to bond with a particular woman.


This is natural. We want multiple bonds and generally 1 stronger than the rest...the "main girl" which does what i described above

How many guys have come here because they were hung up on one woman?

The majority of the one woman hung up issue that you speak of is because of a lack of options. Once they get options then they'd be posting something similar to the OP here.

You can't tell me this isn't a natural impulse. I don't buy the idea that this phenomenon is strictly the result of being brainwashed by western culture.

Its definitely natural for men to bond to women, but i think a lot of what you see here is guys with no options stuck on 1 girl. So its a perverted version of the bond you speak of.

Perhaps having both impulses allows the man to adapt to a variety of situations.

bold

 

[Bible_Belt]

What women despise about cheating is not the sex; it is the deception. Do anything you want; just don't lie to her about it. She will respect that. If she leaves, then she will still always have feelings for you. It is lying to her that would destroy those feelings.

Personally, I would try to get her to do the new girls with you, but not every woman is into that.