I know my kind is rare around these parts...

[Alle_Gory]

OMG...ok here is a pic of me from behind on my twitter. I don't do face pix online I'm afraid....


http://twitter.com/ladylynxx

You guys are thirsty....

I don't know how I'm supposed to use that site. I'll take your word for it...

 

[old married dude]

To those that are interested, I am actually a self-published author and I post on a number of other sites (writing blogs mostly) and I also started a website to showcase some of my work. It's in my profile. Anyway, I am happy to talk to those who don't think I'm a troll. Geesh....

Site says "We are taking a short break."

It must be tea time over there. lol

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

Cripes, negative attitudes and automatically assuming someone is up to no good without any evidence at all.

As I mentioned in another post, I have a lot of real female friends where we always treat each other with mutual respect and enjoy each other's company. I like to do what I call an "information exchange" where I'll give her a completely honest answer, (even if it could be embarrassing!) to a girl question as long as she will do the same. They're aware that I do this a lot so if I get a wildly different answer I'll probe some more to see if she's just very different, embarrassed I'll think she's a weirdo, or trying to bullshait about something...even to herself.

Everything she's written goes right along with how a woman goes through her emotional reasoning when trying to describe it VS how men go mainly through a logical process.

Example:

To alot of women money just = security. I for one only care that the man of my dreams make a decent salary (i.e. can provide for me and our babies when I take maternity leave etc) and is willing to actually work! No one likes a lazy man, in fact I find it to be a turn off. I would also want to date someone that earns simliar wage or more than me, cos I think a man should be able to pay for dates etc, and of course I will offer to pay sometimes, but most men worth their salt won't accept of if they do it is rare

This is a woman writing this. She's going straight through the female process of how a woman who's considering her future really feels about money...security for her offspring. The second sentence is how a woman "thinks" that's what she's supposed to "think" but there's a lot more to how she feels than "worth his salt". Asking her to expand on that is more productive to get to the heart of how she really feels inside about that and she'll understand herself more in the process:

Question for dalynxx:
Imagine a time when you've been feeling strong excitement about a man paying for a date or you knew he was going to, (he offered, whatever) and your feelings inside at those moments. Ok, now that you're having those feelings again: Describe the feelings you are experiencing.

dalynxx, If you could also do the same things but close your eyes and feel what you felt when you realized the man either expected to split the bill or, worse, expected for YOU to pay for the date. Try to visualize both of these situations as well as you can with your eyes closed. This second question is actually more important. The negative feelings you were having are much more important in learning why and what types of things impact women strongly in a bad way.

PS: I'd like to add that from what I've read so far, dalynxx is overall more in touch with her own motivations than the majority of females I know of and she'll be a great asset if she doesn't get harassed and sidetracked into wasting her post limit trying to prove something she can't and ends up on the defensive. Concentrating on what you want to do here would be very appreciated and will give a lot of insight to those who really want to learn how to improve their relationships with women.

Thanks in advance

 

[Igetit!]

See, I'm not so sure about this one. I haven't quite made up my mind about compliments yet. I know that girls ENJOY getting compliments, but the question is do they spark ATTRACTION?

Yeah,I noticed that number 6 too.

I agreed with just about everything she said EXCEPT #6 AND 7.


This kissing of the hand seems more like HollyWood than in real life.


And as far as number 6,well what did we expect her to say?

Of course she's going to say yes to men complimenting women....BUT in answering the questions,she unknowingly revealed a flaw in her response,which will prove my point.


If you just sit back and let someone talk,they'll reveal their true selves.



Zekko,you asked if complimenting a woman creates attraction in her.


The answer it both yes and no.



The difference is HOW you compliment her,and I'll use our new member's answer to number six to show you the difference:




She said that people have told her that she looks like Naomi Campbell.



Well that's a nice compliment,right? But let's be honest here.



When we (men) compliment a woman,it's because we're attracted/interested in her. We'd like to date her.




We want her to be interested/attracted to us. So we'll give her a compliment.


We give the compliment as a way to make her ATTRACTED to us.



Well what did the OP say happens to her when she gets the compliment of looking like Naomi Campbell?



She said...

it really makes my day...

In other words,it boost her EGO. It makes her feel good....NOT attracted to the guy.




It makes her day. That's NOT OUR GOAL.


Our goal is to get the date. If you compliment her the wrong way,sure,she might get a "pep" in her step,and say "thank you" as she's walking away,but what's that to you?




We have another female member here named Cinamon.

Check out her reply in THIS THREAD by Old Married Dude.

In his thread,Old Married Dude was telling how he was at a clothing store and how he told a woman there that she'd look better in one piece of clothing over another.



In other words,he compimented the woman.




Check out Cinamon's reply in reply #3.

Doesn't it seem "erriely" similiar to how the OP of this thread answered the question about complimenting a woman?




Both Cinamon and the OP of this thread (Dalynxx) said basically the same thing about it "making a girl's day".





That's not what we want. I don't want to make a girl's day if I compliment her,I want her to be attracted to and interested in me.





It's ok to compliment her,just do it from a superior frame.




None of that,"You're hot" or "You're beautiful".



My compliments are more like,"I LIKE the way you look in this ot that".




It's "I like", not "You're hot or You're beautiul".



That way it's more about what I'm pleased with,letting her know that she's met MY STANDARDS of attractiveness.



Millions of guys go the "You're hot or beautiful" route.


How often do you heard a guy telling a woman what HE LIKES the way she looks in something?







]

 

[PantherEyes]

See, I'm not so sure about this one. I haven't quite made up my mind about compliments yet. I know that girls ENJOY getting compliments, but the question is do they spark ATTRACTION? If I guy gives you a compliment, does it just make you feel good about yourself or does it make you want to go out with him? I'm not so sure about the latter.

Melanie is very beautiful, every man desires her, the other day a man phoned her to reveal that she is the most beautiful girl he has ever seen, you better believe it, it didn't spark attraction, it exploded it like lava out of a volcano, woman want to be beautiful even if 99% of the men already think it.

 

[Energizer]

Igetit is spot on again, why listen to a bird's advice when you can listen to someone who knows women inside out? This bird should go back to Loveshack and stop posting nonsense that is designed to manipulate alpha males into being beta males or males with the word "loser" stamped on their forehead.

 

[hansol]

Igetit is spot on again, why listen to a bird's advice when you can listen to someone who knows women inside out? This bird should go back to Loveshack and stop posting nonsense that is designed to manipulate alpha males into being beta males or males with the word "loser" stamped on their forehead.

Here here! I am all for chicks' opinions, but when every guy should know that you judge her actions, not what she says how does a Q and A session help?

The only time this has been helpful with me has been when I am interrogating my sister. There is no attraction, so the dialogue can work. Any other times I have had conversations with chicks, you have to get the magnifying glass out and read between the lines. Mostly it is just a chance for them to feed their egos.

It's a tool, just like anything else, but it sure as hell isn't the holy grail. Igetit! voiced what many of us already know.

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

Here here! I am all for chicks' opinions, but when every guy should know that you judge her actions, not what she says how does a Q and A session help?

The only time this has been helpful with me has been when I am interrogating my sister. There is no attraction, so the dialogue can work. Any other times I have had conversations with chicks, you have to get the magnifying glass out and read between the lines. Mostly it is just a chance for them to feed their egos.

It's a tool, just like anything else, but it sure as hell isn't the holy grail. Igetit! voiced what many of us already know.

It helps quite a lot when you don't just take the surface answer and go with it. Women in general actually aren't quite sure at all why they feel about things they way they do. If you want to get enlightened, read up on eliciting values.

For example: You ask a girl you know "what feature attracts you most about men" and let's say she replies "tallness". You can call bullshait on that because you didn't dig and neither did she on why she said that and then you could mention "but you've dated guys shorter than you". All you'll do is piss her off and no more answers for you. She'll feel like she's being interrogated.

OR, you could then say "how do tall men make you feel" and maybe she says "safe and secure". {---- now you're starting to get somewhere

It's not that she's lying about tall guys, it's just that she associates tall guys with physical security and you've found out that physical security is top priority with her because you went a layer down. Guys who cause a feeling in her that she's physically secure will get top priority, tall or no.

By doing this sort of thing you can get to know a woman who likes and is comfortable with you better than she knows herself in a short amount of time. Women do like to talk about themselves and if she's discovering a few things about herself while you're doing it and she's comfortable she's going to get into it.

Or, for example, as far as the "compliment" answer asked above. The question isn't worded in a way that's useful. Of course the answer doesn't jive, because it was a generic question that covers all situations and she's just thinking of the good times she was given a compliment and not the context.

If that question was then followed up (another layer) by "under what circumstances have you felt strong attraction to a man who gave you a compliment" {----- now you'd actually start to get a little bit closer to what you want to know but you'll have to go at least one more layer down for such a complicated situation that depends on the context of the compliment.

I sometimes use this if I'm hitting it off with a girl after a few minutes and she's comfortable (a bit ****y like) "what are the 3 best qualities you have that would interest me as having you as a friend in my life" and guess what, she'll go ahead and say things like "well, I'm very honest, don't do drama, and I don't play games". Now of course, we could all say BULLSHAIT but if you dig around for a while with "what do you mean by honest" she may easily end up saying what she means specifically and it could be "I want to be honest but it seems almost all guys get upset a lot so a lot of times I have to make stuff up so he won't be whining and sulking". {--- this is very true BTW

Notice that isn't interrogation, it's getting her to tell you about herself and how she feels about some things. All you've one is ask one question and the rest are just requests to expand on what she's already said. It's MUCH different than having a list of 20 questions you ask every woman. They're not usually going to react at all good to that sort of thing nor will you actually get any really useful information.

 

[Blood Angel]

OMG...ok here is a pic of me from behind on my twitter. I don't do face pix online I'm afraid....

Convenient.

When I was like 16, I pretended to be a girl on a couple of forums just to see what would happen. This person's either a guy or the biggest attention ***** ever.

 

[hansol]

It helps quite a lot when you... blah blah blah ...actually get any really useful information.

etc

Thanks for that. I guess the "reading between the lines" bit didn't quite go into enough detail for you then?

 

[zekko]

My compliments are more like,"I LIKE the way you look in this ot that".

It's "I like", not "You're hot or You're beautiul".

That way it's more about what I'm pleased with,letting her know that she's met MY STANDARDS of attractiveness.

That sounds like a good tip, I'm going to have to remember that. I'm still not necessarily convinced that your phrasing really makes all that much difference as far as results, but I have to admit it's an improvement and definitely worth a try. At least it gets you in there somewhere instead of making it all about her.

I forgot to bring up before that compliments probably work better on less attractive women. Because they probably think "oh, here's a guy that likes me, my ship has finally come in". The more attractive women probably aren't phased by compliments because they feel they are entitled to them.

Do you have any thoughts on the idea that it is better to compliment a woman on something OTHER than her looks? It's kind of dumb when you think about it. As we know here, a woman's value is mostly affected by her looks. So if you compliment her looks, you're directly inferring she has high value. Yet some say women don't want to hear this, they want to hear something about their MIND or whatever, which doesn't really have a great effect on her value. It doesn't make a lot of sense really.

 

[dalynxx]

Now that I can post again - here are my replies (emphasis on your comments in bold and underline):

Cripes, negative attitudes and automatically assuming someone is up to no good without any evidence at all.

As I mentioned in another post, I have a lot of real female friends where we always treat each other with mutual respect and enjoy each other's company. I like to do what I call an "information exchange" where I'll give her a completely honest answer, (even if it could be embarrassing!) to a girl question as long as she will do the same. They're aware that I do this a lot so if I get a wildly different answer I'll probe some more to see if she's just very different, embarrassed I'll think she's a weirdo, or trying to bullshait about something...even to herself.

Everything she's written goes right along with how a woman goes through her emotional reasoning when trying to describe it VS how men go mainly through a logical process.

Example:

This is a woman writing this. She's going straight through the female process of how a woman who's considering her future really feels about money...security for her offspring. The second sentence is how a woman "thinks" that's what she's supposed to "think" but there's a lot more to how she feels than "worth his salt". Asking her to expand on that is more productive to get to the heart of how she really feels inside about that and she'll understand herself more in the process:

Question for dalynxx:
Imagine a time when you've been feeling strong excitement about a man paying for a date or you knew he was going to, (he offered, whatever) and your feelings inside at those moments. Ok, now that you're having those feelings again: Describe the feelings you are experiencing.

dalynxx, If you could also do the same things but close your eyes and feel what you felt when you realized the man either expected to split the bill or, worse, expected for YOU to pay for the date. Try to visualize both of these situations as well as you can with your eyes closed. This second question is actually more important. The negative feelings you were having are much more important in learning why and what types of things impact women strongly in a bad way.

PS: I'd like to add that from what I've read so far, dalynxx is overall more in touch with her own motivations than the majority of females I know of and she'll be a great asset if she doesn't get harassed and sidetracked into wasting her post limit trying to prove something she can't and ends up on the defensive. Concentrating on what you want to do here would be very appreciated and will give a lot of insight to those who really want to learn how to improve their relationships with women.

Thanks in advance

Hey Mysterious - thank you so much for your support and for being a gentleman. I applaud your openmindedness and you did really read my post in detail. I really appreciate your advice for me too and I will try to ignore all the naysayers in here. To answer your question:

Q. Imagine a time when you've been feeling strong excitement about a man paying for a date or you knew he was going to, (he offered, whatever) and your feelings inside at those moments. Ok, now that you're having those feelings again: Describe the feelings you are experiencing.

A. To be honest, when on a date (men always ask me out and never the other way around yet) I do usually expect them to pay since they asked me out. If I did ask any man out on a date, then I would expect to pay for him myself (that is the 5% feminist in me! lol!). In saying that, I was raised the old-fashioned way and go to great lengths to conduct myself in a "lady-like" manner, so I find that most men cannot help themselves and become automatically chivlarous (please excuse my spelling mistakes!).

I am more excited that I am on a date with the person than bothered about the payment becuase no man has ever asked me to go dutch or pay. Even male relatives and friends will pay if we are in a grocery store etc or getting a meal. I never actually ask them to pay, they just do it and when I attempt to pay, I usually end up having a back and forth with them at the cash register before they insist. The rare times that I have actually paid, some guys have gotten mad. Not sure why this is....

But let me add one caveat - when I talk to my girls, a few of them see a date as a free meal. Yes you read that right. You have to be careful because some chicks will go on a date just to pass the time and don't really want you. They just want to be entertained for the night. I myself have never done this and find it almost vulgar. I would not want to be seen dating a man I do not like or am not attracted to in public. But all women are different I guess. Hope I answered that without rambling too much!

Q.dalynxx, If you could also do the same things but close your eyes and feel what you felt when you realized the man either expected to split the bill or, worse, expected for YOU to pay for the date. Try to visualize both of these situations as well as you can with your eyes closed. This second question is actually more important. The negative feelings you were having are much more important in learning why and what types of things impact women strongly in a bad way.

A. Woah...this is a big no no. If I am on a date (typically still in the get to know phase - dates 1 -4) and the guy expected me to pay, I would not make a scene. I would probably pay if I could afford it or pay for my half. Internally I would have already struck him off my list and he would probably not be given the chance to take me on a date again. I'd rather he talk to me about his circmstances before hand and let me know that he is in a tight spot financially for whatever reason and we could have done something else. A romantic walk in the park and inspired poetry from his heart would have sufficed if he knew he was too broke to pay for a dinner.

Now if he had money and I knew he was just a) reckless with his money and that is why he can't afford to pay (i.e. dumb things buying a new set of rims or a Rolex watch when you can't pay your rent etc) or b) very stingy. I can't abide stingy tight fisted men. If you don't wanna pay then don't ask me out and don't ask if we can chill at your place either (unless you are a student and in that case we would not be dating).

Bottom line, if he can't pay then don't let us be embarrassed when the bill comes - just discuss where we stand before we even go inside the establishment! A friend of mine went on a date with a guy and he asked if she could help with the bill "just this once" when it came around. She nodded and said she needed to use the bathroom and never came back. To add insult to injury, the bill was a 2 for 1 coupon and he asked her to pick him up cos he had no money for gas (yet drove an expensive car). What a loser!

Yeah,I noticed that number 6 too.

I agreed with just about everything she said EXCEPT #6 AND 7.


This kissing of the hand seems more like HollyWood than in real life.


dalynxx says:Yes it does, but the point is to get the lady's attention. It also shows a confident man. Try it and see if the girl does not get all gooey eyed when you give eye contact. It makes a woman feel special and if you can make a woman feel special she can be attracted to you. Just make sure that you actually do have the confidence to back it up!

And as far as number 6,well what did we expect her to say?

Of course she's going to say yes to men complimenting women....BUT in answering the questions,she unknowingly revealed a flaw in her response,which will prove my point.


If you just sit back and let someone talk,they'll reveal their true selves.

Zekko,you asked if complimenting a woman creates attraction in her.
The answer it both yes and no.

The difference is HOW you compliment her,and I'll use our new member's answer to number six to show you the difference:

She said that people have told her that she looks like Naomi Campbell.

Well that's a nice compliment,right? But let's be honest here.

When we (men) compliment a woman,it's because we're attracted/interested in her. We'd like to date her.

We want her to be interested/attracted to us. So we'll give her a compliment.
We give the compliment as a way to make her ATTRACTED to us.
Well what did the OP say happens to her when she gets the compliment of looking like Naomi Campbell?
She said...

In other words,it boost her EGO. It makes her feel good....NOT attracted to the guy.
It makes her day. That's NOT OUR GOAL.

Our goal is to get the date. If you compliment her the wrong way,sure,she might get a "pep" in her step,and say "thank you" as she's walking away,but what's that to you?

 

[dalynxx]

dalynxx says: You have a point it does boost her ego, but it also gives a window to talk to her. You have to look into her eyes and mean it when you say it. Unnerve her a little and then initiate a conversation. I do understand where you're coming from about "how" you compliment, but have you ever thought that some women (that might qualify in the high HBs) don't get complimented at all because people think they always hear it? That is one of the reasons that an ex-friend of mine never used to compliment me. He always noticed my hair, my clothes and fashion sense, my skin etc but would never actually admit that he found me attractive. I knew this dude for about 8 years and he never had the guts to give me a direct compliment like that, only he would just make off handed nicknames for me like "Naomi" or "Beyonce" (when I had blonde hair extentions).

What about the shy beautiful girl that should be a model but isn't that gets teased by her family that she is skinny all the time. Don't think she'd be attracted if you told her she was beautiful?

Or the young single mother with an ******* baby father - wouldn't she like to hear it?

Or the divorcee with kids, a professional job and no one to give her basic need for love and affection?

Or the plain Jane that only needs a little makeover to become a HB8?

Or the wife that might be driven to cheat because her husband takes her for granted and no longer makes her feel sexy?

My point, every woman has an emotional need to be wanted and loved - some love attention and can be attracted to someone who gives it to them. I know a guy who has three or four girls at the same time, they all kind of know about each other but turn a blind eye becuase when he is with them, he makes them feel special individually. My father was the same but with more women! LOL! I am not condoning that behaviour, but just using the example to make a point.


None of that,"You're hot" or "You're beautiful".

dalynxx says: Leave those words out only if you are very confident about your game. You could modify it though for example:

"what is a beautiful girl/lady etc like you doing sitting alone in the park/walking down this road alone/at the bus stop etc? Must be my lucky day..." or something to that effect. "You must be single, cos if you were my chick I wouldn't let you be alone" blah, blah, blah. I've seen so many black guys (I'm black by the way) do this and it has been done to me too and it works also because they are persistent. Just an observation.


My compliments are more like,"I LIKE the way you look in this ot that".
It's "I like", not "You're hot or You're beautiul".
That way it's more about what I'm pleased with,letting her know that she's met MY STANDARDS of attractiveness.
Millions of guys go the "You're hot or beautiful" route.
How often do you heard a guy telling a woman what HE LIKES the way she looks in something?
][/QUOTE]

dalynxx says:

That is a great thing to do - tell a woman you like the way she is wearing something. What a charmer.

Igetit is spot on again, why listen to a bird's advice when you can listen to someone who knows women inside out? This bird should go back to Loveshack and stop posting nonsense that is designed to manipulate alpha males into being beta males or males with the word "loser" stamped on their forehead.

Please do not refer to me as a "bird". It's just rude and in fact rather vulgar. There is no need to reduce yourself to common derogatory names when just trying to have stimulating conversation. A tip for you would be to actually refer to a lady as lady, woman, girl or simply female.

I have never heard or Loveshack actually and may just go and Google it.

Convenient.

When I was like 16, I pretended to be a girl on a couple of forums just to see what would happen. This person's either a guy or the biggest attention ***** ever.

You are 21. It figures so I don't need to respond to this really.

That sounds like a good tip, I'm going to have to remember that. I'm still not necessarily convinced that your phrasing really makes all that much difference as far as results, but I have to admit it's an improvement and definitely worth a try. At least it gets you in there somewhere instead of making it all about her.

I forgot to bring up before that compliments probably work better on less attractive women. Because they probably think "oh, here's a guy that likes me, my ship has finally come in". The more attractive women probably aren't phased by compliments because they feel they are entitled to them.

Do you have any thoughts on the idea that it is better to compliment a woman on something OTHER than her looks? It's kind of dumb when you think about it. As we know here, a woman's value is mostly affected by her looks. So if you compliment her looks, you're directly inferring she has high value. Yet some say women don't want to hear this, they want to hear something about their MIND or whatever, which doesn't really have a great effect on her value. It doesn't make a lot of sense really.

Dear Zekko, at the underlined, it simply isn't true. A lot of men are intimidated by striking beauty and will not compliment a pretty lady becuase they think she hears it all the time! We don't! Seriously - why do you think you see these pretty women with less than attractive partners? Becuase he actually took the time to take an interest in her, compliment her and make her feel special. Women are all about emotions at the end of the day and if you can make a woman feel special and secure, you're in!

You can only compliment a woman's character when you actually get to know her can you? Just be charming and even something like "you have the most beautiful smile" or " your eyes are calling me, we should get to know each other" etc could work. Just my thoughts....

Phew *wipes brow* that took me soo long! I am really going to use my 10 posts well this time around!

 

[SharinganUser]

You don't learn to hunt from a deer. You learn from other hunters.

 

[dalynxx]

You don't learn to hunt from a deer. You learn from other hunters.

and to catch a thief, you need to think like a thief (or at least understand their thought process).

I call this Touché to your point.

 

[zekko]

Dear Zekko, at the underlined, it simply isn't true. A lot of men are intimidated by striking beauty and will not compliment a pretty lady becuase they think she hears it all the time! We don't! Seriously - why do you think you see these pretty women with less than attractive partners? Becuase he actually took the time to take an interest in her, compliment her and make her feel special.

We tend to think it's more that they had the guts to approach rather than that they give compliments. But I'll accept your answer for what it is.

While I have your attention, could you elaborate a little more on this "attitude" you are talking about when you say you are attracted to guys with attitude? Maybe describe it as specifically as possible?

By the way, don't be dismayed at the guys who will attack you for coming here and offering your opinion. They will do that to any woman who comes here and tries to give advice. While I agree with them that it is better to learn to fish from a fisherman than a fish, I would still be interested in hearing your viewpoint.

 

[SharinganUser]

and to catch a thief, you need to think like a thief (or at least understand their thought process).

I call this Touché to your point.

So you are admitting women are theives.

 

[hansol]

you EXPECT the guy to pay, lest they offend you....? Next!

 

[YogurtSlinger]

Yalls fingers must hurt. You talk too much.

 

[bigjohnson]

I'm affraid you are the TROLL, the questions were definately answered by a female and the feedback was right. :nono:

Right in what sense? Right, as in what a woman will usually say? Right as in what you think is correct? Or what?

I'd say LoveShack refugee, which is OK, but she has the stink of pink on her.