I lost it...help me please

[triple_ultima]

This board has a wealth of information about how to get women and how to keep them, I won't deny that. What I noticed lacking though was information regarding what to do after losing a relationship...one that meant more than anything to you.

Just yesterday I lost my girlfriend. I had met her in the summer at my college orientation. Critics will say that we hadn't been going out long enough for anything to really develop, but I beg to differ.

We lived 2000 miles apart. My home is in New Mexico, and my college is in New Jersey, where she lives. She felt so strongly about the relationship, however, that she flew out to New Mexico during the summer to see me. She alwasy told me how much she loved me, that she wanted to be with me forever, that she would always love me and that nothing would ever come between us.

When I flew out to New Jersey she surprised me by meeting me at the airport. That was a little bit more than a week ago. Now suddenly yesterday she told me that she couldn't be with me anymore.

It was my fault...I took her for granted and treated her like crap in the short week that I got to see her. I always reciprocated what she said, but my actions didn't speak the same. I got too angry at her too often for stupid things. I wouldn't trust her...I was never happy around her and as a result she was never happy around me.

Part of this is because I just recently stopped taking paxil, whic as you may or may not know, is a druf used to treat social anxiety disorder. One of the effects of withdrawal is depression...

But I still can't deny that it was my fault. I screwed up really bad and now the girl that meant the world to me is gone...

Help me, please...I don't know what to do anymore.

 

[LuisGarcia10]

Go get her back!

 

[DJ_Dork]

Uh.. yeah "go get her back" is not going to cut it. Listen bud, just worry about yourself cause it sounds like you're not mentally there with those fix-it drugs.

 

[triple_ultima]

Originally posted by LuisGarcia10
Go get her back!

I can't...I already tried last night. I told her she needs to give me a second chance because of all we had been through. She told me that she just couldn't...

Oh by the way my emotional attachment was even stronger to this girl because I lost my virginity to her. I feel like everything is lost...that there is no hope.

Help.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Not sure I have the answer pal. But you need to get your own backyard in order before you can ever offer anything to anyone else. You need counselling and you need help. I hope you have the right outlets for that. All the best.

 

[Player_Supreme]

Dam, even a low debase character like me feels this guys pain

What Don Juannabe said is true kid. You do need some help.

Begging her will not pull her back. Crying in the phone will not get her back. You will have to replace her. You need to actually do what this site is about. Start up your own boot camp and find a short term girl in YOUR area to keep your mind occupied.

I don't quite know what social anxiety is all about....there are so many things going on these days that never existed when I was young but good luck on whatever that shyt is.

I think most of the men on this site have already been through what your feeling right now....maybe not at your drug-deprived level. But getting off paxil is a good thing. It messes up sexual drives and causes weight gain.

No fear of society is worth that shyt. I would just man up and say Ok I'm a little fawked up but I will just deal with it...instead of fawking with my sex drive and the chance of gaining weight.

Anyways, do a boot camp and post it up.

Good luck to ya's

 

[NewMan]

I don't get the drug part of this - but my feeling is that it's probably not good at any level.

A lot of guys have been where you are - me especially - minus the Paxil.

Couple thing to think about:

1) begging, crying, crawling - has NEVER, EVER, won a lost love back. The other person will feel sorry for you and lose respect for you. Don't do it. no matter what - don't do it. If there is anything you should walk away with is your self respect. Lose that - and your worth nothing. So, if you feel the need to cry, get mad - do it on your own. Never let her believe your lost without her (which by the way your not).

2) Human beings are remarkable machines. We recover quickly. SO will you. YOu don't think so now, but you will.

3) use this as a stepping stone to better yourself. Learn from it. Don't make the same mistake next time.

4) read the bible.

5) hit the gym. Use all that excess energy in something constructive.


There are lot's of hot women out there. Go find them. Go have fun and live your life.

Good luck.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

100 bucks says she found someone else.

Schools back in.... she probably met someone and started crushing on him. you gave her enough reasons to leave you and persue this new guy, so there you are.

That's why she can't go back with you.

Just throwing it out as a possibility.

Getting off the paxil is a good thing. I've been through that. look up charles linden on google, and buy his program. It is the single absolute cure for anxiety disorders. Pills cover up the problem. this guy will cure it. It worked for me.

One more thing.... This girl isn't the only one out there. believe me, you WILL bounce back. Let it strengthen you, not drag you down.


The Bad Ass Canadian

 

[triple_ultima]

First of all, thank you all for all of your replies thus far.

I may have not made this very clear, but I am living in New Jersey now. I'm a freshman in college and am living in the dorms here.

As for the suspicion that she found someone else, I actually think this is true. I've seen her walking around alot with a guy that we met one time. In fact, ths guy had come up to her room when we were fighting. She called me and asked me to come up, so I did, and I saw him standing outside her door talking to her. I don't know if she did this on purpose or not, but it set off all kinds of alarms in my head either way.

I hear what everyone is saying about moving on, about reading the bible, going to the gym, getting back to my Don Juan roots. Yes, I think this needs to happen. I'm just in so much pain now that I can't think of anything, can't do anything with any kind of coherency. Just living, breathing, eating is a task that seems incredibly difficult.

I feel like such a social cripple. I asked my mother to ship me my paxil from new mexico so that I could start taking it again, but I'm not sure if that's what I want or what is best for me.

For now it seems like all I can do is lay around my dorm room. I know that's not a healthy thing for me to do, and it probably won't help the pain at all, but it is the only thing I can do right now. I got up this morning at 9 to go to class. My class ended at 11:15 and then I came back to my room and took a nap. I just woke up not too long ago.

I just wanted someone to share my life with, and it feels like I could never find a girl that felt the way she did about me.

Did she lie to me when she said all those things? She still maintains that she wasn't lying, that she really meant it...but if she loved me as much as she said, why would she do this to me? How could she lie like that?

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Geeze kid, you sound like me when I was 18. All I can tell you is that women are f*cked at that age (at any age, for that matter) and they can pull this sh*t for any number of reasons.

I still have women problems - they will never go away, that's why it's good to know alot of them and keep your options open at all times.

You were good enough to get this one in the sack, right? That means you are definitely doing something right. But most girls your age are complete and utter flakes. They're conditioned by the media and society to be this way, unfortunately, these days.

Doesn't matter who you are, good looking, good guy, rich, poor, but they do it nontheless.

Been there, done that, amigo. I know exactly what you are going through. You feel like your life is meaningless but it's not. You must MUST start living for yourself. Get exercising, start living, meeting new people. Tell yourself you are gonna get better and you WILL get better. It's easy to say, but you gotta have a positive frame here.

The more you start living for and looking out for numero uno the better - the women will begin to fall in line.

I used to let women get to me and now I wonder what for. The amount of time I wasted on women that weren't worth my time was astonishing. Now I'm 33 and I wonder where the time has gone, at least I can salvage a few years here and have some fun outta life, cuz I'll tell ya, life is waaaaaaaaaaay to short for this sh*t. You don't need it. You gotta get angry here and that'll get yourself motivated.

Remember - she was your first, but she won't be your last - guaranteed on that one, man. So you better get yourself prepared for the NEXT one that's comin' round the corner, she'll be on you before you know it. You will look back on this in awhile and wonder why you let yourself get so messed up. You gotta sink or swim, there's no two ways about it.

Believe me, ch*cks are f*cked and that's all I can tell you. You will move on. Ch*cks are too young at that age to know what they feel - it can change from day to day. That's why you shouldn't be letting yourself get too attached. Hard, yes. Impossible, no. Sometimes, even to the best of us, this stuff happens. You seem to click with the person, but for whatever reason (usually because the girl is messed up) they don't click with you and envision what you did.

Keep your chin up. Remember, you are a man and you have nothing to be afraid of. You got any guy friends you can hang out with down there, cuz it seems to me you could use a little more of that, and a little less of the ladies.

Do not let the women get to you man, trust me on that one. There are tonnes of fish in the sea. This one just ain't in your headspace right now, and immature girls will not want to deal with your problems because they can barely deal with their own at this age.

Kill the oneitis man. Chill. Get your mum to send you the meds if you need them - maybe you weren't ready to get off them. Do stuff that will build your self esteem. You need to build an iron will and you will overcome everything in your path.

and for goodness sake, DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP ABOUT THIS!!! It's happened to every single person on this board at one time or another. It happened to me when I was not much older than you.

 

[NewMan]

Don't get back on the paxil. Don't even have it shipped.

You need to get your sh#t together.

READ the BIBLE.

There's plenty of people around on this board - get advice. Do whatever you need to do - but avoid drugs at all cost's.

I'm somewhat perplexed:

I just wanted someone to share my life with, and it feels like I could never find a girl that felt the way she did about me.

Did she lie to me when she said all those things? She still maintains that she wasn't lying, that she really meant it...but if she loved me as much as she said, why would she do this to me? How could she lie like that?

Didn't you just say that you treated her like crap? and that you do not blame her?

Look you guys are young. She's probably found another guy - and he's probably making her feel better - but that will be temporary.

She will dump her rebound guy.

In the meantime you've got to straighten yourself out. Don't unlearn the lessons you've learnt. Make yourself a better person.


Furthermore realise that women do not maketh the man.

You don't need her to live a great life.

You've first got to live the great life - then women.

You can never and should never depend on another living being for happiness in your own exsistence.

It's your world, your life. Make of it what you will. But don't give your power to someone (or something) else.

Control it - or it will control you.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

We lived 2000 miles apart. My home is in New Mexico, and my college is in New Jersey, where she lives. She felt so strongly about the relationship, however, that she flew out to New Mexico during the summer to see me. She alwasy told me how much she loved me, that she wanted to be with me forever, that she would always love me and that nothing would ever come between us.

you two are 18? i just shake my head when i hear this stuff. i know, you're young, idealistic, naive, etc.

newsflash: you have just about a ZERO percent chance of having a healthy relationship with one women "forever". human beings do not work that way.

this proves it. obviously something DID come between you. in a very short period of time. shes fukking someone else, most likely. i suggest you do the same, PDQ.

for god's sake, don't fukking beg and plead with her about it. "i'm sorry it didn't work out between us. it was great while it lasted. good luck in all your pursuits". walk away and don't look back.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Originally posted by triple_ultima

Did she lie to me when she said all those things? She still maintains that she wasn't lying, that she really meant it...but if she loved me as much as she said, why would she do this to me? How could she lie like that?

no, she didn't lie. niether you nor her even know what all that stuff means. love? forever? no matter what? sh!t kid, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! those words SCARE THE LIVING HELL OUT OF ME. this is what you two don't realize. those are scary azz words.

don't shoot yourself. it's over. move on. focus your negative energy into your studies.

don't fukking sleep in. force your azz to get up at 6:00am and go for a workout.

you probably feel like she stole some of your past. okay, fine. but damn straight, don't let her steal your FUTURE--not one moment of it.

 

[triple_ultima]

Originally posted by NewMan
Didn't you just say that you treated her like crap? and that you do not blame her?

Yes, but at the same time I feel that if she loved me as much as she said she did, she would be able to forgive me and move on with our relationship.

you two are 18? i just shake my head when i hear this stuff. i know, you're young, idealistic, naive, etc.

newsflash: you have just about a ZERO percent chance of having a healthy relationship with one women "forever". human beings do not work that way.

this proves it. obviously something DID come between you. in a very short period of time. shes fukking someone else, most likely. i suggest you do the same, PDQ.

for god's sake, don't fukking beg and plead with her about it. "i'm sorry it didn't work out between us. it was great while it lasted. good luck in all your pursuits". walk away and don't look back.

First of all, what is wrong with this and being 18? I'm not clear...

Secondly, I find it very difficult to be that callous about the whole thing. Maybe I should learn to be a bit more callous about it, since she did mislead me, but I don't know...I can't just move on that quickly.

UPDATE:

She came to my room and sat on my bed for a while looking into my eyes. Then she held my hand and said "I love you and I want you in my life, but I can't handle a serious relationship right now"

Arrrrrrrrrrrrgh this keeps getting worse.

 

[triple_ultima]

Originally posted by TooColdUlrick
no, she didn't lie. niether you nor her even know what all that stuff means. love? forever? no matter what? sh!t kid, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS! those words SCARE THE LIVING HELL OUT OF ME. this is what you two don't realize. those are scary azz words.

don't shoot yourself. it's over. move on. focus your negative energy into your studies.

don't fukking sleep in. force your azz to get up at 6:00am and go for a workout.

you probably feel like she stole some of your past. okay, fine. but damn straight, don't let her steal your FUTURE--not one moment of it.

You're right for the most part, though I disagree that those words are scary...they never scared me. Perhaps I'm too naive or idealistic.

But everything else is right. It's so incredibly hard to move on, but it's slowly getting better. It's just what I need to do. I have no choice.

 

[Frank Zappa]

Originally posted by triple_ultima
You're right for the most part, though I disagree that those words are scary...they never scared me. Perhaps I'm too naive or idealistic.

But everything else is right. It's so incredibly hard to move on, but it's slowly getting better. It's just what I need to do. I have no choice.

Never readily believe the words Forever and Always from any chick. As always mentioned, women are not rational creatures... They are driven by emotions and will say whatever coincides with what they feel at that very moment. The problem is, how they feel can change hour to hour, day to day, and if you're lucky, month to month.

Never listen to the words of a girl, always judge her by her character, and her past and present actions.

I honestly think you should move on... You're 18 years old, experience some other chicks, then you'll get a rounder perspective. The longer you keep this charade going, the more headache and heartache you're bringing on yourself.

You may think you're situation is different and we don't understand this girl... Stick around this board long enough and you'll find that everyone had your situation at one point and it all ends the same... It's a matter of how quickly and painlessly you end it and move on... If she is the one, then she'll come around, never beg and plead... ~Zappa

 

[NewMan]

Yes, but at the same time I feel that if she loved me as much as she said she did, she would be able to forgive me and move on with our relationship.

Blind love if foolish.

Don't ever think that it's not possible to love someone but still walk away form them.

Just because you love someone, doesn't mean you want to spend the rest of your live in their hell.

 

[Frank Zappa]

I bet you posted this expecting and wanting advice to get her back... Think about it...


But everyone has given you advice on how to get her back. "You Lost it..." The only slight chance you have of getting it back is by leaving her where she is, no bad emotions, no good emotions. Show her you can have a good time without her... I'm sure she'd rather be with a person who's having a good and fun time than a sniveling wet blanket.

~Zappa

 

[triple_ultima]

Originally posted by Frank Zappa
I bet you posted this expecting and wanting advice to get her back... Think about it...


But everyone has given you advice on how to get her back. "You Lost it..." The only slight chance you have of getting it back is by leaving her where she is, no bad emotions, no good emotions. Show her you can have a good time without her... I'm sure she'd rather be with a person who's having a good and fun time than a sniveling wet blanket.

~Zappa

I didn't necessarily want advice on how to get her back...I pretty much know that at this point that's damn near impossible. I just needed help with everything...it all felt so overwhelming. Like I said, I would just lay in my bed for hours, sleeping or not sleeping.

But you're right about everything else. I need to not only own what i did, but continue on with my life. I need to go out and have fun, meet other people.

I decided that tomorrow I'm going to get a haircut (this should make me feel better and boost my confidence) and maybe go into the city (I live 20 minutes away from NYC by train). Right now I'm gonna go to starbucks and have some "me" time.

 

[triple_ultima]

Originally posted by NewMan
Blind love if foolish.

Don't ever think that it's not possible to love someone but still walk away form them.

Just because you love someone, doesn't mean you want to spend the rest of your live in their hell.

Harsh, but I can see the truth in those words.