I just left my family

[Exil]

That sounds rather blue-pill. In fact the logic of your whole thread, when it comes to providing sounds blue-pill, yet you know about game. What it sounds like you hit the right attraction buttons and applied the red-pill with her, and this would work really well, especially 10 years ago when that stuff was still popular. But at the core, you didn't change on the inside, or deal with the inner-game issues, and that's the problem, even in Neil Strauss book, "The Game". You begin to lose the girl because you put on an act that's not really you, and you are really a provider/blue-pill at the core, and then the girl loses attraction to you over time.



No guy, unless you are like a Chad and are rich (not middle-class rich, is really going to have a higher-value than a woman, so there is always a potential for any woman to eventually want to trade-up unless she has strong religious values and intends to honour the marriage. Remember, a woman just has to show up and she is assigned a very high value because there are lots of thirsty guys after her already that are inflating her ego and can get a "grass is greener on the other side" conflict. That is why I feel that any issue with this woman will simply be transferred to another woman unless you deal with the "inner game" issues.




Just be honest with yourself and expectations. You are with her because she is hot. It's not easy to replace a hot girl like that so its easier to work it out with her then to find another loyal hb8/9. Even hb5-6 are hyper-inflated.

I got with her initially because she's hot. I stayed with her for years because she's hot but also yeah, love her. I do love her and I love my kids and maybe you're right and we could work this out but right now I'm not in the right frame of mind to fix anything with her and neither is she. I didn't leave on particularly bad terms.

Before I met her I was probably more red pill in terms of game and approach but yeah, I've been beta for a long time in the relationship. A lot of what I've done previously is blue pill 100% and I only read Rollo's book after this all happened, looking for answers and I'm still very early on in my red pill education. I haven't accepted a lot of it yet, I'm aware of it and am trying to explain where I was and where I'm trying to get to with my posts but not that I'm 100% red pill now because I'm not there yet. Maybe I'm not capable of ever becoming fully red pill and maybe I'm destined for a life of purple ideals.

I just want a happy, easy life where I can just be myself without having to worry about all the craziness of women. Maybe MGTOW or a monk is more the path I'm gonna end up on lol

 

[RickTheToad]

Of course I did and I would have took them with me if I could but I can't. I couldn't work and provide for my kids as a single dad, it just wouldn't work. I didn't want to leave my kids and is a lot of the reason I've stayed so long.

If you made the conscious decision to create offspring, it is your responibility to take care of them. You do not have to live with their mother, but you do need to take care of them. F uck the law aspect, it's the self-respect aspect. There are jobs out there, find one or three and make s hit right.

 

[Exil]

If you made the conscious decision to create offspring, it is your responibility to take care of them. You do not have to live with their mother, but you do need to take care of them. F uck the law aspect, it's the self-respect aspect. There are jobs out there, find one or three and make s hit right.

I haven't abandoned my children. I'm still going to be very much a part of their lives, regardless of what happens with me and their mother. I know what you're saying and I'd agree wholeheartedly if it were the case but I'm not abandoning them. I'm simply creating a bit of distance right now between myself and their mother so I can think clearly about my next move and how I'm going to do it.

 

[Shrubber101]

Advice please gents. I've just left my now-ex of 10 years and two daughters and I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about it. She "emotionally" cheated in February and we've been living separately inside our house during lockdown but I've finally had enough of her moodiness, sh1t tests and walked out the door today.

I feel awful for my kids, they've done nothing wrong but I couldn't stay in that environment any longer. Am I a b@stard for leaving my kids? I can't stay with someone who is like that and it's not the first time she's done sh1t like this either. I've left before and always end up going back until the next time. I've had several affairs also but I'm just better at not getting caught than she is.

Lat year we got back together after a 5 month separation and I had about 15 girls I was talking to and sleeping with 4 on rotation (the hottest of the group) but I just cut them all loose when we got back together. I know that's probably where I went wrong but I do what I want when I'm single and was happy to give it up at the time, which to be honest, drove her crazy that all these girls kept messaging me months after we'd got back together.

If I'm honest, I didn't treat her well by the end. I do the stuff I'm supposed to do, bills etc but I'm very rarely romantic. I don't put in the effort to keep her attraction high because to be completely honest, I'm so tired when I get in from working that I haven't got the energy to "make her feel special and wanted". I work hard, I do a lot around the house but it's never appreciated.

Would you have left in my position or have I made a huge mistake?

You're only a bastard if you've abandoned your kids. I hope. You've just left your wife and still plan to see your kids. If you have then you'll be a better father to them cos youll have better quality time with them away from the toxic environment.

 

[Exil]

You're only a bastard if you've abandoned your kids. I hope. You've just left your wife and still plan to see your kids. If you have then you'll be a better father to them cos youll have better quality time with them away from the toxic environment.

I would never abandon them, none of this is their fault and I couldn't stand the thought of not having them in my life.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Emotionally cheated. Lol

That's not a thing. She either cheated or she didn't.

 

[GT40]

If it’s not working out then it’s best to call it. But don’t get involved with another woman right away. It looks bad and raises doubt about your character in front of a judge when deciding support and alimony.

 

[glass half full]

I can see that being brutal in a marriage

It is...then at about the same time, you decide you no longer care, nor need to, and you emotionally check out of the relationship. The fun part is waiting for, then getting, the opportunity to drop the bomb Lol...revenge can be fun for men too.

 

[Exil]

Update: we've been talking and she asked me to go home the first week I was gone. I said I needed more time to think and we didn't discuss much further. I went home last night and she wasn't exactly excited to see me and isn't sure she wants to work on the relationship anymore. Now I'm kind of stuck as I won't be able to go anywhere else anytime soon with the lockdown still in effect. My friend I was staying with can't have me there indefinitely either so at the moment I'm in the spare bedroom sleeping on a blow up bed. Any tips on how to smooth this over with her? It was a mistake to leave and whilst I needed the time to think clearly, it seems to have backfired... Karma.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Update: we've been talking and she asked me to go home the first week I was gone. I said I needed more time to think and we didn't discuss much further. I went home last night and she wasn't exactly excited to see me and isn't sure she wants to work on the relationship anymore. Now I'm kind of stuck as I won't be able to go anywhere else anytime soon with the lockdown still in effect. My friend I was staying with can't have me there indefinitely either so at the moment I'm in the spare bedroom sleeping on a blow up bed. Any tips on how to smooth this over with her? It was a mistake to leave and whilst I needed the time to think clearly, it seems to have backfired... Karma.

I thought she cheated? Now how did she get control?

 

[Seductions_Mad_Scientist]

Advice please gents. I've just left my now-ex of 10 years and two daughters and I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about it. She "emotionally" cheated in February and we've been living separately inside our house during lockdown but I've finally had enough of her moodiness, sh1t tests and walked out the door today.

I feel awful for my kids, they've done nothing wrong but I couldn't stay in that environment any longer. Am I a b@stard for leaving my kids? I can't stay with someone who is like that and it's not the first time she's done sh1t like this either. I've left before and always end up going back until the next time. I've had several affairs also but I'm just better at not getting caught than she is.

Lat year we got back together after a 5 month separation and I had about 15 girls I was talking to and sleeping with 4 on rotation (the hottest of the group) but I just cut them all loose when we got back together. I know that's probably where I went wrong but I do what I want when I'm single and was happy to give it up at the time, which to be honest, drove her crazy that all these girls kept messaging me months after we'd got back together.

If I'm honest, I didn't treat her well by the end. I do the stuff I'm supposed to do, bills etc but I'm very rarely romantic. I don't put in the effort to keep her attraction high because to be completely honest, I'm so tired when I get in from working that I haven't got the energy to "make her feel special and wanted". I work hard, I do a lot around the house but it's never appreciated.

Would you have left in my position or have I made a huge mistake?

1) Breath, stay calm, you'll get through this.

2) Although I entirely understand what you mean by "emotional cheating" you need to be careful in divorce proceedings to stick to the facts rather than get caught up in a flurry of emotion.

3) You did nothing wrong by taking care of your needs. Your kids will grow up and if you play it right you can end up with a better relationship with them in the long term.

4) Don't worry about your ''rotation'' for now. If you plan on divorcing for good that should take the bulk of your energy.

4.1) also it's unclear from your message. Are you married, seperated, or what? It makes a huge difference to your strategy. If you were never formally married your in much clearer waters.

5) assuming this is a formal divorce. DO NOT make the same mistakes as my peers have. Find the best divorce lawyer you can. it WILL BE expensive but cheaping out is more expensive in the long term.

6) Build a good seperate relationship with your kids over time. my parents divorced when i was 16. it was rough for a few years but I have a great relationship with both of them seperately.

Good luck.

 

[lamath]

Update: we've been talking and she asked me to go home the first week I was gone. I said I needed more time to think and we didn't discuss much further. I went home last night and she wasn't exactly excited to see me and isn't sure she wants to work on the relationship anymore. Now I'm kind of stuck as I won't be able to go anywhere else anytime soon with the lockdown still in effect. My friend I was staying with can't have me there indefinitely either so at the moment I'm in the spare bedroom sleeping on a blow up bed. Any tips on how to smooth this over with her? It was a mistake to leave and whilst I needed the time to think clearly, it seems to have backfired... Karma.

You know what happened there right?

You leaving her made her become very insecure and without control about facing things alone, then when you got back home that security and her sence of control came back and the bad feeling she had disappeared so back to ***** mode.

Now she thinks you leaving was just an act, need to get her back to that insecure state.
She will do this every time she feels like you are pulling away, dont let her keep you on a leash or has back up.

Good luck

 

[Exil]

I thought she cheated? Now how did she get control?

She did and I don't know. I've been completely independent of her the last 3 weeks and not reached out once to talk. She has on several occasions and I've answered her politely every time as I see no reason to be unnecessarily rude to her. I think it may have something to do with the fact that I was more or less forced to come home rather than coming home because I wanted to.

 

[Exil]

1) Breath, stay calm, you'll get through this.

2) Although I entirely understand what you mean by "emotional cheating" you need to be careful in divorce proceedings to stick to the facts rather than get caught up in a flurry of emotion.

3) You did nothing wrong by taking care of your needs. Your kids will grow up and if you play it right you can end up with a better relationship with them in the long term.

4) Don't worry about your ''rotation'' for now. If you plan on divorcing for good that should take the bulk of your energy.

4.1) also it's unclear from your message. Are you married, seperated, or what? It makes a huge difference to your strategy. If you were never formally married your in much clearer waters.

5) assuming this is a formal divorce. DO NOT make the same mistakes as my peers have. Find the best divorce lawyer you can. it WILL BE expensive but cheaping out is more expensive in the long term.

6) Build a good seperate relationship with your kids over time. my parents divorced when i was 16. it was rough for a few years but I have a great relationship with both of them seperately.

Good luck.

This makes a lot of sense.

Yeah we're married and I've kept the text messages from her with admission of guilt as I may need them further down the road. I left last month to get away from the toxic environment we were living in (arguing, sniping at eachother) which actually was a brilliant idea as it's brought my concentration back to me and allowed me to think clearly again.

We are still married and we haven't even discussed or mentioned divorce yet but I will of course get a top divorce lawyer if and when the need arises.

I do have a very good relationship with my kids. I've been in constant communication with my eldest daughter since I left and came back. The younger one is quite free spirited and just goes with the flow whereas my eldest is very attached and clingy so needs more reassurance that I won't abandon her.

i think it's just an act with her. Putting on a brave face etc but I'm not sure enough to call her bluff yet. I'm going to wait a few days/week or so and see how things are in terms of actually having a conversation about anything serious.

 

[Exil]

You know what happened there right?

You leaving her made her become very insecure and without control about facing things alone, then when you got back home that security and her sence of control came back and the bad feeling she had disappeared so back to ***** mode.

Now she thinks you leaving was just an act, need to get her back to that insecure state.
She will do this every time she feels like you are pulling away, dont let her keep you on a leash or has back up.

Good luck

Quite possibly but she does know that I was basically forced back home rather than actually wanting to be back here with her.

She reached out on 5 or 6 separate occasions whilst I was away and I wasn't rude to her, I just maintained composure and replied politely, keeping it short and sweet.

She's a very naturally insecure person anyway which is challenging at the best of times but she's got worse with it since we got married and I don't really do anything to make her feel insecure if I'm honest.

 

[Seductions_Mad_Scientist]

This makes a lot of sense.

Yeah we're married and I've kept the text messages from her with admission of guilt as I may need them further down the road. I left last month to get away from the toxic environment we were living in (arguing, sniping at eachother) which actually was a brilliant idea as it's brought my concentration back to me and allowed me to think clearly again.

We are still married and we haven't even discussed or mentioned divorce yet but I will of course get a top divorce lawyer if and when the need arises.

I do have a very good relationship with my kids. I've been in constant communication with my eldest daughter since I left and came back. The younger one is quite free spirited and just goes with the flow whereas my eldest is very attached and clingy so needs more reassurance that I won't abandon her.

i think it's just an act with her. Putting on a brave face etc but I'm not sure enough to call her bluff yet. I'm going to wait a few days/week or so and see how things are in terms of actually having a conversation about anything serious.

Like I said man, I hope things turn out okay for ya.

You gotta take the time you need to take to figure out the divorce process. 1 week of preparedness can save you a lifetime of headache.

That's good that you have at least a generally positive relationship with your kids. Regardless of what happens with the ex do what you gotta do to build bridges with your kids.

It's obviously not of my business but your most pressing task is figuring out what you want. Obviously not as easy as it sounds.

good luck.

 

[Exil]

I'm pretty sure it's over. She's being so cold and rude to me. Just got into an argument with her which she baited me into and I'm frustrated with myself for letting it happen. How do I move on? I feel like she's got all the power now and I have no control over the situation.

I've just called my friend's friend who's a sh1t hot divorce lawyer and made an appointment to chat on zoom later on this evening.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

And you DID have options VS going back in there with her. You could've gotten a GF and lived with her, or lived in your CAR!!! There's a lot more self respect and masculinity living in your car than under the rooftop with a woman whose violating you.

 

[Lookatu]

I'm pretty sure it's over. She's being so cold and rude to me. Just got into an argument with her which she baited me into and I'm frustrated with myself for letting it happen. How do I move on? I feel like she's got all the power now and I have no control over the situation.

I've just called my friend's friend who's a sh1t hot divorce lawyer and made an appointment to chat on zoom later on this evening.

First off, hate to say this but grow some balls as they clearly deflated a bit. You are still letting her get away with the same behaviors that landed you in this spot in the first place.

Do you own your home(is it under your name?) and are you the only one making payments on it? If so, I would be kicking her out temporarily or making her sleep in the spare bedroom. You should have her stay at her parent's place or a friend's place temporarily until she can talk to you in a civilized and adult manner and is WILLING to communicate with you accordingly. Only then should both of you work on and try to come to a fair resolution on how you two proceed from here that will work for both of you.

If you two can come to some sort of agreement, it is way better than to have two divorce attorney's involved battling it out which can be very taxing, costly, and long process. So try to avoid this route as best as possible. At the same time, collect and save any pieces of evidence or communication like you've been doing in case it comes to this.

Now more than ever, it's clearly turned into a toxic situation and your kids shouldn't be there witnessing it unfold. And since the coronavirus lockdown, I'm sure they are always there.

I believe this is the first step you guys should take.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I'm pretty sure it's over. She's being so cold and rude to me. Just got into an argument with her which she baited me into and I'm frustrated with myself for letting it happen. How do I move on? I feel like she's got all the power now and I have no control over the situation.

I've just called my friend's friend who's a sh1t hot divorce lawyer and made an appointment to chat on zoom later on this evening.

Leave and never talk to her again. I already told you you do have living options that will allow you to snatch your balls and build your strength. Live in your car, work out every morning at 5am, be sharp for work.

Oh, and like the guys said. If the house is in YOUR name, you need to be checking with the lawyer about whether you can put HER out of your residence. She is not your responsibility.